Faking It

by Dorie Graham

  “You were so upset at just the mention of your family, and when I realized that you were in denial about being a sexual healer, I knew I’d made a mistake,” he said. “But it was already too late for me to walk away. From the minute I laid eyes on you I knew I had to make you mine, not just for a quickie miracle lay but for however long it might last. You completely captivated me with just one touch. I want to be with you. We don’t have to be lovers if that upsets you, but please…don’t leave me. I need you.”

  Tears continued to stream down her face. “I’m so sorry. I can’t be what you want. I can’t give you what you need.”

  “Erin, no—”

  “I know I said I’d be here, but I’m afraid if I stay I’ll only cause you more misery.”

  “No, you won’t.” His throat burned. The room blurred.

  She rose from the bed. “Goodbye, Jack.”

  “Erin, wait.” He clenched his fists as the door closed behind her.

  “ERIN? OH, MY GOODNESS, what is it?” Aunt Sophie stepped back from the door.

  Erin moved, her legs numb. She collapsed in the closest chair, one of the big overstuffed ones in her aunt’s living room. Thomas and Maggie turned to her from their place on the couch. Thomas clicked the remote, and the TV they’d been watching silenced.

  “What’s happened, girl?” he asked.

  Erin’s gaze swept across their worried faces. “I’m a fraud. A fake. I don’t deserve the name McClellan.”

  Maggie moved beside her, perching on the cushion, while Thomas and Aunt Sophie hovered nearby. Maggie smoothed her hand on Erin’s knee. “Now take a deep breath and tell us what’s happened.”

  “I’m not a sexual healer.” She hiccuped and a tear rolled down her cheek. “I’m the opposite of that. I’m a sexual antihealer. That’s it. I’m the antihealer.”

  “Why would you think such a thing?” Sophie asked. “It can’t be.”

  “I make men sick. All this time everyone thought I was heartbroken over my breakup with Ryan, I was just mortified. The man puked his guts out for four days in my bedroom. He was too sick to leave. And he wasn’t the first. But by then I couldn’t deny it anymore. It was me. No freak coincidence. No stomach bug.” She looked at all of them through the tears in her eyes. “Just me. I sleep with a guy and it makes him positively ill.”

  “You don’t say?” Aunt Sophie glanced at Maggie. “Have you heard of this before?”

  “No, but these girls are taking the gift to a whole new level.”

  “Gift? Aren’t you listening? I don’t have the gift. I’m some freak of the genetic pool. Some sick joke in the McClellan family.”

  “No, you’re not.” Maggie handed her a handkerchief from Thomas. “Now exactly what happens to these men? What are the symptoms?”

  “Mostly they throw up. There’s sweating and stomach cramps and all that other gastrointestinal stuff. It’s horrible. I couldn’t believe it the first couple of times, but believe me, there’s no doubt about it. I make men sick.” Fresh tears coursed down her cheeks. “What the hell kind of gift is that?”

  “I don’t know, Sophie, what do you think? Sounds like some kind of purging to me,” Maggie said.

  “Yes, I think you’re right. Erin, after they get sick, what happens?”

  “What do you mean what happens? Either they leave or I leave. It’s a little hard to carry on a relationship if your boyfriend ralphs every time you…you know.”

  “So that’s why you always dump them so fast.” Maggie pursed her lips.

  Thomas shook his head. “Poor bastards.”

  “Thomas, that’s not helpful.” Sophie turned toward the kitchen. “We need some honey cakes and tea. Let me see…I think I know the perfect blend.”

  “I know she means well, but how is tea going to help?” Erin asked her mother.

  “Oh, your aunt’s teas always help. It isn’t just the herbs, you know. Sophie has another magic all her own.”

  Thomas nodded. “Amen.”

  Erin stared at both of them. “My life is ruined. I have likely put a man in the hospital and all you can suggest is that I drink tea?”

  “What man? What hospital?” Maggie asked.

