Consume Me

by Ryan Michele

  I’m also ready to be with Tug. Things with him this past week have been amazing. I didn’t have a choice but to fall head over heels for the biker. I can be mad at myself all I want but it isn’t going to change anything. He’s a great guy. He even took me to the movies the other day. The movie sucked and we ended up leaving early, but it’s the thought that counts. I know he’s busy with Ravage and I’m busy at X. Somehow it just works.

  I jump into my Jeep, and Cali shoves off as I pull out of the parking lot, home my destination. Something moving on the windshield catches my eye. A small piece of yellow paper folded into a square blows in the breeze. Probably someone selling something. About once a month, we get people putting flyers on top of our cars selling anything from carwashes to miracle drugs that cure fat. I throw them away. This one can wait until I get home; I’m sure as shit not stopping in the middle of a dark road to get it.

  There is no Tug when I get home and a pang of disappointment hits my heart, but I know he’ll be here later. After entering the garage, I click the opener and close it. I get out of the Jeep, heaving my bag along with me, and snatch the paper from the windshield. I enter the house, press the code into the alarm, and give the door a tug. I kick off my shoes and my feet relax once they are out of their confines.

  I open the yellow paper, wondering if it’s for food or for something else. I stop dead in my tracks. The words are in cursive but so clearly written, my veins turn to ice.

  We’ve missed you Paige. ~S & F

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! I throw the paper down on the table as if it was poison and it leaked onto me. My brain stops as I let my body absorb the shock. They’re here. They found me. How in the fuck did they find me? I rush to my bedroom, flicking on the light. Nothing is out of place. I dart to my closet, yanking the hangers out of the way, digging behind the racks of clothes. I have to find it. Clothes fall off of the hangers and I leave them scattered on the floor.

  I dig and dig until I find my mother’s old hat box my mother. It was the only thing I took from home, and that was because it was the only thing of hers that I could grab. I tear open the light green circular lid. I haven’t had to carry this in so long. I haven’t had to use it ever, but I have practiced at a shooting range not too far from my house, though I am a bit rusty. My black and silver .9mm sits inside with its clip fully loaded next to it and a box of high power bullets. I bought it as soon as Princess gave me my ID and put my mom’s box to use. Thank God for that ID. Here in Georgia, there are no laws about registering guns, only a simple background check, which was on a very squeaky clean Taryn McKnight. All I had to do was go in and tell them what I wanted and then I strolled right out of the store with it.

  I grip the handle of the gun and I place the clip into its chamber, hearing the click. I ready it but leave the safety on and tuck it in the back of my jeans. I rush around the house making sure that all the windows and doors are locked. I check the basement as well. I will need to do something about those windows. They’re locked but don’t look as sturdy as the ones upstairs.

  I take the stairs two at a time and enter the kitchen. I need a damn drink, but I can’t. I need to stay clear and think. I’m going to have to leave. I’m going to need to pick up my shit and get the hell out of town, and find a way to get another identity. Shit. Fuck! I want to scream. I can’t just leave Tug. But you always knew it could happen. That voice inside me needs to shut the hell up. This is serious. I have to go.

  What in the hell am I going to do now? Princess. I need her help. She can get me another ID and I can disappear. I can do it. Start all over. I’m strong enough for that. Right? Shit. Tears well up in my eyes. It will kill me to leave Tug, to sleep without him, not hear his voice again. Dammit. I fucking hate them!

  I have to pack. I can wipe out my savings and have it all liquid so I can find another place somewhere. You don’t want to start all over. Shut up! No, I don’t, but they are leaving me no fucking choice. I rest my elbows on the countertop and place my head in my hands. Why is this happening to me? What in the hell did I do to deserve this? I know one thing is for sure, I will not go with them. I will fight until I am dead, but I will not go anywhere with them. Ever.

  A knock comes to the door and I jump. My hearts thumps so hard I fear it will burst out of my chest. Shit. It’s Tug. In all my trying to figure out what I’m going to do next, I forgot about him coming over. Shit. Shit. Shit. I breathe in deep. I can have one more night with him and then I’m gone. One more night to feel him. I can do that. They won’t come and get me if Tug is here. Right?

