by Lund, S. E.
She frowned as if the answer as obvious. "Upset, of course. I had just started to enjoy sex and then he starts with all this kinky stuff that scared me and made me feel inadequate. Why wasn't I good enough as I was?"
I finished my soup and sat back, wiping my mouth with a napkin. "For someone with a kink, plain old orgasms aren't enough. It's like eating vanilla ice cream after you've had chocolate truffle. You can eat it but it's not the same pleasure."
"You and Lara," she said and smiled. "With the ice cream metaphor. Except vanilla ice cream is still sweet. Anal and mock rape aren't."
"They can be,” I said, and it was then I realized how sheltered she had been. Flyboy hadn’t known how to initiate her into the pleasures of anal. I wouldn’t make that mistake. A lot of women were shocked to realize they can orgasm during anal sex. “It's all in your preparation and build-up. Flyboy should have studied BDSM before he ever tried anything. He should have gone to someone and been trained like I was. I know how to do this, Kate. You can relax."
"So, is this dinner and this talk part of how to do this?"
She said it while avoiding my eyes so I had to bend down a bit, catch her eye.
"Not my usual MO," I said, for it was the truth. I usually didn’t give a running narrative with explanations of why I was asking and doing certain things. But she was a student. She wanted to learn. I loved to teach. "But the general approach is the same. I have to find out what a sub needs and if we're compatible. Sometimes, I have to seduce them a bit."
"So, in your mind, you're seducing me right now."
I smiled. "I hope so."
Her cheeks reddened once again and I could have leaned over and kissed her right then, chuckling at how open she was despite her unwillingness to say the words. Her body betrayed her. I relied on it.
"What do you hope will happen?"
I moved closer to her and brushed a strand of hair from her cheek.
"I hope," I said, speaking softly. "I hope that we'll continue to talk like this, with you telling me in intimate detail what you did that made you feel pleasure and what he did that scared you. Then I hope you'll agree to take me to your apartment. I hope that you'll agree to let me fuck you tonight so that the first time is out of the way. I promise to make you come at least twice if you do. Nothing will happen tonight in terms of bondage and dominance. It's too soon. But it's not too soon for us to fuck, given our obvious mutual attraction."
"This is all too, I don’t know – clinical."
She was still resisting me.
"I thought you wanted to understand. I thought if I explained everything, you'd feel more comfortable. I can just do it, if you'd prefer. Just train you without explaining."
She said nothing for a moment as if considering. "You seem to have this all plotted out."
"I do. It's my specialty. I like to study a problem. I like to break it down into its parts. I like to create a strategy for solving it, lay out all the steps. I like to follow through."
"So I'm a problem?"
"I want you as my submissive. The problem is how I can get you to submit. I have to understand you, what you need and want in order to have you, satisfy your needs. Will you at least consider my request?" I looked deeply into her eyes.
She glanced away, unable to hold my gaze as if embarrassed by her desires. "I'm thinking."
"Good,’ I said, deciding then to move to another topic. She was obviously unnerved and while I wanted her to feel out of her element and in mine, I didn’t want her to get mad. “Now, tell me about your love of the fine arts. Do you paint or draw?"
We talked about her studies and how she felt her father disapproved of her interest in the arts. I thought it was strange that Ethan would be anything but supportive of Kate and whatever she decided. It didn’t seem in character.
She surprised me once more when talk turned to her mother and whether she encouraged Kate’s love of art.
"You want to talk about submissives? I think that sometimes, mother was afraid of him."
That surprised me once more. I couldn’t imagine Ethan, who I knew as a jovial mentor, making his own family afraid. Perhaps in my haste to welcome Ethan’s attention, I misjudged him. "He wasn't violent was he?"
She shook her head. "No. He just has this way… You know when he disapproves. He doesn't even have to say anything."
"Sounds like an old bastard,” I said, wanting to be sympathetic even as I had a hard time accepting it. “So, now, instead of writing about politics, you're writing about culture and the arts. That's a good compromise. You're a very good writer."
