I’m tense as Noah walks around the car, his movements slow, as though he too is hoping to postpone the inevitable. He gets behind the wheel and then he finally turns to look at me, his expression a reflection of my broken heart.
I force a smile onto my face and grin at him. “Thank you for a lovely week, Noah. This is exactly what we needed to get this thing between us out of our system. It was perfect.”
He frowns, anger flashing through his eyes before he controls it.
“We said we’d be friends, right? We both know that’s the logical thing to do. It’s what’s best for both of us right now. I guess the timing isn’t right for us. It happens. Either way, I’m glad to have had a week with you. Let’s move on now, Noah. You and I can be friends, I’m sure of it.”
He looks at me, his gaze searching. For a moment I falter, for a single moment, I want to reach out and pull him toward me. I want to lose myself in him, but I can’t. Noah is the one person I can’t be selfish with. He deserves the world, and I refuse to stand in his way. Things might be perfect between us right now, but he hasn’t felt my grandfather’s wrath just yet. Once he does, once his future crumbles before his eyes, he’ll never look at me the same. I’ll have single-handedly taken everything he’s been working so hard for, and I can’t do that. Not to him. No matter how much I want to be with him. The price to pay is one that’s too high to bear, and at some point, he’d resent me for all he lost. I saw it in my mother before our lives fell apart, and I can’t knowingly lead Noah down the same path. Not when I know how promising his future is, how brilliant he is.
“Friends,” he whispers. He grits his teeth, his jaw tensing as he turns away from me. I swallow down my sorrow and paste a smile onto my face. It’s too easy to give in now, to risk it all. I can see that he wants to, but I know that if he does, that light in his eyes will eventually dim. As my grandfather throws one obstacle after another at him, he’ll end up blaming me for it. I’ve seen it happen before with friendships my grandfather didn’t think were good for me, classmates he didn’t want me around. I know what my grandfather is like. If he’s capable of blocking every road to the fulfillment of my dreams, then he’s capable of doing much worse to Noah. We decided on sharing just a single week together for a reason. We both know what the consequences will be if we don’t end things now.
“You really think we can be friends?” he asks, his tone harsh.
I nod, keeping my expression entirely neutral, courtesy of sitting through countless hours of conversations with truly obnoxious people. The mask I was forced to develop throughout the years is ironclad.
Noah laughs, the sounds chilling. He leans in, his index finger tracing over the side of my face, down to my lips, and then down to my throat. “Now that I know what your pussy feels like… what you taste like… nah, I don’t think we can be friends, baby.”
I swallow hard, a rush of desire coursing through me. I force myself to stay still, to not clench my thighs the way I want to. He’s right. Now that I’ve had him deep inside me, I want more. It isn’t even the phenomenal sex, it’s the intimacy. I want him kissing me, stroking my back as we fall asleep together. I want to see the look in his eyes as he sinks deep inside me, his eyes never leaving mine as he fucks me. I want him holding my hand, our fingers entwined. I want him pressing kisses to my forehead and smiling at me the way he does. I want it all with him, and walking away is the hardest thing I’ll ever do.
“We can. We said we’d spend a week together, and we did. It’s enough. This is enough for me, Noah. Let’s just be friends. To be honest, I think I prefer it that way. This week has just complicated things between us endlessly. Neither of us needs extra complications in our life right now.”
I see hurt flash through his eyes, and I instantly want to take my words back. I bite down on my lip as I swallow down the words I want to say, and Noah’s eyes follow my every move.
“Complications, huh,” he repeats. “I see. Fine, Amara. As you wish.”
I nod, burying my true wishes deep below the shattered remains of my heart as I smile brightly.
Noah looks away and yanks his seatbelt on, his movements rough, angry. I’m terrified I’m hurting him, but I can’t see another way. There’s no possible outcome where he and I can be happy without sacrificing the future we’re building. Being with him means losing my family while Noah loses his career.
