Insane

by H G Lynch

  The twisted coal-black face I thought I’d seen in the hallway the night of the first blackout leered at me from the shadows, long, clawed fingers reached for me as I huddled on my bed, against the wall, unable to escape. It hissed and chuckled as it gripped my wrist, its flaming red eyes filling my vision as it leaned forward, razor-sharp teeth flashing in a demented grin as pain burned my skin where its slimy fingers touched. I tried to pull away, screaming at the agony as it spread up my arm like I’d dipped my hand in acid...screaming so hard my throat hurt, but all I could hear was…nothing…

  “Callie! Callie, wake up!”

  I jerked awake, gasping. There was a face hovering in front of me, hands on my shoulders, and a scream caught in my throat as I scrambled upright, my shoulders slamming into the wall at the head of the bed.

  “Shh, Callie. It’s me,” Casey’s voice was a whisper in the dark, cutting through the screams reverberating in my head from my nightmare. I blinked, my eyes adjusting, and his face resolved from the shadows, his pine-green eyes bright with concern. He was perched on the edge of my bed, his hands raised toward me as if he had been about to touch me.

  My heart was still hammering in my chest, and I blurted, “What are you doing in here?”

  He leaned back, lowering his hands. He looked down. The power’s out again, he said, his voice tickling my mind. My head jerked up, and I looked toward the door – I saw it was open a few inches, giving me a glimpse into the black abyss of the hallway beyond. I could hear voices, the sibilant whisperings of other patients, footsteps squeaking on the linoleum floor, but I couldn’t hear the sounds of any guards or nurses. I shivered, wondering where Chester was and why he hadn’t woken me.

  So much for escaping, I thought, pulling my eyes back to Casey. In the faint moonlight spilling in the tiny barred window, I could see he was frowning. I realized he hadn’t actually answered my question. “What you doing in here?” I asked again, and then realized he might not be able to read my lips in the dark. I repeated the question mentally, and he shifted, turning away from me.

  I saw his shoulders go up in a shrug, but his dark hair fell forward to hide his face as he looked down at his hands. “I thought you might try to escape while the power was out and I…I just wanted to…” His real voice faded, and he finished telepathically. To say goodbye, I guess.

  I stared at him, surprised. As if he felt my gaze, he glanced at me sideways, giving me a sad little smile, and suddenly my chest felt tight. He looked away again, out the window at the shard of a moon hanging like a splinter in the sky, and spoke again. “Guess I didn’t need to worry, seeing as you don’t seem to be trying to escape tonight.” There was something in his voice, an edge that I didn’t think he was aware of.

  Biting my lip, I felt a twinge of shame. I’d been avoiding him because I didn’t want to get close to him when I was planning to run away anyway. I hadn’t thought of saying goodbye. Folding my hands in my lap, I spoke in my mind since he couldn’t see my face. I was planning on escaping at the next blackout. I fell asleep. Chester was supposed to wake me if the power went out, but he’s disappeared again, I explained, slightly worried about Chester. I remembered what he’d said before, about the cold breath on the back of his neck and feeling like someone – something – had knocked him out.

  Casey turned to look at me, opening his mouth like he was about to say something, but just then the lights flickered on and we both jumped, startled at the sudden brightness. Blinking, we stared at each other for a moment, listening to the sound of footsteps heading down the hall. My eyes flicked to the door, still slightly ajar.

  If the lights were back on, then any second now, one of the nurses could find Casey missing from his room. If they found him in my room, they might wonder what we were up to – only RJ knew of our relationship – or rather, our fake relationship. If any of the other guards or nurses caught us together in the middle of a blackout, they might think we were planning an escape, or some other trouble. They might decide to lock us in our rooms – or put one of us in Solitary. If I got put in Solitary, I’d never get out of here – and I’d be all alone for the next blackout.

  The footsteps got closer, and I panicked. Grabbing my pillows, I stuffed them under the rumpled blankets to make it look like I was still lying there. Then I leaned forward and grabbed the front of Casey’s shirt, dragging him with me off the bed. “Hey, what are we–” he started, and I put a hand over his mouth, pushing him back against the wall behind the door. If anyone looked in, they’d think I was still sleeping, oblivious to the blackout and the chaos I could hear going on in the hallways. If we waited until the footsteps passed, Casey could sneak out and get back to his own room…hopefully without being caught.

