I rise to my feet, the remote control falling to the floor. Amara smiles, looking perfectly happy. Two weeks. I ended things with her two weeks ago, and in that time she fucking got engaged to Gregory?
I laugh to myself, reminded of what Amara once told me Gregory said to her. He told her that one day, when she’s done playing around with the help, she’d go back to him. I guess he was right.
I glance at one of the photos of my parents in the living room, my heart filled with intense regret. It wasn’t even real to Amara. I guess she always knew she could go back home, that Gregory would want her back. It was just me risking everything.
Chapter 52
Noah
I pause in front of the imposing building in front of me, feeling conflicted. Seven job offers. Shortly after Amara and Gregory announced their engagement, the job offers started to come in.
I guess Harold no longer views me as a threat. He got what he wanted. Amara is marrying a man he approves of, someone vastly different to me. My stomach recoils at the thought of the two of them together. My eyes fall closed as I try to push away thoughts I can’t bear. The two of them together, his hands on her body, Amara smiling at him the way she used to smile at me. I bet she’ll have her dad walk her down the aisle. She’d never be able to do that if she married me. I could never take that — knowing he gets to walk her down the aisle when I know how hard it’s hitting Aria that she’ll miss out on that.
Not that Amara and I were ever headed toward marriage. I guess I was just someone different, someone that intrigued her. I was never going to be the man she married. I don’t fit into her world. All the scheming, the secrets, the cliques. I want no part of it.
I don’t.
So why does it hurt so badly? I’m the one that asked her to leave, so why does it kill me to know she did just as I asked? I guess it’s because it just adds to the betrayal. I feel guilty enough as it is, but knowing that all we had didn’t mean anything to her? That she walked away without a fight, choosing to marry someone else within weeks of leaving me… yeah, that fucking burns.
I run a hand through my hair and take a deep breath in an attempt to ground myself — to no avail. I’m a fucking mess, but I’ll have to pretend like I’m not. Like my heart isn’t fucking broken, like guilt isn’t eating at me.
I’ve let my parents down enough as it is. I shake my head and tug at the lapels of my suit jacket before walking into the building, a polite smile on my face. I freeze when my eyes land on the receptionist’s desk.
“Georgia?”
She looks up, a sweet smile on her face. “Good morning, Dr. Grant. It is so good to see you again.”
I walk up to her desk, unable to suppress my shock. “How are you here?”
“She isn’t the only one that’s here.” I turn around to find Maddie leaning against the wall, her fingers brushing some imaginary dust off her uniform. She looks up at me, a grin on her face.
“You’re both here,” I whisper, a surge of emotion washing over me. In the time I was at the Astor clinic, the three of us became a team, and leaving them behind was harder than I thought it’d be.
They both grin at me. “Of course we are,” Georgia says. “We couldn’t stay there after you were fired. It wasn’t fair. We said we’d quit unless they reconsidered their decision to fire you, but well…”
I shake my head. “You two should’ve known better. The last thing I wanted to do was drag you down with me.”
Maddie shrugs. “I mean, I did warn you to stay away from her.”
My mood instantly sours, and I look away. I should’ve listened to her. What the hell was I thinking going after Amara?
“Hey, it’s okay. Look around,” she says, gesturing around the office. “This place is even swankier than Astor College’s clinic. Come on, I’ll show you your new office. You’re going to love it.”
I nod and follow her the way I did on my very first day of work at the college clinic. It feels like a lifetime ago. Maddie points at the beautiful view from the tall windows in my office, and I try my hardest to act excited about it, but she sees straight through me.
“Hey, for what it’s worth… she seems to have really loved you. I don’t know what happened and I won’t ask, but rumor has it she agreed to marry Gregory in return for her grandfather letting you off the hook.”
I look up, surprised. “No,” I murmur. “She didn’t.” Part of me wants to cling to the explanation Maddie is handing me, but I can’t. I know Amara. She isn’t the type of woman to give up her freedom over something that small. Freedom is what she’s been fighting for all her life. I guess she was just done playing around with plebs like me.
