Heaven couldn’t hold back anymore, tears fell from her eyes. She dabbed them with a napkin and laughed to lighten the mood.
“Oh boy…you don’t know how long I waited to hear you say that….” Heaven had to pause and dab her now crying eyes again before she finished. Why was this so hard?
“As bad as I want it to be that easy G, it cant be. I…I have to stand on my own right now. You have your world, you know who you are, and as bad as I want to come back into that world, I want to make my own. I want to find Heaven Jacy.”
G was crushed by her words, and he could tell by her facial expression that she was serious. She looked at him like he had looked at her when he told her that it was over, with regret and with disappointment.
“Is this about, I mean, old boy-”
“No,” Heaven cut him off. “I’m not with Ricky anymore. I’m not with anyone…and for the first time in my life, I’m alright with that.”
G swallowed hard and felt a sharp pain through his chest, but he tried to keep his game face on. He had never been in love before and couldn’t believe that it had happened to him, and that it wasn’t going to work out the way he wanted. This beautiful angel was stealing his heart and he couldn’t do anything about it. He ran his hands over his face to try to wash off the hurt, but that shit didn’t work.
“Are you sure?” G had to at least try. Heaven looked at him with a hint of uncertainty but nodded against the will of her heart.
“I’m sure,” her voice cracked. G nodded, solemnly.
“Well…I guess I’m lucky enough to say that you were mine once.” He stared into her eyes with the hurt ones of his own and it took everything in Heaven to not lean over and kiss him and hug him and tell him that they could live happily ever after.
“G,” she whimpered, voice quivering as a tear rolled down her face. “A part of me will always be yours.”
They sat in silence both staring at each other wondering if this would be the last time they would ever see one another. Both of them to get through this moment, had to hold on to the faint possibility that one day in the future, that they could cross paths once more. Even though Heaven had reached this difficult decision, she still couldn’t deal with the finality of it.
After the long silence, G decided to speak.
“Well, can I at least walk you to…” G paused, not knowing how she had gotten there.
“My car,” Heaven stated proudly with a smile, drying her tears again. “No, I’m fine. You go, I think I’m gonna stay for a while.” The truth was Heaven wanted him to leave, because she wasn’t sure if she could drive away from him. She wanted him to walk away. She wasn’t even sure if she could walk at all.
G was going to ask how she had gotten a car but remembered the graduation gift he had given her. He stood up and she did as well and they shared one final embrace. It lasted moments longer than any they had ever shared as they tried to gather up all of the details of this instant and store it into their memories. The smells, the feel, the way their bodies fit together, and when it became too painful, G released and turned to walk away. I gotta get the fuck outta here before I bitch up and cry. He could honestly feel tears deep inside of him, making their way up like flooding water. He walked a few steps and Heaven sat back down, wanting so bad to run after him.
“G!” She shouted and he turned hurriedly, with hope in his eyes.
She stood up and walked on the double to him. When she reached him, she handed him something and smiled confidently. “I forgot to give you this.”
G opened the papers and saw that it was the same account card and paperwork he had given her as a gift.
“I didn’t spend any of it.”
G took a deep breath and looked at her.
“Heaven, I’m not taking this money back.”
She looked at him with love and put her hand gently on his cheek, and then leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips.
“Its alright G,” she whispered, “Everything is alright.” And with that she turned and headed back to the table to finish her mocha latte, and to finish her cry. She didn’t look back up until she was almost certain that he was well gone. It was over, and it was bittersweet.
After G was crossed off the list, painfully and reluctantly, Heaven had a few more stops to make before she headed to Harvard. It was early the next morning and Heaven felt empowered as she pulled in front of Shay’s home. When Shay came to the door, she was surprised to see Heaven in such good spirits, she was sure that it would be an ugly discussion between the two of them. But Heaven didn’t even accept Shay’s offer to come inside, she just stood on the porch, and basically shelled out the only words she had to say to her.
“I forgive you Shay… take care of yourself.”
Heaven wanted to leave immediately; she couldn’t stand the sight of Shay. And unlike the love that she still felt of G, and the long conversation that they had shared, Heaven felt that she neither wanted to have, nor owed Shay, anything more.
