Heaven's Hell

by Takerra, Allen

  “Jacy,” Ms. Simmons said in a mocking tone. “What kind of name is Jacy anyway? When I grew up last names and first names were simple. Billy Smith. Debbie James. Monica Simmons.” Heaven furrowed her eyebrows wondering how much more difficult Heaven Jacy was than Monica Simmons? She figured she’d answer the question that she had answered to Ms. Simmons on several occasions.

  “Well, Ms. Simmons, my daddy named me Heaven because he said he wanted to name me something unique, and my last name Jacy comes from my maternal great grandparents who were American Indians of the Navajo tribe, Jacy means moon.” A couple of girls snickered as Ms. Simmons looked unimpressed. However Heaven was not looking for a response, if it was one thing she was proud of, it was her heritage, and the fact that she knew her Native American roots as well as her African ones.

  Although she had the look of the beautiful African American girls from around her way, she also had her reddish brown skin-tone, long black hair, and keen features of her Native American family, and she was proud of it, no matter how much people tried to get her to deny it or repress it.

  “Get some looser shorts,” was all Ms. Simmons could reply with. Heaven looked down at her shorts as she tried to pull them to stretch them out. The boys behind her began making little noises as they stared at her ass that Ms. Simmons had just managed to bring even more attention to.

  She had tried so many different sizes of gym shorts but it seemed whenever she washed them, there they were hugging her booty again. Ms. Simmons refused to let them wear pants or long t-shirts, and Heaven had the kind of ass that you couldn’t hide in Hammer pants. The fact that her waist was so tiny and her frame was ultimately small even drew more attention to it. She was mortified! Heaven closed her eyes out of pure embarrassment and counted down until the period was over.

  When that last bell rang at 2:25 pm., Heaven headed straight to the front entrance. As bad as she wanted to stop by her locker and drop off the two books that she didn’t need to bring home, she knew that an extra minute of Khalil waiting was an extra hour of bitching. She just wasn’t in the mood for it.

  The minute she stepped outside and smelled the sweet Spring air, she wished for things that she noticed other girls experiencing. Talking with friends, flirting with boys, making plans for the weekend, things that were out of the question for Heaven. She stared at a girl and boy play fighting and then making up with a kiss and just as she managed a smile, she saw Khalil’s truck pull up. She took a deep breath in and exhaled through her mouth as she walked slowly over to his Denali.

  He opened the passenger door from the driver’s side and pulled her in gently by her hair before she could fully climb in. She hated when he pulled her by her hair, but this was something he liked to do, especially in public, to show possession.

  As they pulled off behind a big yellow school bus, she noticed Ricky Morris surrounded by people, but with his eyes on her.

  They rode for about five minutes before Khalil even acknowledged her.

  “How was school?”

  “Good,” she answered blandly.

  “You wore that?” He asked calmly, but with a demeaning tone. Heaven looked down at her outfit and wondered what the problem was. It was a 75-degree Spring day, and she wore a knee length skirt with ballet flats and a tank under a short denim jacket. She thought she looked kinda classy. Before she could answer, he popped her lightly on the lips. She held her right hand up to her mouth to try to ease the stinging.

  “I asked you a question, I expect an answer.” He turned to her and put his hand on her knee and rubbed up her leg, all the while smiling. She didn’t get him, he was Jekyl and Hyde, angry one minute, and all smiles the next. He continued up her leg, then to her thigh as she tightened her legs a little. He ignored her attempt and forcefully moved his hand all the way up her thighs, until he had his fingernails digging sharply against her clit through her panties.

  “Ouch,” she moaned in discomfort, pulling at his strong hand as he smiled wider and drove with the other hand, still digging roughly into her softness.

  “You see how easy it is?” He asked. “Somebody can just run right up in it and what you gonna do? You gonna fight the way you fighting now?” Tears began welling up in her eyes as his harsh digging became irritating, and then, he abruptly stopped.

  “Don’t wear that shit no more.” She licked tears off of her cheek as they drove the rest of the way in silence.

