by Lund, S. E.
She said nothing more as we drove through the Manhattan streets towards the restaurant. I didn’t try to make conversation, preferring instead for her to spend the time thinking of what I had said.
Imagining it.
I found a parking spot a block away and walked with Kate, my arm around her protectively. She was still silent, as if waiting to see what I would do, letting me control things.
The hostess greeted us and took us to my table, which I had reserved earlier in the week. I asked to be seated at a curved banquette so I could sit close beside Kate. I wanted her to feel the warmth of my body. I wanted to put my arm around her on the back of the seat. I wanted to be close enough to smell her hair and perfume. I wanted to be able to feed her, because nothing says I have control more than feeding a person.
"I love these tables," I said as she slid into the booth. "If you were already my submissive, I'd have made you wear garters and black fishnet nylons instead of pantyhose. With no underwear on, I'd be able to sit real close and have my way with your pussy while we ate. Your mind would be occupied with what else I was going to eat when we were finally alone."
She glanced at me, her cheeks flushing. When the waitress arrived to take our drink order, I ordered some blini with caviar to start and a shot of Anisovaya for us both.
The waitress was new. I didn’t recognize her so she didn’t know my preferences.
"I'm sorry, but we don’t have Anisovaya on the menu."
"Tell the bartender that Dr. Morgan is here. He keeps some especially for me."
The waitress nodded. "Certainly."
Kate turned to me, her mouth open. "You drink Anisovaya?"
"Yes," I said and folded my hands on the crisp white linen of the tablecloth. "I love Russian vodka, especially infused with anise."
She said nothing for a moment, and merely stared at her hands, which were folded primly on her lap. "You wrote those letters."
I frowned, realizing what had happened. Lara must have sent Kate the link and password to my letters to my subs. I posted them online on a password protected site as a resource for new subs, so they could get a glimpse into the mind of a Dom.
"I take it that Lara gave you the link and password."
She nodded but didn’t speak, as if she wasn’t sure of her voice.
"You weren't supposed to read those," I said, feeling a bit exposed. "They're for my subs to read after we sign contracts so they know what to expect. I feel somewhat at a disadvantage because usually I know what my subs like before they know what I like."
"You read my profile on FetLife," Kate said, her voice soft.
"Yes, but I want the narrative, not just a list. I want your fantasies so I can fulfill them. Most couples are too afraid to be honest about fantasies, sexual kinks, Kate. The great thing about a relationship like we'll have," I said, leaning closer, "is that you can be totally honest with me. I won't be offended or shocked or jealous or worried about them the way a normal boyfriend would. I'm only here for the sex so I want to make it incredibly good and rewarding. There'll be none of those messy emotions to get in the way of pure pleasure."
Just then, the cocktail waitress arrived with the caviar and vodka, placing them in front of me. Good. I needed to get a few shots of vodka into Kate so she’d relax a bit. I was going to be brutally honest and I wanted her lips a bit looser, so she’d open up as well.
"How can you keep emotions out of a relationship? They're bound to leak in."
"Not if you don't let them," I said, trying to sound certain. "I won't let them. Now, down it fast," I said, pointing to the shot of vodka. "The Anisovaya goes down smoothly."
"I shouldn't drink.” She bit her lip as if afraid that she’d become too pliant and say something she would regret. That’s exactly what I wanted.
"Oh, you most definitely should. I want you to loosen up a bit, Kate. Enjoy yourself. Relax. We need to talk and I want you to be completely honest with me. For a change. Here." I pointed to the shot. "Pick it up and we'll do it at the same time."
She did, but I could tell she was still reluctant. Her hand shook a bit when she picked up the shot glass.
"Za vas," I said in Russian. "To you."
"Za vas," she replied and together, we shot back the vodka. She made a face but licked her lips.
"Vashee zda-ró-vye!" I said. "To your health."
She smiled just a bit, which gave me hope. I smeared some sour cream on a blini and added caviar, then added a few bits of red onion.
"Here." I held it up for her, waiting for her to open her mouth. "You never drink vodka without eating."
"I don't know…"
I made a face of disbelief. "A rich kid like you never had caviar?"
"I had a huge aquarium when I was a kid and bred guppies. I could never get used to the idea of eating fish eggs."
I laughed at that but pushed the blini closer. "Trust me, Kate. This is so good. You'll love it."
Finally, she gave in and opened her mouth. After chewing for a moment, she smiled. "It's good. I didn't think I'd like it."
"Like I said, you have to trust me. I know what's good. The more I know you, the more intimate we are, the more you can just let go and I'll lead the way."
"You're so sure of yourself," she said and opened the menu. "What's good to eat?"
"I'll order my favorites," I said, wanting to maintain control over everything. "Can you trust me?"
She nodded. "Russians don't eat eyeballs do they?"
I smiled to myself. She was such a reticent woman. I wondered how she managed to go to Africa and stay in the camps. Her desire to please her father must have been incredibly strong to overcome it.
"No, at least, none that I know."
I ate the rest of the blini and then fixed us another, which we shared as well. She allowed me to feed her without any fuss and it pleased me, for it was another show of her willingness for me to take the lead, take control. She seemed to enjoy it, and I could sense her relaxing beside me, her body no longer tight and tense.