Shay in turn apologized again and tried to explain and when Heaven informed her that she must be going, Shay had one more thing to add.
“You know he loves you right?”
Heaven turned on her heels at the foot of the steps and looked up at Shay.
“He loves you Heaven.” Shay made her way closer to Heaven to say something else so that no one would overhear. “He… he killed your father.”
A look of revelation flashed in Heaven’s eyes but she couldn’t even fathom it. She wanted to ask her how she knew that, and what exactly had happened, but something inside of her felt that it didn’t even matter. The thought was too much to handle. She couldn’t go there, not now, not ever. Shay chuckled and looked down at the young beauty that had seemed to really do it all, have it all.
“G really fucking loves you,” she said again with mystification in her voice. Heaven just swallowed hard.
“I know. Take care Shay.” And with that, she was off.
“What the fuck do you want?”
Heaven stood in Khalil’s small and familiar apartment, close to the door and ready to leave. It was filthy and dark, and he was drunk and smelly. He looked as if he had aged ten years. Dishes were all over the floor, dirty clothes hung everywhere, and liquor bottles decorated the apartment all over.
“You want to come back now, don’t you?” He mumbled inaudibly, while sitting on the couch, looking at her. She still looked good. “That mothafucka left your dumb ass, and you want to come back!” Khalil laughed, softly at first and then louder, erupting into mad laughter. “I knew you’d be back, bitch!”
Heaven just shook her head and looked around at the place she once called home, and then finally she looked at him. She felt something for him that she never would have expected in a million years…pity.
“I forgive you.”
Three down, one to go.
The steel doors closed behind Heaven as she took a seat on the metal chair. So this is what crazy looks like. Finally, after a few minutes, another door opened and in came a guard, accompanied by Heaven’s mother, Jhenelle.
“Ms. Jacy, your daughter is here to see you… You’ve got fifteen minutes,” the guard said more to Heaven. I wont be needing that.
Heaven studied her mother in her pea green ensemble and hair all over her head and could tell that she was heavily medicated. She leaned forward as Jhenelle sat slumped in the chair staring at Heaven blankly.
“Hi ma.”
Jhenelle looked at her daughter and knew who she was, she wanted to tell her that she looked pretty, but she couldn’t. All she could think of was one thing when she saw her.
“I want Sam.”
Heaven looked down at the table briefly at the mention of her father’s name. She wondered what G had exactly done to him. Was her father laying in a gutter somewhere with a gunshot to the head, or was he cut into little pieces and cremated. She looked back to her mother.
“Ma, I’m leaving for college today.”
Heaven had alway
s wanted her mother’s approval, for her mother to be proud of her, love her. But she had never given her any indication that this was so.
“I want Sam!” Jhenelle ordered loudly. Heaven looked at her mother with sadness and realized this was a lost cause. This was the one place that she wished she hadn’t come to. For some reason there was still a lot of pain here, and she didn’t feel confident and strong, she felt weak, and pathetic. She felt insignificant and unwanted.
“I want Sam, you little bitch!” Jhenelle yelled. She jumped up abruptly and reached over the table at Heaven, who jumped up as well and backed away. “What did you do with my man?”
The guards came in before Heaven could even get a word out; she was in shock and fright of her mother’s behavior.
“You hear me, you bitch!” Jhenelle screamed at her daughter, as they dragged her out of the room. “I want Sammmm!” Jhenelle was crying and collapsing and the guards now had to carry her.
“Sorry m’am,” one said to Heaven. “You can try to come again Tuesday, she may be better.”
Heaven nodded her head with tears in her eyes, but knew she would never be back there. She wanted to be there no more than her mother wanted her there. It hurt her but she wouldn’t let her mother’s neglect consume her anymore. Can’t win them all. She thought. But I forgive you.
As Heaven tried to shake the incident with her mother out of her head, she thought of where she was at in her life. All of those days, staring at the acceptance letters, never thinking she’d make it up from under Khalil’s boot or from up under her father’s heavy body. She was now here. She’d made it.
She thought of G and what could have been of them two, and she knew he’d always be her first love.
She pulled into her final stop and entered the place she’d come from, the place her journey had began, Muhlenburg Hospital.