“She gave up her company, too. She sold it outright — to Grayson Callahan.”
I look up, my eyes wide. “She did what?” Gray never told me that. Why would he keep that from me?
She nods. “I guess it hasn’t been announced yet, but that’s what I heard. I’m rarely wrong, you know? I’m the queen of classified information.”
Her words bring a reluctant smile to my face. “That’s one hell of a way to describe a gossip.”
She shrugs and walks away, looking over her shoulder as she reaches the door. “You’ll be okay, right?”
I nod. “I will be, Maddie. I always am.”
She nods and walks out, closing the door behind her softly. I’m absentminded as I sink into my seat. Maddie’s words keep resounding in my mind. She sold her company. She agreed to marry Gregory in return for her grandfather letting you off the hook. It can’t be.
I force the thoughts away and reach into my bag to take out the photograph of my parents that has gone with me to every single place I’ve ever worked at. I place it on my desk carefully, tracing a trembling finger over the edge of it.
If not for Amara’s father, they’d still be here. How could I ever be with her? How could I ever ask her to live with the guilt, the knowledge that I’ll never want her father in our lives?
I pull my hand away, feeling torn. I should be feeling disgust toward Amara, but all I can think about is how much I miss her. How much I regret saying what I said to her.
“Would you forgive me, Mom?” I whisper. “I need you. I need you to tell me what to do. Now, more than ever, I need you. Both of you. I’m terrified I’ll regret the choice I made. I’m unsure how she even feels about me, but the thought of her marrying someone else… Dad, it kills me. But I… I can’t love the daughter of the man that took you from us. She is the reason you died. She’s the reason Aria cried herself to sleep for years, the reason she still has night terrors. If not for her, Peter Simmons never would’ve been in our house. How could I love her knowing what role she played in your death? How could I ever face you?”
I grab the photo, holding it so tightly that the sharp edges cut into me, but I welcome the pain. “Please,” I beg. “Give me a sign. I beg of you, Mom, Dad… tell me I’m not making the worst mistake in my life by trying to do the right thing. Please. Please, give me a sign.”
My eyes fall closed as I try my hardest to cling to my sanity, feeling it slip away by the second. My father would be so disappointed in me. What the fuck am I even doing? Trying to communicate with spirits? What the fuck?
I put the photograph down and try my best to focus on work, but all day I find myself waiting for a sign, against better judgment. There isn’t one.
Chapter 53
Noah
I walk into the house, feeling tired right down to my fucking soul. My heart feels empty, and all I’ve been able to think about is Amara. I keep trying to cling onto the anger, the pain.
The love I still feel for her overpowers it all. I’m like a fucking addict, craving something I know will destroy me. Her engagement party has been all over the local news. Apparently everyone who is anyone will be at the Astor mansion tonight. Everyone but me.
I pause in the hallway, my eyes trailing over the countless photos Aria and I hung on the walls. It’s all our favorite memories. Or they used to be. I used to sta
nd here and remember the way I felt as a child. The photos used to transport me back into a time when I was happy and loved.
I didn’t even notice I’d stopped pausing in the hallway. While Amara lived here, I was always in too much of a rush to be with her… because she made me happy. She made me feel the way the memories did, but a thousand times better.
I lift my fingers to one of the frames, tracing over the edge of it. My mother is smiling back at me, and for a single moment I feel like she’s here with me. “Forgive me,” I whisper. “Forgive me, Mom. Please. I’m sorry, but I… I can’t do it. I keep telling myself that this is the right thing to do, but how could it be when I’m this unhappy? I have to believe that you’d want me to be happy. I have to, Mom. I have to believe that you’d love her, because I think you really would. I can’t. I can’t do this to myself, to her. I can’t let the words I spoke to her be the last thing I ever said to her. I need to see her. One more time. Even if it’s just to apologize. I can’t… I can’t let things end like this. I just can’t.” I brush my fingertips over the photo, wishing to be just a little closer to her. “I hope you can forgive me. I swear, Mom. She’s nothing like her father. I swear it.”
