The Road to Amistad

by Ken Dickson

  “I’ve always loved those tower lights. Whenever I return from travelling, they are like a lighthouse guiding me home. You can see them for miles from any direction, even more from an airplane.”

  “They are very comforting, almost like Christmas lights.”

  “I’m always surprised when I see a lake like this in the desert. I love the fountain where you come in from Chandler Boulevard. Someday, I want to build one. There is just something fascinating about the physics of fountains, and the sound of splashing water reminds me of a waterfall.”

  We continued talking until the final glow of sunset gave way to stars. As we did, I remembered something that I deeply cherished: creating a new history with someone. I again felt that unity of spirit that I’d shared with Jessie. Just then, an idea crossed my mind.

  “Emma, I work for a company called BRI. We’re building an experimental community. We could sure use someone with your talent for landscaping. Would you be interested in getting involved?”

  “I’ve already got a full-time job that I spent years and a small fortune educating myself for. On the other hand, I have been chomping at the bit for another landscaping gig. It would be a great change of pace from dodging dangerous patients, and it wouldn’t be difficult for me to get back into my field if it didn’t work out. Give me some more details, and I’ll let you know.”

  “Certainly,” I said, feeling a sense of accomplishment. Then, without warning, I yawned. “Sorry about that. It’s not the company, believe me. I’m running out of steam. I guess I should probably get going.”

  Emma accompanied me to my car. I thanked her for dinner and the tour of her yard and then hugged her.

  “You’ve really put on some muscle with all the landscaping,” I said.

  “That’s for sure. Let’s do this again some time.”

  “I’d like that. By the way, thanks for setting me straight in regards to friendships and marriage. I’ve been a bit delusional in those areas lately. Sometimes, I wonder if I’m still mentally ill.”

  “I wouldn’t worry about it, I think that we’re all a little mentally ill. I hope that things work out with you and Beth.

  “You’ve inspired me to redouble my efforts.” I smiled, got into my car, and then waved as I drove away.

  Chapter 21

  TAKING A STAND

  I wasn’t privy to much of what was said or done at Beth’s outings with her friends, but they always proved to be just the tonic she needed, and more often than not, I could count on her being particularly amorous when she returned. Such was the case when she came home from her four days with friends in Munds Park. Within moments of her entering the door, we were locked in a passionate embrace.

  I’ve loved my share of women in my life, but none more than Beth. It began as a spark when I first met her in Old Chicago’s in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and blossomed over the years. Despite some rough spots since my institutionalization, I felt as strongly about her as ever. Our love was beyond physical, encompassing all areas of our life. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else, and until I became enamored with other resilients, I’d been faithful to her since we’d met.

  I wasn’t sure what to do about Jessie, but after Emma’s inspiring words, I was sure of one thing: I wanted more than anything to be like her and make my marriage work. As I spooned with Beth in the afterglow of lovemaking under the cooling breeze of the ceiling fan, I ignored an intuitive plea for restraint, and prepared to confess my transgression and make things right.

  “Beth, I want to tell you something if you’ll promise not to get upset.”

  “I don’t think that anything could upset me right now,” she said dreamily, pressing her body affectionately against mine and pulling my arm more tightly around her.

  “You know how much I love you.”

  “Of course, and I love you, too.”

  I couldn’t think of a way to ease into it, so I got right to the point, certain that if things went badly, we would work it out. After all, we’d survived plenty of other challenges over the years.

  “I still love you as much as ever, but lately I’ve been spending time with Jessie.”

  “I don’t mind. You’ve always had female friends—I’m used to it.”

  She was right in that regard. I had had several female friends during our marriage, but they were nothing more than friends.

  “It’s more than that.”

  Beth pulled away and sat bolt upright against the headboard. “You’d better not be telling me what I think you’re telling me.”

  I wanted to tell her the whole story of how in a perfect world we could love more than one person, but that even in that world, I would only want to love her, that I screwed up and was an idiot. Instead, I struggled to say anything. When I finally did respond, all I could manage was “I’m sorry.”

  I couldn’t make heads or tails of her expression in the dim light. As I waited for a reaction, she turned, calmly removed her reading glasses from atop a book on her nightstand and set them aside. I remember the book clearly: one of Stephen King’s largest, “The Dome.” In its protective Phoenix Library plastic cover replete with Dewey Decimal ID, it seemed even more daunting. She picked it up and then walloped me on the head with it before I had a chance to protect myself. I narrowly missed a second attempt by rolling out of bed onto the floor.

  “After all the shit I went through with you, this is my reward? Get the fuck out of my house!” she shrieked. I was stunned. I’d only heard her curse a handful of times in all the years that I’d known her, and only then because she burned herself or stubbed her toe.

  I picked myself up off the floor and stood next to the bed. “Beth, I…” She threw the book at me. I ducked just in time, and it thudded resonantly against the wall behind me. I noticed then that there were several more books on the nightstand, but she had something else up her sleeve.

  “Get the hell out of here and don’t come back. If you’re still here in two minutes, I’ll call the police—and you know I’ll do it.”

