Secrets of the Lighthouse

by Santa Montefiore

  Chapter 23

  Ellen dressed hastily in a pair of jeans and sweater and ran down to the kitchen to find Jack returned to his perch and Peg filling the kettle at the tap. ‘It’s a miracle,’ she said to her aunt, staring in amazement at the bird, who looked none the worse for a night in the cold.

  Peg smiled, her eyes brimming with joy, and glanced out of the window. ‘And would you look at that!’ she said with a chuckle. ‘We’ve got company!’ With a rush of excitement Ellen joined her at the window, expecting to see Conor climbing out of his car. But instead of Conor’s shiny Range Rover, she saw Johnny’s rusty truck and Desmond’s black Peugeot pulling up in front of the house, full of her uncles and cousins. Her heart froze in panic.

  Conor was due to pick her up that morning. What if he arrived to find a kitchen full of Byrnes? What then? Would there be a terrible fight? Would Desmond shout at her? She had to call him at once and change the plan, but before she could reach the door, five burly men filled the hallway: Johnny, Joe, Ronan, Desmond and Craic. ‘He’s come back,’ said Ellen, disguising her apprehension behind a triumphant smile.

  ‘He has?’ said Johnny, striding past her. ‘Peg, is that right?’

  ‘It’s a miracle,’ Peg replied. ‘Come and have something to eat, all of you. Today, I’ll make you the best breakfast you’ve ever had.’

  ‘Jaysus, there he is!’ said Desmond in astonishment. ‘I thought he’d have come a cropper.’

  ‘Me too,’ Joe agreed, rubbing his hands together at the thought of breakfast. ‘So, we’ve come to celebrate, then, Peggine. What’ll you give us?’

  ‘That’s right, Joe. Sit yourself down and put in your order. Today, breakfast is on Aunt Peggine!’

  ‘That’s grand, Peg,’ said Craic, placing a rough hand on her shoulder. ‘I don’t imagine you slept a wink last night.’

  ‘Not much, but it doesn’t matter. I’m happy now.’

  ‘We came to help find him,’ Craic added.

  ‘I know you did. You’re all very good to me.’

  ‘I’m glad he’s come back.’ He looked at the jackdaw, now in the middle of the table, pecking at the birdseed Peg had put out for him. ‘God’s will,’ he added gravely.

  ‘God’s will, for sure,’ Peg agreed. She moved away to put the kettle on the stove. ‘Ronan, be a good lad and go and tell Oswald. He’ll want to know the good news.’

  ‘When did he come back, Mam?’ Ronan asked.

  ‘Early this morning. He just came flying back. God knows where he went, but he doesn’t look too bad for a night in the wild.’

  ‘He looks just grand, Mam,’ Ronan replied before leaving to find Oswald.

  Johnny, Joe, Desmond and Craic sat around the kitchen table while Ellen helped Peg prepare breakfast. As Ellen laid out mugs and cutlery, Desmond asked her a favour.

  ‘Alanna needs help in the shop, Ellen. Mary’s let her down. She’s still in Waterford so Alanna’s all on her own in there. She thought perhaps, as you liked it, you might help her out. What’ll you say? She’ll pay you, of course.’

  The thought of making some money really appealed to Ellen and she knew Conor would return to Dublin on Sunday. ‘I’d love to,’ she replied. ‘What do you think, Peg?’

  ‘I think it’ll be just grand. You’re not getting anything written at the moment, are you?’

  Ellen went to the cupboard to take down some plates. ‘No, not really,’ she replied, not wishing to elaborate on that subject.

  ‘Well, then, I think it’s a grand idea and you’ll make a bit of money, which is always nice,’ Peg added.

  ‘When would she like me to start?’

  ‘Tomorrow?’ said Desmond.

  ‘Saturday?’ Ellen hesitated.

  ‘Or Monday, if that’s better. We haven’t given you much notice.’

  ‘Monday would be better,’ she said. ‘If Alanna doesn’t mind. I’m . . . I have things to do this weekend.’ She took the plates over to the sideboard near the stove, where Peg was busy cracking eggs against the frying pan.

  ‘The hens are laying like crazy at the moment,’ said Peg. ‘I don’t know what’s got into them. But it’s good to use the eggs.’ They crackled in the pan and the smell of frying bacon filled the room.

