Hot Laps

by Shey Stahl

“No chocolate and ice cream then?”

  She seemed to consider that for a moment and then tipped her head back and forth sideways. “Yeah, make me sweet, sugar.”

  I did make her sweet. So very sweet. I had both of us covered in ice cream and chocolate syrup in a matter of minutes.

  When we finished showering we were cleaning up the kitchen when Hayden started laughing. “Do you have sugar, flour and eggs?” She was rummaging through the cupboards and fridge pulling out ingredients and setting them on the counter.

  “Probably, why? I thought we were cleaning up?” then I remembered I hadn’t asked her if she wanted to go to Eldora yet. “Hey, I am leaving tomorrow for Eldora for a few days. Wanna go?”

  Hayden seemed to consider that for a moment, turning to face me with her hands on her hips under my t-shirt she’d stolen. “I have to work on Friday.”

  “Your boss knows where you’ll be.”

  A minute went by when she sighed, dropping her hands. “Fine. But I swear to God, if a snake comes out of your truck and bites me, I will never talk to you again.”

  My laugh was low and teasing as I handed her the sugar she was looking for. “What if it’s my snake?”

  “Well,” she contemplated it for a moment. “I would probably pet that one.”

  We both started laughing and then kissing when she pulled back from my lips. “Help me make this cake.”

  “What cake?”

  She handed me her phone where a picture popped up with a photograph from something on Pinterest. “What is that?”

  “It’s a cake that says: Sorry we had sex on your kitchen cake,” she shrugged pulling the Kitchen Aide toward her. “We make it and give it to your dad in Eldora. Teach him to put my bed in the water again.”

  I loved her. I knew it right then and there.

  The drive to Rossburg, Ohio, wasn’t nearly as long as the drive to Texas but the entire way there, Hayden held that damn cake on her lap, so proud of herself. Wouldn’t even let me have a piece.

  When she gave it to my dad, she could barely even stand she was laughing so hard.

  His expression was one of disbelief and amusement as he turned to my mom. “Remember when our parents would tell us that they hoped we got a taste of our own medicine with kids?” Mom nodded, biting down on her lip. “I had no idea it would be like this.”

  Then he took his hand and grabbed a piece of the cake and started eating it with his hands and looked at Hayden. “I hate you but this cake is delicious.”

  Gauge – An instrument on the dash used to monitor engine conditions.

  “And where do you think you’re going?” Casten asked as I peeled myself from the fuck fort. It’d seen better days but I added Christmas lights last night and it gave it a very romantic feel.

  Pulling his sweatshirt over my head, I reached for my jeans. “I have a doctor’s appointment.”

  Rolling over on his back, the sheets twisted with him. I took in his naked form, thinking of skipping the doctor’s appointment but I knew I couldn’t. I’d already cancelled twice because of this fort and I knew this infection wouldn’t go away on its own.

  “Okay,” he sat up on his elbows and pulled me back down, kissing me, then moving those pillow lips of his over my jaw and neck. “But I won’t see you for a couple days then.”

  “Why?” I kissed his ear while his head was buried in my neck.

  “Tonight I have dinner with my grandma. I’ll be working late the next two nights,” and then he moved from my neck to look at me. “You wanna come?”

  “Where?”

  “To dinner with my grandma,” he sat up rubbing his hands over his face.

  “No,” I said immediately, staring at his toned stomach and the 00 across his chest. “That’s your night with her. Keep it that way.”

  I knew how much he loved spending time with her and I didn’t want to ruin it. It’s like going on a date with your best friend and her boyfriend going. It’s never any fun.

  He seemed okay with that and I was glad. I was beginning to understand I would love his grandma but I wasn’t ready for any one-on-one yet.

  We parted ways, I had a cup of coffee with Rosa in the kitchen, she talked in Spanish the entire time and then I was on my way to the doctor in Charlotte.

