“Is there anyone here for me?” She asked sadly. The nurse just stared at her but didn’t answer. Heaven continued. “What happened to my mother?” The nurse looked at her compassionately.
“Is that who shot you Heaven?” This time Heaven didn’t answer, she just laid back down and let a tear roll down her face as she thought of her situation. Her mother must really hate her if she wanted her dead. Heaven wondered if it would have been better if she had died, it wasn’t like she would have felt any pain. But the strength in Heaven let her know that the nurse was right in her words, she had too much life left to live.
“Nurse,” she sweetly beckoned.
“Yes, Heaven.”
“I do have someone to call. Can you call Slick’s bar in Newark?” The nurse smiled at Heaven and jotted down the name and number, and thirty minutes later, Shay was walking into Heaven’s room. Heaven sat up and half smiled as another tear rolled down her face. The only person by her side was a girl she had met a few days ago and a nurse who was a stranger.
“Heaven, what happened mama?” Shay asked, with outstretched arms and a worried face. Before Heaven could answer, G stepped into the room but remained close by the door.
“I needed a ride, my brother had my car,” Shay explained.
“You alright?” G asked genuinely, as he took a seat at the foot of her bed. Heaven sat up and wondered what she looked like, if her hair was all over the place.
“Yeah, the nurse said I’m gonna be fine.” Shay asked her what happened again, and Heaven, not feeling like lying or twisting the experience, just stated the truth.
“My mother shot me.” Shay’s mouth flew wide open and G dropped his head and stared at the floor, neither knowing what to say. Another tear rolled down Heaven’s cheek as she realized just how sad saying it out loud sounded. Before anyone could continue, Khalil came storming into the room with flowers.
“Heaven, oh my god, you’re awake. They said you’re gonna be fine, I’m so happy you’re gonna be okay baby…here, I got these for you.” Heaven just looked at the flowers and then looked at him.
“Where were you?” Shay and G both looked on, waiting to see what his excuse was for leaving her side, fuck them bullshit flowers, he should’ve been here.
“I, I didn’t know what to do. You were out cold, so I told the nurses to call me when you woke up. I had some things to take care of baby, but I’m here now.” He then turned to Shay and G and acknowledged them for the first time since he came into the room. “What’s up yall, what yall doing here?” G just looked at him without answering, knowing damn well he didn’t have to. Shay explained to him how Heaven called her and G gave her a ride, the nice nurse had let them both go into her room. Heaven remained silent with so many thoughts going through her head. More than anything, for some reason, she wondered what G was thinking of her right now. She hoped that he didn’t think she was fucked up or flawed in some way. She hoped that the innocence and beauty he had once seen in her, hadn’t been blemished. But as they all sat around, with their attention on Heaven and her needs, she didn’t realize that G had a new found respect for her, and more than ever before, he wanted to be the one to bring happiness to her.
After the visitation period was over, Shay, Khalil, and G were told they had to leave. Heaven found it amusing that only family members were allowed to stay with her, but she didn’t have any. Child services questioned her about her living situation, but she lied and told them how well her father took care of her. The last thing she wanted was to spend her last couple of months of adolescence in the legal system.
With the room quiet, and finally some time alone, she decided to take advantage of the moment, and savor in her thoughts of G. She picked up a piece of paper and pencil from the night stand next to her, and began to scribble her thoughts, until she noticed that they were pouring out, forming into poetry.
Sometimes I can’t wait to go to sleep, because that’s when I see you most clear
In my dreams my memory recreates your presence, but when I wake you disappear
Then it’s back to my reality, the never ending pain and my despair
And every time I cry, I close my eyes, and for a moment you appear.
