Summer Secrets

by Barbara Freethy

  "I need to race again. It's important to me. I'm dying inside," He put his hand to his heart in yet another dramatic gesture. "I need to be on the water. I need to feel the wind in my hair, the ocean spray on my face."

  "You don't need to race to feel those things. You can just go for a sail."

  "I need the excitement, the rush, the speed, the power." For the first time in a long while his eyes were clear and purposeful, instead of dull and vague. He'd come alive. "Ah, Katie girl, aren't you tired of dragging me out of bars?"

  It was the first time he'd ever acknowledged that she did that.

  "I can't go on like I've been going on," he continued. "If I could get out there on the ocean, see the distant horizon, the endless possibilities in front of me, I could breathe again. Haven't I paid enough penance, Katie, or will you be leaving me in purgatory forever?"

  "I'm not your jailer. That's your conscience. Or maybe you don't have a conscience. Because if you did, you wouldn't break your promise. You wouldn't race again." She scrambled off her bar stool, her eyes blurring with angry tears. "Do what you want. You always have, and you always will."

  Kate hurried out of the bar, wanting to put as much distance between her father and herself as she could. She threw open the door to the restaurant and ran smack into Tyler.

  He caught her by the arm. "Kate? What's wrong?"

  "You're late," she cried, a little more loudly and more vehemently than was necessary.

  His gaze narrowed. "And you're angry," he said slowly. "But I don't think it's at me."

  She pulled away from him. "I'm tired, and I'm going home." She headed down the stairs to the parking lot. She fumbled with her keys as she reached her car, dropping them on the ground in her haste to get away.

  Tyler picked them up before she could move. "You're not going anywhere until you can see straight," he said.

  "I'm fine."

  "You're furious. I'm sorry I was late."

  "It doesn't matter."

  "Tell me what's wrong. I can't imagine my tardiness would piss you off this much."

  "I've had it with lies. I've had it with people making promises that they have no intention of keeping. And no one changes. People say they'll change, but they don't. So I give up. I quit. I'm throwing in the towel, putting up the white flag."

  "Are you finished?" he asked gently as she ran out of steam.

  She frowned. "I don't know yet." She drew in a deep breath. "Sorry, that wasn't about you. It was about my father. He drives me crazy."

  Tyler nodded in understanding. "What did he do?"

  "He's in there having a meeting." She tipped her head toward the restaurant. "He's trying to get back into racing. Someone actually wants him on his boat."

  "Why is that surprising, given your father's track record? From what I've read about him, he was an amazing sailor. I think one of the sailing magazines called him a genius at working the sails, at taking the best advantage of the wind."

  She suddenly realized who she was talking to. "He's too old to race," she said, which was only part of the truth. "And that genius quote probably came from my father."

  "But he was good, wasn't he?"

  "Yes, he was good," she admitted reluctantly. "Sometimes brilliantly good. But that was before, and this is now. And, more importantly, he promised he wouldn't race again."

  "Why?"

  "It doesn't matter why. And it's none of your business, anyway."

  He stared back at her. "All right, I'll drop it. Are you hungry?"

  "I'm not going back in there."

  "Then we'll go somewhere else. Your pick."

  She wavered between wanting to go home and not wanting to be alone with her thoughts and memories.

  "Come on, say yes," Tyler prodded. "You can order the most expensive item on the menu and eat until you drop, my treat."

  His wheedling smile suddenly reminded her of just who she was dealing with, a man who could probably charm the socks off her, not to mention a few other items of clothing. "I feel like I'm choosing between the devil I know and the devil I don't know," she muttered.

  "Is that a yes?" he asked with a grin.

  "I'm going to regret this."

  "Don't worry, I'll still respect you in the morning."

  She smiled as she was meant to, but she knew she had to be careful. She had a lot more to lose than respect.

  Chapter Seven

  Ashley tried to tell herself that it would be impossible to find Sean on a Saturday night. He could be anywhere -- a restaurant, a bar, the movies, making out on some woman's couch. The possibilities were limitless. She could only try so hard to find him. She couldn't work miracles. Maybe she'd just wait until tomorrow.

  Or she could walk down to the marina and check the family boat that Sean had always been fond of sleeping on.

  Indecisive and more than a little reluctant to actually locate Sean, she paused in front of the travel agency on Main Street. The windows were decorated with flyers inviting her to summer in Savannah, wine taste in Santa Barbara, take a ferry ride to Vancouver, or sail on a fancy yacht to San Francisco. None of those places appealed to her. If she went anywhere, it would be somewhere in the middle of the country, some place where water came out of wells in the ground, where the hills rose up like protective guardians and the endless plains made her feel safe and secure.

