LOVE AND HATE (A Billionaire Romance)

by Mia Carson

  I froze in my seat, anger coursing through me, hot and raging. I hoped the jealousy wasn’t too obvious, and I quickly put on a fake smile. “So you work here?” I asked Matt casually.

  Matt began to talk about his job, but I tuned him out, my eyes focused on his arm wrapped tightly around Alyssa’s waist. I was pulled back into the conversation by Brittney, who said, “Does that sound good, baby?”

  “Does what sound good?” I asked blankly.

  “A double-date with Alyssa and Matt on Friday!” she exclaimed excitedly.

  My mouth was dry, and I nodded because everyone had already agreed. A heavy knot formed in my stomach, and I was unsure if I could handle a whole night of Alyssa and Matt without ripping anyone’s head off.

  We left the restaurant together, and I got quickly in my car without speaking another word to Alyssa. We drove off quickly, and I knew I would make it to campus fast, ready for bed so this day would end. We pulled into the parking lot, and I said, “See you tomorrow, Britt.”

  “Wait.” She leaned over to kiss me. I jumped as she pressed her hand onto my crotch. “Want to come up to my room?” she crooned.

  I put my hands on her shoulders to hold her back and said, “Brittney, you know I’m not ready yet.”

  She frowned. “I don’t get it. Any other guy would have slept with me by now.”

  I sighed. “You know I like to take things slow.”

  She nodded and got out of the car, bending to tell me, “I know, Blake. See you Friday.”

  I trudged to my dorm, trying to think of a few good excuses to get out of the date on Friday. I was grateful to finally climb into bed, and I tried to fall asleep quickly. After a long hour filled with painful, angry thoughts, I was finally able to drift off to sleep, knowing my body would be exhausted the next day.

  By the time Friday rolled around, I was miserable. I sat across from Matt and Alyssa with Brittney draped obnoxiously over me. We had gone to see an action movie and after to a fancy sushi restaurant. I clenched my jaw as I watched Matt feed Alyssa another piece of sushi, a familiar soft giggle escaping her throat.

  “So, you ready for the game next week?” Matt asked me with a friendly smile, his arm draped around the girl I loved.

  “Yeah, man,” I commented, shoving another piece of sushi in my mouth. “It’s going to be killer.”

  Alyssa looked up from her food and asked me, “So how are classes going?”

  “Fine,” I said bitterly without looking at her.

  The rest of the meal was filled with pointless small talk, and time crawled by. Matt finally went to pay the check, and Brittney stood a few seconds after that, rushing off to the bathroom to fix her makeup for the fourth time since we had arrived. Alyssa and I were alone at the table.

  “What is your problem?” she hissed at me, her voice angry and low.

  “What are you talking about?” I asked, feigning puzzlement

  “You’re not even trying,” she commented. “You’re acting miserable.”

  I banged my fist on the table and whisper-roared, “I am miserable.”

  Alyssa was quiet for a moment, guilt in her eyes. I was breathing heavily and felt angry adrenaline coursing viciously through my veins.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered finally, looking down at the table sullenly.

  I stood up, and before I stormed out of the restaurant, I snapped, “You should be. It’s your fault.”

  I hurried outside, my body shaking with anger. I got in the car and drove home without a thought. Once I reached my dorm room, I locked the door and grabbed my phone, throwing it against the wall with all my strength. I watched it shatter into pieces and crawled into my bed, hot tears threatening to pour down my face. I spent the next few hours lying in bed. I ignored all calls and knocks at my door.

  After my breakdown, I sat up. It was time to sort through my feelings and make a decision. I had let myself be angry long enough. It was time to stop throwing tantrums. I loved Alyssa, but my irrational, angry responses just made us more miserable. I had been over it a thousand times in my head, but I just didn’t see a reality where Alyssa and I could be together. We couldn’t spend our whole lives sneaking around our parents and pretending to be siblings.