And then you hold out your hand for me, and you tell me to trust you
I agree with little resistance, and you have no idea how much it hurts just to touch you
It hurts because it’s just a tease, for I know this scene is far from true
Even while I dream I am aware that only in my dreams I can be with you
I whisper-
“Dinnertime!” The joyful nurse shouted, strolling into the hospital room with a tray of rotisserie chicken and mashed potatoes. Heaven half-smiled and slipped the poem under her pillow. Then she sat up in the bed slowly and she felt a sharp pain under her arm.
“Ouch.”
“You gotta be careful sweetie. That’s gonna happen for a few days, it’ll get better,” the nurse said, sitting Heaven’s tray in front of her and taking the fork and knife out of the paper napkin. Heaven took a forkful of mashed potatoes and was shocked that they were quite tasty. Most of the people at the hospital complained about the food and the experience all together, they couldn’t wait to get back to their homes, their families, and their lives. However for Heaven, the hospital was like a vacation, where she could eat and watch television, and then sleep in peace without worrying about school, beatings from Khalil, or most of all-sex.
The nurse stood there teary eyed and smiling, watching Heaven eat her food. At first, Heaven didn’t notice but after a few minutes, she began to become uncomfortable. Heaven looked up from her tray with her bright brown eyes, and waited for the nurse to say something. Finally she did.
“You know Heaven, you are even more beautiful than I would have thought you’d be.” It was official, this lady was crazy. Heaven sighed, wondering to herself why there just couldn’t be nice people in the world; they either had to be evil or crazy. She wondered what the case was for Shay and G, were they evil or crazy, or both.
The nurse laughed, as if reading Heaven’s thoughts, and then she continued.
“Heaven, I was here when you were born. You were born on the other side of the wing, eighteen years ago this July. You were so beautiful. I held you.” She smiled before she continued. “I gave you your name.”
Heaven furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, remembering the story of her daddy naming her that Fourth of July. Is this lady delusional? Maybe she’s telling the truth, not like my daddy ever been an honest man before. Who knows what else he lied about?
Heaven took in what the nurse was saying as she took in more mashed potatoes, wondering why her own parents didn’t want to name her.
When Heaven didn’t respond, the nurse just smiled and began making her way out of the room.
“Well, you call me if you need anything Heaven, okay?” As she reached the doorway, Heaven called out to her.
“What made you pick that name?” She turned around smiling brightly.
“Oh my goodness, it just came to me. You were like a little angel. Beautiful little face with big brown eyes, and they were wide open, looking right up at me. You were so tiny and you didn’t even cry.” The nurse told the story with so much enthusiasm, as if she were reliving the moment, as if she were speaking of her own child. Heaven sat up happily listening to the story of her birth, the story most children hear from their parents. But she was just glad to be hearing it, period. At last something from her childhood that was pure, and brought happiness to someone, even if the happiness was brought to a total stranger. All Heaven’s parents ever talked about was all of the pain and struggle her birth brought, especially her mother. The nurse continued.
“Five pounds, seven ounces. I always remembered that because I’m five feet, seven inches tall.” Heaven and the nurse shared a laugh before Heaven became serious.
“Were my parents happy?” Heaven asked, already knowing the truth and also knowing that the nurse probably wouldn�
��t tell it to her. She was right.
“I’m sure they were,” the nurse answered with a solemn look, then she brightened again and proceeded. “Anyway, you were quiet as a mouse, but the minute that water hit your skin during the washing, whew! You let out a scream that coulda resurrected Christ. That’s when I said you were going to be a little firecracker!” She laughed as Heaven suddenly became sad and dropped her head. She suddenly felt empty.
“You said that?” Heaven asked. She had always thought it was something that her mother had made up every time she called her the name while she was growing up. It seemed the couple of things that Heaven remembered about her childhood, that gave her any type of justification that her parents ever loved her or even were pleased with her existence, seemed to be proven false. The only thing Heaven ever held onto every time her father slid inside of her, was the fact that he had named her. He must have loved me, she would think. The little nickname she thought her mother gave her used to bring her joy, and although it would be nothing to the average person, it was her only proof that her mother even acknowledged her.