  Who was she kidding? She wasn't going anywhere. She loved this island, loved the forested hills, the quiet coves, the pretty neighborhoods. This was home. It always had been, and it always would be. She could still remember the first time she'd seen the island after years at sea. A huge weight had slipped from her shoulders when she stepped off the boat and onto solid ground. She'd let out her breath after months of holding it. The island felt safe. The thought had come into her mind and never left. Just as she could never leave.

  Unless ... What if Sean came back here to live? If she did convince him not to race in the Castleton, that might mean he would stay on the island, take over the family business. What would she do then? She wouldn't be able to avoid him. And avoiding him wasn't even her biggest worry -- giving in was more the concern. If he still wanted her if he tried to kiss her, tried to persuade her they should get back together, how would she keep saying no?

  Maybe he wouldn't stay. Maybe he wouldn't race, either. The best scenario was if he just went back to wherever he'd been and stayed there for another eight years.

  Turning away from the window, she trudged down the street, avoiding the bars overflowing with Saturday night sailors. She could almost hear their conversations, arguments about which boat was faster, who had the best crew, where the winds would be the strongest. Every one of those sailors would have the most information they could have, the best boat, the most experienced crew, the strongest and bravest men, but none of it would matter in the end. The ocean was the ultimate equalizer. It was Mount Everest in constant motion. Everyone wanted to conquer the sea, but no one could.

  As she neared the marina, the noise began to fade and the shadows lengthened. She passed by a couple kissing in a doorway. The man's hands were under the woman's shirt, and they were moving their bodies together in such an intimate way it looked as if they were having sex with their clothes on. Ashley caught herself staring, feeling a rush of warmth course through her body. How long had it been since she'd kissed a man like that, felt passionate, out of control, full of desire?

  "Maybe we should tell them to get a room," Sean said, coming up behind her.

  She whirled around in surprise, embarrassed to be caught watching. "You startled me."

  "Sorry. What are you doing down here?"

  "Looking for you. I thought you might be on your boat."

  "Now you're scaring me," he said with a smile. "Why on earth would you come looking for me when you usually do everything you can to avoid me?"

  "I want to talk to you. Can you sit for a minute?" Ashley walked over to a nearby bench and sat down. Sean took a seat beside her, resting his elbows on his knee
s as he stared straight ahead.

  Ashley crossed her legs, then uncrossed them. She smoothed out the sides of her jeans, then played with the necklace that hung around her neck. Sean didn't say a word. She didn't, either. The silence wasn't comfortable. The tension grew with each passing second.

  "Your mother came to see me," Ashley said finally, knowing she had to say something.

  "So that's why you came looking for me," he said with a nod.

  "She's worried about you. She doesn't want you to race in the Castleton, although I think it's the on-to-Hawaii part of it that really bothers her."

  "So she said."

  Ashley could tell that Sean wasn't in a particularly flexible frame of mind. Casting him a sideways glance, she was struck by the shadow of beard along his jaw, the lean lines of his face, the strength of his chin. It occurred to her how much he had changed. This wasn't the boy she'd fallen in love with. This was a man, a stranger almost. Their private conversations had ended years ago. The time when she had known his every thought, his every dream, was far in the past. She had no idea what he was thinking now, no idea whatsoever.

  "I don't know you anymore," she said softly, not realizing she'd spoken aloud until he turned his head, his eyes dark and somber.

  "Did you just figure that out?"

  "Maybe I did." The realization fueled the sadness that ran deep within her. The only person who had ever really known her was Sean. Not even in her sisters had she confided some of the things she'd told Sean all those years ago. She'd trusted him. He'd trusted her. And that was the crux of the problem. His trust had been misplaced.

  "What do you want, Ash?" Sean muttered, his voice edged with annoyance. "Why did you really come looking for me? I have a hard time believing you're at all concerned about anything I do."

  "Your mother was very persuasive. I couldn't say no."

  "You can say no to me, but you can't say no to my mother?" he asked with a skeptical look in his eyes. He started to stand up, but Ashley put her hand on his arm, the touch between them shocking in its heat and intensity. Their eyes met for a long, long moment.

  "It's still there," he muttered. "You can tell me whatever you want, but I can feel it right now, and so can you."