  My final decision was that I would be kind to Alyssa, but we didn’t have to see each other more than necessary. I would keep my distance and behave platonically, and eventually, I should be able to get over her. The thought of never getting to kiss or hold Alyssa made me ache, but this was the best decision for everyone involved.

  The next morning, I finally got out of bed, hollow and empty. I opened my door to go to the cafeteria but almost tripped over Alyssa sitting in my doorway.

  “Blake!” she cried, standing up.

  “Alyssa? What are you doing in front of my door?” I asked her, confused.

  “I was worried about you,” she said, crossing her arms defensively. “I called you after I got back to my dorm last night, but you weren’t answering your phone. You just left the restaurant.”

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that,” I said, my voice genuine. During my time alone, I had worked through my emotions, analyzing my actions and their consequences. I felt guilty for treating Alyssa the way I had. It wasn’t her fault our parents were married, and I had to stop taking my frustrations out on her.

  Alyssa seemed surprised by my apology and clearly held back words that had most likely originated in an angry place. Instead, she let out an exhausted sigh and asked, “So you’re okay, then?”

  “I’m fine.” I threw my arm around her and said, “Let’s go get some breakfast, kid.”

  I was grateful to see a smile on her face, and we headed to the cafeteria. I felt better after getting some food in my stomach, and I watched her chow down on some pancakes. She munched happily, and I heard her hum softly to herself. I realized how much I missed that sound.

  I stood up so I wouldn’t be late for practice. Alyssa looked up at me and, with her mouth full, asked, “Are you leaving?”

  “Yeah, I’ve got practice,” I said, turning to leave.

  “Wait!”

  I turned around and raised my eyebrow. “What?” I asked her expectantly.

  “Do you want to go to the movies tomorrow?” she asked, a hopeful smile on her face.

  I let out a sigh and said, “Alyssa, this doesn’t change anything. I don’t want to be friends.”

  She frowned. “I don’t understand,” she said softly, her voice hollow and sad.

  I gestured towards her clothes and said, “You spent hours waiting for me outside my dorm room when I locked myself in. We drive each other crazy, Lys. We have to keep our distance for our own good.” I let out a frustrated sigh. “You have to let it go, Alyssa. You’re my stepsister, and you have to accept that.”

  Her eyes watered, and it hurt me. “If that’s what you truly believe, then fine, believe it.” Her tone changed from defensive and angry to soft and knowing. “But I know we will always be more than that, and I think you know it, too.”

  I let her words sink in, knowing that a sincere truth lay in them, but I was unable to accept it. I walked away, knowing I wouldn’t be able to handle any more time talking to her. I hurried to practice, filled with a mess of emotions again. Every part of me ached walking away from her, but I was right. We were toxic together, bringing out each other’s worst qualities and recklessly causing each other pain. I knew that I was using this to hide behind my true emotions for Alyssa. She was my stepsister, and we had to start acting like a family, so if hiding behind falsities made it easier to distance my emotions, then maybe that was the best option.

  I got to practice ready to run, all of my anger and pain fueling me as I sped across the field. We practiced play after play, and I got lost in the game. We took a break, and I saw Matt talking to the other guys. Blood pounded heavy in my ears as I watched him. The jealousy was overwhelming.

  When we were back
on the field, my eyes locked on Matt, and as soon as I heard the whistle, I bolted without thinking, aiming for Matt. I tackled him to the ground, our bodies crashing heavily.

  He stood up, ripping off his helmet, and let out a roar. “What the hell, Anderson?” he bellowed at me, his face red with rage.

  Without speaking, I pushed him to the ground and slammed myself on top of him, shaking him. I lifted my fist to punch him. Our teammates were quick to pull me off him, and I stood there, glaring at him while everyone watched me with concern in their eyes. I pulled my helmet off and headed towards the locker room, running away from the mess I had just created. After showering and changing clothes, I knocked on the coach’s office door.

  “Come in,” came a gruff voice, and I entered the room, ready to take a verbal beating.

  “Hey, coach,” I greeted, sitting in the chair he gestured to, embarrassed.

  “Some kids would get a suspension for that,” Coach said, a warning clear in his voice.