“Nurse Johnson please,” she asked, taking a seat at the chair near the desk.
As the attractive, older nurse finally made her way down the hall, Heaven stood up.
“Miss Johnson, I’m Heaven. I was here-”
“I know who you are, baby,” The nurse smiled. “Is everything okay?”
Heaven beamed widely and walked up to the woman, embracing her in a hug. The nurse was taken off guard at first but quickly returned the embrace with a smile. Heaven stepped back and looked her in the eyes.
“Everything is fine, everything is perfect. Thank you.” Heaven handed the nurse a small envelope and gave her one, final, warm look before turning and heading down the hallway. As Nurse Johnson watched her walk away, she looked at the young girl who she had named, who she had fell in love with as an infant, and then cared for when her own mother had shot her. She knew that she was well now, and that gave her peace. She opened the envelope and pulled out a picture of Heaven. It was her graduation picture; she had gotten them and really had no real family to give any to. Nurse Johnson turned it over and read the back, ‘Thanks for the name, Love The Firecracker.’
Nurse Johnson smirked and looked up just in time to see Heaven breezing out of the door into the bright September day, her long hair blowing in the wind. Yup, she’s gonna be just fine! And then she turned and headed back to the delivery room to assist with bringing another life, another little baby girl into the world. Sure hope she turns out like that one, she thought to herself.
Heaven started the engine on her small Honda Accord that she had purchased herself with her earnings from the restaurant. She had a self-assured smile on her face and knew she had accomplished all that she had set out to. After all that she had been through, love and pain, all spectrums and all degrees of both, she knew that like Madeline had said, it had made her the person that she was today. As she pulled out of the hospital and headed toward the highway, her phone vibrated in her purse. She reached a red light and leaned down to answer it.
“Hello.”
“You on the road, baby girl?”
Heaven smiled brightly.
“I am, just heading out.”
“Well, make sure you knock ‘em dead,” Madeline said encouragingly. “I am so proud of you.”
“Thanks,” Heaven said with a smile, giving the car gas and taking off slowly. She looked in her rearview mirror through all of her boxes and suitcases stacked up. She wanted to concentrate on the road and not get a ticket. “I’ll call you as soon as I get there.”
“Oh no, no. You go. I just wanted to say…I love you.”
Heaven beamed a smile and before she could say anything, Madeline gently disconnected the call.
A tear rolled down Heaven’s face as she thought of the life that she was leaving behind, and a feeling of anticipation enthralled her as she thought of the road that she was facing. Everything that she had been through was all left behind, the good and the bad. And all that she was taking with her were the memories, the ones that she wanted to hold on to. The rest, were gone with the wind.
Heaven placed both hands on the steering wheel and headed down the highway on her own, starting over, and finally, completely, utterly, and simply, happy.
Happy and Harvard bound.
The End
Book Club Discussion Questions
Will Heaven ever truly be happy without the love of her mother?
Should Heaven have given the money back to G?
Do you think that Shay cared about Heaven in her own way?
Who do you think was better for Heaven-Ricky or G?
Did Heaven’s father deserve to die?
Would you consider this a happy ending?
Do you believe that Angie’s past of abuse contributed to her behavior?
Should Heaven have forgiven Ricky after he told her secret about her father?
Was Khalil’s love for Heaven real? And did he save her from a possibly worse living situation with her father?
Should Heaven have gotten back with G at the end of the book?
Note from the Author:
There is nothing fiction nor fairytale about abuse of any kind. If this is happening to you please reach out to your nearest Care Center or Help Hotline.
You DO NOT have to live like this!
Also Available by Takerra Allen
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Order at [email protected] or http://www.hiue.blogspot.com/
About The Author
Takerra Allen was born in Jersey City, NJ to proud parents William Garland (former Black Panther and biological father to the late Tupac Shakur) and the late beautiful Suezette Allen. In addition to being an Author, she is the CEO of her self-launched all female Entertainment Company Heaven Inc and an active Community Activist.
Her Best Selling title ‘Thicker than Water’ has become an urban phenomenon and is also available now!
FUTURE PROJECTS FROM TAKERRA ALLEN
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