The nurse noticed that Heaven had become suddenly distant, and she felt it was time to give her a moment alone, plus she had two other patients to check on.
“You finish eating Heaven, I have to make some rounds. Remember, just push the button if you need me.” She said this, smiling the whole time. Heaven nodded and forced a smile before asking her one final question that she had been meaning to ask from the beginning.
“Oh, what’s you name?” The nurse beamed before responding.
“I’m Nurse Johnson. But you can call me Catherine.”
“What’s wrong? Did I do something?” G sat on the edge of his king-XL sized bed, in his lavish all black bedroom, looking at Angie who was sitting on his lap facing him. Tonight he was in his loft that over looked the Hudson River on the outskirts of Jersey City. His loft, which was referred to as the spot (Loc would jokingly call it the G-Spot because the bitches adored it), well, it was nothing like his home. His home, which was located in the mountains, was more comfortable, although he spent very little time there. His home was immaculately decorated with priceless pieces, many that his mother had hand picked herself from different countries. Pictures in thousand dollar frames adorned the walls and rich colors of ivory and gold welcomed its very few visitors. It was more personal, and he kept it very private.
However his loft, although lavish and flawlessly put together, was more contemporary. It was decorated mostly in black and white with plenty of bachelor amenities such as mirrors on the ceiling and a jet set Jacuzzi in the master bathroom, not to mention twin camcorders hooked up to a large plasma that faced the bed for when he chose to entertain with his carefully selected females. His loft was the shit, he threw parties there and often let people crash when they were too tired or drunk to go home. But it wasn’t what he considered home and that’s why Angie was there.
“Do you want me to kiss it?” She whimpered sexily, as she kissed down his neck on her way down his tattooed body to his chocolate tool that she wanted to taste and feel so badly. There was something about G that drove Angie crazy. Although many of the fools she had been with tried to wife her, including his brother Spliff which he knew nothing about, G was probably the only one that Angie could see herself being with and even attempting to be faithful to. He was so strong and powerful, laidback and sexy, and most important to Angie, he was rich.
He pushed her lightly off of him as he got up, wearing only boxers on his flawlessly chiseled frame. G wondered to himself why she was even there. He was no longer interested in the girl but for some reason when she called and asked to come over, he thought that he did want to fuck. She was beautiful and she was freaky, not to mention submissive. But now he was realizing that although he did want a female there with him, Angie wasn’t the one. He tried to say fuck it and just hit it since she was already there, but he wasn’t even feeling it. He walked over to his leather chair on the side of the room and picked up her dress, then threw it on the bed.
“Get dressed.”
She sat there, in her laced La Perla bra and thong, confused, as she looked down at her dress and then up at him. She tried to be cool and figured that mid-motion of her getting dressed, he would change his mind. But as she dressed she soon realized he wasn’t playing that game. Angie put her feelings out there.
“I don’t want to leave, G.” He ignored her and kept his back turned, as he thumbed through his drawer in search of a pair of socks and a wife beater. But she persisted.
“It’s that girl isn’t it? I’m not stupid, I know you and Shay went to see her in the hospital.” What the fuck is she talking about? G thought to himself, and then he reconsidered what she was saying. Was it Heaven that had him feeling like this? He remained silent as she ranted.
“Before you went there you were fine. Now look at you, all emotional and shit. She got you like that G? You passing up the baddest bitch for some weak ass teenager…are you crazy?” Angie just kept going, and the more he ignored her the more she talked, until her voice sounded like fingernails on a chalkboard to G, he couldn’t take it anymore.
“Are you fucking crazy? You forgot who the fuck you talking to? You in my mothafuckin house, bitch!” Angie looked at him hurt, as G took a deep breath. He hated disrespecting a woman, especially a black woman, and he wasn’t sure why he even allowed her to get him that upset. He spoke to her in a calmer tone that was still stern. “Listen, all that bitch shit was unnecessary, that was my bad. But you better watch who the fuck you talking to, and I aint playing about that shit, you hear me?” She nodded as she put on her shoes. For some reason G felt the need to defend Heaven. Deep down inside he knew what had angered him so much was Angie’s blatant disrespect for her.
