Dr. Feelgood

by Marissa Monteilh

Chapter 49

  Early the next morning, I was actually sent to the grocery store, assigned to pick up diapers and formula. I strolled down the aisle with my cordless earpiece flashing. For once, my phone was quiet. No one called.

  I scanned the dozens of sizes and types of disposable diapers and snatched up six packages of preemie Huggies and some natural, nonscented baby wipes and headed to the formula section.

  I checked the list Mary Jane gave me just to make sure I had it right, and grabbed twenty-four large cans of Similac NeoSure Advance powder. I also picked up Mary Jane’s favorite Lipton iced tea, and some bottled water.

  “Did you find everything you were looking for?” the cheery, fifty-something-looking grocery checker asked.

  “That and more, thanks.”

  She examined my items. “A new baby, huh?”

  “Yes. A baby girl.”

  “Congratulations. There’s nothing in the world like the birth of a child.”

  “That much I know.”

  “It’ll make you switch up your priorities, that’s for sure.”

  I handed her the cash and the bag boy handed me my bags. “If you understand the blessing, it definitely will.”

  She gave me my change. “Well, enjoy that little one.”

  “Forever.”

  “Just wait until you’re a grandparent, like me.” She pointed to herself.

  “Hey now. First things first.”

  She laughed. “Have a great day.”

  “You too.” I looked back as I stepped away. “And you couldn’t possibly be a grandma.”

  “Six times over.”

  “Now that sounds like a true blessing.”

  Next thing I knew I was heading out for my first full day back at work, which meant I had to leave the baby. I couldn’t wait to get to work and get the day over with.

  I headed to the hospital, speeding down the highway, pushing the posted speed limit in my red sports car that I never get a chance to drive, keeping an eye out for the Highway Patrol in my rearview every few minutes. I was going to need to get that new rust Hummer H3 I’d had my eye on, or maybe I’ll stay loyal to the Porsche line and get me that sweet new Cayenne SUV.

  Once I arrived, the day ahead of me consisted of two post-op follow-ups and a minor, procedure. I had a quick moment to sit at my desk just before a physician’s meeting to discuss advancements in cardiac catheterization. My eyes scanned the many greeting cards lined up on my desk from coworkers, wishing me congratulations on the birth of my daughter. I felt a warmth from head to toe. I took a second to check my cell phone messages.

  “Hi, baby, it’s Mary Jane. Some woman called who did not leave her name and she did not sound very happy that I answered.” Lord only knows who that was. “Carlos called. Your mom called at around noon. And then your dad called shortly thereafter. He seemed surprised that I answered your phone, but he was really nice. So, give them a call when you get time. See you later, baby.” Mary Jane’s voice was calming.

  I spoke to my cell phone. “Call Carlos.”

  His casualness and boldness had returned. “Talk to me.”

  “Yo, man, I’m just getting back to you.”

  “Hey, how’s everything going?”

  “Cool. Very cool.”

  “I’ll bet. I see Mary Jane is answering the home phone now.”

  “Yeah.” I leaned back and began shuffling through diagnosis reports.

  “So, it’s like that?”

  “It’s like that.”

  “Good for you. Looks like we both got caught?” Carlos joked.

  I joked. “You too? Who is it? Some stripper?”

  “No man. She’s cool, though.”

  “Well then who is it? Must be that superwoman with stamina named Alice. Was it?”

  He seemed to hold his breath. “It’s Salina, dude.”

  My voice dropped. “Carlos.”

  “No, I’m telling you, she’s different, man. She had to do some hours for the false charges and she kept calling me collect every night. I guess all that time on the phone did something. I think she’s changed, Makkai. I mean it.”

  “She is crazy, deranged, and married, Carlos. She’s got a real psychological problem, man. You be careful. And, to top it off, she still has a gigantic, violent husband.”

