In His Eyes

by Gail Gaymer Martin

  She turned off the computer and straightened her spine. The house seemed quieter. She rose and walked to the bedroom window. Outside, she saw Connor tapping on his oil tank and then checking the gauge. She tried to read his expression, but all she could tell was that he hadn’t frowned.

  He opened his cabin door and went inside, and Ellene stayed there, too stubborn to go into the other room to see what was happening. In a moment, she heard the side door close and saw Aunt Phyllis and Caitlin crossing the slippery distance to join Connor.

  She felt utterly alone.

  Her breath fogged the windowpane, and she brushed it away, wondering what they were doing at Connor’s. Was he setting a warm blaze in the fireplace or making Caitlin hot chocolate? She would enjoy a tasty treat, too.

  The window hazed again, and she dropped the curtain, then glanced down at the fuzzy slippers and purple top she’d borrowed from Connor’s aunt. She found her shoes beneath the bed, slipped them on, and picked up her jacket. She could, at least, find out what they were doing? Maybe they needed her help.

  She snorted at the idea. What help would she be on an island she didn’t know with a man she wanted to avoid? But right now, she didn’t want to avoid anyone. Loneliness had won over her pride.

  Ellene shoved her arm into her jacket as she left the bedroom and made her way to the side door. No one used the front door, she’d learned. When she stepped outside, the bitter wind nipped at her back as she trudged through the brittle snow.

  At Connor’s she raised her hand to knock, then thought better of it and opened the door.

  Connor spun around in surprise. “I thought you were working.”

  “It’s Sunday. I forgot.”

  A grin tilted the edge of his mouth. “Then welcome to our scavenger hunt.”

  “What?”

  “We’re deciding how we can pool resources, then we’re going shopping. You can come along if you’d like.”

  If you’d like. Like, what else did she have to do? No, I’d rather stay here and watch the ground freeze. Having better thoughts, she shrugged, hoping to look noncommittal. “Anything I can do?”

  “You can play a game with me?” Caitlin said, appearing from the bathroom with Aunt Phyllis behind her.

  “Toilet paper,” his aunt said, “and we’d better hurry.” She seemed to notice Ellene, because her eyes widened. “Thought you were working.”

  “It’s Sunday,” Ellene said again.

  “Good, then come along.” She motioned for them to head out the door.

  Connor didn’t flinch. He strode to the door as if Aunt Phyllis were an army sergeant. Caitlin latched onto Ellene’s hand, and they stepped outside.

  “Don’t anyone walk away from this car without carrying a bag.”

  Connor grinned at his aunt’s command as they climbed from the SUV in his driveway. He opened the hatch and doled out grocery bags, leaving the heaviest for himself.

  The store had been crowded, as he’d expected. When he’d arrived outside the market, cars had already begun to line up waiting for the store to open so they could stock their pantries just in case.

  Ellene had joined them, and she’d sat in the back with Caitlin, attempting to maintain her business persona while being barraged by Caitlin’s chatter, but Connor saw she was having problems. He’d chuckled earlier when she’d suddenly appeared at his house, remembering it was Sunday and the office was closed. How could she have forgotten Aunt Phyllis’s lengthy sermon?

  “I can’t believe the ferry still isn’t running,” Ellene said, snatching the paper bag from his arms. “You should have warned me.”

  “How did I know?” he asked, getting nothing more in return than an arched eyebrow and a sneer.

  When he’d handed the last small package to Caitlin, Connor lifted the two heavier bags into his arms. The store didn’t have everything they’d put on the list, but he’d grabbed eggs, milk and cheese, and a few packages of meat before the cases were nearly empty.

  Ellene had purchased a few items of her own, he’d noticed when they arrived at the checkout counter—pads of paper, crayons, childproof scissors and he couldn’t tell what else. Apparently Caitlin had helped her shop, and Ellene’s thoughtfulness touched his heart.

