Delusions

by Amy Crandall

  Ms. Lowen pursed her lips together. “Is everything all right?”

  “Yes,” she replied, her blush deepening. “Everything is fine.”

  “I see,” she mused, flashing Abigale a wary glance. “Please pay more attention next time.”

  She was so embarrassed that she only managed a feeble nod. Before she could reprimand herself for shutting out the teacher’s lecture, the bell rang, and the whole class cleared out in less than ten seconds. From the observation, Abigale could tell that many students were not fond of Ms. Lowen’s history class.

  Abigale headed for the spot she and Tiffany always met for lunch. She was still shaking from embarrassment when she saw Tiffany on the other side of the hallway.

  Tiffany beamed when she spotted Abigale. “Hey, best friend! How was class?”

  Abigale frowned. “It was all right, I guess. How was study hall?”

  “Boring,” Tiffany replied. “Turns out the pre-calculus assignment I was supposed to have finished didn’t need to be turned in until next week. So I got it all finished in the first thirty minutes and I didn’t have anything else to work on for the rest of class.”

  “That sucks,” said Abigale, her thoughts not entirely focused on Tiffany. She was still immersed in the conflict back home. She’d heard her parents fight like that before, but this time it felt different. That morning, she’d seen angry bruises on the side of her mother’s face. Abigale had been scared to ask if her father had caused them. Lauren hadn’t helped matters when she said what she did in front of everyone.

  Part of Abigale was scared. What if they really went through with a divorce? Where would that leave her? Their daughter?

  No. Mom and Dad are fine. They always work things out. Why would this time be any different?

  Silently following Tiffany to the cafeteria, she shook off her worried thoughts. She hadn’t told Tiffany about any of the fighting. As far as Tiffany knew, they were all one big, happy family.

  Oh, how she wished that were true.

  ***

  By the end of the day, Abigale’s nerves were frayed. On the walk home with Tiffany, she found herself rendered silent by the fight that had occurred that morning, and too ashamed to admit that her parents weren’t as picture perfect as they seemed.

  Abigale wanted to tell her everything, but she was never able to bring herself to talk about the fights. It wasn’t like she had an opportunity to, either. Tiffany talked her ear off the entire journey home, leaving no room for Abigale to get the words out. Every time her excited friend would pause in a sentence, Abigale would nod and smile, hoping she would be able to fool Tiffany into thinking she’d actually been listening. In truth, however, she wasn’t. She couldn’t focus on something that seemed so unimportant to what she had bottled up inside.

  “—then Jenny told me that I should go find someone else to gawk at. The nerve of her!”

  Abigale nodded dutifully, her mind flipping back to their current conversation. Jenny was no friend of Lauren’s, but they were quite similar in character. While Abigale had put up with Lauren’s insults for the majority of her life, Tiffany had to put up with Jenny’s. “Did you tell her off?”

  “No. I was too humiliated! Everyone in the hallway was looking at me and I panicked. Now I don’t know what to do! I can’t show my face at school again! Especially in front of Darren.”

  Darren was Tiffany’s long-time crush. She’d been in love with the boy since middle school, and the upsetting thing was that Darren didn’t know Tiffany existed. He was too caught up in all the popular girls to notice, yet Abigale didn’t have the heart to tell Tiffany that.

  “It’ll be okay. School will be fine tomorrow, Tiff. Everyone will have forgotten about it by then,” Abigale said, trying to soothe her friend’s worries.

  “You don’t understand. She blurted out to everyone that I like him! The look on his face…I’ll never be able to show my face in front of him again!”

  “Tiff,” she said, placing a comforting hand on her friend’s shoulder. “It’s going to be okay. Trust me. It’ll be old drama by tomorrow.”

  Sighing, Tiffany said, “I hope so.”

  “I know so,” Abigale said.

  A comfortable, relaxed feeling came over her as she neared the home she’d lived in all her life. The old mailbox that had stood on the lawn since she was a child could be seen from the sidewalk, its wooden post bent from the time her father hit it with the lawnmower.

