All That I Want: A Queensbay Small Town Romance

by Drea Stein

  Adele’s head turned just a little. Dr. Lynn had a warm smile on her face, but Adele was having none of it. She turned her head back toward her mother, and Colleen whispered to her.

  “French?”

  “Yes. We speak French at home sometimes,” Colleen said wearily.

  “I barely made it through high school French. My Spanish is better, though.”

  “I think as long as you were good at biology, you could speak pig Latin for all I care,” Colleen said, realizing too late that it came out more sharply than she had intended. “Sorry,” she added quickly. “It’s just I’ve never seen her like this. She’s usually in excellent health.”

  “Don’t worry. Straight A student when it came to science. But I do need to actually look at her. Can you tell me where it hurts, sweetheart?”

  The doctor coaxed and cajoled Adele into talking, and together they figured out that she had a fever, which was bad, but not too bad, and that her throat hurt, and that there were a few red bumps. Colleen braced herself, a litany of diseases from strep to chicken pox to the mumps wandering through her mind.

  Finally Lynn looked up, smiled and said, “No strep or chicken pox. Just a regular old fever. A cool bath, some medicine, and you’ll be good to go.”

  Relief surged through Colleen. Her baby was going to be okay. “That’s so good to hear.”

  “I know it’s hard when they’re hurting, but fortunately this time around it isn’t anything serious.”

  “It is nice to be certain,” Colleen said. She began feeling calmer and asked, “When are you due?”

  Lynn patted her belly and smiled. “I have a couple of more months. It feels like forever.”

  “Having the baby is wonderful but enjoy this time too. After the baby, it’s all sleepless nights and constant worrying. Well, I mean, since you’re a doctor, you probably won’t worry as much as the rest of us.”

  “I don’t know, you think you know what you’re doing. I mean I’ve studied, read books, treated patients, but I guess it’s different.”

  “We’re all just fumbling around blindly.”

  “She looks like she turned out all right,” Lynn said as she smiled and produced a lollipop from her jacket pocket.

  “Now, this is only because you have a sore throat, but it might help a bit. And only if your mother says it’s okay.”

  Colleen nodded, and Adele’s hand reached out and took the lollipop.

  Colleen carried Adele out of the exam room and into the waiting room, more because she wanted the comfort of her daughter close to her than because Adele couldn’t walk.

  Jake’s long body unfolded itself from the small chair he had been sitting in.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked in surprise.

  “I heard Adele was sick, and you had to take her to the doctor.”

  “Well, she’s fine,” Collen said, more brusquely than she had intended. Adele was getting heavier by the moment. Maura had dropped them off at the clinic, but now she was at work. Colleen hadn’t thought too much about how she was going to get home, maybe call a cab, or call Lydia. She needed to put Adele down and figure it out.

  “Here, let me help. I’ll carry her out to my truck and drive you home,” Jake said, his arms already reaching out for Adele.

  “You don’t have a car seat, I assume?” Colleen said, her voice deliberately snippy. If he thought he could just waltz in her and pretend … She stopped. She knew Jake wasn’t pretending.

  “I don’t but you weren’t planning to carry her all the way home, were you?”

  Colleen was silent for a moment, not sure what to say. There was a small, discrete cough from behind them. Lynn, the doctor, was there, and Colleen was almost certain that she was smothering a smile that she managed to make disappear.

  “You know, we have an extra booster seat here. You could borrow it for the drive home, then return when you come back to work, or, you know, later …”

  “Really, we don’t …” Colleen said, starting to protest.

  “Colleen, it’s a far walk, and half of it is up the hill,” Jake said. His voice was firm, logical even. Colleen was boxed in. It would be easier for her to take Jake up on his offer, and if Lynn had a car seat, then she was just being stubborn if she said no.

  “Fine,” Colleen said, “and thank you.”

  “Well, nothing like being gracious about it,” he grumbled.

  “I’ll go get the car seat,” Lynn offered.