  Still he feared for Caitlin. She’d opened up to Ellene in the short time she’d been there, and he worried about her reaction when Ellene left for home. He’d noticed a tender look in Ellene’s eyes when she spoke with Caitlin. He guessed she liked Caitlin, too, but he wasn’t confident that she truly understood how devastating her departure could be for his daughter. Part of him wanted to get Ellene away from them before Caitlin was hurt—before he was hurt again.

  “Where do you want this?” Ellene asked, piling canned goods onto the table.

  He motioned to the cabinets. “The longest door is the pantry. You’ll see where it goes.”

  She carried the products to the shelves while he stowed the dairy and meat in the refrigerator.

  Aunt Phyllis stood beside the door where she’d left a bag of dog food. “I’ll head back home. Pepper needs to eat.”

  Ellene looked up from the canned goods. “I’ll be over shortly.”

  Connor felt the impact of her comment when he saw Caitlin’s face, and he longed to say something but didn’t, not in front of his daughter.

  “Where are the cookies?” Caitlin asked, nosing into the empty bags.

  “Cookies?” He realized that was an item they’d forgotten. “I’m sorry, Caitlin. We didn’t buy cookies.”

  She stomped her foot. “But you promised.”

  He eyed Ellene hoping she’d say something about the crayons and paper she’d bought. He assumed they were for Caitlin.

  She didn’t say a word, but shifted the canned goods from one shelf to another as if she were alphabetizing them.

  Caitlin tossed herself onto the sofa and smothered her face in the cushion. Her mumbled protests pierced the quiet.

  Ellene closed the pantry door and faced him. “What’s wrong?”

  “We forgot the cookies.”

  “You promised,” Caitlin wailed, turning her head so her words were clear and loud.

  “We don’t always get what we want, Caitlin. I’ve told you that. I’m sorry.”

  “But you promised,” she said.

  “Promises are important,” Ellene whispered as she passed him. She sat on the arm of the sofa and looked down at Caitlin. “You know what’s more fun than buying cookies?”

  Caitlin’s sobs softened. “What?” She hiccuped the word.

  “Baking cookies,” Ellene said.

  Caitlin lifted her moist eyes and looked at her. “I’ve never baked cookies.”

  “You haven’t? But that’s the most fun.”

  Connor watched aghast as Ellene soothed his daughter. Why hadn’t he thought about baking cookies? He gave the chair leg a soft kick. Because he wasn’t a woman, that’s why. Women thought of cookies and ribbons and crayons. Men didn’t.

  “Let’s see if we have flour and things to make them. Okay?” Ellene said, giving Connor a frantic look.

  He shrugged, hoping they had what she needed.

  As she looked inside the cabinets, she brought out sugar, peanut butter, a flour bag that looked nearly empty. Then she grabbed a cookbook sitting on an open bookshelf and flipped through the pages.

  “I’ll run over to see if Aunt Phyllis has the other things we need.” She gave Connor a questioning look as if asking why he hadn’t bought flour and who knows what so they could make cookies.

  He didn’t try to respond.

  She grabbed her jacket and vanished through the doorway, leaving a nippy breeze along with her cold shoulder.

  Connor felt disappointed in himself and disappointed in Caitlin. He couldn’t allow her to behave this way, and he was at a loss as to what to do.

  He sidled across the room and sat on the edge of the sofa near Caitlin’s feet. “Cait, I’m sorry, but we’re sort of stranded here, and sometimes things don
’t happen the way we want them. You can’t throw a fit every time things don’t go your way.”

  She looked at him with sad eyes. “But Daddy, you promised.”

  “I know, but—” But. He recalled Aunt Phyllis saying God didn’t use the word. “I forgot, Cait. I made a mistake.”

  “You told me God makes promises and He doesn’t forget, but if He’s our Father then maybe He’ll forget, too.”

  Her logic stung him. “No, Caitlin, God is different. He’s almighty and bigger than any human. He’d never forget His promises. God says, ‘My eyes and my heart will always be there.’ That means He is always watching you and always caring for you.”

  “Is love in the heart, Daddy?”

  “I think so.”

  “When you die, does your heart lose all its love?”