  “Salina has filed for divorce. And she’s now on regular medication that should help things level off. I believe she’s a good woman underneath all of those layers, man. She’s been through a lot. But, we’re hanging. She’s even going to work as a salesperson at BCBG to make some extra money. The courts won’t accept her for a job now that she has a misdemeanor and now that her medical record is part of that conviction. But yeah, we’re talking about living together or something like that, but I’m just happy to not be running the streets anymore.”

  “Carlos, man, she’s whipped your ass, that’s what happened.”

  “Not me.”

  “Yeah right.”

  “Well, hell, the girl can get down, now.”

  “That mad wild psycho sex got you hooked. I just never thought you’d really fall for her. Not after everything that happened.”

  “I can’t explain it, man, but I wanted you to know.”

  He paused.

  I paused.

  He paused.

  I said, “You know what. I hope it works out just the way you want it to.”

  “Me too.”

  “And once you toss that black book, it should be on.”

  “She tossed it for me.”

  “I should have known. She’s gonna keep a tight-ass leash on you, my brotha. So what else is up?”

  “Not much. Just about to head home.”

  “Cool. Okay well, yeah.”

  “Maybe I’ll get to see that baby one day, huh?”

  “Maybe. Man, I can’t lie. I can’t say that I want Salina near her or near Mary Jane.”

  “You’ve gotta know she’s changed, Makkai. People do change, you know?”

  “I’ll talk to you about that later, man.”

  “Okay. Later.”

  That one deserved a major exhale and a silent prayer.

  People change, huh? Maybe so, but in this case, sex is powerful and my boy, the hound, is addicted. And I, of all people, should know about the bonding power of sex.

  I glanced up at the wall clock, noting that I still had about fifteen minutes. I picked up my office phone. My thoughts ranged from being hooked on sex and how the thrill of an orgasm can make us stupid, to why it’s so difficult to be truly monogamous, and why it was that my mother put up with infidelity for so long.

  “Hello.”

  “Hey, Mom.”

  “Hey there. Let me turn this movie off. It’s On Glolden Pond.” Sounded like she dropped the phone and then picked it up just after the volume of the television decreased. “Sorry about that. That Henry Fonda was good until his last days. Hey, how’s that little one? I can’t wait to see her next week. Mary Jane said she’s drinking almost more than a few ounces in one feeding already.”

  “Yes, she is.”

  “That’s good for a preemie.”

  It was as if I didn’t hear a word she said. “Mom, were you over Dad?”

  “Oh, Makkai, too over him, long overdue, over him. Why do you ask that?”

  “Just wondering what was the real reason why we left so suddenly and came to L.A. Was it the woman who called you on the phone that day?”

  After I asked the question, I reminded myself that after what my mother had gone through, I didn’t want Mary Jane to ever have to deal with any woman calling my house again. I was going to have to change all of my numbers.

  “Wow, what brought that up?”

  “Mom, please.”

  “Well, I guess I knew you’d ask me that one day. Aside from having to get away from that serial cheater of a man who called himself your father, and the father of half of the population in the South, I knew a couple of things.”

  “Like what?”

 
“I knew he took you to her house that night. And I knew why. It was written all over his face, and yours, when you came home. It’s just something a mother knows.”

  I turned my chair so that my back would be to the door. My heart sped up. “Mom.”

  “Makkai, my life changed that night. It was one of many straws that broke the camel’s back. Your dad talked about you possibly being gay and was bound and determined to ‘turn’ you straight. I called that woman’s house that night and pretended I was his Aunt Ethel. She told me that Roosevelt was on his way over with his son, and I knew. You know, sometimes, you just know. If you’d come back in a few hours, I could have thought that the two of you simply stopped by. But, all night long? And I’ll never forget the guilty look on your face as you got out of his car. I sat in my rocking chair in the front window and damn near cried myself to death. It was pitiful. It was a look of shame and excitement on your face all in one. It was as if you’d both fooled around on me. Roosevelt even smelled of her. He usually did. And he had the nerve to climb on top of me as soon as he hit the bed. I nearly threw up. The only thing that kept me from literally snapping was knowing we were leaving.”

