Be A Doll: A Carter Manor Novel

by Stephanie Witter

  “Woah,’’ I whispered, the sound weak but he was too close not to catch it before the city noise swallowed it.

  His face relaxed, but I didn’t stare long enough to watch what kind of expression appeared on his face. I turned to the cars parked nearby and caught sight of Lucas leaning against the black town car, staring around us without truly watching us, playing his bodyguard role perfectly.

  In a perfect world where I had learned my lessons over a span of twenty-four years, almost twenty-five, I shouldn’t be affected in any way by his words. In fact, I should be laughing in his face, mocking his words and turning my back to walk to the town car waiting for us, but instead I stared blankly at Lucas. And I hurt.

  I barely remembered a time when someone cared about me and my well-being. I was so little that my memories had faded at best and in my fucked up reality my husband didn’t give a damn about me, unless it was to get a piece of my ass and pussy. Granted, his sister and mother liked me, but did they care? Did it mean anything because I was sure I wouldn’t have much contact with them once this marriage was over.

  In that moment, on a sidewalk in the middle of a passing crowd in Manhattan, I realized that my silly mind, my stupid heart, thought that after last night he would have acted differently, but in reality he was just an ass who didn’t care much about other people. I was dumb enough to believe that a part of him cared about me just a tiny bit.

  I locked my jaw and without looking at him I started toward the car. “Let’s go. It’s freezing out here,’’ I said and forced my eyes to stay riveted to the car and Lucas when the first thing I wanted to do was to stare at Mathis when he sided me, walking so close that his arm bumped into me a few times.

  “Lila—‘’

  “What?’’ I bit back before he could utter a full sentence. My eyes were still on the car, so close now that I couldn’t wait to climb in, knowing that Mathis wouldn’t want to say anything remotely personal in front of Lucas when it’s obvious that tension was rising.

  “Shit!’’ He grabbed me by the elbow and stopped me, forcing me to face him. The anger on his face only intensified mine, but my anger was coming from the pain he caused me with no trouble at all. “You don’t get to walk away like that.’’

  I snatched my arm from his grip and glared right back. I didn’t let the obvious ticking bomb standing tall in front of me intimidate me. I would never let someone intimidate me.

  “Am I your slave now? I can’t walk when I want and do what I want? Is that what you’re trying to say?’’

  “You’re…’’ He growled then and ran a hand through his hair, something he rarely did. “You piss me off like not many do.’’

  “Right back at you.’’

  I kept my eyes on his, a challenge clear in each of our looks, but no other words left our closed mouths. We were both breathing a bit faster and louder than normal, puffs of white fog leaving our noses in the cold air as I put my freezing hands in the pockets of my coat.

  “Mr. Grimes, maybe the car would be warmer,’’ Lucas said, interrupting us and drawing my husband’s attention to him.

  I saw Mathis’ shoulders dropping slightly as if some of the tension left his body once I wasn’t in his line of sight. He nodded and without a look my way he took the last three steps needed to get to the car and let Lucas open the door for him. I watched his bulky body getting inside and sliding to the other side to let room for me to sit.

  I stared at that empty space on the backseat and didn’t move. I didn’t want to sit beside Mathis, I didn’t want to spend more time with him than absolutely necessary, but most of all, I wanted to protect myself and it appeared that I had been doing a poor job of it so far in this marriage. And it’s only been a week.

  One week.

  I’m supposed to stay married to him at least five years before I get to renegotiate our arrangement. Five years. It meant roughly fifty-two weeks like the one I had spent. I bet more shit would get thrown my way in no time so things were bound to get worse and I was supposed to go on, smile and be a perfect little wife for outsiders.

  “Mrs. Grimes?’’ Lucas asked me gently, and I heard the compassion in his voice. The man liked my husband, I knew it, but he was also aware of his shortcomings and how much he lacked good husband material. In fact, Mathis lacked most of what people thought when they talked about a good person.