  Ronan returned a short while later with Oswald, who glided into the room with his arms out. ‘Let me see the miracle for myself !’ he exclaimed. ‘By Jove, it’s true. That is indeed our dear Jack, returned to the bosom of his family. I am humbled.’

  Peg grinned at him lovingly. ‘Oh, really, Oswald, will you never quit messing with me!’

  He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. ‘It’s done with the greatest affection, I assure you,’ he said in a quiet voice.

  ‘Oh, I know that, Oswald, dear.’ A faint blush seeped into her cheeks. ‘Now, what’ll you have for breakfast?’

  ‘I’ve already eaten. But I won’t say no to a cup of tea.’

  Peg looked surprised. ‘But you don’t like tea!’

  ‘Not if there’s a glass of claret on offer. But it’s too early for that, so a cup of tea will go down a treat. Now, let’s take a closer look at our friend over here.’ He walked to the table and peered at the bird. ‘Hmmm, I think he’s invigorated by his adventure. Look at him! I’ve never seen a more smug-looking bird!’

  ‘You missed a great night in the pub last night,’ said Joe to Ellen, as she placed a plate of eggs, bacon and sausages in front of him. ‘Dylan played the accordion again. I don’t know what’s got into the man, but he was flying! Everyone was singing.’

  ‘He’s very gifted, isn’t he?’ Ellen replied proudly, feeling a sense of ownership. ‘He’s going to teach me to play the guitar.’

  ‘Well, you two have hit it off, haven’t you?’ said Desmond.

  Ellen shrugged. ‘I like Dylan. He’s a deep-thinker.’

  Johnny laughed. ‘That’ll be when he’s staring into a deep pint!’ Desmond and Joe laughed with him.

  ‘I haven’t seen him drunk,’ Ellen retorted defensively. ‘In fact, every time I’ve seen him he’s been totally sober.’

  Craic nodded. ‘That’s true. I haven’t seen him langered for a while.’

  ‘Well, that’s good, isn’t it?’ interjected Peg.

  ‘He’s making an effort to clean himself up,’ said Ronan, biting into a piece of toast. ‘I think that’s because of you, Ellen.’

  ‘Me?’

  ‘Of course. He was a different man before you showed up.’

  Desmond glanced at Johnny and both men looked a little uncomfortable.

  Peg cut in, ‘If Ellen is helping Dylan get over the past then that’s a good thing, isn’t it? Now, who would like another cup of tea?’

  ‘Yes, please, Peg, my dear,’ said Oswald jovially, holding out his mug. He smiled knowingly at Ellen. ‘Dylan has found something in you that he lost a long time ago.’ Desmond and Johnny caught eyes again and looked suddenly nervous.

  ‘What’s that then, Oswald?’ asked Joe.

  ‘A reason to live,’ said Oswald wisely.

  Ellen wasn’t quite sure how she could possibly give Dylan a reason to live, other than by reminding him of the woman he loved. She shrugged and sipped her tea. ‘I think music gives him a reason to live,’ she said.

  ‘Ellen’s right,’ Johnny agreed vigorously. ‘If you’d heard him last night! Jaysus, he was singing his heart out!’

  It wasn’t long before they had scraped their plates clean and drained their mugs of tea. ‘Well, we’d better be going,’ said Johnny, pushing his chair out. ‘I saw Mr Macausland’s car parked outside his house yesterday, so we’d better look smart.’

  ‘Is he chasing you, Ellen?’ Joe asked.

  Ellen’s cheeks burned. ‘I’m . . .’

  ‘Ellen’s not a fool!’ Desmond interrupted in a voice that was more like a growl. ‘She’s been told.’

  ‘Would you listen to you, Desmond Byrne!’ said Peg, putting her hands on her sturdy hips. ‘Ellen’s big enough to mak
e her own decisions and what’s it got to do with you anyway?’

  Desmond’s face darkened. ‘She’s a Byrne,’ he said.

  ‘Half,’ interjected Oswald. ‘Only half.’

  ‘I won’t have one of ours mixing with that man.’ He turned his dark eyes on Ellen.

  ‘You don’t want to wind up like Caitlin, now, do you?’ Ronan cut in.

  ‘Would you all move on now,’ said Peg irritably. ‘Let the poor man alone.’