  Despite her father getting in trouble for running into the mailbox, it had been a good day. The family of three had gone to grab ice-cream after they’d laughed off his mistake. Abigale had ordered her favorite flavor; mint chocolate chip. A year after that, the fights started.

  “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” Tiffany said, interrupting Abigale’s thoughts. They lived on different streets and always separated at the corner a few blocks from Northridge High.

  “See you tomorrow,” Abigale replied, hugging her friend. She waved goodbye before crossing the road.

  Walking along the sidewalk, she concentrated on her sneakers pounding against the pavement, trying not to think about what she was going to arrive home to. Her mother had first kicked her father out six months previously, and over the course of those few days, the house seemed empty without him. Or maybe it had just been her heart yearning for him to come back. He left them for a few days at a time at least twice a month since that altercation, and when he’d return, she couldn’t help but think it wasn’t permanent. One day he’d leave them for good.

  Abigale stopped in her tracks as she neared the front lawn of her house. A truck–a U-Haul moving truck–was parked in her driveway. The door to the back of the vehicle was folded into the top of the space, and multiple boxes had been carelessly stuffed inside.

  A million thoughts raced through Abigale’s mind, but only one stuck out the most. She should have known it was going to happen. Her father was leaving. He was leaving her.

  For good.

  Abigale willed her legs to move, panic burning the back of her skull. She walked up to the front door, hesitant to turn the handle. Every cell in her body screamed for her to stop and turn back. Even though she didn’t want to see it, she wanted to know what she’d find behind the door. She stared at the small grooves in the wood momentarily before deciding to head inside, her heart beating rapidly in her chest.

  The first things she noticed were the boxes. They were piled high by the door, some larger than others. Some were labeled with a black Sharpie marker that stood out against the brown cardboard. Some had her name scribbled on the front, and others had no labels at all.

  “Mom?” Her voice wavered slightly, echoing through the house, which she saw was less cluttered than she’d last seen it that morning. With a sinking feeling in her gut, Abigale realized they were the ones leaving.

  “Abby?”

  She jumped when her mother appeared in front of her holding another box. Her hair was tucked carelessly into a bun, and she was wearing her exercise attire, which consisted of a baby blue tank top and dark yoga pants. “Where have you been? Go to your room and pack the things you won’t need tonight.”

  “What’s going on?”

  Her mother sighed. “We’re leaving. I found a house a few hours away from here in Arcata.”

  “Arcata?” Abigale’s mouth dropped open in shock. “I can’t go to Arcata! It’s three hundred miles away!”

  “Yes, I know that. Why is it such a problem?” Her mother dropped the box she was carrying on the floor and placed her hands on her hips.

  “All of my friends are here, Mom!”

  “So? You’ll make new friends,” her mother said. A firm edge cut through her tone like it was meant to slice through Abigale’s heart.

  “What about Dad? Where’s he? He’s coming, right?”

  At the mention of Abigale’s father, her mother’s face went sour. “I’m not having this discussion with you, Abigale. We leave tomorrow morning.”

  “Tomorrow mo
rning? Mom, you aren’t being fair! Where’s Dad?”

  Her mother’s eyes darkened. “Go to your room and pack, Abigale! I’m not going to ask again!”

  Pursing her lips together, Abigale crossed her arms, debating how to react to the upsetting news. She knew that nothing she said was going to change her mother’s mind. Yelling wasn’t going to help even though she wanted to tell her mother exactly what she thought of her plans. Throwing her hands down, she slipped past her and ran up the stairs to her room, slamming the door.

  When she was safely behind the locked door, she slid her back down the length of the door until her butt hit the floor, tears sliding down her cheeks for the second time that day.

  Chapter Two

  She didn’t pack immediately like her mother told her to. Instead, Abigale moved to her bed and stared at her blank white ceiling, sobs wracking her body. The day, only half gone, had been a whirlwind of events. First, her parents had another nasty fight, Lauren humiliated her, and now she was being forced to move in the middle of the school year without any explanation.

