“I am not an abused woman.”
“Then why do you have bruises all over your body? No, that’s not correct. You have bruises exactly where no one could see them. The blow to your stomach was so bad, it’s a miracle you weren’t bleeding internally. And what about your head? You were unconscious for more than six hours. You needed CPR!”
“I… don’t understand.”
“You stopped breathing when you collapsed last night. I saw you walking in circles around the cabin. If I didn’t actually see you going down, you would’ve frozen to death.”
“Around the cabin?”
“Yeah. Hard to believe, when you were so disoriented, right? It must’ve felt like you were walking for miles.”
I looked down again, ashamed. I had made a fool of myself yet again.
“I’m sorry.”
“What are you so sorry for?”
“You don't know me. I’m a bad person.” Why was he acting like he didn’t understand. It was plain as day. “It was my fault.”
“What? Getting beaten up?”
“Everything,” I whispered.
“It’s never your fault. All victims of abuse say that, but it’s not true.”
“I am not a victim!”
I could feel the anger clenching my insides. Why was he insisting?
“Alex never abused me! I am a bad person, it was all deserved and fair. You don’t understand.”
“You don’t understand. The animal is beating you like a piece of meat and you deserve it?”
“Stop! I am not a victim. I am fine.”
“You’re not. Not physically, you’re injured. You need to go to the hospital!”
“No, I don’t. And you can’t make me go.”
“Actually, I can. The only thing stopping me from hauling your ass into the city is that I want to talk to you first. They automatically report abuse, but I wanted you to understand what is happening. I don’t want you to get traumatized even more.”
“I am not…”
“Yeah, yeah. You’re fine. Forget it. The last thing you are now is fine.”
“You’re wrong.”
He started pacing, frustrated. “So, what? Now you’re going back to him? Kiss and make up, get ready for another beating? He can kill you!”
“Shut up! I broke up with him.”
“Then why has he called you a thousand times in one night?”
“You looked through my phone?”
I couldn’t believe my ears. First, he accused me of being something I wasn’t, and now he tells me he had violated my privacy?
“I haven’t, I am not a control freak who beats defenseless women down. But I watched over you all night. And there he was, calling every second. I had to turn the stupid phone off, you were afraid of his ringtone even when you were unconscious.”
“You turned the phone off?” My anger was instantly replaced by fear. He will kill me now!
“Where’s my phone?”
“Wow. So much for breaking up, eh?”
I looked into his eyes intending to show him how angry I was, but felt his painful disappointment instead. I opened my mouth to say something, but couldn’t think of anything that would make things right.
“Are you kids up?” Mum called from the hallway.
David must’ve seen how panicked I was. “Don’t worry, I didn’t tell her.”
“Thank you.”
“Eva?”
“We’ll be right there!” he shouted. My mother kept talking, in her cheerful voice. It hurt me to know I was such a disappointment to her.
My gratefulness to David increased threefold when he went to the door and convinced her to leave us alone.
“Thank you,” I said again.
“Look” he started, sitting next to me. “You are hurt, despite what you think. You can’t possibly feel fine, I can see your body is injured. Do you feel that pain?”
I nodded, tears already welling up in my eyes.
“OK. That pain, those bruises, came from him.”
I heard the pause in his voice. He couldn’t bear to say Alex’s name. At the same time, the veins on his hands pulsated, as he clenched a fist.
“What you think, what he made you think, is irrelevant, Eva. The pain, the injuries, they are real. Nobody can deny them. You can’t protect him like this.”
David was talking evenly, struggling to control his anger. I could feel the tension and I felt guilty for putting him through this.
“I am not protecting him. I told you, we are broken up.”
“Did you tell him that?”
I closed my eyes, giving up on fighting the tears. What was the point? He had seen me in my lowest moments.
“You need to tell him. Write it in a text, then tell him straight when he calls again. Say it a thousand times, if necessary. Make it real, not just something that has only happened in your head. Face him for the coward he is.”
“We’re broken up,” I repeated, more to convince myself than David.
“Yes. Tell it to him. He won’t hurt you again, I can make that promise.”
I shook my head slowly.
“Please,” he pleaded through gritted teeth. He was trying hard not to take his frustration on me and I couldn’t understand why. Wasn’t I to blame for everything?
“OK,” I gave in halfheartedly. It seemed to satisfy him enough. I held my breath until he left my room.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered after I heard the door closing.