  ‘Don’t go feeling sorry for him, Mam,’ said Ronan firmly. His face was the colour of a beetroot. ‘He’s not the one who’s six feet under.’

  Peg rolled her eyes and went over to the table to stroke Jack. She wasn’t going to give the subject any more of her time.

  ‘He didn’t put her there, Ronan, if that’s what you’re insinuating. I won’t have you saying that.’ Desmond’s tone reminded Ronan that he was head of the family and was not to be contradicted.

  ‘I agree with Desmond,’ said Joe. ‘He’s no murderer.’

  Desmond straightened and gave a brisk nod in Ellen’s direction. ‘Well, you just stay away from him, now. He’s a man who gets everything he wants. He won’t be getting one of us.’

  ‘I think it’s a bit late for that,’ said Peg, turning to look out of the window. They all stopped talking to hear the sound of a car drawing up in front of the house.

  ‘Ah,’ said Oswald. ‘Perfect timing!’

  Ellen’s heart began to thump very loudly in her chest. She put down her mug. ‘He’s not what you think, Desmond,’ she said quietly. ‘I respect your opinion, but I don’t agree. He’s my friend and I won’t stop seeing him.’ They watched her walk into the hall where she shrugged on her coat. A moment later they were crowded at the window, staring in amazement as she climbed into the waiting vehicle.

  ‘Nothing good will come of this,’ said Desmond ominously.

  ‘I think you should keep an open mind,’ Oswald advised.

  ‘I found him charming in spite of myself,’ said Peg. Desmond rubbed his beard. ‘It’s his charm that I’m worried about,’ he said. ‘I hope she knows what she’s doing.’

  Ellen climbed into the Range Rover. ‘Don’t kiss me, Conor, we’re being watched. Just drive.’

  ‘That’s asking a lot of a passionate man,’ he replied with a grin, pulling out into the track.

  His humour defused her nervousness and she laughed. ‘Oh, God, I’ve just had a showdown with Desmond and I think I won.’

  He took her hand across the gearstick and caressed her skin with his thumb. ‘What did he say?’

  ‘He doesn’t want a Byrne mixing with you.’

  Conor raised an eyebrow. ‘That’s rich!’

  ‘Why?’

  He didn’t answer directly. ‘I could object to a Macausland mixing with a Byrne.’

  ‘Did my family do something wrong?’

  He shook his head. ‘Every human being is an island. I don’t judge people by the actions of their family, but by their actions.’ He sighed and glanced at her, his eyes a deep indigo. ‘I like you, Ellen. I like you a lot. Possibly more than I have ever liked anyone. I don’t care where you come from. You’re an individual. Nothing else matters but you.’

  She wanted to ask him again, but sensed he didn’t want to talk about it. She squeezed his hand. ‘It doesn’t matter what Desmond thinks. I’ve always had a rebellious streak.’ She grinned shyly. ‘I like you too, Conor.’

  It was later, when they lay naked beneath the sheets, that Conor suddenly decided to tell Ellen about Caitlin. She lay with her head on his chest while he played with her hair, warmed by the afterglow of their lovemaking.

  ‘Ellen, there’s something you need to know,’ he began. Ellen remained as still as stone, her ear pressed to his chest, which vibrated with his deep and gravelly voice. His hand stopped playing with her hair and rested on her head. ‘I didn’t love my wife,’ he said simply.

  Those words were so shockingly honest and unexpected that she lifted herself onto her elbow and gazed down at him, incredulous. ‘You didn’t love Caitlin?’

  He shook his head. ‘I did at first, but not in the end.’

  ‘What happened?’

  ‘She drove me away.’

  ‘How?’

  He sighed as if it cost him a great deal to reveal the truth about his wife. ‘She wasn’t right in the head, Ellen. I didn’t realize until I had married her that she had a problem. They probably have a name for it, I don’t know, but she refused to seek help from anyone.’

  ‘What sort of problem?’

  ‘She had mood swings. Terrible mood swings. She was jealous to the point of obsession. One minute she was loving, the next she was violent, accusing me of all sorts of infidelities. She was unbalanced, desperately insecure and needy. That was what drove us apart.’

  ‘But you loved her once?’

  ‘I loved her in the beginning but she tested my love over and over until I had nothing more to give. She hated the city, so I spent most of the time in Dublin, and travelling, while she remained here at the castle. It was the best place for her. She didn’t want to go anywhere. Unfamiliar places terrified her. She needed her things around her.’

