“Fuck you, bitch!” Heaven yelled, cocking back her fist and landing it forcefully against Shay’s jaw. Shay stumbled back and before she could regain her balance Heaven hit her with another blow, and another, as Shay finally fell to the ground, with a pounding head and bloody lip and nose. Maybe if she weren’t drunk she would have put up a better fight, but tonight was useless. Heaven had a sober mind and a jaded heart as her ammo.
By this time G had made his way up and was sitting on the arm of the couch with his head in his hands, trying to figure out how the fuck all of this had happened. He wouldn’t be thinking for long, because Heaven then walked up to him and clocked him over the head with her closed fist.
“You… piece of shit mothafucka!”
He lifted his head up, stunned from the blow.
“Heaven…wait.” But that’s all he got out before he turned and vomited all over the carpet and Heaven’s purse. Ughhh! Heaven thought.
Shay was trying to recover from her hits as she stumbled up, now in tears, not knowing what to say anymore. She cried and held her face in her hands as she stared at Heaven, ashamed. Heaven looked at the both of them and wondered if there was anyone in the world worth a damn. Would she ever catch a break or would everyone continue to fuck her over?
Even through G’s drunkenness, he felt horrible. The last thing he remembered was drinking with Shay, how did it get to this? Hurting Heaven crushed him.
Heaven slowly backed away and made her way to the stairs as the tears cascaded down her face. She couldn’t even make it up to Shay’s room where her things were, but just wanted to be out of their sight, so as she reached the top, she collapsed into a fetal position and cried like a baby.
Shay sat at the bottom of the stairs, crying as well and G, still sitting on the couch, just closed his eyes knowing that there was no fixing this.
As Heaven lay at the top of the stairs, she stared at the floor through hazy eyes, and only wondered one thing to herself. Now what?
Getting out of the house had been a battle in itself. Shay continued to plead for Heaven’s forgiveness while Heaven got her belongings together and called Ricky to pick her up. Even G through his drunken stupor, managed to throw in a little begging of his own, with his sporadic ‘baby girl listen, and baby girl please’.
“Heaven, I don’t know what happened, I was hurting over Loc.”
“Heaven, it didn’t mean anything, please listen to me.”
“G is like a brother to me.”
That last statement got Shay rewarded with a swift slap before Heaven made her way down the stairs and out of the door. By the time she opened it, against Shay’s protest of course, Ricky was there waiting for her and he helped her with her bags, all the while looking at Shay with a look of disgust. G was still inside sitting on the couch with his head in his hands wondering ‘what the fuck’.
As Heaven made her way to the car door, body trembling and tears still in her eyes, Shay was hot on her tail, crying as well.
“Wait Heaven, wait. You have to forgive me… I’m so, so sorry, I never meant to hurt you.” Shay swallowed hard and tried to gain her composure before finishing. “Wasn’t it you that said love is forgiving?”
Heaven looked at her like she had lost her mind. How dare she try to flip my words on me?
“Come on Heaven, just get in the car,” Ricky pleaded. “Fuck her.”
Heaven held the open car door and stared at Shay intensely.
“Love, Shay, does not try to fuck the love of your life.” And with that Heaven got into the car and slammed the door, leaving Shay standing there speechless.
“Get me out of here,” Heaven mumbled to Ricky, who didn’t want to admit how hearing her call G the love of her life had him vexed. He just started the car and pulled off, leaving Shay standing on the curb.
…Happily Ever After…
“You know, I really appreciate your mother letting me stay here,” Heaven said to Ricky as they sat at the kitchen table eating breakfast. It had been three days since the G and Shay incident and Heaven hadn’t talked to either one of them. Shay had tried to call numerous times, and G had tried even more than that, but she had no words for either of them. She just deleted their messages before they could even get to the second syllable of her name.
“It’s cool Heaven, it aint like we not leaving for school in a week anyway,” he said, while taking his last forkful of eggs. Heaven waited until he was done and then collected their plates and walked them to the sink.
“Yeah, well still…tell her I appreciate it.”
Ricky’s mother was hardly ever home, and Heaven hardly even saw her. It was cool because it gave Heaven and Ricky the feeling of having their own place. Ricky stood up and stretched, extending his toned butterscotch frame to its full capacity in his wife-beater and basketball shorts. Just then, Heaven’s cell phone vibrated on the kitchen table. They both stared at it, assuming it was either a call from the Scarlet whore Shay or the evil piece of shit G, and neither budged. But when it stopped ringing and the message signal came on, Heaven went to erase it and was shocked to see who it was.
“Madeline.”
“Who?” Ricky asked.
“Oh, um,” She didn’t realize she had said it aloud. “G’s mother, Madeline.”
Heaven pressed the button to listen to the message and put the phone to her ear.
“You gonna listen to it?” Ricky asked, upset and confused at the same time.
Heaven didn’t respond until the message was over.
“She didn’t do anything to me, Ricky…She’s a nice woman, and she helped me with school.”
Ricky rolled his eyes and went to the kitchen window, he needed air.