  The sound of the footsteps tapped past, hesitating outside my door. I held my breath, my hand still over Casey’s mouth as I waited for the nurse to pass on. After a second, the door to my room was pulled shut, and there was a click, locking me in – as well as Casey. I let out a breath as I heard the footsteps carry on down the hall.

  “Shit,” I muttered. I looked up at Casey, lowering my hand form his mouth, and was suddenly startled by how close he was. I hadn’t realized I’d pressed myself up against him while waiting for the nurse to pass, and now he was looking down at me with questioning green eyes and a tiny smile on his mouth.

  He raised an eyebrow at me. “Want to explain what all that was about?” he asked, his voice low and soft. It sent a pleasant shiver down my spine, and I tried not to blush. I tried to step back, but his arms came up and trapped me against him. I gasped, blinking up at him in surprise. He grinned, eyes blazing at me through his dark lashes. My heart tripped over a few beats and then picked up the pace, and butterflies danced in my stomach.

  “Wh-what are you doing?” I stuttered, feeling my cheeks turn red. His hands were spread on my back, warm against my spine even through my shirt, his left index finger resting over the clasp of my bra. I swallowed, trying to ignore the heat sinking into my stomach.

  He bent his head, and I sucked in a tiny breath. His lips brushed my ear, his warm breath tickling my skin. “Looks like we’re locked in here together for tonight,” he murmured, his hands gliding down my back to rest on my hips. I bit my lip, closing my eyes as I tried to slow my breathing. But a delicious thrill ran through me at his words, and I found myself leaning into him, my hands winding up around his neck. I felt him smile against my cheek, his lips skimming along my jaw.

  “You want to know a secret?” he whispered. I nodded, my head falling back as his mouth moved down my throat. He paused to kiss the spot where my pulse beat frantically, and my breath caught, my heart stuttering as my stomach tightened with a sudden, powerful longing. “I don’t want you to escape,” he murmured, kissing the same spot again. “I want you…” – another kiss – “to stay here.” He kissed the point of my chin, and distantly I was glad he couldn’t hear the ragged edge to my breathing. “And I really…” – his lips brushed the corner of my mouth – “want to kiss you right now.”

  I opened my eyes, tilting my head down to meet his gaze, my heart pounding out of control. His lids were half-lowered, his green eyes burning with desire, his lips forming a half-smile. God, he really was beautiful. Unable to resist, I traced his lower lip with my thumb, saw his eyes flare at the light touch, and all thoughts of escaping fled my mind. I forgot where we were, and what he’d done, and my worry for Chester. All I could think about were his bright eyes and perfect lips and the sadness on his face when he told me he’d come to say goodbye.

  Then I whispered into his mind, “Then kiss me.”

  He hesitated only a second, looking at me like he hadn’t expected me to say that, and then his lips met mine with a fervent hunger that startled me. His lips were surprisingly soft, surprisingly expert considering he’d been locked up in here since he was fifteen, and from what I’d gathered, he hadn’t had that much human contact even before he was put in here.

  Distantly, I thought he must have ha
d a girlfriend before…before everything happened to him, but then he slid his tongue past my parted lips, and all thought was banished from my mind. I sank my fingers into his hair, vaguely embarrassed by the soft moan that gasped past my lips – thankfully he didn’t hear it.

  Casey gripped me tighter, his hands on my waist as he pulled me closer until I was flush against him, feeling the solid shape of his body, all hard muscle underneath his hospital-issue shirt. I wondered how the hell he’d kept so fit in this place, if there was a gym or something I hadn’t seen – it was possible. I mean, I’d barely been allowed into the courtyard until Casey pulled some strings with Dr. Moore.

  Curious, I untangled my fingers from his hair and ran my hands down his chest, sliding them under his shirt so I could explore the ridges of his body. His lips stalled on mine as he shuddered under my touch, and then somehow the backs of my legs hit the edge of the bed, and I toppled backward onto the lumpy mattress.