  “This new guy I’ve been seeing. Jack. I really like him. Really like him. I thought at first that he was different. I didn’t mean to sleep with him. When I realized I was Typhoid Mary, I swore off men. I’d rather be celibate than keep doing that to them.

  “But with Jack, I don’t know…I couldn’t help myself. I lost control. We both did, especially that first time, and then it didn’t seem like he was getting sick. I didn’t find out until later that he had, but for some reason he hadn’t told me,” Erin explained.

  “Anyway, he has a bad heart.” Erin wiped her nose. “Something he was born with. His grandfather and his father and his younger sister all had the same thing. His grandfather and father both died at an early age because of it. And his sister had surgery when she was just sixteen to fix it, but she died on the operating table.

  “It’s just horrible, and I didn’t know any of this, but when I found out he was getting sick I broke things off with him. Then I went to see him, really I went to measure his place for the redesign. I didn’t think he was home because he hadn’t answered the phone, and I found him in his bed.”

  Her throat burned with the memory. “He had a heart attack. I called nine-one-one. I just left the hospital. I broke things off with him for good.”

  “Oh, my God, angel. Come here.” Maggie opened her arms and Erin fell into them. She cried until she couldn’t cry anymore.

  When at last she pulled back, Aunt Sophie had arrived with the tea tray and a plate of honey cakes. She smiled warmly at Erin, her eyes filled with compassion. “Good thing I bake these regularly.”

  “Here.” Maggie handed Erin a cup of hot tea.

  Erin breathed in the steam, then took a tentative sip. Whatever her aunt had brewed, it warmed her from the inside out. She blew on the hot liquid, then drank some more, while Maggie retold her sad tale to Aunt Sophie.

  Aunt Sophie shook her head. “Oh, sugar, you know you didn’t have anything to do with his heart attack.”

  “No,” Maggie agreed. “He had issues with his heart long before you met him. And a heart attack doesn’t fall along the same lines as the other symptoms you’ve described. No, the more I think about it, the more I believe you have the gift of purging. I’ll bet if we were to look up any of your young men we would find them hale and hearty and a world better for having made your acquaintance.”

  Maybe it was the tea, but a small ray of hope opened over Erin. She sniffed. “Really? You think that maybe it isn’t a bad thing?”

  Her mother cocked her head. “We can’t always answer the whys or hows, but the one thing I can promise you is that the gift has always been used to heal. It seems to have manifested in quite an unusual way with you, but it sounds like the gift to me.”

  “Definitely,” her aunt agreed. “Why don’t you call one of your young men and see what happens?”

  “You’re kidding. Call some guy I dumped or who dumped me because every time after we slept together he ended up stuck in the bathroom, hugging the toilet?”

  “That’s right.” Sophie handed her the phone. “Do you have any of their numbers?”

  Erin stared at the phone. Call them? “No. I don’t have any of their numbers. I was never with anyone long enough to memorize them.”

  “Or program them into your cell phone?” Thomas asked.

  “No, I never programmed any of them into my cell phone.”

  “But you have their numbers somewhere at home?”

  She paused, considering. “Yes. I have one or two of their numbers.”

  “Good, then you’ll call them and let us know what happens.” Aunt Sophie raised her teacup with a satisfied nod.

  Erin stared at her a long moment. “I don’t know. It would be weird to call out of the blue like that.”

  “But I’ll bet that they’ll be
thrilled to hear from you,” Maggie said.

  “I don’t think so,” Erin said, unease filling her.

  “You should try, love.” Maggie stirred sugar into her tea. “How else will you know if you were right to break up with Jack? What if being with you made him stronger, so he could withstand the heart attack? What if it would have been much worse had you not been with him? What if being with you now is his best shot at fully recovering? You just can’t know—” Maggie gave her a pointed look “—unless you ask.”

  The hope in Erin’s heart stirred. She looked again from her mother to her aunt, then to Thomas, who nodded reassuringly. Then she swallowed. “Okay, I’ll make a few calls.”