  When I was younger, I had an obsession with orange juice. Loved that shit. My mom told me I’d go through a carton in a day if she let me. Thankfully, she didn’t.

  I would often drink orange juice first thing in the morning without eating.

  As you can imagine, I would throw up on the way to school from all that acid.

  Did it stop me from drinking orange juice?

  Nope. Still did it.

  And at least once a month, I puked from doing this.

  My point?

  I’m a puker. But usually only with orange juice.

  I also never get hot. I’m usually cold. Even when it’s over a hundred, I’ve been known to be wearing a sweatshirt.

  So when I started sweating, and puking, I actually thought I had some sort of an infection from that snake bite a month ago.

  Never ever in my wildest dreams did I think I was pregnant. Never. Just never crossed my mind.

  So imagine my surprise when I went to the doctor that morning in late May and he told me that no, I didn’t have an infection but was, in fact, pregnant. Eight weeks pregnant.

  Guess who, when she decided to travel around with Casten and avoid real life, got pregnant because I forgot to get my shot mid-April like I supposed to.

  I was so upset with myself. I don’t know how I ever got myself into this mess and it just pissed me off.

  Of course I got pregnant. Only that shit happens to me.

  All these years I was having sex and now when I get into a “committed” sex relationship I get knocked up.

  Then I got confused and couldn’t figure out the math on it all. I hadn’t known Casten eight weeks and before him I hadn’t had sex in at least two months. He had to show me that you are actually counting from the first day of your period. That meant I got pregnant in the fuck fort, not when we were traveling.

  Stupid doctor even gave me a due date. December twenty-sixth.

  Here’s an insight into my own personal dysfunctional personality. I didn’t believe the doctor. I thought he lied to me and maybe he had confused my blood with someone else’s.

  I believed that shit so strongly that I actually told myself that I wasn’t pregnant. Look how much I’ve drank in these supposed eight weeks. Surely no baby would still be alive, right?

  Then I went by the store, picked up some pregnancy tests and took them home. One test wasn’t enough. No.

  As I took them, about four or five on the floor at my feet, I sat there wishing for more pee that didn’t contain that shit that was making these little damn tests turn pink.

  That’s when Adam walked into the bathroom to find me holding the sixth and final test mid-stream.

  Watching me, he didn’t close the door right away. Instead he took in the scene before him slower than I would have liked.

  “Get out.” I kicked the door shut only to have it bounce off his foot that was in the way and slam back against my knees.

  Adam knew I was pregnant. But, then again, maybe he didn’t. He was kind of dumb.

  The next person I told was Anna.

  I didn’t have to tell her. She came over when I called crying and wouldn’t say why.

  As far as I was concerned my life is over. It was official. I was nineteen, an alcoholic and knocked up by the boss man’s son. I would be fired. I just knew it.

  When Anna walked into my apartment I was making Casten a Father’s Day card for next month a little early. I planned on telling him then. Given that was a month away, I just wasn’t in a hurry to share this tragic news.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Making Casten a Father’s Day card.”

  “He’s not a father …” she gave me a confused look.

  “About that
…” and then I started bawling.

  I hadn’t talked to Anna much. She was pissed that I went to Texas and one, didn’t take her and two, didn’t charge my phone. Apparently Cole was arrested with cocaine on him. His parents found out and freaked out. When I say freaked out, I mean they went crazy and made him enroll in drug rehab. As it turned out though, he was already admitted, voluntarily, with the help of Jameson.

  Anna was a little upset because I think she was falling for that crazy, blue-eyed coke head.

  “You’re …” Anna gasped, holding her chest, “pregnant?”

  I nodded, I couldn’t say it, but then I said, “I think they confused my blood with someone else.”

  She was quiet, taking the glittered card from my hands and reading my note.

  Happy Father’s Day … you’re a father … by the way.

  “I would say we could just get drunk,” she paused giving me a questioning glance and then looked back at the card, “but that’s frowned upon.”