  She dropped her hand, her voice unsteady as she said, "This isn't about us, it's about you. Your safety. Your life. Your future. I don't want you to go chasing after Jeremy. You're never going to be able to catch him. You have to let go."

  "He was my brother. I can't let him go."

  "Whether you let go or not, he'll still be dead. And whether you sail in his wake won't matter a bit to Jeremy, but it will matter to your parents. They don't want to lose you, too."

  "I don't want to hurt my parents, but this is something I have to do, Ash. I was fifteen when you left and sixteen when Jeremy took off. I felt like the two people I cared about the most were somewhere in the world having this incredible life while I was plodding away here in town, going to school, doing my homework. I wasn't living the way you were, the way Jeremy was. Whenever he'd call, my parents and I would crowd around the phone, eager to hear every word that came out of his mouth. And when my dad would hang up the phone, he'd look at my mother with incredible pride in his eyes and say, 'That's our son, Naomi. Isn't he something else?' " Sean paused. "They've never said that about me. Why should they? I haven't done anything exceptional."

  "I'm sure they're proud of you."

  "How could they be? I dropped out of college halfway through. I've changed jobs as often as I've changed my shirt. I've been drifting. And when they asked me to come back and work in the family business, I said no. Believe me, they're nowhere near proud."

  "You're just figuring out what you want to do. There's no crime in that."

  "Then why are you trying to stop me from racing?"

  "Because I don't think you'll find what you want to do out on the ocean. It's a hard life, and it's lonely. And you've never liked being stuck in small spaces."

  "How would you know what I like anymore?"

  She looked into his eyes and saw anger, but also truth. Some of the things they knew about each other would never change. "You don't have to prove anything, Sean."

  "Don't I?" He paused. "I know why you broke up with me when you got back. You'd had all these incredible adventures, and I was just the small-town guy you'd left behind, who'd never understand what you'd seen, what you'd done. That's why you blew me off."

  Ashley tucked her hair behind her ear as she looked away from him. It was all so much more complicated than he realized. "I didn't come back to town thinking any less of you. It was me. I was different. I was the one who had changed, who had done things I wasn't proud of."

  "I don't understand."

  "I kissed someone else," she said impulsively, not really meaning to say the words, but there they were.

  He stared at her in bemusement. "What?"

  "I kissed someone else while I was away on that trip."

  He cleared his throat. "Okay, well ... You were young. We were apart for a long time. Why didn't you tell me? We could have started over. I can't believe you broke up with me because you kissed another guy, someone you were probably never going to see again. Why didn't you trust me?"

  She took a deep breath. "It was Jeremy." She looked him straight in the, eye so there could be no mistake. "I kissed Jeremy."

  * * *

  Tyler sat back in his chair as the waiter filled their coffee cups. Dinner with Kate had gone surprisingly well. In light of her edgy state, he'd chosen a non-combative approach. They'd discussed the weather, local sports teams, the latest bestsellers, and finally the quality of the Italian pasta they'd just consumed, at a tiny restaurant named Piccolo's hidden on one of Castleton's backstreets. He'd enjoyed getting to know her better, which only made his job that much more difficult. He had to start asking questions, but he selfishly didn't want to raise the wall back between them, which in turn made him feel guilty.

  He had no business liking Kate. His brother's family was at stake. Kate could be Amelia's mother. She could be the one hunting down his brother, threatening the life Mark had built with his daughter. And even if she wasn't the mother, she was the sister. She'd support Ashley or Caroline to the bitter end. And he'd support Mark. They'd never be on the same side. Never.

  Kate set her spoon on the table. "It's time, isn't it?"

  "Excuse me?"

  "To discuss what you really want to discuss. Despite the fact you've stuffed me full of tortellini, I'm still not interested in an interview. I don't trust you. I don't think you're being completely up front about your intentions."

  "I don't trust you, either," Tyler said with a smile. While he didn't trust her, he did admire her spirit. He liked being with a woman who gave as good as she got, who could keep up with the conversation, anticipate the twists and turns before he did. He'd always liked a challenging puzzle, and Kate was certainly that. He still didn't know who she really was, but he damn sure wanted to find out. Before he could say so, a woman stopped by their table. She had her hands full with two small children who had probably put some of the weary lines on her face.

  "Kate, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to say thank you for the casserole. It was incredible and very much appreciated."

  "You're welcome," Kate said, smiling at the children. "Hello, Sammy, Joe. Did you like my noodles?"

  "They loved them," the woman answered. "In fact, they want to know why I can't cook like that."