“She wants to meet me for lunch before I leave for school.”
Ricky turned to her abruptly.
“And you gonna go?” He asked in disbelief. “What if that dude is there, huh?” Ricky was so jealous of G, it was irrepressible. He was so happy that G had done Heaven wrong; he was hoping that this would get him out of her mind for good.
Heaven started walking out of the kitchen to call Madeline back in private.
“Then I’ll leave Ricky,” she answered, thinking that he was being irrational. “But I trust her, and she said he wont be. She said just us two.”
Ricky sucked his teeth and turned back to the window.
“Whatever, do what you want.”
Heaven just rolled her eyes and went to call Madeline back to set up a lunch date for that afternoon.
“This is nice. You work here?” Madeline asked, as they were seated by a large window in the back of the Soul Food restaurant that Heaven had worked in.
“I used to, I resigned last week.”
Heaven was nervous and it showed. She twiddled her thumbs, bounced her leg up and down, and even bit her lip. She was wondering what Madeline was there to tell her. Was G miserable? Did he need her back? Was he threatening to kill himself if he couldn’t have her? The thoughts ran through Heaven’s head.
“So,” Madeline started the conversation with a comforting smile. “You ready for Harvard?”
The incident between G, Shay, and Heaven was like the big pink elephant in the room that no one wanted to discuss, so this seemed to be the icebreaker.
“I guess as ready as I’m ever gonna be,” Heaven answered, picking up the menu and staring at it. She didn’t know why she was looking at it, she knew it front to back by heart. Madeline took a sip of her water.
“And this boy…is he going to Harvard too?”
Heaven looked up at her and wondered if that was a Madeline question or a G question, but Madeline’s face held no sarcasm at all, so Heaven answered.
“No… he’s going to Lesley U though, it’s not far from my campus.”
“Oh, well that’s good. You wont be alone there.” Madeline studied the menu as well now. “Are you guys getting serious?”
Heaven’s stomach flipped.
“I don’t know…I guess. But, well, it’s kin
d of hard to be serious about anyone… the way I was about your son.”
There it was, the pink elephant. And Heaven was surprised that she was the one to acknowledge it. Madeline put her menu down and looked at Heaven with sympathy.
“Ah, yes… my son. You know Heaven, the things that you went through with Gavin, and with Shay, and with all of the people you have encountered, I cant imagine going through them at such a young age. I don’t think I had my heart broken until I was well in my twenties,” Madeline mused. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”
Heaven stared blankly at the saltshaker and a flash of her father pumping in and out of her, on top of her, as she cried and begged him to stop, now entered her mind vividly.
“I’ve been through worse.”
Madeline was silent as she stared at the broken girl before her. Exterior, she had it all, beautiful looks, full scholarship to a top University, all of the opportunity in the world. Interior, she was void, null, and empty.
“Well there is one good thing that came out of this sweetie, and I know you don’t see it now.” Heaven looked up for the first time to hear what this good thing possibly could be. “The good thing is that now, now you can stand on your own two, sweetheart. Make your own way like a strong, independent, young woman should. And no one will ever be able to take away from you what you accomplish, because you will have done it on your own.”
Heaven listened to Madeline but wondered what she knew about doing it on her own, her drug dealer son supported her lifestyle down to the toilet paper.
“I know what you’re thinking-” But the waitress that came over to them cut off Madeline’s sentence.
“Hi my name is Sheila, I’ll be your server. Oh hey Heaven!” She said, recognizing Heaven. “Congratulations on college, Max told us you were going to Harvard.”
Heaven smiled lightly.
“Thank you.”
The ladies placed their orders, both of stewed chicken, macaroni and cheese, and collard greens, and then Madeline picked up the conversation where it was left off.
“I know you think that I don’t know about being independent, and you’re right. I don’t…. And it’s a horrible feeling. I’ve been dependent on a man for as long as I can remember sweetie, there’s nothing that I can say that I did on my own. I’ve used situations that I’d been through and emotions that I’ve felt as a crutch, and a reason to feel sorry for myself and to feel like I should be taken care of, never having the drive or courage to go out and make my own way. I don’t want that to happen to you.” Heaven was deep in thought of Madeline’s words as she concluded them. “Sometimes Heaven, what may feel like a curse, is really a blessing in disguise. You just have to know how to take what you’ve been through, and use it as your strength.”
Heaven thought of her life and how true Madeline’s words rang. Although she never really could depend on anyone, she had always been dependent upon someone. She was dependent on Khalil, when he rescued her from her house as a little girl. Then she was dependent on G, when he rescued her from her misfortunate life. She was dependent on Toy, when G broke her heart and kicked her out. Next she was dependent on Shay, when Toy said she had to go. And lastly, even now, she was dependent on Ricky, not only physically, but also emotionally, to be her crutch against all of the pain she was in. But still, there was one question that she needed to ask someone, anyone or she felt like she would burst. She would ask it now, before this lunch was over. She looked at Madeline as one single tear rolled down her cheek.
“Why doesn’t anyone love me?”