  I nodded and took a deep breath before I finally climbed inside the car to find Mathis staring out the window on his side, his body rigid and his hands without a doubt clenched into fists in his pockets.

  Lucas quickly rounded the car and took his place behind the steering wheel and turned on the car and the heater. He stared at the inside mirror and I saw his eyes settle on Mathis who kept his eyes outside.

  “Where to, Sir?’’

  “Home.’’

  His one-word answer sounded laconic, but Lucas didn’t question further. I took the liberty to settle against the door on my side and gazed at the city slowly passing by outside. Everything seemed gray, from my life to the city and my future. On a positive note, gray was better than black.

  The silence stretched out until I started to relax, and let the hum of the motor of the car lull me back to a relaxed state while the traffic slowed down our path back to the ivory tower that was my home.

  ***

  MATHIS

  I couldn’t look at her. Not in that damn car while her perfume permeated the air and made me stiffen in my slacks. Not when Lucas was there to be a witness of the fucked up kind of relationship I had with her. Not when she was sitting so close to the door and away from me that if the door came to open she’d probably fall straight to the ground outside.

  But I’d be damned if I didn’t want to look at her, to take in the way her hair flowed around her face and shoulders, the way her coat and scarf bundled her and the way her big cornflower blue eyes held so much inside them… I craved her sight, her gaze in mine just to silence everything else. I needed her body and her clenching pussy to make me forget Pandora’s box I had opened the night before.

  After lunch with my mother and spending a few hours cooped up in my office, getting in a few meetings and other work related things to take care off, I had decided to leave early. I needed air before the onslaught of emotions got the better of me and instead of going somewhere where I would easily find a random woman to sate me and make me forget for a few hours, I tracked down Lila by using her bodyguard because even when she didn’t want me to touch her and she showed me her dislike, or maybe it was hatred, for me she still brought life to my lungs and some respite to my damn riling mind.

  Now stuck in the car until we would reach the apartment, I didn’t know what it meant to seek her out when I felt out of control. How come she had become that person to me so fast?

  Slowly, I turned to look at her, but she didn’t notice me. In fact, she had the same kind of relaxed look as she did in that coffee shop while reading on her e-reader. She was beautiful, so beautiful in fact that it never ceased to steal my breath when I looked at her and now that she didn’t look my way, I didn’t have to hide it. I didn’t have to lie to myself as to think that I had any control over what was happening with her and how I saw her.

  “Your birthday is coming soon,’’ I said quietly, my voice rough.

  She blinked while looking at a young couple kissing on the sidewalk where we were bumper to bumper and then she turned her head to stare at me. I couldn’t read her then, not when annoyance took precedence to any other feelings she might have when looking at me.

  “It is.’’ She took off her scarf then and placed it on her knees and clasped her hands on top of it. “Why?’’

  I briefly looked down as if it’d give me an idea of how to manage small talk. Before Max passed away, I was the cool kid, the one who always had things to say and ways to make people laugh or cut through tension. Now, I was the master at making tension, but breaking through it was not my forte.

  “Don’t you want a party to cel
ebrate? Twenty-five is a milestone,’’ I finally said and caught the amusement on Lucas’ face through the interior mirror. Heat climbed up the nape of my neck and onto my face as if I was starting to blush. I frowned at my body’s reaction and instead focused on the erection that was hidden by my coat, but quite uncomfortable when sitting like I was.

  “A birthday party?’’ She chuckled and where I would have thought it’d be biting and harsh, it was only bittersweet and sad. “I wouldn’t have anybody to invite. In fact, I couldn’t remember a time when I celebrated my birthday.’’

  “I know it’s not the same, but I haven’t celebrated mine since… since Max died.’’ I brushed my lower lip with a few fingers and dropped my hand on the seat between us. “Anyway, you have people to invite, Lila. My mother and Megan like you very much.’’

  “I know.’’

  “Then why do you look like you don’t believe it?’’

  Her blue eyes went to mine as a nostalgic smile stretched her pillowy lips. The lipstick she had had on was gone, but her lips still held the dark pink tint from the biting cold outside and it was difficult to look away from her mouth.