Noah is tense as he drives toward my home, parking in the clearing I left my car at. He stares out the window as he shuts down the engine, and silence washes over us. I don’t know what to say, and somehow I can’t get myself to say goodbye.
“I… thank you. For this week, for everything.”
Noah turns to look at me, his eyes roaming over my face and then down my body. He leans in, and my heart starts to race when he reaches for me, his hand tangling into my hair. He pulls me toward him roughly, his lips finding mine.
I moan against his lips, my eyes falling closed. This. I’ll miss this. The way he touches me, the way his hands tell me he owns me without the words ever leaving his lips. I kiss him with all I’ve got, trying my best to burn this moment into my memories, so I’ll always have a part of him.
Noah pulls me closer, lifting me out of my seat, and I tumble on top of him, the two of us barely fitting into this small space. His hands roam over my body, every touch and every caress leaving me wanting more.
He pulls away suddenly, his expression angry. “Tell me, Amara. Can you walk away from this? From us?”
I blink, reality crashing down on me. I smile at him, throwing as much charm at him as I can. “Noah,” I murmur, my tone seductive. “I make sex toys for a living. I’m always down for a good kiss or even a quickie. I’ve definitely had a lot of fun with you… but it’s just a fling, isn’t it? Let’s not turn it into more than it is. Let’s not destroy our friendship, okay?”
He looks at me as though I struck him, his expression pure devastation laced with despair… and then it’s gone. He smiles at me the way he did the first time I walked into his office. It’s a professional smile without a trace of emotion, and it kills me more than anything he could’ve said.
“You’re right,” he says, carefully placing me back in my seat. He handles me so reverently, his touch kind even as I’m breaking both of our hearts. “Thank you for a wonderful week, Amara. It’s just what I needed.” He pulls away, his arms crossing over each other as though he’s forcing himself to keep his hands off me. “I guess I’ll see you around.”
I nod, my hand on the door handle. “Yeah,” I whisper. “See you, Noah.”
I swallow down my tears as I open the door, forcing myself to keep it together just a bit longer. Noah steps out of the car and grabs my bag for me, and I take it from him with shaking hands, praying he won’t notice.
“Hey,” he says, his eyes on the trees behind me. “Let me know when you get home safe, okay?”
I nod and lean in, rising to my tiptoes to press a chaste kiss to his cheek. I allow myself that much before I turn and walk away, leaving my heart in his hands.
Chapter 36
Noah
I glance at the report that came in about our latest acquisition and run a hand through my hair. The numbers aren’t looking good, and I’m scared I made a bad call choosing to purchase this specific clinic over another that Harold was considering. He left the decision up to me, and it was clearly a test — one that I appear to have failed.
The door to my office opens and I sit up, not surprised to find Harold walking into my office. I expected him to show up sometime today. If anything, he’s later than I expected. He checks in with me every week, and he usually storms in the way he’s doing right now, making it clear that he owns this place. There isn’t a single detail he misses when it comes to the expansion he’s pursuing. It wouldn’t have surprised me if he’d been waiting for me in my office this morning.
“You’re back,” he says, his tone gruff.
I nod. Usually I’d make small talk with him, but
today I’m tired. Or rather than tired, I guess I’m drained. I haven’t felt like myself since Amara stepped in her car and drove away. Her words keep resounding in my head, and everything else seems irrelevant. I can’t help but run through every interaction I’ve had with her, every memory we made, wondering how she truly feels about me.
“Where were you? I came in to see you last week, and the receptionist told me you took a week off? You told me you’d only be away for a weekend. I couldn’t reach you either.”
I smile at him, but it feels forced even to me. “I went to see my sister. She just got engaged. I ended up staying longer than I expected.”
He looks surprised, and his eyes soften. “Oh,” he says, his tone far less antagonistic. “That’s wonderful news. Please tell her congratulations on my behalf.”
I nod and turn back to the paperwork on my desk. I’ve always been grateful to Harold for giving me a chance, for mentoring me… but today I can barely stand to see him. Today, more than ever, I’m reminded of everything I can’t have because of him, and I just don’t know if what he’s offering me is worth giving up Amara. I don’t think anything ever will be.
