by J. S. Cooper
"Where's Nanna?" I asked them all quickly. "I haven't seen her yet."
"She's in the kitchen with Clementine." Penelope placed her hand on my upper arm. "Let me take you to say hi."
"Uh okay." I nodded, thinking that now would also be a good time to have a quick conversation with her. We walked out of the living room and down the corridor and I pushed her quickly into the study.
"I missed you too big boy." She grinned and leaned forward to kiss me.
"No." I shook my head and cringed at the thought of her lips touching mine.
"It's okay." She smiled. "I can be quick."
"Quick?" I frowned and then stared at her through narrowed eyes as she started unbuttoning her blouse. "What are you doing?" My voice was annoyed and I was starting to get angry again.
"Rhett, darling, I want to..." She started and I froze. I couldn't deal with this shit right now. I took a deep breath and ran my hands through my hair.
"Look Penelope, I have to tell you something." I bit my lower lip. I wasn't sure if Clementine would appreciate the fact that I was about to tell her our secret, but I couldn't stand for her to not know.
"What?" Her eyes narrowed. "Are you ashamed that you fucked me? Am I one of your disposable girls?"
I stared at her in shock. "We didn't fuck. What are you talking about?"
"We almost did." Her eyes were bright and flashing and I realized my earlier assessments of her were correct. She was a crazy bitch.
"You sucked my cock for a few seconds and I couldn't get hard." I stared at her and watched her face go red.
"I sucked your cock, you got hard, you put your cock between my breasts and then you got soft cos you were drunk."
I stared at her for a few seconds and then looked away. I couldn't tell her I only got hard because I pretended she was Clementine. My stomach flipped as I realized that the shit was about to hit the fan and I had no way out.
"I don't understand why you're going so mean Rhett. I thought I was something special to you. I mean why fuck with your best friends other best friend?" She shook her head. "Only shit where you eat if you know it's all good." She reached out to touch me again. "Don't you like me, Rhett?" I stared at her aghast for a few seconds. This was my worst nightmare coming true.
"Rhett, Penelope, where are you guys." Clementine’s voice drifted into the room before her. She gave us both a sweet smile and then spoke again.
"Nanna said to tell you lunch is ready." She paused and looked at us both again. "What's going on?"
"Nothing." I shook my head, all I could hear was the sound of waves crashing. I stared into Clementine’s eyes and she looked taken aback and worried. My heart broke and I knew that she knew something was off. I looked over and watched as Penelope quickly did her shirt buttons up. Fuck it! I looked back to Clementine and she stared back at me with a hurt expression and a question in her eyes. I shook my head and she sighed.
"Are you ready to eat?" She asked brightly and walked out of the room. I stared at her retreating back and I knew that she was upset. Worse still, I felt like shit. My head was pounding and I felt like I was going to hyperventilate. I didn't know what to do. She was leaving me. She thought I was fooling around with her friend. Her family wanted her to be with Elliott. She didn't want to tell them that we were dating. I froze as I realized I was now considering her someone I dated. I stopped still and rushed back upstairs to the bathroom, closed the door and ran cold water over my face. I stared at myself in the mirror, not recognizing the face staring back at me. Yes, I had the same vibrant blue eyes, the same funky blond hair, same facial hair, same lips, same nose, yet there was something different about me. I was no longer composed and easy going. I was taunt and agitated. I was also freaking out because I wanted Clementine to be my girlfriend. I wanted everyone to know that we were together. I didn't want her family thinking about her with another guy. I didn't want her thinking about being with another guy. I wanted her to be all mine. It wasn't enough to just be friends with benefits. The benefits were great, but I wanted more. I splashed my face with water again. What had come over me? I didn't do girlfriends. This would complicate everything and I wasn't even sure if Clementine wanted that. Then I thought of Penelope. She would ruin everything. With one word from her big mouth, it would all be done. I was pissed at myself for fucking up, but a part of me was also calm about it. This was life. It never went the way it should. This was ultimately why I didn't believe in love. Someone or something inevitably came along to fuck it up. I sighed as I realized that Clementine and I were doomed before we even got together. There was no point in even trying to see what could happen. I pulled out my phone and texted Tomas back. You know that I'm always dtf. That's my mo. See you tonight. I hit send and put the phone back in my pocket. I walked down the stairs and right out the front door and drove away. I felt bad for leaving Clementine without an explanation, but I knew she could get a ride from someone else. My phone started ringing about two minutes later. It was Clementine. I turned the phone off and drove home. I collapsed on my bed and pulled her pillow towards me and sniffed. Her scent was the straw that broke the camels’ back and for the first time in a long while, I found myself crying.
