Dr. Feelgood

by Marissa Monteilh

  “What? Mary Jane, I’m not allowed in there until the mother gives her approval.”

  “What in the hell did you get yourself into?”

  “All I know is, right now, I’m headed to the chapel.”

  “I’ll keep an eye on her. And Dr. Worthy, Makkai, for what it’s worth, happy birthday.” Mary Jane dashed off again.

  “Thanks.”

  Dear God,

  I don’t get to talk to you enough. Or should I say I don’t make enough time to talk to you like this. I know that at times we go through hell and high water so that we’ll come to know you for ourselves. I know you want to know me more personally, and I want to know you, too. Believe me I do. I have been through a lot, and I know it’s all been my own doing, greed, lust, stubbornness. But, the bottom line is you’ve been so good to me. You’ve given me more than many people get to experience in two lifetimes. I thank you for all of your blessings and for the gifts you’ve given me … the gift of the skilled hands of a heart surgeon. And I know that there are times when I totally dishonor you and your name. But, here I am, kneeling in your name. They say through you all things are possible.

  And so I’m asking for my daughter to be healthy in every way. She shouldn’t have to suffer for her parents’ indiscretions. She’s fighting, but deep inside, I know she’s not alone on her day of birth, my day of rebirth. I always remember the saying from Footprints, and how when we get weary, it seems there’s only one set of footprints. Well, I’m weary. And I know, with all my heart and soul that you will carry us through. Your footprints are in the sand, taking this journey right along with us. We’re never alone.

  You brought this beautiful little life into this world. And I pray and ask you to keep her here for a long time. Say, one hundred years maybe. Mom always said that loss births a desire for change. Well, my desire is to change, but I pray that it’s without the loss. I have faith. I know she’ll be okay, I believe that she is okay as I speak to you.

  And by the way, tell my little sister I was talking to you. She’ll be happy about that. Or is it true that in heaven, bliss is a constant? No disappointment. Well, that’s good to know.

  So, thanks for your time. And when you get ready to come and get me, I’ll be ready to come home to you, standing before you as a child of God. That much I promise. But, could you give me some more time to pull it all together? And some great years with my little one, please? I ask you to come into my heart and my life and bless this little girl, and her mother, and me. I also ask for peace of mind. Because I do feel that you are drawing me near. In your name, I say, Amen.

  I came to a stance, bowed my head at the altar, and immediately headed out of the chapel and straight to the special care nursery unit where I stood over the incubator that held my miniature newborn daughter.

  Because of her low birth weight she was susceptible to heat loss, so they put her in a doublewalled warmer, wrapped in warm blankets to help her retain her body heat. She was hooked up to a heart respirator monitor. The many tubes were coming out of and going into more places than any one human being should ever be expected to stand.

  Years of seeing patients take their last breaths were painful, but here I was taking in the sight of my very own child fighting for her life. Her petite hands, about the size of a half-dollar, were shut tight. And her pale, slim body was a little larger than the size of my hand, yet it was sweet and beautiful.

  “We’ve got her, don’t worry,” Mary Jane said, speaking from behind me.

  “This is hard.”

  She put her hand on my back. “I know it is. She’s going to get through this, Makkai. You have to know that.”

  “If she’s given a chance at life, then all of my prayers will have been answered.”

  “Makkai, you need to let us do what we do best. But, it’s all in God’s hands from here.”

  I held my skilled hands out toward my baby girl. For the first time in my life, they were unsteady. “I’ve never felt so helpless before in my life. And these hands can’t do a thing about it.”

  “I understand. You can’t save her yourself. She has to turn that corner. And she will … soon. Just have faith.”

  I thought, Faith. Belief in all that is unseen. I pulled my gaze from my daughter’s face to Mary Jane’s face. “Mary Jane, thank you.” I placed my hands around her hand.

  “I’m proud to be able to be one of the ones looking after her. She’s beautiful, and she’s very special.”