  14

  ERIN’S PULSE THRUMMED as she stared at the number in her cell phone. Okay, maybe she’d lied a little the other night. She had programmed at least one of her ex-lovers into her cell phone.

  While Trent had been working with her, she’d talked to him almost every day. She hadn’t been about to call him right there in front of everyone, though. Some things were meant to be done in private.

  She flexed her hands and took a deep breath. She had to do this. Maggie’s questions burned through her.

  How else will you know if you were right to break up with Jack? You just can’t know unless you ask.

  “Okay, here goes nothing.” She pushed the call button on her phone.

  The display showed her phone dialing Trent’s number. With her breath held and her eyes closed she pressed the phone to her ear. He picked up before the third ring. “Erin?”

  “Trent. Hi. I’ll bet you’re surprised to hear from me.”

  “Oh, my God. Can you hold on just a sec and let me get rid of this other call?”

  “Sure.”

  “Okay. I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.”

  “I won’t.” She let out her breath when he clicked over but had barely had time to refill her lungs before he was back.

  “I can’t believe it’s you. I am so excited you called,” he said.

  “You are?”

  “You bet. I’ve been meaning to call you, but I’ve been so caught up in everything.”

  “You have? What’s been going on with you?”

  “What hasn’t been going on with me? New job, new look, I feel like I’m finally making something of myself. I hate that I left the way I did, Erin, honestly. You must think I’m the slime of the earth for not calling.

  “I never meant to leave you hanging like that,” he said. “After I left you that day, I spent three days feeling like I was dying. It was the worst intestinal bug I’d ever had. But in some way it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

  “Somehow afterward I felt transformed. I woke up on that last day and I felt like a new man—like I had a whole new lease on life. I don’t know how exactly, but I think it had something to do with the time I spent with you. That’s because that’s how you made me feel when we were together that night.

  “That one encounter with you was the most uplifting event of my life. That’s the honest truth,” he said. “Then I had to blow it all by getting sick, but I think it helped me. Got me to get rid of a bunch of extra stuff I had in me or something.” He paused.

  “I can’t explain it, but you’ve turned my life around. I can never repay you. I started to call you so many times, but I guess I was a little in awe of you after that and, well, the way I left… It was all a little humbling. Truth was, I didn’t think I could face you or explain myself coherently. And here you are calling me and I can’t seem to shut myself up.”

  She smiled, more than a little stunned herself. “I’m glad you told me all that. I’m so happy to hear that you’re doing well. I can’t say that I had anything to do with it, but sounds like you’re in a happy place.”

  “I am and it was because of you. I’m convinced of that. I mentioned it to Josh and he said it was the same for him with Tess. You girls have got some kind of gift, you know.”

  “So I’ve been told.”

  “What can I do for you? Do you need help with your design business? I’ve gotten myself pretty wrapped up in a major project, but I’ll do anything for you.”

  “No, I’m good. I just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing,” she said.

  “I’m so glad you called. You doing okay?”

  “Oh, sure. I’m great. You take care, Trent, and thanks for sharing all that with me.”

  He bid her an enthusiastic goodbye, then she pushed the disconnect button, a sense of wonder filling her. Were her mother and Aunt Sophie right? Did she really have the gift? Could it be that just maybe she was what Jack needed after all?

  She raced to her nightstand to find her address book and all the scraps of paper she’d stuffed into it bearing numbers she’d meant to one day record in the pages. After several minutes of searching, she found Ryan’s number.

  Without hesitating she pressed it into the keypad on her phone, but to her disappointment his voice mail picked up. “Hi, Ryan, this is Erin McClellan. I know it’s been a while, but I thought I’d check to see how you’re doing. Give me a call sometime.”

  She left her number, just in case, then disconnected. “Let’s see, who else?”

  She flipped through her address book again. She couldn’t go on just one positive response. She had to talk to someone else. If she found more reactions like Trent’s, then maybe she didn’t need to be on her own.

  She’d have a good reason to go back to Jack.