Chapter Twelve
I woke up the next morning feeling groggy and stiff. I was shocked that I’d slept pretty much all of the previous day and night away. I groaned as I stood up and stretched my stiff limbs. I walked into the bathroom and stared at myself for a few seconds and then laughed. I looked like shit. Certainly, no women would be fighting over me if they saw me right now.
“Oh shit.” I groaned as I realized I’d stood Tomas up. Not that I cared that I’d missed out on the two girls, but I felt bad that I hadn’t told him. My text message to him had been sent impetuously. I had no desire to be with another woman. No desire to even think about another woman. I was well and truly into Clementine. I closed my eyes and groaned again, thinking about her. She must hate me by now. I was pretty sure that Penelope must have told her everything. I’d ruined everything. I walked back into my room and turned my phone on. I had five missed voicemails and twenty-five missed texts: ten texts from Clementine, five texts from Tomas, one text from Penelope and the rest were from random girls. I listened to the voicemails quickly. Only one was from Clementine and the rest were from Tomas. I smiled to myself as I listened to his messages. He was more concerned that I was okay, then about being stood up. I quickly called him back.
“Yo, bro, what happened? You alright?” He answered on the first ring.
“Yeah, my bad, my phone was off.” I responded lightly, not wanting him to know why I’d backed out. “How was the night?”
“Epic.” Tomas sounded proud of himself. “Threesome with two hot British chicks. Check.”
“You didn’t?”
“Yes, Sir, I did. I had to show them how we American boys roll.” He laughed. “Let’s just say they were impressed.”
“Uh huh.” I laughed. “Dirty dog.”
“You know it. We be the pimps of the dirty dog club.” He laughed and I frowned into the phone. I didn’t want to be a pimp of the dirty dog club.
“Yeah.” I answered, less excitedly.
“Oh shit.” Tomas exclaimed. “You been caught, ain’t ya?”
“What?” I frowned into the phone. “What are you talking about?”
“It’s your girl, Clementine isn’t it? You boning her?”
“Tomas.” I growled. “Don’t use those words about her.”
“Oh shit.” He laughed. “I knew it.”
“Knew what?”
“I knew you two were fucking.”
“We weren’t fucking. Well before.” I paused. “We kinda are now.”
“Shit.” He paused. “That a good idea?”
“Why wouldn’t it be?”
“I don’t know.” He spoke slower now. “She ain’t like these other hoes. She be a good girl.” He sounded more sincere. “She be one that can get hurt.”
“I’m not planning on h
urting her.”
“So you going to wife her?”
“No.” I was quick to respond. “I don’t plan on getting married.” My heart started racing at the thought.
“Exactly.” Tomas sighed. “You gonna break her heart.”
“No, I’m not.” I sighed. “I think it’s over already, anyway.”
“What?”
“I messed with her friend that night.” I sighed.
“That bitch, Penny?”
“Yeah, Penelope. I titty fucked her and now she thinks we’re an item.”
“Oh shit.” Tomas’s voice was awed. “A lot of shit gone down recently.”
“Yeah.” I groaned. “I fucked up.”
“What you going to do?”
“Dunno.” I sighed and then heard my doorbell ring. “Look, bro. I gotta go. Someone’s at the door. I’ll talk to you later.” I hung up and walked quickly to the front and opened the door. “Hi.”