  Gasping, I watched Casey strip off his shirt, tossing it to the floor. My breath stuttered in my throat as my eyes took him in, all six feet of lean, sculpted muscle under light, hot skin. His tousled hair fell into his eyes as he crawled onto the bed, hovering over me. A little part of my brain told me this was madness, that I barely knew him, that I was going to be leaving next chance I got, but I told it to shut up. We were in an asylum – what better place for madness?

  And I really, really wanted this madness.

  Casey brought his mouth back to mine, only briefly, and then began kissing his way down my throat again. His hands slid up under my shirt, his fingers dancing across my ribs, and I knew he could feel the rapid rise and fall of my chest, could probably feel the manic pounding of my heart. I didn’t care. His lips were light as he kissed my collarbone once, twice, a third time, before his tongue darted out to taste my skin. With a gasp, I arched into him, and his fingers sank into my sides, holding me down as he bit at the fragile skin over my collarbone, sucking a love bite into place like he wanted to mark me, to leave a sign on my body for me to remember this by.

  That was when I realized…this was him saying goodbye. That was also when I realized that I didn’t want to leave.

  “Casey?” I breathed, tentatively reaching for his mind.

  “Hmm?” he hummed against my skin, his lips skimming along the collar of my shirt. I swallowed, gathering the will to put the brakes on. Carefully, I placed my hands on his shoulders and pushed at him. He paused, looking up, his eyes slightly hazy, lips parted. He blinked, his eyes clearing, and his brow furrowed. “What is it? Do you want me to stop?”

  God, no, keep going. That was what my body was saying. I could feel the delicious ache deep in my stomach, and I wanted to let him continue until we were tangled in the sheets. But I remembered where we were, and why getting naked would be a bad idea. God, if we were caught…I cringed just thinking about it.

  But damn, I really thought about it for a moment.

  Shaking away the thoughts, I looked up at Casey, and saw the expression on his face. His eyes were wide and dark, his pupils dilated, his eyebrows raised into the mess of his hair falling over his forehead. There was a mix of surprise and intense desire on his face, and I realized belatedly that he’d seen the images I’d just been thinking about. My cheeks flooded with heat, and I closed my eyes, lifting my hands to cover my face. “Shit,” I cursed.

  He laughed quietly, his voice deep and husky, and something inside me quivered in delight. His fingers closed over mine, trying to pull my hands away from my face. “Don’t worry, Button. I’ve been locked up in this place for two years – I’ve thought about the same thing a lot since I met you.”

  I peeked at him through my fingers, trying not to smile. “Really?”

  He was blushing, a faint pink stain across his cheekbones, but he nodded. “You have no idea. Let’s just say I’m glad to finally have a room without CCTV.” He grinned, and I laughed despite my burning face.

  “Oh my God, I leave you alone for an hour and you end up in bed with him!”

  I jumped at the sound of Chester’s voice, turning my head to see him standing in the middle of the room, his arms folded. His expression was a mix of anger and disgust, his hazel eyes narrowed. Casey touched my cheek. “What? What’s–” he started, and I remembered he couldn’t hear Chester – for a moment, I’d completely forgotten he was deaf. Then he followed my gaze and spotted Chester, who was trying to glare holes in him. Casey’s grin fell and his eyes widened. “Oh.”

  Chester hissed. “Yeah, oh. What the hell do you think you’re doing, Wonder Boy?” he snapped, his tone acid. I blinked. I’d never heard Chester speak like that to anyone – it didn’t matter that Casey couldn’t hear him, because the furious look on his face was enough.

  “Hey, Ches–” I started, trying to calm him down, but he turned his glare on me.

  “Seriously, Cal? You barely know the guy, and you’re ready to just jump into bed with him? He’s a fucking lunatic, Cal! Have some self-respect!”

  I flinched like he’d hit me, tears stinging my eyes. Chester had never yelled at me like that, ever. He must have seen the pain on my face, because he went pale – paler, anyway – and the anger drained from his face, replaced by guilt. “Damn it. Cal, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean–”

  But I shook my head. Pushing Casey away, I rolled off the bed, refusing to look at either of them. I went into the tiny bathroom attached to my room and slammed the door. There was no mirror; just a toilet, a sink and a curtain-less shower. I was sort of glad. I dreaded to think what I looked like; my hair was probably a mess, my face red, tears running down my cheeks. I leaned against the door and sniffled, swiping the tears off my face.