  She was happy when they pulled up to Khalil’s apartment. Although being around him made her skin crawl, she was secretly hoping that he didn’t take her home because anything was better than that place. Everyday was a surprise though, and if he took her home some days because of his ‘business’ that he had to handle, she would never question him about it. She walked in, kicked off her shoes, and placed them next to the door. Khalil’s apartment was tiny, on top of a storefront, decorated with cheap leather and a couple of pictures of Heaven in dollar store frames. As she walked over to the couch, she flicked on the TV and thought about the first time she had been there.

  She was 13 years old and she had come to Khalil’s with her father one night. The tight studio apartment was packed with people, smoking, drinking, and gambling. She remembered red lights illuminating the space and the smell of cigarettes, alcohol, and sulfur. She had spent the majority of her night on this very couch flicking through channels on this very television. Different people got on and off the couch, but Heaven had remained. Hours had gone by, and she must had dozed off, because when Heaven awoke her father was in a heated argument cursing and carrying on. Heaven couldn’t make out much of what was going on, but it looked to her as if some man was about to dig in her daddy’s ass for money that she knew her daddy didn’t have. The reason she knew he didn’t have it was because on their way to Khalil’s, her daddy had made a joke about putting her to work so they can get them some steaks. Her daddy sure had a thing for steaks. And now, here he was looking like he had went and made an ass bet and now was about to be in some shit. Heaven sat up on the couch with frightened eyes wondering what she could do. She swallowed hard as the man grabbed her daddy up by his collar. Men got up from the round table and started inching toward the door, women scattered to the kitchen, and they all knew something was about to go down. Just as the big black man looked as if he was about to rip her daddy a new asshole, a younger man, slightly attractive, in a rugged way, looked at Heaven and then broke in between the two. He whispered something to the angry man that made him release a hold on her father, and then he dragged her father into the kitchen. Minutes later the party was going on as if nothing had happened and her daddy and Mr. Superman were walking over to Heaven with broad grins. As they got closer, still grinning, Heaven smiled up at them, relieved that her father had been spared. Although she hated her father, she loved him too, and if anyone were going to hurt him, she would like to be the one to.

  “Heaven-sent, this here is Khalil, a new buddy of mine.” Heaven-sent was a name her father had given her the first time he made love to her. Heaven half smiled as Khalil looked at Heaven with admiring eyes, as if he was looking at the golden gates up close and personal. Her father continued. “You saw that shit I was about to get into, right baby?” Heaven nodded.

  “Well, Mr. Khalil here done took care of that whole situation for me, he done paid the man his money and all. Now, I told him I had it all under control, I woulda kicked that nigga’s ass from here to across town, but Khalil took care of it nonetheless. Cause that’s what friends do, you know?”

  Heaven could smell the whiskey on her father’s breath as he leaned into her. Her father looked at her and she searched his eyes for some emotion, but they were voided of any type of affection, they were full of malice and ill intent.

  “So what I promised my friend Khalil, is that I would pay him back.”

  Heaven squirmed in her seat and frowned her face just knowing what her daddy was about to ask her. She hated doing it; she hated it more than life itself. Her daddy grabbed her arm.
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br />   “Now hold on before you go jumping the gun, Mr. Khalil just wanna be ya friend. We aint gonna take him to Heaven yet baby. Don’t you worry about that, I done already told him that what you got going on down there, is worth a lot more than a measly couple of hundred dollars from a card game.”

  Her father laughed as Heaven calmed down, a little.

  “Mr. Khalil just wanna take you out for some ice-cream, have a little conversation, you know kinda like a date. The kinda things that women and men do.”

  Heaven hesitantly looked at her father begging him with her eyes to see that she wasn’t ready to be a woman. She just wanted to be a girl. Her father closed the deal with guilt, as he always did.