  Adele’s sleepy eyes opened and fixed on Jake. She held her arms out to him, and Colleen, surprised, watched as he carefully took her into his arms.

  She stared straight ahead, with Adele safely strapped into the seat. Jake had carried her out for her, and Colleen hadn’t missed the way her daughter had smiled and nestled up against Jake, and the way Jake had held her close and whispered soothing things to her that had Adele smiling and even laughing.

  “I was just trying to do you a favor, you know,” he said as he pulled away from the curb. “I don’t know why you’re all twisted up about it.”

  “Don’t you,” she said, though she kept her head turned out toward the window, as if watching the quiet streets of the village flash by could make her feel any less out of sorts. He didn’t say anything else, and they rode the rest of the way in silence, Adele dozing again.

  “This is fine. I can take it from here,” she said when they pulled up.

  “I’ll carry her in,” Jake offered.

  Colleen said nothing and watched as he carefully lifted Adele and carried her in the house. Together they put her into bed, tucking her in. He waited, and finally they walked down the stairs and out onto the porch. Fresh air seemed like a good idea, and she didn’t want the risk of Adele hearing what they had to say.

  “I have nothing to say to you,” she said. Her words hurt, but it was the look that she gave to him that really pierced his heart.

  “I’m supposed to say I’m sorry,” he said simply, “and I am. Sorry. I never should have confronted you that way. I just …”

  “Got jealous?”

  “Something like that,” he said and rubbed his hands through his hair and leaned against one of the porch columns. “It’s more that … he doesn’t treat you right, didn’t treat you right, and that makes me mad. You and Adele deserve more.”

  “We do?”

  “He won’t even admit that he’s her dad.”

  She shook her head. “That’s my decision. Mostly.”

  “What?”

  Colleen sat down in the rocking chair, thought about how to say it. “Look, I grew up with this idea of a dad, one that would magically appear and take me to out to the boardwalk and buy me strawberry ice cream. He was rich and handsome and had a cool car. He would show up at the school plays and concerts and games and all of that other stuff. Just like all of the other dads.”

  She looked down at her hands, folded in her lap. “But he wasn’t like that at all. He’d come into town for a few days, spread a little cash around, make some promises, and then disappear. And finally when he did come back, it was because he was a broken-down drunk who needed money. I learned that it’s the hope that kills you slowly. That the idea of a family, the kind of family I was hoping for, was just a fantasy. At the end of the day it would have been better if I’d just accepted the reality that I didn’t have a father. It would have been better for my mom too. We would have been a family, the two of us.”

  “And now, with Adele you think the same,” he said. “If he won’t be the kind of father who’s around, better for her not to think she has one?”

  Colleen sighed, nodded, and said, “I think it’s harder to miss what you don’t have. She doesn’t have an absentee father; she has a benevolent uncle who shows up occasionally with some gifts. No expectations, no commitment. Olivier is not a bad man.”

  She saw his look and amended her words. “He’s not a great man, but he’s up front about it. He could never be the type of father I would want him to be. He wouldn’t be there,
I know that. Adele needs to grow up not waiting for some fantasy, some Prince Charming to make everything right. That way when she is a grown-up she won’t set her sights on the first man who promises to take care of her.”

  “Is that what you did?”

  “It doesn’t take a therapist to see that my relationship with Olivier had daddy issues written all over it. He wanted to and did take care of me: new clothes, better job, nice place to live. Plus, other things. It just took me a while to sink into it, and for a while it was nice to let someone just take over, or take away the worry. Everything was okay.”

  “And then?”

  “There’s a fine line between being taken care of and being controlled, between opportunity and being beholden.”

  “Now he’s investing in you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “The shop in New York. Is that an investment or an opportunity for control?” Jake asked.

  “What do you know about that?”

  “Let’s just say he’s been dropping hints all over town, about how you’ll be leaving for New York soon.” Jake looked at her and thought his heart might break if she left again, but he couldn’t force the choice on her. “Is that what you want?”