I take a step back, my eyes lingering on the photo. I don’t even know what I want, but I know I have to see Amara. I run a hand through my hair as I walk toward the staircase, pausing when I hear rustling. I frown and turn around, following the sound into the living room.
I don’t remember opening the window, but it’s wide open, the curtains flowing. It seems like the window flying open knocked over some of the trinkets Aria kept in the windowsill.
I bend down to pick up the metal box on the floor and pause, my eyes widening. I swallow hard as I sink down on the floor, kneeling in front of the ring that’s catching the light from multiple angles.
It’s my mother’s engagement ring. I had no idea Aria kept it here. I raise my head slowly, my heart racing as I look at the window and back at the ring on the floor. I could’ve sworn that I hadn’t opened that window in weeks.
I pick the ring up with trembling hands, and for a single moment, I’m certain I smell my mother’s perfume. Daisies. She always smelled like daisies. I bite down on my lip, swallowing hard. “Mom,” I whisper, unable to help myself. I don’t believe in ghosts or any of that stuff, and maybe this is all a coincidence. Maybe it’s wishful thinking. Maybe it’s my broken heart and my fucked-up mind that are making me see what I want to see, what isn’t there.
Or maybe it’s a sign.
I asked for one, after all. “I would have gone after her before I found your ring, Mom,” I whisper. “But I… I’m going to take this as your blessing. You’d have loved her, and she’d have loved you just as much. I fucked up, Mom… Amara never would’ve given up her company, she’d never give up her freedom. She traded hers for mine, and a woman like that? Mom… she’d never do that if she were anything like her father.”
I rise to my feet, feeling completely shaken. Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe I’m truly making this all up, but I don’t think I am. I haven’t smelled my mother’s perfume this strongly since I was a child, but the scent is filling the living room now, right along with the warmth she exuded.
I smile to myself as I close my fist around my mother’s ring. “I fucked up,” I whisper. “But I’m going to make this right.”
The smell of daisies follows me as I pull out the tuxedo Charlotte gave me, and even in the car, it’s right there with me. She’s right there with me.
I’m smiling as I park in front of the mansion, feeling at peace for the first time in weeks. For weeks, everything has felt wrong. But now? Tonight? Tonight feels different.
I inhale deeply as I walk up to the entrance, unsure of what I’ll even say when I see her. I don’t know if she even wants to see me, but I do know I can’t let her marry someone that isn’t me.
“Stop right there, sir.” I pause as two bodyguards approach me, both of them wearing matching earpieces. “Come with us.”
One of them grabs my arm, his grip tight as he forces me to follow along. I’m tempted to shake him off, but that won’t help me. I should’ve known this wouldn’t be easy, but they’re crazy if they think they can stop me.
I’m not surprised when they lead me straight to Harold’s home office. He’s leaning against his desk, a cigar between his lips. He takes a deep drag, his expression unreadable.
“What are you doing here, Noah?” His voice is calm, dangerous.
I yank my arm out of his bodyguard’s grip and straighten my tux, my jaws locked. “I’m here for Amara.”
He stares me down as he takes another drag of his cigar. “She moved on,” he says. “She’s marrying a man of her own stature.”
I smile at him, emboldened by confidence that might be entirely misplaced. I don’t give a fuck. I’ll make a fool of myself if I need to. I’ll do anything. I can live with embarrassment, but I can’t live without her.
“No. She won’t. She’s marrying me.”
Harold raises his brow. “You’re wearing a suit my daughter bought for you. If I hadn’t let you go, you’d still be out of a job. You’re drowning in student debt, and at your current salary you make a comfortable living, but you can’t maintain my granddaughter’s lifestyle. You’re not good enough for her, Noah.”