  Ellen kissed his temple. ‘You poor man. How you must have suffered. Couldn’t you get out of it?’

  ‘Divorce was out of the question. I was terrified she’d do herself harm, and I felt responsible. She was the mother of my children and they loved her. I couldn’t do it to them, however bad it got.’ He looked at her guiltily. ‘I didn’t behave very well, Ellen. I lost my temper with her. I never hit her, but I wanted to. I hated the man I became when I was with her. She drove me to the point of madness.’

  ‘The locals believe she was an angel.’

  ‘Let them think that, if only for Finbar and Ida’s sake. I don’t want them ever to know that their mother was anything less than perfect.’

  ‘She was very beautiful.’

  ‘She was bewitching.’

  ‘I have to confess that Johnny and Joe showed me the portrait of her in the castle.’ For a moment, she thought she had angered him, for his jaw grew suddenly tense. He gazed up, examining her face as if deciding whether or not he could trust her. Then he sighed and averted his eyes. ‘So, you can see why everyone fell in love with her, those who didn’t know her. Those who did, understood what I had to live with.’

  ‘Why didn’t she get help?’

  ‘She didn’t think she had a problem.’

  ‘I’m sure there’s medication for that sort of thing. There’s medication for everything.’

  ‘Of course, but she’d never have taken it. She was like a child and the older she got the deeper she sank into her imagination. I couldn’t trust her to be alone with the children so I sent my mother to help. But Caitlin hated to think that she was being spied on, and she knew my mother was immune to her charm, so she made her life so unpleasant that my poor mother lost heart and moved back to Dublin. So, I hired a nanny. Caitlin accepted her because she was dazzled by her. As long as she was adored she was fine.’

  ‘So, when she died . . .’ Ellen hesitated.

  ‘When she died, it was a relief.’ He sat up and put his head in his hands, rubbing his forehead. ‘I was so ashamed, Ellen, that I could feel relief after such a tragedy. I hated myself. I wanted to feel bereft. I wanted to mourn her, but I couldn’t. I loathed her. I hated her for her recklessness because she broke my children’s hearts. I can never forgive her for that. She left them motherless.’

  Ellen knelt beside him and wrapped her arms around him, desperate to absorb his pain so he didn’t have to suffer any more. ‘It’s OK, Conor. I understand. You’re only human. You did your best.’

  ‘I hated her rowing out to the lighthouse. She did it to spite me. She wanted me to come and rescue her. It was another cry for attention, another trial to test my love. The number of times I had to take the boat out to get her is absurd. But on that particular night, she pushed me too far. Way too far. We had a m
assive row and she ran off to the lighthouse where she’d placed little candles all the way up the stairs.’ He rubbed his brow as if trying to erase the image from his mind. ‘She accused me of not loving her. She was right. I didn’t love her any more. I wanted her out of my life. I never wanted to see her again. I wanted it to be over. And then it was. She must have caught her dress on one of the candles, for when she got to the top she was on fire. There was nothing I could do. By the time I reached her, she had thrown herself onto the rocks.’

  ‘And you felt free,’ Ellen said gently.

  ‘Yes. I felt free, at last. I felt a mixture of horror and relief.’

  He looked at her, appalled by his own admission. ‘And they whisper that I’m a murderer.’

  ‘They’re ignorant.’

  ‘I might as well have killed her.’

  ‘But you didn’t.’

  He gazed at her sadly. ‘I know I didn’t, but I wished her dead.’

  He put his arms around her and kissed her fiercely. ‘You’ve made it all go away, Ellen,’ he said, pulling back and sinking into her gaze. ‘You’ve enabled me to move on. I didn’t think I’d dare to love again. I don’t know what it is about you, but I feel lighter when I’m with you.’

  ‘But I have . . .’ she began, suddenly brave enough to tell him about her engagement. But before she could speak any further he was kissing her deeply and claiming her body once again.

  Chapter 24

  Conor and Ellen had the weekend to themselves, for Daphne was with the children in Dublin. They walked on the hills with Magnum, exhausted themselves making love, and watched movies well into the early hours of the morning. They were so content in each other’s company that they required nothing more than the exceptional qualities they found in each other.