  “What the hell?” I heard Casey bark on the other side of the door. “What is wrong with you? I get that you don’t like me, and fine, whatever, but don’t yell at her just because you’ve got a problem!”

  “Shut up,” Chester seethed back. “How do you even know I was yelling? You wouldn’t hear it if someone landed a jet behind you.”

  Casey let out a harsh laugh. “I might be deaf, but at least I’m alive. That’s why you hate me, isn’t it? Because I’m alive, and I can still touch her, and you can’t.”

  “Fuck off,” Chester spat. I put my hands over my ears, wishing they would both cut it out. I could still hear them yelling at each other for a few moments before they finally packed it in. I lowered my hands from my ears, sucking in a shaky breath. How is it possible to have guy problems in a freaking mental hospital? You’d have thought I’d have bigger things to deal with – oh wait, I do.

  “Callie? Are you okay?” Casey’s voice came through the door and into my head.

  Yeah, I thought back, wondering if he could feel it was a lie. I’m fine.

  “Cal?” Chester murmured through the door. I knew he was trying not to upset me further because he could have just floated through the door if he’d wanted. I didn’t answer him. “Cal, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you like that. I just…”

  Wiping the tears off my cheeks, I turned and opened the door. He stood behind it, his shoulders slumped, and I glared at him. “You just what, Ches? What is your problem? Why do you hate Casey so much? Or would you hate any guy that showed any interest in me? What is it, Ches?”

  He stared at me for a second as if he was surprised by my outburst. Casey, too, standing behind him, looked a little caught off-guard, even though I knew he couldn’t actually hear me. My anger must have shown on my face. Then Chester lowered his eyes, looking suitably ashamed of himself. “I’m sorry. It’s just that…it’s my fault you ended up in here in the first place, and I feel like I need to protect you, especially with whatever’s going on with these blackouts, but…how am I supposed to keep you safe when I can’t even touch anything? I can’t even punch Wonder Boy over there for having his hands all over you. You’re like my sister – I should be able to do things like that. I’m supposed to hate the guys who want to sleep with you. But…” Chester paused, his fro
wn deepening. “He’s right,” he said, jerking his head toward Casey, who was standing with his arms crossed, wearing his shirt again. He didn’t seem to be paying attention to us, looking out the window to give us a moment of privacy. Chester sighed. “It’s not just about wanting to protect you. I am jealous. But not the way he thinks. Like I said, you’re like my sister. You’re my best friend. I just…I hate that I’m dead, that I’ll never grow up, that we won’t get to do any of the stuff we always said we would, like go to college together and go on holiday to Australia. I hate that you went through so much grief over me – you tried to kill yourself because of me, Cal, and now you’re stuck in here, and I can’t even give you hug, and that kills me–” he paused, as if he realized what he’d just said, and then laughed bitterly. “Yeah. I’m a freakin’ ghost, and it’s killing me.”

  I stared at him for a long moment. I’d had no idea he was so upset – I hadn’t even really thought about it, and now I felt like an idiot. Of course he was upset. He was dead, for Christ’s sake. And yet, almost everything he said was about me – worrying about me, wanting to protect me. He felt guilty for dying. For coming back as a ghost.

  I felt my eyes burn, and more tears ran down my face. “Ches,” I whispered, my voice cracking. I reached out, and he lifted his hand. I pressed my hand to his, feeling nothing but cool air that tingled against my palm. My heart broke a little bit more, and my lip wobbled. I bit down on it, determined not to completely break down in front of both of them. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “If I’d never called you out in the middle of the night, if I hadn’t been such a baby about the horror movie, you wouldn’t have been in the car. You wouldn’t have been in the crash. You would have stayed in bed, and you’d still be alive, and we’d be at my house right now, watching Freddy versus Jason and eating toffee popcorn.”

  Chester laughed, his eyes lightening. “I still say Freddy kicks Jason’s butt.”

  A reluctant grin curled my lips. “Jason has an axe. Need I say more?”