“And let me explain something to you. That girl is stronger than you, me, and probably most of the niggas I know. She had some fucked up shit happen to her Angie. Her fucking mother shot her. Her mother! And she still smiling, she still got her head up…what’s the worst thing that happened to you, huh, some trick nigga you fucked wouldn’t get you the latest Prada bag or something. Weak ass teenager? Fuck outta here yo.” And with that he dismissed her as he pulled on a tee and buckled his jeans, knowing that his reaction had just confirmed any and all of Angie’s suspicions.
Angie finally left after apologizing and begging G to call her. G made his way over to one of his strip clubs. The inspector was coming tomorrow and he needed to make sure that all of that shit was straight. Hustling and dealing with drug money was totally different than this type of dealings, and anybody who said that legal business was easier, to G, they were a damn liar. Since G played both sides of the fence he got to see daily the pros and cons of each. And although with legal money you don’t have to worry about police, you did have to worry about taxes, the IRS, all types of insurances, lawyers, and government regulations. To G, all of them were the worst type of gangsters.
He walked into his club and headed upstairs to his office. One of his employees had placed the inspection paperwork on his desk. He sat down at his wood grain desk, and as he was screening it over, Loc walked in.
“Fuck you doing here?” G asked him. Loc and G exchanged ghetto handshakes as Loc took the seat across from him.
“Same as you, checking on shit.” G had made Loc manager of his two strip clubs the minute he became the owner. And that was the only job Loc ever loved more than hustling, the responsibility of picking and testing several women a day to come dance naked at his club. G too, was excited when his brother had done the same for him, but for G it soon became old. However for Loc, it got better and better everyday.
Now not only was G owner of two strip clubs, he was part owner of two bars, an auto dealership, and he owned a restaurant that was his pride and joy. Not to mention his street work, which still brought in its own profit.
“Yo, I heard what happened. Shorty got shot by her mom dukes?” Loc asked, knowing that G had gone up there with Shay
. G nodded as he pretended to look over the next page, he was going to try to avoid talking about Heaven for the rest of the night.
“I heard police got her ass too, bitch was a heroin fiend and shit. You know her.” G shook his head no, but he didn’t realize Loc wasn’t asking him. “Nah nigga, you do know her. Pretty Boy Sam’s bottom bitch! She used to be trickin’ up at Ringside!” Loc pleaded, until G looked up from the papers realizing that he did know Heaven’s mother and father.
“Word?” G asked, as his heart dropped in his chest. Not only was her mother a dope fiend, her father was a washed up pimp that tricked her mother tired. G’s father used to always talk about them before he died, because he hated Pretty Boy Sam.
They kicked around stories for a while about the O.Gs and about what they both knew of Pretty Boy Sam, and then Loc made his way back downstairs to interview a new ‘dancer’. G sat for a minute as he tried to focus on the papers again, making sure that everything was in order. No matter how much he tried not to think about Heaven, his heart went out to the girl. He wondered how she had managed to accomplish so much and stay grounded through her upbringing. By her attitude alone and the energy she gave off, you would think she didn’t have a care in the world. It left G perplexed and in awe all at once.
After pushing Heaven out of his mind for the last time, he finished going over the paperwork and made his way out of the club. He thought about calling Angie back and finishing his night off with a nut. Although she was annoying, she was good at what she did. Plus he didn’t appreciate the way she had called him out earlier about Heaven, and he felt like he had something to prove to her, and even to himself. He hopped in his truck and pulled out his phone. After a little deliberation he put his phone back down and started the truck. I don’t need to prove shit to nobody, he thought to himself, as he slid in a CD and headed to Route 78 destined for his home, alone.
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