  I nodded and let out a defeated sigh. “I know, Coach. I’m sorry. My adrenaline got the best of me.”

  He let out a grunt and said, “It’s all right, kid, but this is your final warning. I need my quarterback to stick around, so you better shape up.”

  I nodded and said, “You got it.”

  I left the office feeling better, relieved he hadn’t decided to take any disciplinary action. I had worked so hard this semester, and I didn’t want to lose everything because of a stupid fight. I knew it would be tough to face Matt and the rest of my teammates later, but we were close, and I had to accept responsibility and apologize like a man.

  All of this rage was ruining my life, so I needed to figure out how to fix it, fast. If I continued down this road, I could lose everything. I loved Alyssa, but if I didn’t get over her quickly, I would be doomed by this self-destructive anger. It was going to be tough, but I had to be strong and start taking ownership of my mistakes.

  Alyssa

  I sat next to Matt, gingerly pressing an ice pack to a bruise on his face. I was horrified when Matt told me about what Blake had done. I was worried about him, but I was even more worried about Blake. He wouldn’t be happy with Matt and me together, I knew, but this was just dangerous.

  “He’s a maniac,” Matt spat angrily. “I don’t know how you lived in the same house as him.”

  I sighed, dropping the ice pack into my lap. “It’s complicated, Matt. He’s a very intense person. I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it.”

  Matt stood up and snapped, “You didn’t see him, Alyssa. He had a crazy look in his eye. He wanted to hurt me.”

  I shook my head. “Matt, sit down, you’re going to be okay. I know he didn’t intend to hurt you, and you guys will make up in no time.”

  Matt looked at me, angry and offended. “I’m so done with you defending him. He’s a piece of shit, Alyssa.”

  I stood up and snapped, “I’m so done with you, period.” I stormed out of his room, annoyed with him.

  I felt guilty, knowing that I was taking the first excuse I could to free myself from the relationship with Matt. I didn’t really like him, I admitted to myself. It was helpful at first, a good distraction from Blake, but it was time to end it. I wished that I really did like Matt, because it would have made my life so much easier. I hated that I still had feelings for Blake. It had been over a month, and except for the few isolated incidents, we had barely seen each other.

  I walked back to Matt’s room, knocking hesitantly, guilty for taking my emotions out on him. I had to talk to him, explain to him why I couldn’t be with him. He opened the door, holding the ice pack to his head. He wore a cold look on his face and asked, “What do you want?”

  “Look, Matt,” I started, looking down, having a hard time saying the words that needed to be said. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. I just want you to know that I’m not breaking up with you because of a petty fight between you and Blake.” I lifted my head, looking into his eyes as I continued. “I have feelings for someone else, and it isn’t that I don’t like you, but I just can’t get over those feelings. I’m really sorry, and I hope we can still be friends.”

  He was quiet for a moment and finally, he let out a yielding sigh. “Well, I appreciate your honesty, I guess. I’ll see you around.”

  I gave him a small smile and said, “In a different world, we would have been really good together.”

  He shook his head and shut his door, simply saying, “See you around, Alyssa.”

  I walked away, grateful for the closure, but guilt still loomed over me. My phone rang, distracting me from my nagging thoughts. “Hi, Dad.” I felt relieved to hear a comforting voice.

  “Hey, honey. How is school?” he asked.

  “Good,” I commented. “So what’s up?”

  “Debbie and I are going to Blake’s game Friday. It’s at five, so make sure you’re there,” he told me.

  I bit my lip, knowing Blake wouldn’t want me there. “I have a lot of homework, Dad,” I said, hoping to get out of it.

  “It’s just one night, and it will make Debbie happy. Do it for your pop,” he said, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

  “Okay, Dad. I’ll be there. Love you.” I suppressed my irritation at breaking down and agreeing to go.

  “Love you too, pumpkin,” he replied before hanging up.