  JACK SIPPED HIS COFFEE and stared out the window of his childhood bedroom. The ache in his chest was of a different sort these days. This ache could only be the pain of a broken heart.

  “You ready, bro?” Bobby popped his head through the doorway.

  Jack glanced around. “Just need my shoes.”

  “Here, I’ve got them.” Bobby whisked them out of the closet and at Jack’s feet before Jack could work up the energy to push himself off the bed.

  Funny how quickly the tables had turned. Since his little visit to the hospital, his family couldn’t do enough for him. He gritted his teeth. He should be grateful, but he hated that his family’s sudden ability to take care of themselves came because he’d been disabled.

  “Thanks.” With a slowness that didn’t have anything to do with his recent illness Jack slipped on his shoes.

  He was stalling. Why should he hurry? What man would rush to have his chest sliced open?

  “I’ll warm up the car. You got it okay?” Bobby asked.

  “Sure, Bobby, I’m fine. I’m coming. I’m not an invalid. I can drag my fat ass to the car on my own.”

  “Okay. I’ll tell Mom we’re going then.”

  Jack nodded, feeling like a jerk. His brother hadn’t deserved his sarcasm. None of them had deserved his sour mood over the past few days, but he hated this weakness. And since Erin had walked out on him the last time, an oppressive gloom had settled over him.

  He closed his eyes and pushed himself up from the bed. Maybe he should call her to make sure she was all right after all that drama at the hospital and to tell her about the surgery. Maybe if she knew he was taking care of his little problem, she might consider coming back to him.

  I’m afraid if I stay I’ll only cause you more misery.

  Silly woman. Didn’t she know all he was without her was miserable? He dug his cell phone from his pocket. He scrolled through his contacts to her name, then pressed the call button.

  She answered on the second ring, her voice breathless. “Ryan?”

  “No. This is Jack.”

  “Oh, Jack, hi. How are you?” she asked. “I called the hospital to check your condition, but they said you’d been released.”

  “They just kept me overnight.”

  “So are you feeling any better?”

  “No, I’m miserable. I miss you like hell, Erin. Please come back to me. I know I’m no prize package with my defect and all, but I’m getting that taken care of. I need you. I want you. I don’t care if I puke buckets
a day. It’s all worth it. I’d rather spend a day being sick with you than spend another minute in this hell without you. There, I’m groveling, but that’s it. I’m a man with no strength. I have no dignity left. I have nothing if I don’t have you. And who the hell is Ryan?”

  Silence buzzed across the line and he wanted to kick himself for running on. She’d probably hung up. Then a soft sob sounded from her end.

  “Hell, baby, I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he said.

  “I’m sorry, Jack. I’m not ready to see you. I want to, really I do, but I can’t risk it yet.”

  “Yet? That sounds hopeful.”

  “What do you mean you’re taking care of it? Are you having the surgery?”

  “I’m headed out the door right now.”

  His mother stepped into his room. “Jack, we’re going to be late.”

  He motioned to her to wait a minute. “I have to go, Erin. Promise you’ll come see me.”

  “Jack…I’ll be thinking about you and sending you prayers and good wishes.”

  “Great. Thanks.” His throat tightened. Prayers and good wishes. He should count his blessings.

  “Jack.” His mother motioned for him to come.

  He closed his eyes. “Baby, I—I’ll call you later.”

  He hung up before he could hear her response or make a further fool of himself. She’d already said it all. She wasn’t ready to see him.

  Well, hell, they could have his heart now. They might as well cut it out altogether and rid him of it once and for all. A lot of damn good it was doing him.

  He gritted his teeth and headed down the stairs, his mother on his heels. She meant well, but Erin was the only one he wanted at that moment. If only he could see her. He could get through this with just one hug, one touch or even a smile from the woman he loved.

  ERIN CLOSED HER EYES and leaned back in her office chair. Her whole body ached. She’d hardly slept in days and Jack’s words continued to haunt her, distracting her from her work at hand.