  Instantly, my right hand soothed my warm forehead. “Mom, I’m sorry.”

  “It wasn’t your fault, Makkai. It really, truly wasn’t your fault. And she was the one who called my house not long before we left. She told me her first and last name and all I did was look her up in the phone book and call her back.”

  “I had no idea.”

  “Well, Makkai. You know what? I’m just going to get it all out today. It’s long overdue. Remember when Fonda found out she was pregnant at only thirteen years old?”

  “Yes.”

  “I had no idea that would have caused her to die or else I would have pulled hell and high water to get her an abortion. Instead, two lives perished. Especially knowing in my heart, in my gut, and in my soul that the baby your sister carried could have been your father’s.”

  I tried to speak right after hearing her hellified words, but even though my mouth was open, my voice wouldn’t obey my mental commands. I cleared my throat twice and gulped my saliva, clearing my throat again. “Mom, you’ve got to be kidding me. That cannot be.”

  “And why couldn’t it be, Makkai? Your father climbed on top of anything with a hole, whether it moved or not, and I’m not so sure that men and animals were excluded.” She sighed. “I asked your sister and she just started crying. I told her I knew, and she just cried some more. That’s why I left, not just because of anything with other women, even though that was unforgivable and bad enough. Maybe I’d just resolved myself to that. And I guess I didn’t even really leave because of the threesome he involved you in. I left because I had to take you two away from a pedophile. I knew my husband was sleeping with my precious daughter. The confrontation happened just before I left and moved us to California. It’s just something a mother knows.”

  Chapter 50

  “Where’s Fonda?” He asked about no one else but Fonda.

  He’d been out, just getting in of course. He’d stopped in the restroom and then to the door of your room. He approached me as I stood firmly in front of the doorway to my bedroom. I reeked of intolerability. He smelled of brandy.

  I was packing a butcher knife. I gripped it, flashed it so he could see it, and stood just far away enough so that I could insert it deeply if need be. Only one word could have led the way. “Why?”

  He pointed to your room where you slept. “Makkai is in there. But, where’s Fonda?”

  “She’s in what used to be our bed. She’s sleeping with me tonight.”

  He peeked over my shoulder, but the door was closed shut. “What in the hell is she doing in there?”

  “She’s there so that I can keep an eye on her.”

  He had the nerve to demand, like he had the upper hand, “Get her out of there so I can sleep.”

  “Get her out of there so you can do what?”

  “I need to get to sleep, woman. I’m tired.”

  “Why don’t you sleep in the garage on that mattress?”

  Anger was engraved on his face. “I’ll be damn if I sleep in the garage at my own house.”

  I did not blink. “You fuck on it. Why not spend the night on it?”

  “Woman, I’m telling you. Get that child out of that bed so I can go to sleep. Now.”

  “No.”

  “Corrine.” His eyes darted down at what my hand was choking.

  “If you so much as raise your voice, not to mention your hand to me, as God is my witness, I will cut your throat so deep you won’t be able to say another word in life.”

  “Have you lost your mind?” His glare was menacing.

  “I swear fo’ God, I will lose my mind if I don’t get me and these kids away from you. Now since you’re looking at me like you’re gonna do something, it’s your choice … your popular dick or your tired-ass throat. Because I know one thing, if I get hurt tonight, I’d rather you kill me, but everyone will know I tried to kill you first. That’s the only way I’m leaving this earth, is if I know I don’t leave them to you.”

  He leaned his upper body in the direction of the bedroom door. All I wanted him to do was take one single solitary step. I wished he would. I raised the wide blade of the knife even higher, bracing my stance just in case he tried to grab it.

  “Corrine.”

  “Don’t take a step toward that bedroom. I will cut you and then call the police. Now I don’t have proof, yet, that that baby inside of that child’s belly is yours, but once that baby is born, I will find out. And if it is, you will die in jail. So you enjoy your pathetic life for the next four months. And as of tonight, you are either sleeping in that garage, or at one of your hoe’s houses, but you will never spend another night under the same roof with these kids again. Do I make myself clear, Roosevelt? Now get the hell out of this house.”