  “It’s not that.’’ She toyed with her scarf in her lap, and oddly it warmed my chest to know that she felt enough at ease around me now not to control her every little movement that could betray her emotional state and thoughts. “I know they like me, but I have nobody in my life that started liking me because of me, not because I married you. It’s stupid. Apparently I’m owning that word today.’’

  “If you think that under her sweet and smiling side my sister wouldn’t have told you off if she didn’t like you, you’re mistaken. They warmed to you quickly because you’re my wife, but they like you because of you.’’

  She stared at me a moment longer until she imperceptibly shook her head. I only saw it because her hair moved and a few strands fell against her face, brushing her pink cheek like I suddenly wanted to. I wanted to touch her and make her help me forgetting everything because I knew just a light touch could push everything away. Touching that woman was powerful and overwhelming and the promise of the kind of sex you rarely had a chance to have in your life only made it easier to focus on something other than the issues weighing me down.

  “Are you trying to be nice because you know tracking me down is wrong?’’

  “To many people when a husband leaves work early to spend time with his wife it’s considered nice, Lila.’’

  I stared harder at her and watched the expression on her face tensing. It started with her eyes when her brows bunched and then it followed with her pursed lips and the grind of her teeth that made her delicate jaw and high cheekbones sharper.

  “Maybe to some, but I’m sure many more would believe it an act of control over me and a proof that you’re an egomaniac man in need of power over everything and everyone.’’

  “Egomaniac?’’ I echoed, voice deep and even as to not betray the surge of anger that rose inside me, eliminating my growing dick. “I was making an effort, but if you want to play hard, Lila, I don’t mind it.’’ I stared in the front of the car to find Lucas trying his best to ignore what was happening in the back of the car. “Lucas, get us home as quickly as possible.’’

  “It’s not like he can fly over the traffic jam,’’ Lila butted in before Lucas uttered a word and my glare didn’t deter her. She only held my glare while her hands gripped her scarf tightly on her lap.

  “Can’t you ever keep you mouth shut? One day I hope you’ll tell me why you enjoy pushing my buttons so much.’’

  “As if it’s that difficult!’’ Her voice rose in the car and Lucas’ cringe matched my own, or the one I had on the inside but I was too busy glaring at her to do anything else. “You’re constantly going off on people if they don’t follow your lead, Mathis.’’

  “Shit, Lila. Stop. Just stop,’’ I warned her, my voice threateningly quiet as my body started shaking with an anger that needed a target, a way to come out and relieve me.

  “I always have to stop. Every time we touch something you don’t want to, isn’t that right?’’

  My glare became a glower then at the meaning behind her words, knowing full well that she was talking about last night. I couldn’t believe she used that against me.

  Without thinking, without a warning other than the dark expression that was on my face, I grabbed her by the back of her neck and pulled her to me until her forehead was against mine. My eyes on hers and my stuttering breathing coming out in loud pants, I smirked darkly at her. Her eyes were huge, not exactly with fear knowing her, but more from surprise.

  I felt Lucas’ attention on us, and I’d bite his head off if he decided to intervene. Then, Lila put her hand on my chest as if to push me away, but I didn’t budge.

  “Don’t you fucking dare,’’ I whispered darkly so close to her lips I swore I felt them ghost over my own for a second.

  “Let me go,’’ she whispered back, her anger washing over me and feeding my own.

  My fingers dug into the back of her neck, shaking. My eyes didn’t look away from hers and I kept my forehead against her even when she tried pulling away. Her hands tugged on my coat, the fabric too thick to ball in her delicate hands.

  “The moment you walked into my life I opened myself up to losing every damn bit of control I’ve garnered over the years. You know it, so don’t play stupid because that color doesn’t suit you, little wife.’’

  “If you hate losing control so much, why pick me then? Now, let me go!’’ she said, her voice a tad louder than before, her glower so strong it zinged through me, electrified me, made me want her.