  His chest tightened with her question. How could he answer that? When the body died, the heart died, but love? Did love die or did it just go with the soul to heaven? “Your mom loves you even now, Caitlin. She’s up in heaven loving you with all her heart.”

  She eyed Connor as if weighing what he’d said. “Does she know I miss her?”

  The questions—so many with impossible answers. “If she knew how much we missed her, she’d be sad, I think, but I’m sure she knows you love her, because that would make her happy.”

  A faint grin touched her lips. “Everyone is happy in heaven.”

  “That’s right. I promise you that, Caitlin, and that’s a promise I can keep.”

  She gave a gentle nod and pushed herself into a seated position, then reached up to wrap her arms around his waist. Connor drew her closer, smelling the fragrance of his child and praying to God to calm his daughter’s heart.

  They were still embracing when the door opened, and Ellene came inside, stomping clumps of snow from her shoes.

  “It’s melting a little. That could be good news with the ferry service.”

  “Could be,” he said, hating to tell her that it took more than a little sunshine to break up the ice jam. Often it melted a little during the day, fusing it together even more strongly in the evening when it became colder.

  “Did you find what you needed?” he asked.

  “I think so.”

  She set a bag of flour and a container of baking powder or soda onto the counter. He could never remember which was which.

  Ellene pulled a mixing bowl from the cabinet and lifted a wooden spoon from a crockery container beside the stove. “Ready to make cookies, Caitlin?”

  Caitlin unwound her arms from Connor and scooted off the sofa. She pulled up a small stool his mother must have used to reach items in the upper cabinets, and it made Caitlin just the right height at the counter.

  He watched as Ellene showed her how to measure the ingredients, and Caitlin forgot all about his promise as she mixed the peanut butter and milk into the flour and sugar.

  His heart stirred watching Ellene beside his daughter. Had life turned out differently, Caitlin could have been their child. He remembered how Ellene had talked about “one day when they had children.” She’d wanted a daughter for her and a son for him, as if they could divide their love and energy into two little beings. He knew what she meant, but the idea always made him smile.

  “Not too much,” Ellene said.

  Connor focused on the cookie making. Caitlin placed a small glob of dough in her hands, rolling it into a ball.

  Ellene looked at him and grinned. “Her hands are so warm, she’s turning the dough into mush.”

  He could see what she meant as Caitlin pulled her hands apart and the glob stuck to both palms.

  “We’ll have to put flour on your hands,” Ellene said, showing more patience than Connor had ever seen her display.

  Caitlin giggled as her gooey hands became white with flour. They tried again, and this time Caitlin dropped a round ball of dough onto the cookie sheet.

  When they were finished, Ellene took a fork and showed Caitlin how to make crisscross marks on the dough. Connor had become so intrigued that he’d risen and stood over them, admiring the even marks etching each cookie.

  “Good job,” he said, kissing Caitlin’s warm cheek.

  She grinned and licked some dough from her fingers. “Want some? It’s good.”

  “I’ll wait until it’s a cookie,” he said, chuckling at her offer.

  By the time Ellene had cleaned the kitchen counter and placed the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, the scent of peanut butter cookies filled the room. The fragrance seemed to mesmerize them all. Ellene had forgotten her frustration at being stranded and had given him a smile when Caitlin stood close to the oven as if waiting for the door to open and the cookies to come floating out.

  “Is it time yet?” she asked.

  “Wait for the beep. I set the timer.” She chuckled as she pulled three glasses from the cabinet. “Warm cookies are nice with milk. Who wants some?”

  Connor’s hand shot into the air as did Caitlin’s. Ellene lifted hers, too, then laughed at herself before pulling the gallon carton from the refrigerator.

  When the glasses were filled, the buzzer sounded, and Ellene lifted the cookie sheets from the oven.

  Caitlin licked her lips as she stood nearby watching the process.

  “They have to cool a couple minutes before we can take them from the pan.”

  “Why?” Caitlin asked.

  “They’re still soft and they’ll fall apart. You don’t want to eat cookie crumbs do you?”

  Caitlin licked her lips again and nodded.