  I unlock the door and there stands sexy ass Tug, his shoulder leaning against the doorjamb, so very hot. I can’t believe I have to give this up. “Hey, sweet lips.” He strolls in and I smell him as he passes, trying to etch it in my brain.

  “Hey,” I say, my voice showing a small bit of a tremor, and close the door.

  I turn around and meet angry, scary eyes, ones I’ve never seen before. My breath catches in my throat.

  “Mind telling me what the hell you’re doing with a gun?” Shit! I forgot it was there. Dammit.

  I think quickly. “I have it for protection.” Lame. My shoulders sag.

  “Why do you need a gun?” I freeze. Why does he have to be so perceptive? Why can he get into my brain?

  “I just do.” I head to the kitchen, but he secures me to his body in a tight grip, his eyes fierce. I shiver at the coldness in them.

  “Tell me what’s going on.” I say nothing. “Dammit, Blaze, tell me!” he orders and in a voice that scares the ever-loving shit out of me. I breathe in deep.

  I go for vague. “My past has caught up with me. I’m calling Princess in the morning to get an ID and I have to leave Sumner.” That was so not vague, not one little bit. What the hell is wrong with me?

  “You’re leaving?” I shake my head yes and fight back the tears. He squeezes my arms then releases, but he keeps me right in front of him, not relinquishing his grasp. “Tell me what the fuck is going on!” I suck in deep.

  “It’s the past. Let’s enjoy tonight before I leave.”

  His brown eyes turn black with fury. He spins around abruptly and it takes everything in me not to jump. “God dammit, Blaze. Tell me what the fuck has you running. And running from me? I won’t let you leave. I don’t give a shit if I have to lock you up at the club. I’ll do it. You are not fucking leaving,” he bellows, and my heart warms at him wanting me to stay. He gets face-to-face with me and I stare into his molten eyes. “Tell me now!” he demands and the warmth turns to ice.

  My entire body starts to shake hard. Pain slices through me like a sharp knife. Pain that he’s mad at me, and pain about what I’m going to tell him. I close my eyes and step away from him. I pick up the yellow piece of paper from the floor, hold it out for him to take. His eyes glance on the paper then at me.

  “Who the fuck is Paige?” he barks out.

  I can do this. “I’m Paige. Paige McMillion.” His eyes grow wide.

  “I thought your name was Taryn?” His brows furrow together in confusion.

  “When I got here, Princess gave me a new identity. I’ve been running for the past four years.” I try to judge what he’s thinking but his face has gone blank.

  “What are you running from?” That’s the biggest loaded question anyone could ask me. I cannot believe I am doing this.

  “Let’s sit down.” I sit on the couch and he follows. I grab a pillow from the floor and hold it in my lap like a shield, kicking my feet up under my butt. The butt of the gun digs in my back so I pull it out and set it on the table. Tug eyes it then me as he sits down on the other end of the couch.

  I turn from him and stare at the wall.

  Long moments pass before I speak. “My mother fell in love with a man,” I whisper quietly, barely audible. This is the first time ever I have spoken about it and hopefully the last. I’m so scared to know what he’s going to think of me when I finish. “My mom was really sick and needed treatments that we couldn�
��t afford but the man she fell for could. They got together and Mom got her treatments.” I stop, not wanting to continue with the story. It’s way too black and I want out of it. I’d rather be up on stage with every man touching me than to tell this story.

  Tug waits patiently, giving me time. I love that he doesn’t pressure me in this moment. I couldn’t take it. “Him and his son.” I stop, the words not wanting to escape my lips, and they tremble. Tug scoots closer to me on the couch and his hand comes out to mine. I don’t bat him away. I need this, need him. “I was young,” I murmur, “way too young.” I pause and try to fight the tears.

  I close my eyes and say what’s been squeezing my heart for years, what’s changed me as a person, what’s haunted me just the same. “They used to come in my room at night and have sex with me.” I let out a huge breath. A lone tear trickles down my cheek and I instantly wipe it away. I will not fucking cry.