  My cock pushed against the zipper of my slacks and I knew I leaked pre-cum because the fabric of my boxer briefs felt a bit damp in a strategic place. I took a deep breath, let her perfume fill me and then I dropped my eyes to her lips, mesmerized by their plush shape, the way I knew they were the softest lips I had ever tasted, the pair of lips that gave me pleasure in the simplest of ways while at the same time spouting words I didn’t want to hear and coaxing words out of my own mouth I didn’t want to ever say aloud, but was desperate to.

  She pushed against my chest again when I didn’t move, she groaned with annoyance when it didn’t do anything. That’s when I felt the first tremor in her hands on my chest and saw the color rising to her cheeks.

  Usually, I could read people and predict what their next move would be, but here with Lila it was different. I could read her, but I never knew what she’d do next and that was a thrill I couldn’t fully explain because it went against my need of control of all things.

  “Using last night against me,’’ I started through gritted teeth and watched her eyes closing tight and shaking her head, stopping me before I said more.

  “I shouldn’t have.’’ She went back to whispering, her voice so quiet I bet Lucas didn’t hear what she said.

  “Too late.’’

  Her hands on my chest stopped pushing me away. They laid flat on top of my coat and I wondered if she could feel my heart drumming a fast rhythm. She opened her eyes and I couldn’t see the anger in them anymore, only regret and the ever present fire ready to combust everything at the first opportunity.

  “I’ve never met someone who could piss me off as much as you do. I’m sorry.’’

  “Are you really?’’

  She nodded. “Yes, but you do everything to make me lose it. Why do you do that?’’

  I didn’t pull away or offer an answer. Instead, I closed the small gap between our lips and kissed her.

  First, it was just a brush of lips, innocent and tentative, but when she didn’t try to pull away and I heard her breathing hitch, I applied more pressure on her mouth and bit on her lower lip. My teeth sank in her lip easily, making my blood rush faster through my system. And then, she parted her lips on a quiet little moan that sent a shock to my balls, making my grip tighten on the back of her neck again.

  I didn’t waste a second and slipped my tongue in he
r mouth to meet hers and the first touch was like breathing air through depraved lungs. I couldn’t get enough, couldn’t stop and pull back.

  My hand glided from the back of her neck to her cheek, cupping her face in my hand. She felt delicate that way in my big hand, my fingers covering her small ear and my thumb caressing the arch of her cheekbone.

  That’s when she pulled back, breaking a kiss that seared my chest and poked at my heart, muddling my thoughts even more than they already were. Her eyes found mine and the glaze in them mirrored the lust I felt. The black of her pupils blew out most of the blue in her eyes. One glance at her delicious mouth made me trace my lower lip with my thumb at seeing it red from my kiss, just like the soft skin around it was pink from my scruff.

  “I’m going to own your body, Lila, because you fucking own mine,’’ I whispered hoarsely close to her face. I watched as goosebumps broke out on her neck and down to disappear under her coat.

  “I… I…’’ she stuttered and then grimaced, but the way she rolled her eyes told me she was annoyed at her loss of countenance, but I liked that. I liked it probably too much in fact. It made me fight off the smile creeping up, a real smile this time around. I also had the sudden urge to grab her in my arms and just keep her close to me, breathing her in. That was the kind of thing I had never wanted before.

  Swallowing hard, I pulled back and let my hand fall to the backseat again, but I couldn’t look away as I saw the lust slowly ebbing off from her eyes to showcase her nerves. Or maybe I was wrong, I didn’t know shit with that woman.

  “Are you pushing me away again?’’ I asked when she stopped stuttering.

  I waited what felt like a long time before she slowly opened her mouth and let out a word that meant a lot in that moment.

  “No.’’

  I never thought a two-letter word could be that powerful before today, but it was. My heart sped up that much more and my every finger tingled as if my very skin called out to hers. My ears buzzed. My cock… my cock throbbed, rendering me almost mindless to the desire I felt and the need to sink into her took over.