  “Now c’mon Heaven-sent, you won’t do it for daddy? Daddy almost got himself killed and this nice man saved his life, and all he’s asking is to be your friend.” She looked at her daddy one last time, wishing that he would just love her and protect her like other daddies, instead he propositioned her and passed her along as if she were a piece of meat. He killed her with the final line though. “You don’t want me to tell mommy about all those nasty things you’ve been doing, do you?” She opened her mouth as tears welled her eyes. She was so embarrassed and ashamed, especially for him to mention that in front of Khalil, she didn’t want anyone to know. She dropped her head and shook it to say no, as her spiral curls shook side to side. With that, the conversation was over, and Khalil was taking Heaven on her first date.

  As they sat in Khalil’s car the next night eating ice cream, Heaven began to loosen up a little. He had remained a gentleman the whole evening, opening doors for her and feeding her compliments; he even paid for her popcorn and candy at the movies. To Heaven’s thirteen-year-old mind this was all a big deal, she was actually feeling like it was a date. But to Khalil, it was all chump change, and mere entertainment for his young conquest. She had learned throughout the evening that Khalil was 30 years old, lived alone, was the part owner of a small bar in Newark, and apparently drank up more liquor than he sold. For Heaven, that had to be the reason that in spite of his fairly young age, he seemed to appear old. He told her that he usually didn’t date such young ‘women’, but when he saw her, he knew that he had to have her. She told him that she didn’t date, period.

  “You know Heaven, you are really mature for your age…I can’t get over the way your mind and your body is so developed.” He leaned back in his seat and put one arm around her headrest as she continued to lick her ice-cream cone. He studied her and smirked. “You better be careful licking that ice cream cone over there, you can get a man like me excited.” Heaven bit her bottom lip knowing that immediately she was ready for this date to be over. He turned on the radio to the Quiet Storm and faced her, as she wiped her mouth with her napkin and threw the rest of the ice cream out of the window. She wanted no parts of him or that ice cream anymore.

  “Heaven, you ever did it before?” He asked, trying to be as careful with his words as possible. His eyes danced up her tight white pants hugging her thighs and ample bottom. When she didn’t answer he continued.

  “I know you did. Your daddy told me…do you like to do it?”

  “No,” she answered quickly. He frowned his face in disappointment.

  “Why not?” She looked at him and rolled her eyes before she replied.

  “Because. It hurts.” He put his hand on her knee, something she would learn that he did whenever he was horny.

  “But it doesn’t have to, I can make it feel good.” She cut her eyes at him and fixed her face as if she was about to vomit. Then she pushed his hand off of her leg.

  “Listen, I don’t wanna do it with you,” she said sternly. This wasn’t apart of the plan; her daddy told her that she didn’t have to do it. She was ready to go home. He turned to face forward and acted as if he was about to start the car, but he was just acting.

  “Okay. Fine, you don’t have to do it with me. But let me put you on to something little girl. Your daddy is about to have you doing it sooner than you think. He’s gonna have you doing it all the time, to all types of men. Ugly men, Fat men, old men. Older than me.” He told her this out of his plan for manipulation, although he was far from lying. Heaven sucked her teeth.

  “No he won’t…I won’t do it. I’ll leave.”

  “Oh yeah, you’ll leave huh? And go where? If you don’t do it, you aint gonna have no food, no clothes, nowhere to live, no mommy, no nothing. You only thirteen years old, where you gonna go little girl?” Heaven was shocked that he called her little girl so much; it seemed lately everyone around her had totally forgotten what she was. She thought about what he was saying and had a feeling that it could be true. He continued.

  “Plus on top of everything, where you think all that money gonna go? You think he gonna give it to you? Your daddy gonna use your body to get himself some money, and he still gonna tax you and come and get some whenever he feel like it.” Heaven turned quickly and looked at him, knowing that he knew that her daddy was fucking her. She could feel tears coming to her eyes as she looked down at the car carpet. He was right, she had to get away.