"Thank you," she said, and I could tell she was beginning to calm down, warm up a bit. "It makes me happy to be able to write about what I really love."
The rest of our food came and I cut up the Pelmeni and held the fork for her to eat.
"Here," I said, "taste this. It's so good."
She took the food willingly off my fork and I couldn’t help but smile in triumph as she ate it.
She closed her eyes. "That's so good!"
I smiled. "I love that face."
I imagined her closing her eyes when I touched her naked body. Hopefully I would know in an hour or so, if I took extreme care. "I bet it's like your orgasm face. At least, I hope so."
I could see her trying not to respond to that in her body language. She hesitated and blinked several times. "Do you talk like this to all your submissives?"
"Like what?" I bit back a laugh at her forwardness, which I enjoyed. I didn’t want to insult her, but I wanted to play a bit. Loosen her up.
I ordered another round of Anisovaya from the cocktail waitress. It would help loosen her up a bit as well.
"So," I said, lowering my voice. "Will you take me to your place tonight and let me fuck you and make you come at least twice?"
She had regained enough composure from my last comment and was unfazed. She stabbed a Pelmeni with her fork. "I don't know if I can – tonight."
"But maybe some night? That's a step forward,” I said, not wanting to admit defeat – yet. I still had a few weapons in my seduction arsenal. “Look, if you're unsure about sex, just let me come over and see your apartment at least. I'd love to see what your apartment looks like from the inside instead of just what your peephole looks like. Besides,” I said and leaned a bit closer, smiling. “If you make me stay outside, Mrs. Kropotkin might call the cops if she thinks I'm harassing you. You're an artist. I'd love to see your art. "
She was unable to hide her smile. "You want to come in and see my etchings?"
"I really do want to see your art. I want to know you, Kate. Your art is part of you."
"You don't need to see my art to be my Dom."
She was right of course. I didn’t have to see her apartment or her art to be her Dom. I wanted to see her apartment and her art so I could understand her better. I was damn curious.
"Look, Kate, I promise I'll keep my hands to myself. If you change your mind and want to fuck me, you'll have to make the move."
She looked in my eyes as if trying to determine if she could trust me. She could – I would never force a woman. I had no interest in real resistance. Only the kind that the sub wanted as part of role playing. I got off seeing a woman willingly turn over her power to me, making herself vulnerable, trusting me completely. Force was the very opposite of that.
When we finished our main course, the waiter brought us the blini with whipped cream. I fed it to her, enjoying watching her eat and savor the delicious dessert.
She opened her mouth and let me feed her the crepe, closing her eyes and murmuring in delight.
"I love it when you close your eyes like that," I said. "But when I make you come, you'll keep your eyes open and focused on mine."
That threw her, but not as much as before. We’d been making small talk – mostly about the restaurant and its history in the city so my comment came out of the blue. I hoped she was imagining me making her come in some manner. What did she prefer? Oral? Intercourse? I’d
do both of course. I’d make her come once through oral and then I’d fuck her and make her come again.
She was quiet and I wondered if she wasn’t thinking the same thing.
"What's going on in that too-intelligent mind of yours?" I said, seeing that she was overthinking.
She frowned. "Why am I too intelligent? You said you didn't like stupid women…"
I laughed. "I should have said too active mind. Sometimes very intelligent women over-think certain things – like sex and pleasure. You have a very responsive body, Kate. You should just free yourself to feel."
"Women are always wet, you know," she said, her voice irritated. "You're a doctor. You should know that from your Gynecology rotation."
"Not that wet." I smiled, remembering how wet she was. It sent a rush of blood to my dick. "Don't be embarrassed. I was hard as a rock so we're even."
"You seem so certain of yourself."