When the waiter arrived, I ordered for us in Russian, requesting my favorite dishes, including the stuffed dumplings, crepes with white truffle, and to start, the famous Tea Room borscht.
When we were alone again, I moved closer to her, my arm on the back of the seat behind her.
"So, Kate. You read my letters. How did they make you feel?"
She shrank a bit at that, as if her own response embarrassed her. "I don't know what to think..."
"Don't tell me what you think,” I said, wanting to know how the letters affected her emotions. “Tell me how you felt."
She held back. If she was interested at all in Dominance and submission, she should have responded to the letters in a visceral way.
"You're a good writer."
I laughed to myself. "You are so stubborn. Look, Kate, this couldn’t be easier," I said, moving a little closer. "Your father wants us to be together. We can meet, talk and I can take you out to functions as much as we want, we can do as much as you want, explore as much as you want, without having to hide our relationship. No one has to know why we're together. They'll all assume they know why, thinking it's because we've fallen in love. It's great cover."
Her back stiffened. "I haven't agreed to become your sub."
"No, you haven't," I said and traced a pattern on the back of her hand, wanting any excuse to touch her. "I hope to convince you to sign a modified agreement. I'm going to be honest with you, Kate." I caught her eye, refusing to let her avoid me any longer. "I want you. There's nothing I love more than initiating and training a new submissive. I think I can satisfy your needs. In fact, I think this is perfect for us both."
She actually blushed and blinked rapidly. It was so sweet and such a telling response to my very frank words.
"And if I said I just want to write a research paper and interview you? Nothing more?" she said, her voice a little fearful.
"You didn't feel like you only wanted to write a research paper earlier. Y
ou were nice and wet and for a moment, you kissed me back."
"I was overly emotional,” she said and I could see her muster her strength again. “You caught me at a vulnerable moment."
Exactly. That’s when someone was less able to hide his or her true emotions. Which was why I wanted to put her off her game, let her guard down.
"When you're vulnerable, your true feelings come out. It's when you're feeling strong that you're able to hide them. Look, Kate," I said and took her chin in my hand. "There's something between us. I felt it. You felt it. Pure sexual attraction. You want to try submission – I know you do. You want to try it with me. Why fight it?"
I let go of her chin and she glanced away unable to hold my gaze. "You’re so blunt."
"I have to be blunt,” I said as gently as I could. I didn’t want her to think I was an asshole. Just strong and determined. “I have to tell you the truth about how I feel and what I want and what I can give. You have to be completely open with me about what you desire. You have to feel complete trust in me in order to really let go."
She fiddled with the cutlery. "I feel like you're pushing me. I don't like being pressured."
I turned her face towards me once more. "Kate, this is all about you. People think that it's the Dominant who has all the control – and he does, once they're in scene, but to get to that point, it's all about the sub. Her limits. You have all the control. You dictate the terms. I fulfill them. You don't have to be afraid. I'm not going to hurt you, if that's holding you back. I'm not going to reveal anything about this to anyone. It's just between you and me – and Lara of course. She's not going to let anything slip. She's totally professional. All I really want," I said and leaned closer, staring at her mouth, before deliberately moving up to her eyes. "All I really want is to do whatever it is you need so I can make you come, over and over again. Is that so bad?"
I deliberately licked my lips, wanting her to imagine them on her, my tongue on her. I wanted her to think of me as in control and sexual, focused on her pleasure.
"If it's all about me, then let me decide on the pace,” she said, still a little resistant, but I could tell she was afraid of herself, not me. She was afraid of falling.
"I will," I said, wanting to reassure her. "This is just me trying to assure you that I want you. You don't have to worry about that part of things. This is now all up to you. Like I said, I'm sending you a revised agreement with my preferences later tonight when I get back to my apartment, but if you've read my letters, you already know most of it. I want you to strike off what you don't want to try and include everything you do want. Then we can negotiate."
"How soon would you," she said and hesitated in a totally endearing and submissive way. "Usually start things?"
"We can have sex right away, if you want." I deliberately stared into her eyes, enjoying how vulnerable she was, her pretty green eyes wide, her cheeks pink. "Tonight. But it will take time before you're ready for the bondage. I won't move too fast for you. You'll decide when we start."
She swallowed nervously. "So, we just go somewhere and have sex?"
"My place or yours?" I couldn’t hold back a smile. She really was so sweet and almost innocent. "Kate, have you never just had casual sex with anyone? A one-night stand?"
"No,” she said softly, shaking her head. “I've always known them first. Dated. Never sex on a first date or a one night stand."
"You've never wanted to fuck a man you just met?" I said, trying to coax it out of her. I wanted her to admit her desires freely. Doms and subs had to be open and honest about their needs and desires.
She avoided my eyes. "I've been attracted to men I've met, but I can't just have sex with someone right away."
"Why not?"
"Because," she said, frowning. "This is embarrassing."
"Kate, you have to be honest. You have to get over your shyness with me. Tell me. Why can't you just fuck me tonight?"