  “Yes, she is,” I said as we looked over at her.

  “Have you named her yet?”

  I turned toward Mary Jane. “I need to explain some things to you.”

  “No, you don’t. This is between you and her mother. I’d seen her around before but didn’t know you knew her that well. But, Makkai, that’s not the priority right now.”

  “Thank you for understanding.”

  “Nothing matters more than this little one’s life right now.”

  “Amen. I’ll see you later.”

  “Okay.”

  “Dr. Worthy, I’ve been trying to reach you.” Dr. Lois Taylor approached just before I could walk away. “Oh, excuse me, Nurse Cherry,” she said.

  “No problem.”

  Dr. Taylor and I stepped away toward the nursery door. “What’s up?”

  “I wanted to know if we were still on for tonight to celebrate your birthday.”

  “Uh, no. I’ve had an emergency come up.”

  “That’s too bad. What’s going on?”

  “That newborn named Askins over there in the neonatal care unit is my daughter.”

  “Your daughter?”

  “Yes.”

  At first, she cut her eyes, but then she looked at me and simply dropped her words where they lay. “You know, Dr. Worthy, people have talked around here about you being Casanova Brown ever since I got here. I guess what they’ve been saying is true. You have gotten yourself in a lot of trouble.”

  “Dr. Taylor, right now, I really don’t care what people think. My baby girl is fighting for her life.”

  “What’s wrong with her?”

  “I’ve got the pediatricians on it. She’ll be fine.”

  “Good. You know, I truly do wish you luck. You take care of yourself.”

  “Thanks.”

  She turned back around after taking a step. “Is Dr. Lambert one of the ones attending to her?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then she’s in good hands. I’ve got to get going. Happy birthday.”

  “Thanks, Dr. Taylor.”

  “Call me Lois.”

  “Thanks, Lois.”

  I saw Mary Jane standing over my little daughter, half looking at me through the thick glass, half watching her boss, Lois, swish her way in her white skirt through the doorway and down the hall.

  Mary Jane then glared at me. I could read her mind. Surely she was thinking, So much for the not dating a coworker rule, or thinking she couldn’t believe my nerve. I couldn’t blame her for her bullet-ridden stare. She, of all people, didn’t deserve to be played.

  Two mornings later, after having never left the hospital other than to take that flea-bitten mutt to the boarding kennel around the corner and bring back a claim receipt which I gave to Monday’s nurse, I finally decided to put on my white coat and see my post-op patients. I felt pretty bad about taking that dog, but shoot, even the pound would have been better than living in that nasty car, and she didn’t feel bad about not letting me see my baby being born. Anyway, the attending physicians had done a great job with my patients.

  Just as I was standing before the post-op, male athlete whose aortic valve had been repaired, I heard Mary Jane’s voice over the speakers, “Dr. Makkai Worthy, please come to the OB nurses’ station, stat. Dr. Worthy, please come to the OB nurses’ station, stat.”

  I walked the short distance with a purpose to my step. Mary Jane stood outside of the nursery looking flushed.

  “Doctor, Ms. Askins left.”

  “She left?” I br
eathed like I’d sprinted eight hundred meters.

  “Yes, she’s nowhere to be found. She asked one of the nurses about some dog and then the next thing the nurse knew, she was gone.” “Where’s my baby?” I held my breath. “Makkai, relax. She left without the baby. And she left this sheet of notebook paper on her pillow. It’s addressed to you.”

  Makkai,

  You really are a total and complete jerk. That’s the first thing I want to say. Yes, you found out that my real name is not Monday. My real name is Laurinda. Laurinda Askins. I am the mother of your baby, and I drink a little bit, and I’m homeless. But, I’m sure you’ve already verified all of those facts.

  Attached you’ll find the signed birth certificate form, listing you as the father. Don’t be an even worse jerk. Sign it to confirm the paternity. And please, please raise this little girl to do and be better than I was and did. I drank, screwed, lied, stole, scammed, schemed, and wasted my life away. I didn’t appreciate family, except for my mother, and I didn’t actually learn how to love. It would be a tragedy for me to raise any human being. I barely know how to raise a dog.