"You like that I'm so certain of myself." She did. She was attracted to me. She might feel safer with a milquetoast of a man who deferred to her and was sweet and gentlemanly, but she wouldn’t get wet for him. "If I wasn't, what kind of Dom would I be?" I held a fork up to her mouth. "You have to believe that I'm dominant for this to work. If you doubt my ability to take control over you, you'll never be able to yield power. That's key." If she could admit it to herself, she’d finally let go and be happy but she was fighting with herself every step of the way.
"So this is an act to convince me you're able to take control?"
I shook my head and caught her eye. "This is no act,” I said, for it wasn’t. I was being true to who I was and what I was with her, so she saw me as I really was – not what might be seen as polite and safe. “I'm being as open and honest as I can with you. I understand you, Kate. You can relax with me. You can just be. Believe me, I won't judge you except when you disobey my orders or don't try hard enough to comply."
Submissives needed to feel the Dom’s control or they would fight. They wanted to feel his control. It was what they craved. Kate craved it, but her mind fought with her body.
"I'm so conflicted about this."
"I know you are." I reached out and took her hand, stroking my thumb over her palm. "You're afraid. Your modern feminist sensibility thinks this is wrong, that submission is wrong, but that primal part of your brain knows it's right."
I watched her while I ate, searching her face for a sign of what was going on in her mind. She felt such guilt for wanting to be dominated sexually.
"You have to get over your self-judgment and accept this for what it is. Submission for you is just the way you prefer to experience sex. Nothing more, nothing less. There's no deep meaning to it. It just turns you on."
"It shouldn't."
"There you go – that judgmental Superego,” I said, recognizing it for what it was. “Kate, D/s the way we will practice it is safe, sane, and most of all, consensual. That's not just a slogan. I believe it.” I let that sink in for a moment. I had to reinforce the safe part. The consensual. This would be her choice. She would choose it. Choose everything that would happen between us. I would fulfill it.
“D/s is not illegal, it's not damaging. It doesn't diminish you in any way. If you sign the contract, we'll have lots of mind-blowing sex in the way that really appeals to us both and you'll sleep really well at night when we part." I popped a strawberry in my mouth. "Simple."
I could tell that appealed to her. She wanted to experience mind-blowing sex. She wanted someone who knew what he was doing and how to do it. That’s why a Dominant appealed to her.
We talked a bit about my schedule, my surgical slate, my band’s practice sessions and gigs. I told her I’d come to see her at her apartment on my nights off, or if she preferred, she could come to my place.
Usually, I met my subs at their place or sometimes, a hotel room. With Kate, I wanted her to come to my place. I wanted to see her tied up on my bed, ready and waiting.
"But tonight, I want to come to your place so I can see who you are when you're not with your family."
"I don’t know…" she said, making a face of indecision.
"If you want, no sex tonight. Just talk. We can go over my personal limits and discuss yours. No touching and no sex unless you initiate it."
"And if I sign an agreement? How much say do I get in what happens between us?"
This was a tricky subject. While it was true that the sub gave over her power to her Dom during a scene, she listed her hard limits and she knew his kinks and preferences. They agreed to do everything on their lists, at his discretion. He chose how and when.
"When we're together? Sexually? None. The purpose of the agreement is for you to give that power over to me to decide what happens. The only out you have is your safe word, but once you use it, that's it. We stop. Full stop. So don't use it unless you really mean it. Don't use it unless what's happening is too much for you to bear. At first, you can use 'yellow' as a sign you need to slow down or pause. Red will be only for full stop, and once we're over the initial training. A submissive enjoys some uncertainty, because it's arousing. But real fear and bad pain? That's when you use your safe word. Other than that, other than your hard limits, you leave everything up to me. What, how, when, where, how often."
"I shouldn't need a safe word, Drake, if all we're going to do is fuck. Remember – no pain."
She was so afraid of pain. "I told you I'm not a sadist. But sex can get intense. Bondage scenes can get intense.” I moved closer and stroked the back of her hand to show her I was warm and affectionate, not cold and sadistic. “I'm not into pain, but a binding can accidentally get too tight, or you can be emotionally overwhelmed. I will punish you if you misbehave. Sometimes, punishment can be too intense."
