Never Grow Up

by Karen Kingsbury

  “Yes?” Mr. Garrett looked ready to call it a day.

  For a few seconds, Landon seemed to collect his thoughts. “Mr. Garrett, Ashley was just having fun.” He tried to smile, but it didn’t quite work out. “Could they have a second chance?”

  “Mr. Blake… do you want to join them?”

  “No! I was just saying… it doesn’t seem like they did any harm.” Landon stopped there.

  “Landon, Chris, Ashley, Elliot and Natalie…” Mr. Garrett had officially run out of patience. “You will all clean the boards during recess. He turned to the chalkboard. “Where were we?”

  Ashley gave Landon a quick look. “Thanks.” She whispered the word very soft.

  He smiled and nodded.

  Ashley turned her attention to the front of the classroom. How about that! Landon Blake had stuck up for her. He wasn’t only her friend, apparently.

  He was on her side.

  And that made Ashley smile all the way through math.

  * * *

  Cleaning the boards turned out to be a hoot. Ashley and Natalie and the boys raced to see who was the fastest cleaner. And then they tried synchronized cleaning. Ashley laughed harder than she had all day at that fun.

  Before school ended she and the chalkboard gang told Mr. Garrett they were sorry. They were. Because passing time during math was the wrong thing to do.

  Ashley told her mom and dad about the criminal act later that evening, when everyone else was in bed.

  “I’m sorry, Father… Mother.” Ashley hung her head. “It was very childish.” She looked up. “Which is actually my goal lately. Being young. Not growing up.” She smiled. Then she remembered the point here. “Anyway, I am sorry.”

  Dad looked straight at her. “I’m glad you’re sorry.” He hugged her. “And please, Ashley, keep your drawings in your sketchbook from now on.”

  Which was what she did that night. A perfect drawing of a man with wings, and roller skates and a helmet. He held a bouquet of balloons and a parrot sat perched on his shoulder. And he had a mustache and glasses.

  She was still thinking about that silly picture the next day at gymnastics, as she stood in line for the balance beam.

  “Ashley. You’re up!” Coach Beth called out.

  “Oh… sorry.” She stepped forward and took a deep breath. The balance beam stretched out in front of her. It was the only thing in gymnastics she hadn’t quite conquered. She could do a cartwheel, and somersaults, and the bear crawl and the splits. But every time she stepped up to the balance beam, she got nervous. Or she got more excited about the foam pit.

  But not today.

  Ashley knew that she needed to get across. That she would get across. She stepped onto the beam and felt her ankles wiggle. She closed her eyes and exhaled. She took one step, and then another.

  “Good girl, Ash. Keep going,” Coach Beth yelled from the other side.

  Suddenly the balance beam felt like life itself. With every step, she could feel herself getting older. Just grow up, people kept saying. Act your age. Ashley took another step and she could see herself finishing elementary school. Step. Step. She was figuring out middle school and then navigating high school.

  Another step.

  Here she was, growing up too fast. She needed to find a way to Neverland. Help, she called out inside herself. I don’t want to grow up this fast. Someone stop the clock!

  She stopped midbeam. She looked one way, then the other. A wobble started, but this time she caught herself. She wasn’t getting older with every step. That wasn’t true. She was a fifth-grade girl trying to cross the balance beam without falling.

  An idea came to her! Suddenly the pit wasn’t foam pieces. It was choppy, windy ocean water! And the balance beam was Captain Hook’s plank! Of course it was, because she was Wendy! And maybe if she made it all the way across she would be in Neverland!

  Maybe this was the way there!

  You can do this, she told herself. She had walked the plank every day in Mr. Garrett’s class during play rehearsal. This was no different. Ashley bent her knees and took another step. And another. One step at a time… until…

  She jumped off the beam to the floor on the other side and raised both hands. She had done it! She had crossed the balance beam without falling.

  “Hooray! You did it!” Marsha, her neighbor friend, greeted Ashley on the other side. She clapped and cheered along with the others on Ashley’s team.

  Ashley had conquered the balance beam and it was the best feeling ever. She jumped around with Marsha and walked it three more times before gymnastics was over. And no one ever knew that every time she crossed it, she wasn’t walking the balance beam at all. No. She was walking Captain Hook’s plank.