  She looked at him, and he couldn’t read the thoughts behind her face.

  “It’s what you wanted,” he said. “You stood here and told me that it was your dream. Your vision. How can this ever compare?” he said and couldn’t look at her, not the way she was looking at him, only knowing this was what it felt like to have your heart broken.

  “You’ve always been running away from me,” he said finally and waited.

  She didn’t say anything.

  “Fine. I’m not pushing you. Not yet,” he said as he rose up off of the porch and stepped onto the walkway. He didn’t look back, just walked over the cracked flagstones and out of the gate and into the blinding sun. He fumbled, found his sunglasses, and jammed them over his face. Ten in the morning and already a crap day.

  Chapter 59

  The bell above the door tinkled, and Colleen looked up. Her expression relaxed when she saw that it was only her mother.

  “I brought you some coffee from next door. And something for you too, honey.”

  Adele, who was mostly recovered but still not quite ready for school, was coloring in the corner. Colleen had decided that a kid’s corner was a good idea and had set up a little table and chairs with coloring books, crayons, puzzles, and some games.

  “Cookie?” Adele said, lighting up.

  “Half,” Maura said, “because the other half is for after my lunch.”

  “Merci, Grand-mere,” Adele said.

  “Just call me gran, okay, kiddo,” Maura said.

  “Thank you, Gran.” Adele repeated.

  Colleen played with some flowers she was trying into an arrangement that looked both grand and natural.

  “Looks good enough to me,” Maura said, doing a circuit of the store. “Looks good in here. I’ve been telling some of the other nurses about it, and the doctors too. It’s good for birthdays and anniversaries. Also that you decorate. Couple of new doctors getting hired, thought maybe they could use a little help with their bare bones apartments.”

  “Thanks, Mom,” Colleen said, though she would have preferred if her mom recommended her to the head of the hospital, but she had to start somewhere.

  “Course I might have mentioned there would be a family and friends discount if they mentioned my name, but I figured any business is good business.”

  Colleen smiled. That was her mother. Her mother moved restlessly around and Colleen waited.

  “You know, there are good ones out there.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Men.”

  “Mom?” Colleen said.

  “I am not talking about Mr. Fancy Pants. I am talking about Mr. Jeans and T-Shirt who fixes your steps because your daughter mentions she got a splinter and helps you with your shop and who decides that there’s always a few apartments set aside at below market rates for those that need them.”

  “What?” Colleen brought her full attention to bear on what her mother was saying.

  “I am just saying you could do worse than Jake Owen.”

  “You didn’t always feel that way.” Colleen stilled her hands, watching her mother warily.

  “You were eighteen. You had the chance to go to college. I didn’t want anything to stop you. And nothing did. Your path might have dipped and jumped a bit, but don’t let the thought of what you were supposed to do keep you from doing what you want to do now.”

  Maura nodded briskly, and, having said her piece she turned and left the shop without another word.

  Chapter 60

  Jake wasn’t nervous. He wasn’t going to let a guy like Olivier Martell intimidate him. And he was going to show Colleen that he was here for her and Adele. He had been officially invited to the Happy Faces Spring Show, and he fully planned on attending and keeping his word. So he found himself with the crush of parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles at Happy Faces. He had sat in the back of the auditorium and clapped as Adele delivered her line with a gusto that hinted at future talent on the stage. He recognized Josh up on stage too, caught a glimpse of Lydia and the older gentleman who must have been her father. Further up in the auditorium he saw Colleen sitting with Olivier.

  He hazarded a glance at Olivier. The man was bored, but smooth about it, with a smile plastered on his face, though he kept checking his watch. Once Adele had departed the stage, he gave up all pretense of watching and instead typed out messages on his phone.

  And now everyone was milling about the hallway of the high school, for which Happy Faces had commandeered the stage. He wasn’t about to go, not without seeing her, but he braced himself.