"What kind of punishment?" she said, pouting a bit. I could tell the thought of being punished upset her. For some subs, being punished was enjoyable for it reinforced the relationship. For others, they avoided it like the plague.
"We'll have to negotiate that."
"Lara said you'd likely spank me."
I smiled. "Does that upset you?" Spanking wasn’t a kink of mine, but I could do it. I could even enjoy a sensual spanking intended to enhance pleasure. Not a spanking in punishment.
"I'm not a child."
"Spanking is merely to reinforce dominance. It's not supposed to be about hurting you."
"How can it not hurt?"
"It won't hurt too much, then."
"How do you know what too much is?"
"I'll show you. You'll tell me. I'll stop at that point."
She moved away from me, subtly distancing herself from the issue. I knew the next few moments would be key to whether I would end up in her apartment and possibly in her bed or whether I’d be left standing outside her apartment in the cold, staring up at the stars.
"Look, Kate,” I said, keeping my voice as soft and unthreatening as I could. “Hopefully, if I do this right, you'll never need to use a safe word but it's there just in case."
"I don't know about the spanking part," she murmured. "We're going to have to talk about that."
"We will." I stroked her cheek, noting the wide-eyed expression of wonder mixed with fear. "I won't go too far for you. I want this. I don't want to make a mistake with you."
She sighed, and I could hear the last bits of resistance draining out of her voice. "You won't push me tonight?"
"I won't push. Much,” I said, biting my lip to hide my grin. “But you have to know that I want you." I leaned closer, so that my face was only a few inches from hers and stared at her mouth. "I want to fuck you tonight. I'd love to tie you up and have my way with you, but I know it's too soon. You need to trust me before you can give over your power willingly. But a kiss goodnight would be nice."
She bit her bottom lip to stop a smile. "I'll consider it."
I paid the check, and made sure to run my hands down her arms as I helped her on with her coat. Unlike her, I had no hesitation to let her know exactly how I f
elt. I wanted her. I wanted her to be my submissive.
I don’t think I’d ever wanted a woman to be my new sub as much as I did Kate.
That should have set off alarm bells in my mind but it didn’t. I was too excited, too busy imagining seducing her, gaining control over her mind and body to notice.
CHAPTER SIX
We arrived at Kate’s apartment and I wondered how this would go. Would she invite me in? We stopped at the top step and I moved nearer to her, wanting to at least be close enough in case this was good night. I wanted to be in a position to at least kiss her if I had to leave.
I waited.
And waited. She glanced around, stalling for time. She wasn’t going to invite me up but she wasn’t saying goodbye either. That was a good sign.
I decided to press my case.
"Kate, invite me in. Trust me. I won't risk anything with you, given who you are and who your father is."
"You won't touch me?"
I tilted her chin up so she had no choice but to meet my eyes. "I may touch you, but I won't force you to do anything. I don't rape women, Kate,” I said, trying to be patient. “I don't like real resistance. Only the fun kind. The play kind."
"We won't have sex, Drake,” she said, chopping her hand down. “I'm not like that. I don't have sex on a first date."
"I know." I was being honest. I knew Kate wasn’t promiscuous. Far from it.
"I'm serious. No sex. I'll think about the goodnight kiss."
I checked my cell phone for the time. Then it hit me – she could call Lara… A safe call was always advised when a Dom and sub were meeting for the first time. We weren’t strangers, but it would make Kate feel safer if Lara spoke with her and reassured her that I wasn’t a psycho-killer.
"Why don't you call Lara and let her know I'm coming into your apartment? Tell her you'll call her in an hour and if you don't call, she should take action. That way, you'll feel safe."
Kate plucked her phone from her bag and dialed Lara.
"I'm standing on the front step of my building with Drake. He wants to come in and just talk, and suggested that I call you so you know I'm alone with him. That I'll call you in an hour to let you know things are okay."