***
It needed to be done. David was right.
All of Sunday I had tiptoed around everyone, suspicious of them. What if they knew but they were acting like nothing had happened?
No, that wasn’t possible. Mum would have never been so calm if she knew. But, David had managed to calm her down before.
At one point I had been so confused, with the headache coming back, that I needed to excuse myself to go into my room.
Despite my suspicions of him hating me, I could see how worried David was for me. He had taken good care of me, but somehow managed to give me enough space as well.
By sunset, I was feeling better, both emotionally and physically. It made sense to trust he hadn’t told our parents about me.
After dinner, I took a walk outside, thinking it would help with my anxiety. I knew tomorrow morning I had to get back on campus. That meant I had to face Alex.
I couldn’t say to his face that I was breaking up with him. He would kill me.
Maybe I should follow David’s advice. Text Alex. Or Call him.
“Isn’t that what cowards do?” I asked myself.
But he’d kill me if I tell him in person.
I was still undecided and even more anxious when I got back into the house. The warmth from the fireplace mellowed me out as I stepped in.
“You’re still up?”
George was reading in the living room, his hipster glasses low on his nose.
“Yes. I don’t want to disturb your mother with the lights on.”
“I’m going to bed. Enjoy your book, George.”
“Goodnight, Eva.”
As I walked past David’s door, I felt the need to go in. I needed to be close to him, even for a minute. His unexpected support still baffled me, and attracted me like a curious phenomenon.
I knocked weakly. “Oh, God. What am I doing, I shouldn’t be here,” I mumbled and started for my door.
“What’s up? Did you knock?”
I forced a smile. “Yeah.”
“Everything alright?”
“Yes.” Taking a deep breath, I raised my eyes to his. “I just wanted to thank you. For today.”
“I know you don’t want to worry your mum.”
“No, not that. I meant for being there for me.” It felt strange to say those words, like were a public admission of defeat from my part. I must’ve grimaced, seeing as David started laughing.
“It’s alright. You’re a good person. I like you.”
My lungs malfuncti
oned for a split second, before I chastised myself for attributing other meanings to his simple words. Of course he liked me, I was his future step sister.
Still, I could’ve sworn he said those last three words on a different tone, like he wanted me to interpret them the way I did. “My sick mind,” I thought and pushed the idea away.
“Anyway, thank you, David. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
I hurried into my room, suspecting I was blushing embarrassingly. “Way to go, stupid.”
Leaning against the closed door, I forced myself to think of anything else but David. When I finally opened my eyes, I smiled. He had made my bed for the night. There was even a little chocolate bar on my pillow. “Silly man.”
I kept smiling as I changed into my nightie, and would’ve probably gone to sleep smiling if it weren’t for Alex’s call.
At first, I wanted to reject it, but David’s words sprang to mind. It needed to be done, Alex needed to hear I was no longer his girlfriend, and the only way I could survive this was to do it over the phone. Maybe he’d stop harassing me, once we stopped being a couple.
Who was I kidding? He wasn’t the type to give up easily.
Nonetheless, I had to start somewhere, so I picked up.
“What the fuck, Eva? You playing games with me?”
“No, Alex. There are no games.”
“You stupid bitch, tomorrow you’re coming here. I’m picking you up from the train station.”
I thought I heard a noise in David’s room. I strained to distinguish what was it, but it had stopped.
“Did you hear me, Eva?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Now be a good girl and send me a pic of your tight pussy.”
“Alex, I need to tell you something.”
“What? Like you’re pregnant or something?”
“No.”
“If you were, you wouldn’t keep it. Just so we’re clear. So, what do you want?”
I felt nauseous suddenly.
No, I had to do this, I couldn’t chicken out of it.
“Speak up. Send me that picture first, though. I’m out of new material for the guys.”
“What guys? What are you talking about?”
He laughed, the sound sending shivers of disgust down my spine. “Sweetheart, why do you think the guys like you so much? You’re a porn star. Let me tell you, they just love jerking off to your pictures. Who would have thought, though, that your most popular feature is your ass. I mean, it’s perky and small, but still…”
“You’re sharing my private pictures with your friends?” This must’ve been a joke. Maybe another psychological torture method Alex wanted to try on me. He surely couldn’t have done something so horrible.
The noise happened again but my mind was too preoccupied with comprehending the shameful news to pay any attention to David's room.