  “What?” Tug says, snapping me out of thoughts. The air in the room changes, giving me a chill. I turn to him, his eyes bold with fury, but it’s not directed at me.

  “You heard me, Tug, please don’t make me say it again.” He engulfs me in his arms and leans back on the couch. He puts me between his legs, my back resting on his chest, his arms around me. It is exactly what I need, the safety and comfort of Tug.

  “How old were you?” he asks gruffly.

  “Sixteen,” I whisper. His body goes ridged. His arms tremble and flex around me. I rub his arm, trying to calm him, but it doesn’t appear to help. “My mother never knew. I was told that if I didn’t keep my mouth shut, they would cut the money off to her treatments and she would die. So, for years I kept my mouth shut.”

  “Years?” Tug fumes.

  “Yes. I never told a soul until now.” His arms stiffen. “I found my mother dead in her room.” Tears spring to my eyes. “She was lying there cold, her lips pale, blue. I tried, Tug. I did. I gave her mouth-to-mouth and pumped her chest. I tried to save her…” I trail off, trying to get my hiccupping cries in check, but to no avail. “I knew I couldn’t. And so, I left her, Tug. Just left her…” I sob and allow all the tears to fall.

  I didn’t think I could get any closer to Tug, but it happens. I relish in the warmth as my tears spill on his shirt. “You left her how?” His voice is calm and patient.

  “The two that came in my room had a lot of money and a lot of connections. I did not. I packed a bag with some clothes and a few things then drove to North Carolina. My mom had a sister that she hadn’t talked to in a while. She never told me the entire story, but it’s not relevant.” I sniffle. “She was the only person I thought of that wasn’t from home and would probably help me. I showed up on her doorstep and shocked the hell out of her. She was nice and led me here to Sumner.”

  Tug’s arms tighten as sobs take over.

  “You did it to protect yourself,” Tug says deeply. I know I did, but it doesn’t make the pain of leaving her go away. He comfortingly holds me, allowing me the time to get everything out.

  After what seems like eternity, the sobs cease. He releases me and I get a tissue off the corner of the coffee table, wiping my face and snot. Embarrassed doesn’t cut it. “I’m an asshole, Tug. What kind of a daughter leaves the one person she loves more than anything on this planet? What kind of woman does that make me?” My last question ends on a bit of a screech as my words get louder and louder. Each time I ask one I point to myself hard in my chest, punctuating each word.

  “A survivor.” Authority pulses off of Tug, but I don’t believe it for a second.

  “Coward,” I fire back not skipping a beat.

  Tug turns me to him, his face showing no disdain or hate. Warmth and compassion flood in his eyes, almost causing me to lose it, but I hold tight. “It took a hell of a lot of balls for you leave your mother and that house. It is what your mother would have wanted you to do, especially if she had known what was happening to you. Do you think for one moment that she would have wanted you around those two assholes?”

  Fresh tears spring from my eyes, roll down my cheek, and fall to the floor. I blink, trying to get them out because Tug’s face is blurry. “No,” I whisper softly.

  “You think these guys are coming back for you?” His question grabs my attention and I pull out another tissue, cleaning up my face.

  “That’s what the note is. They’ve found me and they’ll force me to go with them.” Tears leak down my cheeks.

  Tug pulls my chin up with his thumb and finger so I have no choice but to look right in his eyes. “I will not let them get to you. Do you hear me?” I don’t move. “I will protect you, keep you safe. I need names. I can have Buzz run a trace on them and find out where they are and get all the information I can on them.”

  Fear slices through me. “No!” I yell loudly, panicked, and pull back.

  “Yes. This will give us a heads up from them,” Tug demands.

  No. “It’ll be best if I disappear. I don’t need to be bringing this shit to Ravage’s doorstep, Xs or yours.”

  He holds me. “You are not leaving. You are staying here and if those motherfuckers come here, I’ll fucking gut them.” A cold shiver goes through my body and it’s strange because it’s not exactly fear but I believe him. “Tell me names and what he did for a living.”