She took in a deep breath. "It's so …intimate. Being naked with someone? Letting them touch your skin? Opening your legs to them? Letting them inside your body? It's so … you're so …vulnerable."
She finally looked in my eyes, as if hoping I could understand. I did. I knew that submissives often felt incredibly restrained by society’s conventions. Submission allowed them to give in to their own desires and enjoy themselves for the first time.
"Thank you for being honest."
I leaned in and kissed her and she let me. There. She didn’t pull back and reject me. She let me feed her. She let me kiss her. She’d let me fuck her before the night was out.
When the waitress came with our soup, I broke the kiss and sat back, a bit surprised at the surge of adrenaline in me at the prospect we’d fuck. As I was pulling back, I stared at her lovely mouth and saw once more the tiny scar on her bottom lip.
"What happened here?" I touched it, running my finger over the small scar.
"I fell when I was a kid."
"Don’t tell me – wearing your mother's high heels during a dress-up game?"
She shook her head and fought with a smile, adjusting the napkin in her lap. "Stilts."
"Stilts? You?" I grinned widely at the image of Kate as a small girl trying to walk with stilts. It jibed with what Ethan said about Kate trying to keep up with the older kids.
She wanted so much to please… I wanted so much for her to please me. Of course, pleasing me meant she let me tie her to my bed and make her come multiple times.
Win-win.
"So," I said, spooning some sour cream into her soup, "tell me about flyboy."
"How do you know about him?" she said and frowned.
"Lara told me."
"I'd rather not. Can't we talk about something else?"
"This is important,” I said, for I had to get her to open up about her past sexual experiences and the pilot who tried to introduce her to BDSM – very inexpertly – was the most important piece of her background I wanted. “I need to understand what happened, what he did, how you responded. It will help me know what to do to make you relax and trust me."
She sighed in resignation. "I don’t like talking about him. He's a bad memory."
"I need to know why your memory of him was bad. Look, he obviously made mistakes with you. He was a total amateur. I won't make those mistakes. Besides, think of this as research. You tell me what he did, and I'll tell you where he went wrong and how I'd do it properly. If we never do anything more, at least you'll understand."
She said nothing for a moment, stalling for time. "I met him through Doctors Without Borders. He used to fly people into remote camps as a volunteer. He was doing his MBA when we started to date."
"How soon did you have sex with him?"
"A couple of weeks. We went out for coffee a lot at first, and then had dinner. Then we went to a movie and he came over and we had sex."
"What was it like for you the first time? Did you come?"
She exhaled heavily and glanced at me, frustration with my persistence clear on her face. "Are you going to ask for a moment by moment accounting of our relationship?"
"Yes." I turned back to my soup and took a spoonful. "I need details to understand what your experience was and why it went wrong. So," I said again. "Did you come the first time?"
That was pushing the envelope, but I knew that if she answered, I was on my way to having her reveal even more. I wanted to know what worked and what didn’t.
"No, I didn't. It took a while. But I did eventually."
"What did it? What was it that allowed you to have an orgasm?"
She glanced at me. "You sound like a sex therapist."
That made me smile. "That's one way of thinking about me. But seriously, what did you do that allowed you to orgasm?"
"I don't know." Now she was sounding frustrated. She glanced around as if afraid that people would overhear us. "We were a bit drunk, and I just, I don’t know… I was more relaxed. He did things for a long time and I was more ready."
"Ho
w exactly did he work you up?" I said, knowing I might be going over the line even more firmly. I had to keep pushing. She’d never reveal anything on her own.
"Drake! We're having supper."
I smiled. "I'm not asking because I want to become aroused. I'm asking so I understand what you need. What you like. A Dom must trust his sub to tell the truth at all times. She must trust him enough to tell the truth. Otherwise, it won't work."
"I thought that was what the agreement is for."
"It is but we have to talk openly. I want you to get used to being totally honest with me about sex. You can say anything. Anything. I've heard it all."
"Not from my lips."
"No, not from your lips," I said, smiling. "And I can't wait to hear it from your lips in particular. I happen to love your lips, especially your scar. All I can think of when I'm with you is kissing you, licking your scar, sucking your lips, biting them. And I mean both sets." I licked my lips again for emphasis and bit my bottom lip, knowing it would make her think of me licking her, but also think of those books.
They titillated her. They made her want it for herself. I wanted to be the one to give it to her.
Oh, I was no sadist, which was her fear. I wasn’t into humiliation, which was another fear of hers. I wasn’t into anything but sexual domination. Using her body for my own pleasure, which of course, meant giving pleasure to her.
Having total control over a woman’s body – of her sexual response? It was what drove me.
"So, enough about your delicious lips that I want to suck and lick and bite. Tell me about flyboy. When did he start to introduce the idea of BDSM into your relationship?"
"After the books came out and it was on the news."
"What did you think at first?"
"I read the books but I didn't want it,” she said and I knew she was lying. She did want it, but it scared her. “I thought BDSM was about men who hated women and just wanted an excuse to hit them and get away with it. I thought it meant I wasn’t good enough the way I was. He wanted me to shave. He wanted to do anal. He wanted to spank me. He wanted me to let him mock-rape me."
"And how did that make you feel?"