  There was only one problem.

  She still hadn’t found a way to Neverland.

  17 Under the Sea

  KARI

  Ms. Nan’s entire class was buzzing for one reason.

  Today the outlines for their essays were due. Kari couldn’t believe how happy her classmates were. Even Mandy and Liza. Apparently everyone knew what they wanted to be when they grew up.

  Everyone but her.

  Kari listened to Ms. Nan once more explain the format of an outline: introduction, three supporting points, and a closing. “We’ve been talking about this for more than a month.” She glanced around the class. “I’m sure most of you have your outline completed by now. In case you don’t, I’ll give you the next hour to get something on paper.”

  Ms. Nan had to approve their outlines before they could move on to writing. Kari sat back hard in her seat. The blankest piece of paper in all the world sat on her desk. She used the first ten minutes to write in her journal instead.

  Dear God,

  I need a lot of help down here. I have no idea what I want to do when I grow up, but the outline is due today! In 55 minutes! I knew that, of course. And still… nothing! This assignment has been stress in my head ever since Ms. Nan brought it up. What I’m saying is, please, could You help me?

  Thanks!

  Love, KB

  P.S. Four days till the meteor shower!

  They were allowed to walk around and chat with their neighbors during the outline time. “Sharing ideas creates more ideas,” Ms. Nan always said.

  Just then Kari felt a tap on her shoulder.

  “Hey.” Liza leaned over. “Your paper is empty.” She grinned. “Being nothing might sound fun, but I don’t think it’s an option.”

  “Thanks, Liza.” Kari tapped her pencil on her desk. “I actually think you might be onto something.” She laughed and some of her stress melted away. “Being nothing could probably be my answer. I’d be good at it, I believe.”

  “You could try.” Liza giggled. Then she looked at Kari’s blank page again. “You really can’t think of anything?”

  Kari shook her head. “Nope.” She blew a piece of hair out of her face. “Going to my dad’s work didn’t even help.”

  “Yeah.” Liza sighed. “Me either. My mom is a banker… boring!” She gave a thumbs-down.

  “So what did you put?” Kari rested her cheek on the desk.

  “Law school.” Liza looked proud of herself. “My dad says I’m smart enough.” She stood and paced the aisle between their desks. “I can already see myself giving closing arguments.”

  “Arguments?” Kari didn’t understand. “You’re going to argue for a living?”

  Liza laughed. “Something like that.”

  That didn’t sound fun at all. Kari’s shoulders slumped.

  “Oh, Kari.” Liza shrugged. “It’s okay. You’re good at lots of things.”

  Mandy skipped over. “What are we talking about?”

  “Our friend here doesn’t know what she wants to do when she grows up.” Liza stood at Kari’s side and patted her head.

  “I’m definitely considering being nothing.” Kari didn’t break a smile this time.

  “It’s okay not to know, Kari.” Mandy nodded. “That’s why we
try new things.”

  “But I have to know now.” Time was running out. Kari could feel tears in her eyes. “What about you, Mandy?”

  “I’m going to be an Olympic swimmer!” Mandy pretended to be at the end of a diving board, her knees bent, hands stretched out. She dropped the pose. “That’s basically what I’m training for now on the swim team.”

  Liza grinned at Mandy. “I’ll be there when you win your medal.” She patted Kari’s back. “Let’s say we all go!”

  “Okay.” Kari sighed. “Time shouldn’t be a problem. Since I won’t be working.”

  “Perfect.” Liza clapped a few times. She grabbed Mandy’s hand and held it up. “You’ll win the gold medal, Mandy! I can see it now. The swim team reunited at the Olympics.”

  This isn’t helping, Kari thought. “I’m going to talk to Ms. Nan…” Kari stood and walked to her teacher’s desk. She held out her blank piece of paper. “I’m having a problem.” She didn’t want to cry, but she was close.

  Ms. Nan leaned closer to Kari. “What is it?”

  Kari pointed to the empty page. “I don’t know what I want to do… when I grow up.” She sniffed. “I might… need a little more time.”