Harold sits down opposite me, his gaze searching. “My granddaughter was also away for a week. She stays with her friends often, especially when she’s busy at school, but don’t you think that’s too much of a coincidence?”
I lean back in my seat and cross my arms. “That sounds like something you should be discussing with your granddaughter,” I tell him. I’m not in the mood for games or veiled threats. I’m truly exhausted today. My heart is tired of hurting. I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of the loneliness that grips me. I’m tired of tiptoeing around Harold. And I’m really fucking tired of missing Amara.
Harold rises to his feet and crosses his arms, his stance mirroring mine. “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I’ll support you as best as I can, but that is only provided that you stay away from my granddaughter. If I find out that you touched her, you’re done. You won’t even know what hit you. All you’ll see is the damage that will surround you. Damage you could have prevented if you heeded my words.”
I stare at him, taking in the anger in his eyes, the small amount of desperation he fails to hide. “Why? Because I’m not good enough for your granddaughter? You say you treat your employees like family, yet you draw the line at one of us actually becoming family?”
Harold hesitates, as though he’s at a loss for words. He never hesitates, he never falters. I watch him as his expression hardens, intrigued. I’ve never been able to read him, but today he’s revealing human emotion I didn’t think he was capable of.
“Think what you will,” he tells me. “All that matters is that you understand Amara is not for you. You cannot and never will be with her. My daughter tells me you two are friends of sorts, and that’s as much as I’ll condone. Don’t test me, Noah. There’s nothing I won’t do to ensure my granddaughter’s happiness, and you staying away from her plays a key role in that.”
I stare at him in disbelief, completely disillusioned. Part of the reason I struggled so much with my attraction for Amara is the immense respect I had for Harold. I felt terrible going behind his back, doing what I thought would hurt him when he seemed to have my best interests at heart. I was wrong. At the end of the day, I’m just a pawn to him. Just another employee.
“I understand,” I tell him, but I don’t think I do. I don’t think I ever will.
He nods at me as he walks out the door, his usual carefree expression back on his face. “I’ll see you next week,” he tells me, right before disappearing behind the door.
I stare at it, Amara’s words running through my head over and over again. The way she looked at me when she told me that one week was enough, that we shouldn’t destroy our friendship. Was our week together just a fling to her, or is she trying to protect me? The way she looked at me… she couldn’t have faked that. That’s one of the things I love about her most, the way her eyes can’t tell a lie. I know we agreed on just one single week, but I don’t think I can let her go.
Now that she’s shown me what true happiness is… I don’t think I can ever settle for less. Consequences be damned.
Chapter 37
Amara
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Leia asks, holding up a screwdriver for me. I nod as I take it from her, trying my best to focus on fixing my malfunctioning product. This lab has become my escape. It’s the only place where memories of Noah don’t overwhelm me. Losing myself in my work is the only way I’ll be able to cope. “Amara, you’ve barely spoken three words since you got back. You’re not okay.”
I drop the screwdriver onto the table and turn to face her. “It doesn’t matter,” I whisper, my voice breaking. I clear my throat and raise my voice. “Whether or not I’m fine doesn’t matter, Ley. It’s not like I can do anything about it, anyway. I made the right choice — I just didn’t think it’d be this hard.”
She stares at me, as though she’s at a loss for words too. I breathe a sigh of relief when she nods and hands me one of the tiny screws she fabricated for me. If she questioned me about Noah, I don’t think I’d be able to take it. I can barely think of him without wanting to cry, and I’m tired of the pain.
“Damn it,” I snap. “These damn things are so goddamn tiny!”
Leia tenses next to me, her hip bumping against mine. I don’t realize why until I hear his voice.
“Give me that,” he says, his voice soft.
For a second I think my heartbreak riddled mind has me hallucinating, but then he smiles at me, his hand wrapping around my waist.