  Abigale thought about Tiffany, and how the two had grown up together, becoming inseparable. Would Tiffany ever forgive her for leaving? It wasn’t like she had a choice in the matter, but still. If Tiffany were moving to another city nearly three hundred miles away, she wouldn’t be that understanding.

  Then there was a new school to think about. Abigale was never good at making friends, so having to transfer to a new high school in the middle of the semester where she knew no one was going to be a big challenge.

  “I don’t hear you packing!” her mother yelled from downstairs.

  Abigale sighed, wiped a tear away, and dragged herself off the comforter. Looking around her room, she prioritized what she wished to take with her. Then she got started.

  ***

  Abigale locked herself in her room that night. Well, what was left of it. The room, cluttered and disorganized a mere day ago, was completely gutted. She had turned on her laptop and was scrolling through her Facebook feed inattentively when she decided to call Tiffany. The two talked every night about nearly everything. It was usually a time for Abigale to vent to her friend about how unfair a teacher had been or discuss the reasons why another student was bugging her. Tonight, however, the conversation would be distinctly unusual.

  “Hey, Abby!” Tiffany’s voice came over the line immediately.

  Abigale tensed at Tiffany’s cheerful tone. How would Tiffany react when she told her the news? What could she try to say that might soften the blow? Nothing seemed to arise in her mind.

  They exchanged pleasantries first, which gave her some time to plan what she was going to say, but as soon as the silence came, Abigale felt herself blurting out the words she didn’t want to say.

  “I’m moving.”

  Right after she said it, she wished she hadn’t. She could picture Tiffany’s eyes widening, her mouth dropping open in shock. Abigale knew this because she herself had once been on the receiving end of the same devastating message. That had been four years ago when another childhood friend moved to Canada.

  The line was silent for a few moments. Abigale sat in the deafening silence, waiting for Tiffany to process the news.

  Then Tiffany said, “Very funny, Abigale.”

  Denial. Great. Just great, Abigale thought to herself, placing her palm against her forehead. “I’m not kidding, Tiff.”

  “Well, you must be joking. Nobody just decides to get up and leave in the span of a few hours. You—what do you mean you’re moving?”

  “When I came home, Mom was already packing up the house. She told me that we’re moving to Arcata.” Abigale’s throat burned and she bit back her tears. “I have a feeling something h-happened with Dad while I was gone.”

  “You can’t move to Arcata, Abigale! What about school? What about us?”

  “I don’t have a choice, Tiff. I begged her, but she wouldn’t have it. We’re leaving tomorrow morning.”

  Tiffany sniffled on the other end of the line. “What am I supposed to do without you, Abby?”

  “I-I don’t know,” she whispered. She couldn’t find the words she needed to comfort her friend. After a few moments of silence, Abigale hung up the phone and let the tears fall.

  She didn’t want her best friend to hear her cry.

  ***

  The sun hadn’t yet risen when Abigale awoke to a loud bang on the other side of her bedroom door. She’d fallen asleep in her clothes, too distraught to change before her head hit the pillow. She quickly realized it was her mother’s slender fist banging against the wood, and she stumbled out of bed to open it.

  “Mom? What time is it?” she asked, rubbing her face.

  Her mother was already dressed in a blue t-shirt, dark pants, and a long coat that hid her curves. A baseball cap covered most of her hair, but her eyes were the thing about her appearance that caught Abigale’s attention. They shone with fear, something she was quite accustomed to after her parents fought. The bruise staining her right cheek was caked with foundation. It did little to hide the appearance of it.

  “Hurry up. We have to leave,” she said to Abigale hoarsely. It sounded as if she’d been screaming.

  “Now?” Abigale became alert, goosebumps prickling along her flesh. “It’s only three in the morning.”

  Her mother pursed her lips, her eyes darting to the darkened hallway. “Don’t ask questions, Abigale. Just grab your things and meet me in the car.”