“Look, Eva. It’s nothing. All the guys do it. You’re the hottest of all the girlfriends, so I’m Mister Popular, but don’t be a drama queen. You're a star, baby!”
“I’m breaking up with you.”
There was a moment of silence. I held my breath, waiting for his reaction.
“I’m going to kill you, you little slut. You’re nothing but a piece of ass that every guy on campus has seen naked. Do you hear me? Without me, you’ll be the campus whore, everyone would fuck you and leave you. I will forgive you for slipping up this time, but you won’t get away with it.”
“I’m breaking up with you,” I repeated, as the last thing before tears choked me up.
“You’re dead!” he shouted. “I’m going to destroy you. You’re nothing without me. You’ll regret this, you fucking…”
I hang up on his verbal abuse, letting myself be taken over by convulsive crying.
I was done, destroyed. He was right. Tomorrow, or even earlier, someone will forward me some link to my own naked pictures and everything will be over. My friends will not be there, no one would commit social suicide by associating themselves with the campus whore, as Alex had rightly put it.
Through my silent sobs I heard David’s bedroom door close. If he found me in this state, he’d want to talk about it and I wasn’t strong enough to face him. What will he think when he finally found out what a slut I was?
Hoping it’ll deter him from making me talk, I curled up under the covers and faked being asleep. He didn’t come and, before I knew it, I was falling asleep.
***
Morning was horrible.
From the moment I opened my eyes, I heard the rain slashing down. Instinctively shivering, despite the warmth in my room, I sat up. My phone was still were I left it, a statement of how right I was to feel so dreadful. I would have preferred it if I didn’t wake up at all.
“Honey? Are you up?”
“Yes, Mum.”
She pushed the door open and stepped in quietly.
“You said you had an early train today and George and I are leaving in half an hour. We thought we could drop you off at the station.”
“Is David walking back?”
“Oh, no, he left last night.”
“He did?” I frowned, an indiscernible suspicion making its way to the surface of my mind.
“Yes. George was up when he left and he said a friend of his had a… crisis. His words.”
“Oh. OK, then. Give me a minute to start packing?”
As soon as Mother left me alone, the fake smile tensing up my facial muscles was gone, leaving behind an almost cramp-like pain. Play pretend was not easy, I was sure of that.
Since I had little time to get ready, I used the frenzy of packing to keep my mind away from what was awaiting me on campus. Despite the fear of losing everything, I knew that, if not for me, I had to get through this for my mum. And David; he had been a rock for me so far and I didn’t even knew the guy for five minutes.
The fact that, once she found out the truth about me, Mum would be devastated hurt the most, but I couldn’t disappoint David and stay with Alex. I was sure he would send the police at my door, in his crazy belief that I was an abused woman. Until things cleared up with that, Mother would find out in the worst way possible, and that was out of the question.
Besides, I was single. David was single…
“Shut up!” I said out loud. “He’s your freaking brother.”
Technically, he wasn’t, but it still wasn’t right. “Right?” I asked myself, as I tied my hair into a ponytail. “He doesn’t even like me like that anyway.”
On that conclusion, I grabbed my bag and went down into the living room.
“Everyone ready?” George asked, sounding like a teacher on a school trip.
“Let me fill this thermos with coffee,” I said and hurried into the kitchen.
In less that five minutes, we were on the road. Actually, it could’ve been more than that, seeing that my mind was completely scattered and I couldn’t remember a single thought that crossed it on my way to the station.
“Take care, sweetheart. Call me when you get there.”
“Bye, Mum.”
I kissed both her cheeks and run into the station. I had two minutes to find my train and get on.
It had been close to impossible, but I managed. As the old train screeched in protest against getting on the move, I found myself becoming sleepy. It could have been a good thing to sleep some more so I rested my head against the window.
The world was ending! It must’ve been an earthquake, I couldn’t hold onto anything. My body was being shaken like a limp puppet.
“Miss, wake up! Miss?”
“I’m up. Sorry. Where are we?” I mumbled, blinking the cobweb of the dream away.
“Last station. You need to get off.”
I nodded. The man helped me up and pulled my bag from its compartment.
“Thank you,” I said before wobbling out into the confiding air of the city. It was fortunate that the last stop was also my stop, otherwise I would’ve given into my first reaction upon being
woken up and cried my eyes out.
“God, I need to get grip. Maybe a drink would help.”
Bliss: A Step Brother Romance Page 6