  I, Laurinda Marie Askins, grant full and un-contested custody of Baby Girl Askins to you, Dr. Makkai Worthy, her birth father.

  I don’t know where I’ll end up and if I’ll ever even get it together before I die. My only prayer, aside from seeing my mother again in heaven, is that this baby girl is healthy and happy. And for some reason, I believe that you can do that for a baby, even though I don’t believe you’ll ever be able to do a damn thing for any woman. But, aside from that, aside from what I think I would have liked to have seen from you other than screwing me regularly, I pray that you end up happy and that you settle down one day. I hope our paths don’t cross again, but then again, you never know. You just never know.

  And by the way, I pawned everything you ever bought me, just like I did with every fool ass, rich trick I scammed.

  Goodbye,

  Laurinda Askins

  aka “Monday Asskins”

  I looked up as I folded the paper in half. I had an enormous lump in my throat. Standing next to Mary Jane and a security guard, was my mother, coat and purse in hand. “Are you okay, Makkai?”

  I stood as though my feet were bolted to the floor. “No, Mom, I’m not.”

  My mother walked over to me, and I reached down to hug her tightly.

  “Everything will be just fine.” “If you say so.” My eyes felt sweaty.

  “Don’t give me that, son. You’d better know so.”

  “You’re right.”

  We broke from our embrace.

  “What did the doctor say?”

  “From what I know so far, she’s just underweight.”

  “Thank God. Son, I’m here for you. I need you to know that.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Can I see her?”

  “I’ve got to talk to the doctor first. Mom, Monday left her. I need to find out what to do next.”

  “I’ll be sitting right here in the waiting room until you’re ready to go.”

  “It might be a while.”

  “Have you been home?”

  “No.”

  “Then you’re coming home with me. I’ll be sitting right over here.”

  “Mom, at least wait in my office.”

  “No. I want to sit out here so I can see what’s going on. You go. I’ll be fine.”

  Mom was always there. In all ways.

  Chapter 46

  “Hey. How are you?” I asked the man who had long been my stepfather as I walked inside Mom’s house that evening.

  “I’m fine. Congratulations.” He stood with young-looking jeans and a Dunlap T-shirt. His beer belly did lap over his belt, and he needed to let what little bit of receding hair he had left, go. Just let it go.

  “Thanks,” I said.

  He leaned against the sink. “Your mom tells me she’s a cutie. She was happy to get to see her.”

  I sat at the kitchen table. “Yes, we worked it out so she could take a peek. She is a pretty baby.”

  He pointed to the refrigerator. “Can I get you something? Water maybe.”

  “How about a beer?” I suggested with hope that they had one.

  “Make it two,” my mom told him as she walked in the room, already into her house shoes and robe.

  “You’ve got it.”

  “Come into the living room, son,” my mom told me. “Let’s talk before I start dinner.”

  He came in from the kitchen behind us and placed the cold cans on the coffee table, as Mom and I sat on the sofa. He then went on into the garage as usual.

  “So Monday was doing what?” Mom asked, crossing her legs and arms.

  “What wasn’t she doing? She’d served time for stealing, in particular while she was pregnant, she had been homeless for who knows how long, she had charges against her for swindling money from a couple of elderly men, and she’d been in and out of rehab for who knows how long. The day she went into labor she’d been drinking.”

  “Oh, my God. That sounds like something from out of a movie.”

  “And, Mom, the worst part, which I still don’t believe, is that her mother dated Dad.”

  Mom’s jaw dropped. “What was her mom’s name?”

  “Laurie Askins.”

  “That’s one I don’t remember. Wait a minute, you said she dated your father. Please don’t tell me she got pregnant, Makkai.”

  “She did.”