  Anna has been my best friend since I was a little girl. She’s been there through everything, including Sampson.

  She never left my side that night as I cried it out with her over ice cream. I wanted to drink so bad knew that wasn’t my best idea. We Googled babies and it listed all this shit you couldn’t do or eat and that just sent me into more of a freak-out.

  I wasn’t ready to be a mom. Two months ago I just got my first job.

  Part of me didn’t intend to tell Casten. Part of me thought maybe when I woke up the next morning it would have all been a dream.

  It wasn’t and I was forced to tell him Wednesday when he invited me over to his parent’s house for Jonah’s second birthday party.

  We were outside on the deck with Jack and his friend Kylee when Jack decided to look to his uncle for some advice.

  “Why do I have a penis and Kylee has a vagina?” Jack asked Casten, looking to him for an answer I was sure this child didn’t need from his uncle.

  Kylee looked up to Casten, too, curiously waiting. I had this sudden urge to cover her little innocent ears. There was no hope for little Jack. Willie and Tommy were his idols. The hope for him was long gone.

  Casten raised both eyebrows at the kids. “Why are you asking me this?”

  Lily came running over. “Jack, we’ve been over this. It’s the difference between boys and girls.”

  If this was parenting, I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to handle this.

  Lily walked away when she saw that Jonah was climbing the kitchen counter and Jameson was letting him.

  Jack was still waiting for Casten’s reply, bright eyed and pushing his blonde hair from his eyes.

  “Well, Jack,” Casten went to answer and then stopped short, smiling. “A girl has a vagina because that’s what she was born with. You were blessed with a penis. Be thankful for that.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it’s cooler. You can pee standing up and you don’t have to have babies.”

  Jack smiled. “But the baby comes from my penis, right?”

  Casten swallowed, and then broke out into laughter. “You should talk to your dad about that.”

  “Why?” Jack was adorable between the bright eyes and the freckles on his nose.

  Casten rubbed the side of his face, thinking about his answer.

  “Because your mother will cut my penis off if I talk about this with you.”

  “I won’t tell her you told me,” Jack shrugged, “I’ll be four in a couple months. I should know this stuff.”

  “Casten!” Lily yelled from the other room holding Jonah by his ankles while he had a death grip on the cabinet. “Stop talking to my son!”

  “I’m helping him out.”

  “No, you’re not. You’re corrupting him,” she said, looking over her shoulder at Axel who came in with Abigale hanging on his legs. “You’re brother just told Jack a baby comes from his penis.”

  “I didn’t say that. He said that. And if you want to get technical about it, the baby comes from your balls.” Casten leaned over to me and whispered in my ear. “We should leave now. My brother is about to kill me.”

  I couldn’t stop laughing. Or crying. At first Casten thought I was just laughing at him and the situation but he knew damn well it had nothing to do with that.

  I had to tell him.

  “You okay?” he looked over at me, leaning forward and then twisting to face me on the couch.

  I couldn’t answer, afraid I wouldn’t even be able to speak, so instead I got up and walked outside. I passed by Sway and Jameson as I did so and they both gave me that look that told me they knew something was up.

  Casten followed, jogging to catch up with me. “Pretty girl, wait up …”

  I stopped once I was standing in the middle of the field we once slow danced and when he whispered the words to “True Fine Love” to me.

  I looked over at him, swallowing over the wave of nausea that has me about ready to puke on him. He’s staring at Willie and Tommy in the pool floating together on a single person raft. “What’s wrong?” he asked, drawing his attention back to me.

  When I went to speak, I stopped breathing and forgot everything I was going to say to him. I actually had a speech. Wrote it on my hand too but that smeared from all my sweating.

  “I’m pregnant,” I swiped at my cheeks with the back of my hand.

  “Excuse me?”

  “I’m pregnant.”

  “Uh …” he swallowed staring at me, he sighed. “You … I … what?”

  “Great answer.”