  Having already ridden in a police SUV because of her actions when I was ill, I knew that she wasn’t bluffing. I grabbed my clothes, hustled for the bedroom door and took the stairs two at a time down to the foyer. Only then did I pull on my pants and shirt, then jammed my bare feet into a pair of running shoes sitting at the foot of the stairs. “One minute!” I heard from upstairs. I hurried to the front door, opened it and exited without taking the time to lock it. Seconds later, I was driving out of the neighborhood.

  That night marked the beginning of my life in limbo, of the cold, hollow feeling of being without the one person who meant more to me than any other, and the loss of all the history tied to her. In the days that followed, a few things became clear. First, I should have broached the subject of Jessie with more forethought and tact. Second, I clearly still thought negative thoughts and felt negative emotions—and I hated it. It seemed like the new me trying to act like the old me—like a shoe on the wrong foot. That awareness drove me to shut down the negative thoughts much as I once had at Pinecrest. As my mind cleared of chatter, the related emotions quickly faded, leaving me in a familiar calm state.

  I promptly turned my focus elsewhere to avoid the temptation to dwell on my misfortune again: Primera. The entire incident provided undeniable insight into the minds of other resilients having problems with their moral compasses. For that reason, I arranged for a meeting to take place on February 8, 2013, five days after Beth booted me out, with Matt, the managers of BRI and Merry. It was time to make a stand.

  ***

  There were now two corporate centers for BRI. The investment center, located near the rapidly growing financial district near Tempe Town Lake, and the research center, located in a two-story office complex just west of I-10 and north of Chandler Boulevard in Chandler. The meeting took place in a conference room in the Chandler facility. When I entered the room, everyone else was already present. I greeted them and took a sea
t at the table.

  “Thanks for coming. To begin with, I want to commend all of you on the fine work that you’ve done. I’m very impressed with how well everything is pulling together. Great job. The reason for this meeting is to discuss a problem that’s arisen—a rather challenging one. It’s been brought to my attention that a substantial percentage of our employees have become romantically involved, impacting their job performance and creating distractions at work.” I looked around the room for a reaction. Steve, head of Security, stared stoically at me; Allysa, manager of Finance looked surprised; and Raj of IS and John of Legal remained straight-faced. “This is no way to conduct a business. Besides the obvious, we interact with many outside vendors who might get the wrong impression. Worst of all, it’s impacting schedules.” Erin, Conner and Keiko, managers of Facilities, Engineering and HR, looked at each other and then at me with expressions that confirmed that they were well aware of the situation and its ramifications.

  “I’ve given this a lot of thought, and rather than reprimand employees, or go to great pains to police the situation, I recognized that it’s a perfect opportunity to remind ourselves of exactly what we are doing. We’re not just running a business or building a community, we’re conducting research, specifically social research. The business environment we created is no different than any other. We all come from conventional business backgrounds, so why shouldn’t we mimic them? Those businesses worked fine for the industrial age, but we are at the dawn of a new age. Therefore, I propose that we abandon our model and implement a new one. Merry, would you be kind enough to take over?” As I turned control to Merry, I noticed that Matt appeared irritated.

  “Gladly. I’ve met all of you at one point or another. You all know me and my background. What you might not know is that I’ve been resilient for most of my life. I have a lot of experience being resilient, but very little interacting with other resilients. That changed when I met all of you. Finding you was not only a Godsend, it was a goldmine of psychological data. When Ken told me his plan, I wasn’t shocked, I was thrilled. As I thought of all that I’d learned about resilients recently, it made perfect sense.

  “I’m sure that you know famous musicians or athletes. What sets them apart from everyone else? Some may argue that they are genetically superior and that may play a small role, but the real reason is that it is their passion—it’s what they wake up thinking about in the morning, live all day and go to bed and dream about at night. The main difference between resilients and the rest of the world is freed bandwidth. Why? Because when we lost our ‘bucket of hurt’ as Ken refers to it, or the spinning hamster wheels of thought, as others might think of it, that freed up bandwidth. Not only that, it removed self-doubt, worry and a laundry list of other emotional roadblocks. Without those, I know what Ken did—he followed his passion and filled that bandwidth with it. He lives and breathes it every day. Ken is just like those musicians or athletes now.

  “What if we could do that with other resilients? Free them from the mundane and allow them to follow their passion? They’d be like those musicians, athletes and even Ken, only their passion would be what they are doing for BRI. Now, I know that you’ll think that this is over the top, but I’m with Ken on his proposal. I recommend that we disband the departments and reassemble them not based on employees’ experiences, but according to their passions.”

  “That’s preposterous!” shouted John. “There’s no way you could take someone from IS, HR or any other department and make them lawyers.”

  “I agree with John,” said Allysa. “You can’t take just anyone and put them in charge of the finances. Besides, I’m not seeing anything like this in my department.”

  “Me neither,” Steve contributed. “I run a tight ship, and I can guarantee you that if this was going on with my team, I’d know, and the culprits would be out the door.”