Madeline choked up and made her way to the other side of the table with open arms.
“Oh, sweetie…oh, baby. That’s not true. That’s not true, sweetie.”
As Madeline wrapped her arms around Heaven, Heaven sobbed hard into Madeline, laying her forehead on Madeline’s chest and letting the tears come like waterfalls. Madeline smelled like expensive perfume and something else, warmth. The way a mother should smell and feel. The pain was in Heaven’s heart, it was so dominant, so powerful, it hurt so much. “Let it out baby, let it out.”
Heaven cried that day to Madeline, and when it was over and her tears were dried, they sat down and shared a meal. They talked some more about Heaven’s plans and all that she had in store. Madeline let her know that she was behind her one hundred and fifty percent. They talked about relationships and how Heaven was a young girl, how she should focus on herself more than anything at this point in her life and by the time the check was coming, Heaven was feeling like a new girl, a woman in fact. She was still hurt, she still felt betrayed, but at the same time, she didn’t want to harbor those emotions. She wanted to embrace them, learn from them, and make the first step to letting them go. She made the decision that day to forgive everyone who had ever hurt her, who had ever caused her pain.
“You have to baby girl,” Madeline reassured her. “You have to.”
Here it goes, the first step to forgiveness. Heaven was taking baby steps to reinventing herself, to finding peace within her. And here she was at square one.
She sat at the Starbucks table and checked her watch for the third time. Heaven relax, you were early.
As she looked up from taking a sip of her Mocha Latte, she saw G making his way to the table where she was. He had an admiring smile, and once again, he was perfection. He is definitely the finest man on earth. Heaven thought to herself as he reached the table and she stood up for a hug. G was shocked by this gesture but would not complain, he was happy to see her so…peaceful.
“Hey baby girl,” he said, engulfing her in his fresh and captivating scent for a few moments and then maneuvering smoothly into the seat across from her. “How are you?”
Heaven smiled and took another sip before answering; just seeing him was like a high. He was like a drug.
“I’m fine, I’m great… I leave for Harvard tomorrow,” she added, not knowing why she felt the need to say that so early.
“I know,” G responded solemnly. He knows everything, Heaven thought.
Not wanting to get caught up in his rapture and remembering what she wanted to say, Heaven began. For the first time she sat shoulders squared and looked G firmly in the eyes, no blushing, no smiling wide, just woman, to man.
“Okay, well…I asked you to meet me here today because I wanted to talk to you before I left. I felt we needed some…closure.”
Closure? G didn’t like that word. It sounded like closing, the end.
“Well truthfully, ma. I’m just glad you asked to see me, period. I’ve been trying to call you, but the number, it’s off. You know I wouldn’t have disconnected your phone baby girl, you didn’t have to turn it off. If you would have just told me to stop calling, I -” Heaven interrupted.
“I didn’t turn my phone off because of you, G. I just felt like, I needed a new start. I didn’t want when I call someone for it to say Gavin Lucas. I wanted it to say Heaven Jacy.” G nodded his head in understanding. “Oh I’m sorry, did you want something to drink?” Heaven added.
G shook his head no.
“Nah, I’m good baby girl.” For the first time, he appeared to be thrown off and Heaven appeared to be in control.
“Well, like I was saying G, I just wanted to say…about that night, you and Shay. Look I-” Now it was G’s turn to interrupt.
“No Heaven, listen, there is no me and Shay. That night, it was not what it looked like, I mean it was-”
“I forgive you.”
G was stunned into silence.
“Huh?”
“I said I forgive you. I don’t want to go into detail, I am sure that it was a mistake. I saw that you were drunk,” This was harder for Heaven than she thought it would be. Just talking about it had her imagining him and Shay, and it was like opening up a healing wound. Taking the band-aid off too early. She continued.
“I saw that you were drinking, and truthfully, we can put it behind us, I know people make mistakes. And deep down inside, I know that you really
cared for me at one time.”
G furrowed his eyebrows.
“At one time, Heaven I still do. Heaven…I, I love you.”
This was not apart of the game. He was not supposed to say that. Those words that she had been waiting to hear since the moment she saw him in Khalil’s living room, he was making it so difficult. Heaven tried to hold back her emotions as she took another sip of her drink. She felt tears in the back of her eyes and all of sentiments closing up in her throat. She broke her eye contact and lessened her stance, her confidence had taken a blow.
“I love you too G,” she painfully admitted, almost in a whisper. She took a deep breath and braced herself. “I love you for everything you’ve done for me G, everything you’ve shown me. You showed me that there is a world out there. A life, real life, better than what I was living. You showed me compassion, and kindness. Intimacy.” She got choked up thinking of what they had shared. “I love you, everything about you.”
G smiled hearing her say those words. His baby girl, she was really there in front of him. Just as innocent and beautiful as always, and he was not letting her go this time.
“I want to be with you, Heaven.” Heaven’s heart dropped. “I mean, we can do this right? We love each other, and this shit is real… We can do the long distance thing, and give me a year…I can buy a house up there.”
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