  I sighed, thinking about how much had changed in the last year, beginning to miss when it was just my father and me against the world. At least he’s happy, I thought. Even though I’m not. I frowned because I had to patch things up with Blake. We couldn’t spend the rest of our lives together in an angry, hostile environment. This football game was just one event in a long list of family vacations and activities that would take place. Whether we liked it or not, Blake and I were going to have to deal with each other, and we both deserved to be happy. We would have to come to a solution. We were a family, and we had to act like it.

  ***

  I slid on a summery blue dress with a white cardigan, ready to go watch Blake’s game with our parents. I had thought again about trying to skip it, but I missed him desperately. I headed to the field, grateful to see that our parents hadn’t arrived yet, giving me time to find a seat in the bleachers, which were already beginning to fill up.

  I started to climb the steps when I heard my dad’s voice, and I turned. He and Debbie were standing next to the coach. I groaned and mumbled under my breath. “So much for trying to blend in with the crowd.”

  I joined them awkwardly as the game was about to begin. I felt nervous and excited all at once, reminding me of when I first fell for Blake. I watched as the team ran out onto the field, the crowd erupting with cheers. We clapped, and I tried to avoid looks from Matt, who was surely not happy to see me there.

  Finally, my eyes landed on Blake, and my heart skipped a beat, excited to see him. Debbie cheered loudly when she saw her son, and I laughed at her enthusiasm, my doubts about being there beginning to fade. The game began, and the crowd fell quiet as they started their first play.

  I watched Blake intently through the first half, my gaze glued to every single movement he made, mesmerized by his speed and agility. The crowd loved him, as they should, because he scored again and again, landing footballs in the end zone to raucous cheers. When the second quarter ended and halftime began, Blake waved and yelled a greeting at his mom and my dad as he hurried into the locker room. I frowned as he blatantly ignored me.

  The same heavy pangs returned, pulling on my heart. I felt so worthless, and I wanted to leave. After the game, which our team won by a huge margin, I watched Blake running to the locker room, and without thinking, I chased after him, telling our parents we’d meet them for dinner. I had planned to talk to him that evening, but I acted on impulse instead. I could hear the crowd thinning.

  “Blake!” I called out, still following him.

  Luckily, none of the other players saw me, and I found Blak
e near his locker, sliding off his equipment. He looked up at me and said, “What do you want?”

  I was angry and yelled, “You!” He looked bewildered, and I cried desperately, “I want you! Okay, it sucks. You were so angry with me for disregarding you, for excluding you, and for making you feel like you don’t matter.” Tears welled up as I spoke, my heart aching as I talked. “Well, now you’re doing it to me, and I hate it. It’s not fair. I want you in my life, Blake. I need you.”

  Blake considered my speech, watching me. He stood up and wrapped his arms around me. “I’m so sorry, Alyssa. I never intended to hurt you. I thought this was what you wanted.”

  I cried into his chest, relieved to have his arms around me. I shook my head and said, “I just want to forget everything. I want you back, Blake. I thought that we would be able to just magically be like siblings, but I will never be able to act like that around you. This love we have is too intense, too real. I want to be with you. I want us to be happy.” I finished my rant, my chest heaving and my heart racing.

  Blake just stared at me for a moment. He rubbed my back soothingly. “Is that really what you want?” he asked me, his green eyes staring intently into mine.

  I nodded. “I love you so much it hurts.”

  “I love you, too,” he said, picking me up into the air as he kissed me with unbridled passion.

  I kissed him with all I had, so relieved to finally feel his lips on mine again. I never wanted to know the feeling of not having his mouth on mine. His mouth was just as hungry and desperate as mine, foraging my lips and tongue. I inhaled shaky breaths as he slid my sweater off my body, rubbing his hands along my bare arms. I wanted more, so I pulled up the edge of his shirt, feeling his hard stomach muscles. He pushed me against the locker and continued to kiss me while his hands reached into my dress, massaging my chest.

  “I’ve missed you so much,” he said through kisses and moans.

  “Me, too.” I wrapped my legs around his torso as he kissed my neck. I bucked my hips against his, my body desperate for his.