“Hi.” Clementine nodded and stared at me with a frown. “Can I come in?”
“Sure.” I opened the door wider and she walked in.
“You look beautiful today.” I smiled at her and took in her appearance.
“Cut the crap.” She rolled her eyes. “What’s going on?”
“What?” I frowned. “I can’t tell you that you look beautiful?”
“Last week I was Big Bertha. This week I’m Cindy Crawford?”
“I never said you were Cindy Crawford.” I shrugged and she laughed.
“Dude, I don’t know what’s going on.” She sighed. “Why did you leave yesterday and then ignore all of my calls and texts?”
“My phone was off.”
“Why?”
“I just needed to think?”
“Did I scare you?” She stepped towards me. “Is this too much for you?”
“Is what too much?” I stared at her in confusion. Was she worried about me or mad at me? Had Penelope not told her anything?
“I know you don’t want a relationship, Rhett. That’s fine. I don’t want one either. We’re friends with benefits. That’s cool.”
“That’s what you want?” I frowned.
“This is what is right for us. You don’t do relationships and, well, this works.” She shrugged. “I don’t need more from you.”
“I see.” I felt inexplicably hurt by her words.
“There’s something you should know.” She started and then paused for a second.
“What?” I took a step towards her and reached for her face, unable to stop myself from touching her.
“I got into Harvard.” She bit her lower lip. “And I got a scholarship.”
“Oh?” My heart stopped.
“So I can go.” Her eyes lit up. “Are you excited for me?”
“You’re leaving…” I took a deep breath. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you’re happy for me.”
“I’m not happy for you.” I took a step away from her. “We said we were going to go through college together.”
“There’s only a year left.” She took a deep breath. “It’s not for long.”
“Why are you going then?” I glared at her.
“Because I need to give myself the best start.” She looked away. “I need a fresh start.”
“Why do you need a fresh start?”
“It’s just…” She sighed. “Let’s not talk about this now.”
“So you’re definitely going.”
“I have no reason to stay, Rhett.” She sighed. “We’ll still see each other. I mean, we’re going to graduate and go our own ways soon.”
“I wasn’t planning on going anywhere.” I frowned and walked to the couch. “But hey, blame this on me right. This is all my fault. Hey, Rhett doesn’t do relationships, let me keep him a secret. Hey, Rhett doesn’t want to get married, let me move away from him and go hook up in fucking Boston with my new jerk of a boyfriend.” I jumped back up and stared at her, her jaw was open in shock and her eyes were shocked. “But why the hell not? I don’t have feelings right? I’m just your sap of a best friend that goes along with whatever you want. Let’s watch slutty maids, sure Clementine, let’s watch a bunch of maids, let’s kiss, sure Clementine, I’ll kiss you. Take my virginity, sure Clementine. I’ll make it the best night of your life.” I stared at her. “But hey forget my feelings. What do I matter? I’m here just to make you feel better.”
“Rhett.” She walked towards me. “What are you talking about? I’ve never made you think that you were in my life, just to please me.”
“Why didn’t you tell Penelope about us?”
“Huh?” She frowned. “What?”
“Penelope had no idea about us. No-one does.”
“Rhett, what did you want me to tell them? Did you want me to text my entire family to let them know we became friends with benefits?”
“No.” I sighed. “No, that’s not what I wanted.”
“So then what?” She glared, her eyes what. “What did you want? What do you want from me, Rhett? I’m doing this for you. I’ve gone along with your rules. I’m doing things as you like them. I’m accommodating you.”
“I want you to want more than that from me. I want you to want more.” I muttered and looked away from her.
“So you want me to be like every other girl?” She glared at me. “Look at me.” She grabbed my arms. “You want me to beg you to be with me. You want me to tell you I want more? Just so you can freak out and then run. You want me to lose my best friend cos you can’t stand that I’m giving you what you want?”