  “I hear what you’re saying,” countered Merry. “We’ll find ways to address such important concerns. Let me finish. If we do this, everyone will be happier and more productive.

  There will certainly be a learning curve, but we’re barely beginning. It’s the perfect time to do this. We will, in all likelihood, leapfrog ahead in every area in no time. There’s another bonus. If you place passionate people together, rather than be inclined to get physically involved, they will connect intellectually and magnify their passions. This will be a game-changer, a quantum leap from industrial age thinking.”

  Matt pounded his fists on the table, gaining everyone’s attention instantly. “I’ve had enough of this bullshit.” He looked directly at Merry and me. “What makes you think that you can waltz in here and tear my company apart? It’s my name on the Articles of Incorporation, not any of yours. If you think you can get away with this, I’ll fire all of your asses right now.”

  “Calm down, Matt,” pleaded Merry. “We’re all professionals here, and I guarantee you that we have the best interest of BRI at heart.”

  “You’re not even an employee. How would you know what’s best for this company? As far as I’m concerned, you should be first out the door. As a matter of fact,” Matt stood, walked toward the door, opened it and turned toward Merry, “I’ll hold it open for you.”

  Never in all the years I’d know him had I seen Matt angry. Frustrated, yes; but never angry. Something was going on, and I was sure that it had nothing to do with reorganizing the company. “Hold on, Merry, no one is leaving this room. Matt, can I speak to you privately for a moment?” Matt glared at me without responding. I rose from my chair and left the room. He grudgingly followed.

  “How could you do something like this without talking to me first? I’m the president for Christ’s sake.”

  “What’s going on? I’ve never seen you like this before. You’ve been through a lot of crap in your career and handled it with ease. I’m sure that you’ve negotiated your way through worse than this and come out smiling.”

  He looked away from me as he answered. “All right, it’s my mother. We had to put her in assisted living. She and I haven’t seen eye-to-eye for years, but somehow, because I’m the financial guy, I get stuck with taking care of her. Most of my siblings don’t even talk to me, and yet I’m the one that has to deal with her.”

  I’m sure it was true, but I wasn’t buying it. He had plenty of resources available. There were myriad ways he could deal with that without getting personally involved.

  “I’m sorry to hear that, but that’s not it, is it? There’s something more, something that hits even closer to home.”

  “You think you know everything, don’t you?” He said, glaring at me once more.

  “No, that’s not it at all. I’m just trying to help.”

  “Okay, I’ll tell you, but you have to keep this between you and me until I figure out how to deal with it, and I mean it. I’ve got investors to answer to, and this can’t get out.”

  “My lips are sealed.”

  “Some of the assets are failing to perform as expected.”

  “That’s a bullshit answer. Spell it out.”

  “They’ve fallen off the charts.”

  “What? How bad?”

  “You know how conservative I am. I moved the money at the first sign of trouble. We lost very little.”

  “Every stock has ups and downs.”

  “This is different. Systemic.”

  I reflected for a moment on what he was saying, and it suddenly made perfect sense. “This is why we have to reorganize. Those companies are probably experiencing the same difficulties with resilients that we are, only they don’t have the same options and inside knowledge. We can head this off, I know it.”

  “That’s not all. I’m not finding any more resilient companies. The money train is screeching to a halt. It’s over.”

  “I don’t believe it. Markets come and go like waves at the beach. We just have to wait for the next wave, you’ll see. We need to hunker down and ride it out. How are we set for cash?”
>
  “We’re fine, but like I said, I have to answer to investors. It’s going to take some creativity and time. I’ve still got a while before the statements go out, but I’ve got to do something fast.”

  Despite having some misgivings, I remained optimistic. “Everything is going to be all right. What say we go back in and talk some more?”

  “Okay, but I can tell you right now that I’m not going for it.”

  “Before I forget, if there’s anything I can do to help with your mother, let me know.”

  “Thanks,” he said with a look of relief.

  ***

  An hour later, Matt held up his hand and everyone quieted. “Ken, you once approached me out of the blue with a list of stocks. After you left, I called your wife, ratted you out and then prepared to freeze all of your assets on your wife’s say so. However, that meeting led to everything that we have today, including BRI. Everyone, I think we should seriously entertain this, but I’m going to recommend that we be conservative. In particular, the management staff has much time and energy invested in this venture, and critical infrastructure is already in place that must stay intact. I propose that we disband only the Research Arm: Facilities, Engineering and HR. Those departments are most heavily vested in Primera. That will leave Finance, IS, Legal and Security intact to ensure no hiccup on the business side. With an awareness of the problem, we’ll address it in those departments on a case by case basis. In addition, I propose that managers have the option of retaining their current positions, should they so choose.”

  Finding the compromise acceptable, I turned to Merry. He surprised me by shaking his head no. “It’s not enough. The managers staying is fine, but we need more flexibility. I’ll tell you what. Why don’t we do the exercise on paper first and see how it looks. These are bright people, and I’ll bet that none of them are as unqualified for change as you think.” I looked at Matt, expecting a battle.