  His frown lines deepened. “You have lost your mind. I’ve never laid a hand on that girl. I would never …”

  “I’m counting to five. 1, 2, 3, 4 …”

  “Your father wasn’t as dumb as he looked. He reluctantly but quickly walked straight out of the back door. I bolted and chained the door, propped and secured a chair up against the knob and packed up what I hadn’t packed over the previous six days. And then I sat back and sipped straight from a bottle of vodka. It was a tall, friendly bottle of Grey Goose. It was all I could do to not become an alcoholic. Thank God his car was gone the next morning.”

  After Mom told her story, my shoulders dropped and I felt like my body was on pause. My mouth would not snap out of its paralyzed state. My blood pressure was surely off the charts. My words suddenly slipped out. “Mom, I’m so sorry. That stupid asshole is really sick.”

  “That’s an understatement.”

  I breathed out through my nose with a burst of forcible air. “Sorry to curse, Mom, but I can’t believe that I didn’t know sooner that this punk of a man did this crap. You let me travel to see him all those times without knowing that he raped my baby sister. If I had known, I would have literally killed him.”

  “That’s why, Makkai. I knew you would do something that would end up ruining your life. I had years of spiritual counseling later on to deal with my anger and guilt, and I prayed to God every single day, but really decided to leave it a family secret. It was a hard decision to make, but I had to let it go. So many times I’ve wanted to kill him, but it’s as though something inside of me told me not to. He’ll get his. I think it’s a generational curse from his twisted side of the family. But, being that my one and only daughter has been dead for so many years, and all of this has happened with Monday being your sister, I think it needed to be said. You be careful around him with your daughter, Makkai. And around your woman.”

  “That man is so damn pathetic! He’s a sick pervert! Mom, I have to go. I’ll just keep disrespecting you with the words that are popping into my head faster than I can think. That man actually would have
fathered his own granddaughter.” A long, slow-motioned pause dribbled by on each end. “But, Mom, if you really think about it, how much better am I with a daughter who’s my very own niece?”

  “Oh, now please, don’t you go doing that to yourself. You didn’t know who that woman was. Son, you are a father, in every way, not just biologically. You are a father who has decided to show up and answer the call. And nowadays, many men don’t do that. But, you are so unlike your dad that it’s not even close. It’s not what they call you that matters, Makkai, it’s what you answer to. Your worth is not determined by one act. And you’re definitely not a rolling stone like he is and always has been.”

  “I wouldn’t give myself that much credit.” I stood and shot my sights out of the window, capturing a view of the twin building next door. I just stared.

  “You didn’t know you two were related, first of all. And secondly, you didn’t fool around on women who you were committed to. You never have. You weren’t married, out there running around like a chicken with its head cut off. And this is your first and only child. You can’t compare him to you, son.”

  “Mom, but I’ve always had at least four women at a time, ever since I was in high school, and I just barely escaped a false rap for rape.”

  “Makkai, now I do believe you must be responsible for your actions. But, somehow, you haven’t repeated that, not from where I sit anyway. Years ago, you immediately became the man of our house and you have always been a great son. You put your sister and me first in every way.”

  “I saw what his ways did to you, and there was nothing I could do about it.”

  “Then do something now. Do what you can to raise this baby with Mary Jane. Please. Enjoy that precious little grandbaby of mine, and keep your family together. And, son, think about really settling down one day and marrying that girl. I told you before that you need stability. Today is the day you can break the pattern and begin a lifestyle for your children to emulate. God has blessed you with that opportunity. The opportunity to have peace of mind. Don’t waste it, Makkai.”

  “I’ve really got to go now. I’ll call you later. And thanks.”

  “Thank you, for being a constant in my life, Makkai Jerome Worthy.”