  “Of course, Kari.” Ms. Nan came around the desk. She put her hand on Kari’s shoulder. “This assignment isn’t meant to overwhelm you. It’s supposed to be fun!” Ms. Nan kneeled down so she could look at Kari’s eyes. “This essay isn’t going to decide your future. You may pick something and change your mind. And that’s okay.”

  Kari nodded.

  Ms. Nan handed Kari back her empty paper. “Why don’t you get me an outline by Monday.” She smiled. “How does that sound?”

  “Really?” Kari looked straight at her teacher. “Ms. Nan, that would be the greatest gift.”

  “Remember… it’s supposed to be fun!” Ms. Nan winked. “You can do this.”

  “Thank you, Ms. Nan.” Kari took a deep breath and felt the weight leave her shoulders. She was very thankful for this chat with her teacher. And even more thankful for her teacher’s kindness. Kari made her way back to her desk.

  “Feel better?” Mandy gave Kari an understanding smile.

  Kari nodded. “Much.”

  “Good!” Liza looked relieved. “Last swim meet of the season tonight. We need to be in fine form.”

  “Oh, don’t worry!” Mandy took her pose again. “I’m always in fine form.”

  The swim meet! Kari had forgotten all about it. She had to work on her outline. Plus, she had hoped the three of them could stay after school to practice their “Under the Sea” dance.

  Instead she was actually going to be under the sea—in the city swimming pool.

  * * *

  By the time Kari and her family walked into the rec center’s indoor pool, Kari felt sick. The last thing she wanted was to swim tonight.

  Sure, swimming had been fun at first. Kari had met Mandy and Liza that way. But now she was just sticking out the season because she didn’t want to disappoint her friends. Deep down Kari didn’t like swimming indoors. She didn’t care for the chlorine smell in her hair; and she hated feeling cold after she got out of the pool.

  She wondered if Mandy knew how many hours she would need to spend in this place to make it to the Olympics.

  Kari’s family found a spot in the bleachers and she walked toward her team. “I’m nervous.” She set her bag down next to Liza’s and Mandy’s.

  “Why?” Liza stretched one arm, then the other. “We’ll be fine.”

  Kari shook out her legs to loosen them up. “I’m distracted. The outline. The essay. The talent show. The meteor shower.”

  “You can’t do any of those things right now.” Mandy took a sip of water and adjusted her swim cap. “My mom always says, ‘Do the next thing because that’s all you can do.’ ”

  Do the next thing. Kari ran those words through her mind a few times. “I like that, Mandy. Do the next thing.” She looked at the pool a few feet away. “Right now the next thing is the swim meet!”

  “Exactly.” Mandy grinned. “Everything else will still be there later.”

  “Wow!” Liza nodded. “I’m going to use that one next time we have a math test. I missed a problem on the last one.” She put her hands on her hips. “I never miss a problem.”

  The girls jumped in the pool and Kari put her goggles on. “Do the next thing,” she whispered. Then she began swimming her warm-up laps. Because that was next.

  During the relay, Kari’s brain focused better than it had all day. Because there was room in her head now, that’s why. Her whole attention was on swimming. This new way of thinking was a gift, the one she had asked God for! At one point she even imagined she was a mermaid blazing through the water.

  Not till she finished her leg of the race and she was out of the pool did she hear how loud everyone was cheering. Especially her family.

  “Kari, you’re the best!” Ashley was jumping up and down, waving her hands. “Everyone! That’s my sister right there!”

  “She’s my sister, too!” Luke also jumped around.

  Kari waved at them. She really did have the best family ever.

  Just then Coach Miller ran up. “Kari! That was your fastest time of the season!” She high-fived Kari. “Come on, let’s cheer for Liza!”

  Liza blazed through the water like usual. But this time she seemed a little faster, too. Cheryl swam the third leg. Cheryl was in a different class in school, but she was nice. This might not have been her day, because their relay team slipped to third place after Cheryl’s swim.

  Ashley and Liza and Coach Miller surrounded her as she climbed out of the pool. “Good job!” Kari clapped. “You did your best!”

  Mandy was next. She had to move them from third place to first if they were going to win.