  “Oh, Lord. I just know this woman is not that woman’s daughter? This woman is your sister?”

  “This baby is my niece.” I sat back, taking a cold sip from the can.

  She put her hands to her mouth. “Makkai, oh, my God, I can’t believe you and her, I mean, you didn’t know, but, how’d you find out?”

  “I saw her picture at Dad’s house when I went to the reunion.”

  “Oh, good God. You just never know. But, Makkai, can’t that cause medical problems, when the parents are related? I saw a show on TV about that.”

  “It could have, but so far, I don’t think it did. We’ve gotta keep an eye on her, though. We just needed to make sure she wasn’t born an addict. And she wasn’t.”

  “Oh, Lord, thank you for that. And she hasn’t tried to call you after she left?”

  “Not yet.”

  “That’s so cruel. What kind of woman would leave her own newborn baby?”

  “A troubled one.”

  “You know how people are going to be. People can be so nosey, sitting around wondering about this sweet baby’s mother. They’ll surely call, asking a bunch of questions.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like how you and Monday met, and are you two getting married, where Monday’s from, and things like that. That’s the first thing we’re going to get asked.”

  “Mom, don’t be paranoid. If you’re thinking that people will find out, I’m not even tripping off of that. I just want this baby to stay healthy. Nothing else matters.”

  “I definitely agree. I mean, that goes without saying. But, come to think of it, this is not something that anyone has to know anyway. As far as I’m concerned, it’s actually none of their business.”

  “I really don’t care who knows.”

  She sipped her brew, too, and said, “What I mean is, what about the mother’s name on the birth announcements? You are sending birth announcements, right?”

  “I can’t even think about that right now.”

  “Oh wow, I am still in shock. So, you’re not worried that that crazy woman could show up at any time and run her mouth and try to take that baby away, or even try to get money from you.”

  “First of all, I have her letter. And besides, with all of the crap this family has been through and all of the scandal Dad has brought with his running around, I’m not sure that anything could embarrass me. This is just an extension of his womanizing ways. Besides, Monday doesn’t even know we’re related. But, please tell me something, Mom. And this is something I’v
e always wanted to know. Did you know that Dad used to have women in the car and ask me to not say anything?”

  She answered immediately. “I knew that.”

  “I hated him for that.”

  “Surely you did. Anyone would. Anyway, is Georgia still acting up? I ignored her calls forever.”

  I wanted to say that the D drove her ass crazy. “Mom, Georgia lives with a woman now, and her ex-husband gained custody of those kids.”

  Mom’s eyes bugged. “What? She was gay?”

  “She was confused.”

  “Well, the way she showed up at your door, she had me worried. Maybe it is best that she doesn’t have those sweet girls around her with all of her drama. A judge doesn’t do that just on a whim. Not to the woman anyway.”

  “That’s what I was thinking.” We sat still, looking at a volumeless TV screen.

  “Makkai, between Georgia, Monday and that woman named Serena or Sabina, you’ve been running into some strange folks if you ask me.”

  “It’s Salina. And yes, I have.”

  “I’d say there’s something wrong with your woman picker, if you ask me. I don’t think you’re using the right head, if you know what I mean.”

  “I hear you. That’s part of my problem.”

  “And, I’ll tell you something else, these women need to close their legs and watch who they sleep with. They’re supposed to save that stuff for the wedding night. Sex is a celebration of a union. It’s not even about the sex. It’s about making love to that person. It’s supposed to be shared by two people who have vowed to be together until death do you part.”

  The vision of Mom and Al consummating their union in that way was impossible to imagine. Can’t ever think of a mom on her back doing the love celebration move. I shook the thought out of my head while rubbing my temple. “I agree. It’s easy to get caught up, though.”

  “I’ve never been. Those women who slept with your dad knowing he was married got caught up. I love being with one person,” she admitted.

  “I see that.” I glanced at the pictures of her and Al on the living room wall, surrounding pictures of Fonda and me when we were young.