  “Heaven, you basically gonna be doing it for free, doing it to all kinds of people and yo daddy. All for free. And they gonna hurt you.” He scooted closer to her and put his arms around her. “But I won’t hurt you Heaven. I promise. I’ll make you feel good, I’ll make it feel so good. And I’ll pay you. I’ll pay only you, it’ll be your money.” She looked up at him and thought of her options. He wasn’t ugly, and he wasn’t that old, not like the men she’d seen coming to her house checking her out. But what would she do when it was time to trick for all of the other guys. They wouldn’t be this nice and they wouldn’t give her the money.

  “But what about my daddy?” He smiled at her knowing that he was so close he could taste it. He rubbed her knee anxiously and licked his lips.

  “Le-Lemme talk to yo daddy. I, I promise I’ll take care of everything. You won’t have to do it with nobody but me.” Their evening ended with her telling him that he wasn’t getting anything until she talked to her daddy and was sure that it was all worked out. He dropped her off and came inside, and after about an hour conversation with Sam, Khalil came into her dark bedroom. He had worked out a deal with Sam to pay him $400 a week, to keep Heaven from having to deal with anybody else. He would be able to come and get her anytime he wanted and sometimes she would be spending the night. He also told Sam that the deal was off if he ever laid another finger on her. Sam debated the last straw, but after a negotiation of $450, they shook hands. Khalil knew that this meant he would have to work extra hard, sell twice as much liquor at the bar and even do some engineer work on the side to keep his new arrangement, but he didn’t care. He had her.

  “Heaven,” he whispered. “You sleep?”

  She heard him loud and clear but didn’t answer. She didn’t think she would have to start tonight. He came and sat on her bed and started talking as if he knew that she could hear him.

  “Heaven, I did it. You won’t have to do it with nobody else.” She remained quiet and stared at his image in the darkness.

  “You won’t have to do it with him either, your daddy.” She gasped out of excitement and surprise.

  “Really?” She asked, childlike. She sat up Indian style and was now next to Khalil.

  “Yup. I told him you mines now. You only do it with me, and nobody else. I told him sometimes you’ll be coming to my house and we’ll go to the movies, nice restaurants and everything. And I told him I’d take you shopping when I can, and buy you some clothes and stuff. We gonna have fun Heaven, watch.” She smiled lightly thinking that maybe Khalil was like her knight in shining armor. Maybe doing it with him wouldn’t be so bad, and the way he made it seem, they might not even do it that much.

  “But Heaven,” he added seriously.

  “Yes.”

  “You mines now.” And with that he kissed her goodnight and left. For the first time in as long as Heaven could remember, her daddy didn
’t come into her room that night.

  Heaven shook her head flippantly as if literally shaking off the past and coming back to reality. She put the remote on the table leaving it on videos as she reached into her Jansport backpack and pulled out her Physics book. What pages did I have to read again? She looked around for her mini planner and then realized she had stuffed it in her purse. My purse. Where is my purse? Before she could fully rise off of the couch in search of it, she was knocked to the ground by a backhand from Khalil. She fell hard in the tiny space between the coffee table and the couch. She held her face with both hands even though she could not feel them; her left side of her face was completely numb.

  “Who the fuck is Ricky, huh!” He screamed at her, waving her cell phone in hand. She knew she had meant to change his name in her phone, but she had forgotten.

  “He aint nobody, just a boy from school, that’s all.” Khalil’s eyes went cold and his face twisted up in anger. He was furious, not only because she had a boy’s number, she had a younger boy’s number. He was always intimidated when it came to Heaven and age. He went to kick her hard in her ribs, but she blocked his foot with her hands, only making him angrier.

  “Oh you wanna fight? You wanna fight!” He challenged her on a rampage, as he pulled her up by her hair and stomped her back down with a Timberland boot to the stomach. She pushed and swung her arms but was mostly trying to defend herself; she knew her small frame was no match for Khalil. Just as it seemed he was getting good into her beating, his doorbell buzzed. Saved by the bell. Khalil immediately froze, fist still cocked back and then he pointed as if to say, we’ll finish this later. He walked over to the intercom and didn’t even ask who was there, he just buzzed them up.