“I want more.” I shouted and we both froze in shock. “I don’t want you to be my friend with benefits.” I spoke softly and her eyes looked into mine with a glazed expression. “I want you to tell me that you’re not putting up with my shit. I want you to tell me that you want to be more than friends.”
“Why would I do that, Rhett?” She sighed. “I know that’s not what you want.”
“I want that.” I grabbed her hand. “I want to be more than friends. I want you to be my girlfriend.”
“You don’t do girlfriends.”
“I don’t want to lose you.” I shook my head. “I need you to…”
“Rhett, this is because I’m leaving.” She sighed. “You’re just saying this because you don’t want me to leave South Carolina.”
“Would you stay if you were my girlfriend?” I asked hopefully.
“No, Rhett.” She sighed. “That’s not a reason to ask me to be your girlfriend. You can’t offer to be my boyfriend, just so you can trap me.”
“What if I get you pregnant?” I half-joked. “We could go to my room right now. I’ll fuck you without protection and we’ll see what happens.”
“Rhett.” Her eyes glittered at me. “You do know how fucked up that sounds right?”
“I know.” I sighed. “I don’t even know what to think anymore.”
“We’ll always be friends.” She sat down on the couch. “I promise.”
“I feel like I’m losing you.” I sat down next to her. “I can’t lose you.”
“You’ll never lose me.” She shook her head and turned towards me. “We’re friends forever.”
“I know.” I looked away. I felt like I had been kicked in the gut. I didn’t want to be friends forever. I wanted more than that. It hit me like a ton of bricks. For so many years, I’d been fooling myself. I was in love with Clementine O’Hara. I was in love with her and I wanted nothing more than to be with her. Forever. Just thinking the words scared me. Forever was a long time. Forever didn’t really exist. Forever was a word for saps, but all of a sudden it didn’t matter to me. I didn’t care about what was going to happen. I didn’t care that it could fail. I didn’t care that there was a possibility that I could lose her. I needed her like I needed the air to breathe. “Dumbass.” I mumbled to myself as I realized what a dumbass I’d been. I’d been so jealous of Elliott and every other guy that I couldn’t even think straight. I hadn’t know what to think or fe
el and I’d talked myself into believing it was just because I was being protective over her. I was being protective, but I also didn’t want another man to touch her or kiss her. It made me angry just thinking about her with another guy.
“Rhett.” She whispered and touched my arm softly. I closed my eyes and just sat there. All the happiest memories in my life were from times I’d had with Clementine. She’d been there through everything. She was my rock in ways I’d never even realized. She was the love of my life. She was my soulmate. She was everything to me. And she was moving away.
“So, I think I need to tell you something.” I opened my eyes slowly and looked into her eyes. She was gazing at me with such devotion that I was scared to even breathe. I knew in every fiber of my being that she loved me too. I knew then that sometimes, God did make miracles.
“Yes?” She asked softly and leaned towards me.
“So, I’ve been thinking…” I took a deep breath and was about to tell her I loved her when her phone rang.
“Hold on.” She groaned. “It might be Nanna, I told her I was going to check on you and call her to let her know you’re okay.”
“Okay.” I frowned, annoyed that my declaration was going to have to wait.
“Hello,” She answered with a smile on her face. Her eyes gazed into mine with a sweet expression. “Oh hi, Penelope.” She spoke and my heart stopped. “What’s up? Can I call you back? I’m here with Rhett.” She frowned then. “It can’t wait.”
Dear, God, no. was all I could think. I continued staring at her, and watched as her expression changed.
“Say that again?” Her voice rose and her expression changed. She looked at me for a second and I saw the shock and dismay in her expression. Shit! “What happened exactly?” Her voice was cold and she moved away from me. “I see. I’m sorry, I had no idea. Yes, he doesn’t care who he hurts.” She bit her lower lip and I knew then, that there was going to be no happy ending. “I don’t know why he does it, Penelope. I don’t know if he’s a sex addict. I’ve got to go.” She hung up the phone and put it into her purse slowly.