  He releases me and I sit back a bit, sucking in deep. “I don’t know what they do. Santos Markus and Frank Markus were gone a lot at meetings. We had tons of money and anything that Mom or I wanted was ours by the end of the day. We had servants in our seven-bedroom house and a chauffeur that would drive us around.” I didn’t want to say the next part, but it needs to come out. “I think it was either drugs or mob. I don’t know for sure on either.”

  “Shit,” he mutters.

  “See what I mean? You don’t need this trouble.”

  “Get it through your fucking head right now, woman. You are not leaving. You are mine and I protect what is mine. Got me?” I nod slowly. “We need to talk to Pops, get him the information. And before you say it, I know you don’t want to, but it’s what’s happening,” he finishes.

  “Don’t you get it? Everyone will hate me, having some assholes come in and screw with their shit because of me!” I bark out.

  “You don’t think that’s already going to happen. They know where and who you work for and probably know where you live now, which means that we all have our asses in the fryer. Giving Pops the heads up that this shit is knocking on his door whether you are here or not is the right thing to do.” I think about Tug’s words and he’s right. It is already here, already a problem. I have to tell them. I swallow big.

  “Fine.”

  Blaze is a big ball of nerves. I tried fucking it out of her but even that didn’t help. I put her on the back of my bike and rode to the clubhouse, tense as a stick. Even with all this shit going on, having her arms wrapped around me, her hot pussy against my ass and head on my shoulder, is my absolute favorite thing in the fucking world.

  After she fell asleep last night, I got out of bed. I had to. I couldn’t lie there and not get out the anger that consumed every cell of my body. I want to destroy these motherfuckers for what they did to Blaze. No wonder she was so freaked about getting with me. She was ready to bolt at a moment’s notice. No way in hell I’d let that shit happen.

  I glide my hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her as the trembles wrack her body. It doesn’t help.

  “You ready?” Pops asks, coming out of his office.

  “You ready?” I whisper in her ear. “Relax,” I murmur.

  “Yeah.” Blaze tries to answer but there is a catch in her throat. She clears it and says, “Yes.”

  “We’ll need Buzz, too,” I say to Pops, his eyes growing heavy.

  “Buzz later. Right now you two, let’s go in,” Pops says sternly.

  We enter his office; the desk sits at the end with a computer on top and papers cluttering the surface. Two chairs are situated in front of the desk and we sit. I make sur
e my chair is right next to Blaze, and rest her hand on my thigh.

  Pops laces his fingers and puts them behind his neck, leaning in his chair with a small creak. “Blaze, Tug tells me you got some trouble.”

  “Yes.” Her voice is strong but the very small tremor is not lost to me.

  “Tell me.”

  Blaze speaks and I do my best to keep my anger in check. I had all night to process this shit, but that didn’t help, especially having to hear it all over again. I try really hard not to squeeze her hand too hard.

  Pops’ face turns hard as stone as she adds more and more to the story. He leans up in his chair and listens intently to every single word she says.

  Then she finishes with a that’s about it. Like it’s no big deal.

  “Got yourself in a mess, huh?” Blaze nods, but no tears shed from her eyes. Strong fucking woman. “You should have told us this from the very beginning,” he reprimands, kindly. “I’ll get Buzz to find out everything he can on those two. I need any and all information you know about them. You are not leaving.” Blaze’s deep gasp echoes through the room. “No, we don’t run, Blaze. You do that you’ll run the rest of your life.” Blaze shakes her head to contradict what Pops is saying but he doesn’t listen. “Tug is your shadow.” I lift my chin in acknowledgement, wanting to thank him, but keeping my mouth shut. Blaze does not.

  “No,” she says, her spine visibly stiffening.

  “Yes.” Pops charges leaving no room for Blaze to argue and she concedes, her shoulders slumping.

  “I don’t want the whole club to know,” Blaze says in a rush, she must think she’s going to be dismissed soon.

  “Everyone will know. It’s not something I can hide from the brothers and their families. If these two come, we all have to be prepared for it.” A lone tear rolls down her cheek. I give her hand a squeeze, hopefully, letting her take my strength. Her other hand comes up and bats the tear like it’s some annoying gnat that she just wants to get rid of.