  We sat in silence as my words washed over him. His eyes were on Tommy and Willie again, squinting at them. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to figure them out, or thinking about what I just told him.

  “You’re pregnant?” I saw his eyes get big as he sucked in a sharp breath, a myriad of emotions taking over.

  I tried to smile. “Surprise.”

  Then I got angry. It was like a rush of anger took over, too. I needed to tell him how pissed I was because it was of epic proportions. “I’m so pissed at you right now.”

  “What did I do?”

  “You knocked me up is what you did asshole.” I was surprised at how harsh my tone was. Shocked me even.

  “Me?” he pointed to his chest with his index finger and then shook his head. “No, I didn’t.”

  “Yes, you did.”

  Casten said nothing, just stared at me, blinking and then blinking again. He looked as if he was trying to swallow back a pill dry.

  “Say something.” I could feel my cheeks getting redder at that point. Why they were red was beyond me. Probably nerves. When I got nervous, my face and neck turned red and resembled an allergic reaction.

  “I … uh … uh …” he was scrambling for words that wouldn’t form.

  “Okay, well, I guess that’s something.” I couldn’t meet his eyes so I looked down at my bare feet wondering where my shoes had went. Knowing me they were in the fuck fort where we were a couple hours ago when I should have told him.

  “Shit.” His eyes held mine, heavy weights.

  “Yeah.”

  “Damn.” He sighed, eyes wider, his chest moving up and down with rapid breaths. He had this strangely intense look on his face but it was also one of shock.

  “Uh-huh.”

  I smacked the side of his head. “What are you, a cave man?”

  He backed up from me glaring slightly. “I thought you were on that shot thing?” he waved his hands at my vagina like she was the problem.

  “I was …” He looked at me, blinking, waiting for my reason. “I got bit by that snake.”

  “The snake got you pregnant?” he broke in with a sigh and scratched the bridge of his nose and then ran the back of his hand over his jaw. He was confused. “I’m confused.”

  I gave him a look and he just stared at me. “You’re kidding, right?”

  He just stared at me.

  And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the father of my baby. Lucky
me.

  I sighed annoyed I actually had to explain this to him. “I was supposed to get my shot but I forgot when I went on the road trip with you and got bit by the snake.” He nodded, but his eyes were suspicious, not understanding where I was going with this. “It was an honest mistake. A big one, but I didn’t mean to forget.”

  His head hung between his shoulders as he started at the ground. “When were you supposed to get your shot?”

  “That last week in April.”

  “When did you remember you didn’t get it?”

  “When I was at the doctor’s getting a blood test to see if I had an infection from the snake.”

  He nodded, his lips pressed together tightly. He was upset.

  He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. When they dropped, he spoke to the wall. “I … wow.”

  Casten’s face went blank searching for the answer he thought I was looking for but you could tell, he came up with nothing.

  He opened his mouth again, but no words came out. Instead, he just stared at me.

  His lack of words had created an unbearable silence. I couldn’t take it much longer.

  “Are you mad?”

  “Not mad.” There was no anger in his voice and certainly no blame. “Just shocked, I guess.”

  I wanted to look away, afraid if I saw the disappointment he felt I would actually cry over this.

  My throat got tight and I closed my eyes, not wanting to think about it any longer.

  My life, and his, was about to change considerably.

  His breath held for a minute, then he looked up. “I need a beer.”

  When I think about a guy like Casten, I think about two things. Passion for life and love. He loves so many people and unconditionally, too.

  He lives his life the way he chooses.

  There’s nothing wrong with that.

  The problem was I was changing that for him now whether he wanted it or not.

  I never meant to screw up and change our lives. I didn’t do it on purpose. Sometimes, we make mistakes. Big ones. And nothing can change it.

  Interval – The distance between two cars.

  I never wanted to be a dad. Never. Now I was going to be whether I wanted to or not. It wasn’t that I didn’t think I would make a good one. I just never saw myself having any kids of my own.