  “What are you doing here?” Colleen asked once she saw him.

  He looked between her and Olivier. Olivier was wearing one of those suits, one that probably cost as much as Jake’s first car. And Colleen was wearing a dress, a beautiful dress, white with a pattern of branches and flowers. He noticed with just a little bit of satisfaction that in her heels, she was a little taller than Olivier, which probably bothered him. Olivier’s arm snaked around Colleen, but she shook it off, almost unconsciously.

  “You came?” she asked.

  “I made a promise to Adele that I would be here to watch the show,” Jake said simply.

  “How charming of you. We will tell her you came,” Olivier said.

  Jake shook his head. “If you don’t mind, I’ll just tell her myself. Plus I have something for her.”

  He held up a box. “It’s a necklace. Silver, with a small seashell. Just for doing a good job. If you don’t mind, of course?”

  He deliberately looked only at Colleen for permission.

  Her eyes were dark but her smile was clear. “She would love that.”

  Adele came barreling out of the crowd of kids and into her mother’s arms. “Did you see? Did you see?” she asked, her voice happy and bubbly. She turned, looked at Olivier, and gave a squeal of happiness. “You stayed.”

  “Wouldn’t have missed it, ma cherie.”

  She hugged him and then she caught sight of Jake. She looked at him and the grin that spread over her face melted his heart.

  “You’re here,” and he too got a full-barreled, full-arm hug.

  She smelled of glue, crayons, and her fruity shampoo. He hugged her, put her down, then pulled the gift from his pocket.

  “What’s this?”

  “Your congratulations card and a little something from Boomer.”

  “I thought you said she would come too.”

  “Well, she had some important puppy stuff to take care of, but I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he said and meant it.

  “A promise is a promise,” she said, dropping her voice and doing a pretty fair imitation of him.

  “That’s right.”

  “Do you want to go to lunch with us? Olivier is taking us
to lunch before he leaves. He said I could even have a soda.”

  He looked at Olivier and Colleen. Olivier had drawn himself up to his full height but even with his hair he was a shade shorter than Colleen.

  A bemused expression flashed across Colleen’s face and then she settled it into her neutral, shopkeeper’s face. He wondered what she had been thinking.

  “Thanks for the offer, but I have a big house going up, and I need to check in on it. Another time, okay?”

  “Very well then,” Adele said seriously. “Can I take Boomer to the park tomorrow?”

  He hesitated, almost looked at Colleen, but decided not to, so he nodded, smiled, and patted Adele on the shoulder so that he did not ruffle her carefully braided hair.

  “Sure thing, kiddo. I’ll see you around.”

  He looked at Colleen, ignoring Olivier. “I’ll see you around too.”

  She nodded almost imperceptibly, and then he decided to go. He’d done what he’d set out to do.

  Chapter 61

  Colleen looked at the address on the card, then checked the house number. This was the right place, but it didn’t look very promising. The house was a Craftsman-style cottage set in The Heights, the section of Queensbay high above the town on the hills ringing the harbor. Houses here were close together, but almost all of them had a water view. She sighed and smiled. When she was younger she had dreamed about living in a house like this. This one was a bit on the rundown side, with the beige paint peeling and a roof that needed repair. The porch was deep though and shaded, and she liked the iron railing that separated the yard from the street.

  Adele looked up at her and smiled.

  Colleen smiled back down at her and hoped that Adele’s good mood would continue. It was a risk bringing her along on a client visit, but things had seemed to go wrong from the get-go today. Her mother, who had agreed to babysit, had been called into work. Lydia, who was to be her back-up, had a Josh emergency. Quent had offered, but she really didn’t want to leave Adele in a bar for half of the day.

  The referral had come from her mother, who had seemed a little vague on the details, only that this was someone who loved her work and wanted to have her in for a consult and needed to meet her today. So Colleen had put on a “Be Back Soon Sign” on the shop door and pulled Adele up the hill to see what this was all about.