  “You can do it, Mandy!” Coach Miller cupped her hands around her mouth, her shout filled the building.

  “Go, Mandy!” Kari and Liza and Cheryl all yelled at the same time. “Faster!”

  Bit by bit, Mandy actually did it. She moved into second place and then just before she touched the wall she swam into the lead.

  “Wow!” Liza sounded surprised. “She really could do the Olympics.”

  Mandy got out of the water and joined Kari and the others. “We did it! We won!”

  Kari wanted to remind Mandy that she, alone, had taken them from third to first place. But then… that wasn’t true. The relay was a team effort.

  Just like friendship, Kari thought. When one person is down, the others pick her up.

  She thought again about Mandy’s advice. Do the next thing. Then Kari remembered Ms. Nan giving her extra time for her outline, and Mandy and Liza cheering her up at school earlier.

  “Great work.” Coach Miller pulled the relay swimmers into a huddle. “Win or lose… I’m proud of you. But today was a win. The best of the season.” She put her hand in the middle of the circle. “Great season! Hands in. Teamwork on three… one, two, three!”

  “Teamwork!” Kari and her teammates shouted.

  Again Kari looked up in the stands at her family. They were still clapping and cheering. Showing their support. Kari could only hope her parents would be as supportive if she failed Ms. Nan’s essay. Don’t think about that, she told herself. Not yet.

  That night when it was time for bed, Kari tiptoed to her parents’ room. She knocked on the door.

  “Come in.” Dad called out.

  Kari opened the door. Her parents sat up in bed reading. She made her way to them.

  “There’s our swimming star!” Mom looked proud of her.

  “It was my fastest time. Because I decided to do the next thing.” Kari looked from her mom to her dad. “That came from Mandy.”

  “I like that. ‘Do the next thing’ keeps you focused on the only thing you can actually do.” Dad set his book down. “That was nice of Mandy, to share that with you.”

  Mom nodded. “Friends are important. On a team… and in life.”


  “Exactly.” Kari sat on the edge of the bed. “My head has been too full to even smile lately.”

  Mom ran her hands over Kari’s hair. “You haven’t figured out your essay yet?”

  Kari shook her head. “How am I supposed to know what I want to do when I’m older? It’s hard enough being in sixth grade.”

  Dad chuckled. “You know… you’re right, Kari.” His laughter died down. “Still… I think Ms. Nan only wants you to pick something. Anything. It gives you a chance to learn a little more about something you could possibly do when you’re older.”

  The way Dad put it, picking a topic didn’t sound all that bad. “So I could pick anything, really?”

  “Yes.” Her mother patted her hand. “It’s just meant to get you thinking.”

  “Okay.” Kari crossed her arms. That revelation changed everything. She sighed. “Also, I don’t know if we’re ready for the talent show.”

  “I can help with that.” Mom raised her hand. “Let’s get the costumes and props tomorrow after school.” Mom took Kari’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Everything is going to be fine.”

  Dad’s expression looked kind. “Responsibilities are part of growing up. Sounds like you’re experiencing a little of that. More things to do… and less time to do them in.”

  “But…” Mom leaned in close to Kari. “Another part of growing up is knowing when to ask for help. It takes a mature girl to do that.”

  “Sometimes I just don’t know what I need help with.” Kari didn’t want to pretend everything was perfect. “I get so… so anxious.” She smiled at Dad. “I wrote a prayer in my journal today. Just like you said.”

  “Did it help?” Dad’s voice was the nicest of any father anywhere.

  Kari grinned. “It did help! Mandy gave me that little pre–swim meet wisdom about doing the next thing. And I swam my fastest time ever. So, yes!”

  “Good.” Dad sighed. “Life isn’t always easy. But we have each other.”

  “You’re going to be wonderful, Kari.” Mom assured her. “Essay or not, who you are going to be when you grow up is successful, and brave, and a hard worker. You’ll be a good friend and someone who prays for help. Whatever field you do that in… it really doesn’t matter. What matters is the kind of girl you are.” Mom put her hand alongside Kari’s cheek. “And you, Kari Baxter, are growing up to be a pretty extraordinary one.”