  Connor and Ellene laughed at the same time. The feeling of friendship and warmth—not only from the fresh-baked cookies but from their camaraderie—filled him with pleasure. Why couldn’t they always be this way?

  Ellene grasped three pieces of paper towel and plopped two soft cookies onto each sheet, then handed one to Caitlin and one to him. They sat at the kitchen table and when Caitlin took her first bite, her face glowed.

  Connor rubbed his belly. “Yummy. These are better than the ones in the store.”

  “You don’t get home-baked cookies from your dad, do you?” he asked Caitlin.

  Caitlin shook her head, crumbs dotting her lips. “But you give me other things. Ellene gives me cookies.”

  His chest swelled, seeing his daughter so happy and normal, and his thanks went to Ellene for making them almost like a real family.

  Real family. The words snapped at him. Don’t fool yourself, Connor. This is no more real than your engagement years ago. At a moment’s notice, Ellene can walk out the door and leave you and Caitlin catching your breath. She did it once, and she can do it again.

  Chapter Seven

  Ellene woke with Pepper curled up against her chest, breathing into her face. She scooted the dog away from her, but the terrier wriggled back and licked her cheek.

  She sat upright, lifting the dog and lowering him to the floor. She liked animals but getting that personal was a little uncomfortable.

  She swung her legs over the mattress edge and ran her fingers through her tangled hair. She felt a mess without her own clothes, and she knew if this didn’t end soon, she’d have to go into town and find a few personal items. She was grateful Connor’s aunt had given her a toothbrush and loaned her a nightgown and a couple of knit tops.

  How did she get herself into this mess? She shook her head, amazed that somehow fate had brought Connor and her back under the same roof—and stranded, to beat all.

  Or was it fate?

  Yesterday had seemed too comfortable. Her heart went out to Caitlin, and though she knew the child’s reaction to the forgotten cookies was over the top, she understood. Every broken promise felt as if someone were forsaking her—the same way she felt about her mother’s absence.

  But Ellene didn’t want to get caught in the trap. Each moment her concern grew deeper for the child, and Connor was right. The little girl had latched onto her like paste to paper. As soon as the ferry service opened, Ellene knew she would be on her w
ay home.

  Home. She dug into her bag and pulled out her cell phone, then glanced at her watch, surprised at the time. For some reason, on the island, she slept more soundly, but she still woke early. Her father often went into the office early. She turned on her phone and dialed. He answered, as she’d hoped.

  “Dad.”

  “Ellene? What’s wrong?”

  “I won’t be in today.”

  She heard a pause, then his low grumble. “Why not?”

  “I’m stranded.”

  “Stranded?”

  “On Harsens Island.”

  “You’re kidding.”

  She assured him she wasn’t and gave him the details. “I’ll get away as soon as the ferry service opens.”

  “Don’t take chances sitting there in the cold.”

  She was endangering herself more by staying at Connor’s. “I won’t.”

  “Connor’s stranded there, too?”

  “Connor, his aunt Phyllis and Connor’s daughter, Caitlin. Oh, and Pepper the terrier.”

  Her father chuckled. “Are you getting along okay?”

  “With Pepper or Connor?” She grinned at her question. “Pepper’s a bed hog.”

  “Sounds like you’re fine. I’m pleased to hear you’ve forgiven Connor. It’s about time.”

  She winced.

  “Send my best to him and get back when you can. I’ll hold off your clients.”

  “I’ll do as much as possible from the laptop.”

  “Good girl. See you soon.”

  “I hope,” she said.

  After she hung up, she sat a moment, thinking of what her father had said. It’s about time. But she hadn’t forgiven him, and even if she could, she wouldn’t trust him.

  Ellene knew she needed to safeguard her heart. If she spent time at Aunt Phyllis’s house, she could get some e-mail correspondence answered and do some figures on a couple of projects that were due when she got back.

  An easier feeling spread over Ellene. She rose and headed for the shower. Warm water washed away her anxiety, and she felt more determined to stay away from Connor. In the process, she’d be certain not to upset Caitlin when she left.