“Noah,” I whisper, my voice betraying the disbelief I’m feeling. His grip on me is tight, and he pulls me into him without hesitation. I gasp as I tumble into his arms, my hands on his chest to brace myself. I look up at him, surprised to find him here.
I’ve been second guessing myself since the moment I stepped out of his car. I’ve missed him more than I thought was possible. Having him standing here, smiling at me in that way he only ever smiles at me soothes my aching heart. “How are you here? Why are you here?”
Noah keeps one hand wrapped around my waist while he cups my cheek with the other, his thumb tracing over my lip. “You’re here, so where else would I be?”
There’s no hesitation in his eyes, no doubt. I was so certain that my words would’ve pushed him away. Yet here he is, standing in my lab.
My eyes drop to the faculty badge around his neck, and I lift it up with a smile. That explains it. I guess being the campus doctor makes him faculty staff. I’ve never seen him wear this badge before, but then again, he would never have had any use for it. Not until now.
Noah turns to Leia and offers her his hand. “You must be Leia,” he says, a charming smile on his face. “We’ve seen each other before, but we’ve never officially met. I’m Noah. Amara’s boyfriend.”
I freeze while Leia smiles at him and shakes his hand. She glances at me wide-eyed, barely able to hide her excitement. “Boyfriend?” she asks, turning to face me. “Is that so?”
I glance at Noah who just stares at me, arms crossed, an expression on his face that dares me to deny his words. I smile at him, my cheeks blazing. “Yes,” I tell her, my eyes never leaving Noah’s. I thought I lost him when I walked away from him, yet here he is, smiling at me as though I’m all he can see.
Noah wraps his hand around my waist, a satisfied smirk on his face. He leans into me, his lips brushing against my ear. “Good girl,” he whispers, and my heart skips a beat.
Leia glances at her phone and then at me, and I just know she’s about to make an excuse to leave. She’s the world’s worst liar. “Oh, I need to go,” she says. “My dog got his paws on a roll of toilet paper and TP’ed all of my furniture.”
She says it with such a sorrowful expression that I struggle to bite back a smile. How she comes up with this shit is beyond me.
“You don’t have a—”
“See y
a!” she yells, rushing off. I watch her in amusement, my smile melting away when the door closes behind her.
My heart is racing as I turn to face Noah, my nerves getting the best of me. “Boyfriend?” I murmur.
He picks up the screwdriver, his eyes on my prototype. “Yes. You’re mine,” he tells me. I watch him as he leans in and works on my toy, as though he didn’t just say something crazy.
“I… um, what?”
Noah tightens the last of four tiny screws, taking seconds to do what would’ve taken me minutes, his hands far steadier than mine. He sighs as he drops the screwdriver onto the table.
“I’m tired, Amara. I’m tired of fighting this thing between us. I’m tired of missing you. I’m tired of pretending like I’m not completely fucking crazy about you. I’m done. You’re mine, and you know it. Let’s stop pretending like you’re not.”
Noah takes a step closer to me, and my breath hitches. He looks at me, daring me to object, to tell him no. As if I ever would. I want this just as badly as he does.
He smiles when he realizes I’m not going to fight him on this, and my heart skips a beat when he leans in, his hand wrapping into my hair. I instinctively rise to my tiptoes, meeting him halfway. Noah’s lips come crashing down on mine, and I sigh in relief at his touch. I didn’t think I’d ever get to have him this close again.
He tightens his grip on my hair, his touch possessive. A rush of desire runs through me, and I push against him, wanting to be closer to him. Noah pulls away just slightly, smiling against my lips. “You’re mine,” he whispers. “Say it.”
I tilt my head, capturing his bottom lip between my teeth, punishing him for teasing me, for withholding more of his touch. “I’m yours, Noah. I’ve been yours since the day I walked into your office.”
He cups my cheek, his eyes on mine. “I’m in love with you,” he whispers. “I’m so fucking crazy about you. I love you, Amara.”
Dr. Grant (Off-Limits) Page 16