  She was gone before Abigale could question her further.

  With adrenaline pumping through her veins, Abigale grabbed her packed bags and exited her room without a second glance. She was too frightened by what had caused the fear in her mother’s eyes to care that she may never see her home again.

  Racing down the front steps of her house, she saw her mother tapping the steering wheel of their Jeep impatiently with her thumb. Pretending not to notice, Abigale reluctantly pulled the passenger door open.

  She climbed into the vehicle and stuffed her backpack in between some boxes in the back seat. Then she turned to her mother, who stared intently in the direction of the house, as if she expected someone else to come through those doors.

  “When you told me we were leaving in the morning, I didn’t think you meant while it was still dark out,” Abigale said.

  “I know,” her mother replied carefully, her eyes still trained on the house.

  “Then why are we leaving so early?”

  Her mother looked down at the leather-upholstered steering wheel. “I decided I didn’t want to wait, Abigale. It’s a long drive to Arcata.”

  Abigale shook her head. “That’s not the reason, Mom.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “No, it isn’t.”

  “It is, Abigale. Stop arguing with me and get your seatbelt on.”

  “No,” she replied, crossing her arms over her chest. “This is about Dad, isn’t it? Where is he? Isn’t he coming with us?”

  Her mother’s shoulders hunched forward. “No, he’s not.”

  Abigale’s eyes narrowed. “Why not? Where is he? I haven’t seen him since yesterday morning.”

  Instead of answering her, Abigale’s mother sat up in her seat and straightened her shoulders. All signs of weakness were gone from her features. “I said get your seatbelt on.”

  “Mom? Where is he? Where is Dad?”

  Worry crept into Abigale’s voice as she noted her mother’s frigidness toward the subject. What had happened yesterday? Why was her mother being so secretive?

  “Never mind, Abigale,” her mother said through clenched teeth. Her knuckles were pale from gripping the steering wheel so hard. “I don’t want to talk about him.”

  “Mom—”

  “This conversation is finished, Abigale! Get your seatbelt on so we can leave.”

  Abigale clamped her mouth shut and clicked her seatbelt in. The fact her mother wasn’t telling her anything about where her father was made Abigale nervous. She
was scared to push her too far. Still, she had so many questions. What had happened to him? Why hadn’t he contacted her yet? He always did, even when he and her mother fought. What was so different about this time? She knew him well enough to know he would never have let them leave without at least saying good-bye.

  She glanced at her mother, noting the fear pulsating off her in waves. Whatever happened between her parents had left her mother in that state, and it scared her. Her mother had never been this fearful.

  Her mother pulled the Jeep out of the driveway. Abigale clutched her phone for dear life, watching her home disappear in the rear-view mirror. With a sinking feeling in her stomach, the sheer reality of everything hit her like a freight train. She might never see her home or Tiffany or San Francisco again.

  The U-Haul moving truck appeared behind the Jeep. Abigale didn’t want to know how much incentive it took for him to drive this early in the morning.

  She kept her gaze on the rear-view mirror, watching the driver take a bite of a sandwich stuffed with so many slices of meat he could barely get his mouth around it. Her own stomach rumbled at the sight of food, but they wouldn’t be stopping for a while. She didn’t bother asking her mother if they could stop at the gas station they passed on the way to the main highway. She knew what the answer would be.

  When they passed the green neon sign that said ‘You are now leaving San Francisco,’ Abigale leaned back in her seat and tears formed at the corners of her eyes.

  Chapter Three

  By the time they stopped at a rundown gas station three hours down the road, Abigale’s legs were cramping up. While her mother filled the Jeep’s tank, she wandered inside the convenience store, partly to stretch her limbs and partly in search of a bathroom. A guy no older than thirty sat behind the counter. When Abigale stepped inside the store, he flashed her a grin. She smiled back, even though a shiver raced through her at the sight of his stained teeth and beady eyes.