I nod. “I know. I might never be good enough for her, but I’ll never stop trying. I’ll never stop trying to make her happier than she was the day before. Can you look me in the eye and promise me that Gregory will do the same? Will he make her laugh, Harold? Will he support her dreams?”
He looks away. “You can’t live off happiness, Noah. She can’t.”
I laugh and run a hand through my hair. “I’m a doctor, Harold. Sure, it’s early in my career, but I make a decent living. I can take care of her just fine, and you know it.”
“She loves her father. She always will. What will you do if she wants him to walk her down the aisle? What if she wants him to be part of your lives? If you have children, she’ll want them to know their grandfather. What will you do? Are you going to make her feel guilty for loving her father for the rest of her life? Make her feel like she’s always choosing between the two of you?”
I walk over to the sideboard in his office and brazenly pour two glasses of what I suspect is incredibly expensive bourbon. I hand him a glass, and much to my surprise, he takes it.
I raise it to my lips as I mull over his questions. He’s right to ask them, to demand an answer. I empty my glass and put it down on the sideboard with more force than I intended. “Life is for the living, Harold.” I get it now. I get what the florist was trying to say. I turn to look at Harold, my eyes meeting his. “I won’t make my wife live in the past. And let me be clear, Harold. Amara will be my wife. She is not a pawn in your empire. She’s my queen, and I’ll be damned if I let you sacrifice her for one of your fucking mergers. She’s walking out of here with me tonight, if it’s the last fucking thing I do.”
He smiles at me and shakes his head. It’s a genuine smile, one that he attempts to hide his relief behind, but for perhaps the first time since I met him, I see through it.
“You’re insane if you think you can convince my granddaughter to even look at you. You broke her heart, and she hasn’t been the same ever since. She has her mother’s stubbornness. She won’t give you a chance. She’ll have you thrown out before you even reach her.”
I grin at him. “But you won’t let that happen, will you?”
He smiles at me and shakes his head. “One chance, Noah. You have one single chance.”
I nod. I’ve never felt more sure of anything. “One chance is all I need.”
Chapter 54
Amara
“You look beautiful,” Mom whispers as she helps me put on the diamond necklace Grandpa gave me to wear tonight. My gaze roams over my reflection in the mirror, taking in the stunning emerald green dress. It accentuates my every curve, and Noah would’ve loved seeing me in this.
“Are you all right, sweetheart?”
My eyes meet Mom’s in the mirror, and I force a smile onto my face. “I’m great. Wonderful.”
She raises her brow and sighs. “Don’t do this, Amara. If your heart isn’t in it, then don’t do it.”
I laugh, the sound harsh. “Be thankful and do your part,” I tell her. “That’s what you told me, isn’t it? Stop chasing foolish dreams.” I grit my teeth, trying my best to suppress the anger, the pain, the helplessness. “You were right, mother. I was foolish. I was dumb. I’m falling in line now. I’m doing my part. What more could you possibly want? How is this still not enough?”
She grabs my shoulders and gently turns me toward her. “I was wrong. I was bitter, and I was wrong, Amara. I realized how wrong I was when I saw how happy you were. I want that for you.”
I chuckle. “Yeah, and how did choosing happiness work out for you? You told me to learn from you, and I wish I had. I wish I hadn’t tried to chase after my own happiness — because that doesn’t exist, mother. It isn’t real. Love isn’t real, and it isn’t worth it.”
She looks me in the eye, her expression unnerving. “If love isn’t real, then why are you sacrificing everything for Noah? Why are you throwing away everything you worked for? Did you think I wouldn’t find out about your deal with Grandpa? Your company and an engagement in return for Noah’s freedom and a guaranteed prosperous career path.”
I look away, facing the mirror instead. I lean in to touch up my lipstick, trying my best to hide how badly my hands are shaking. “You’re wrong,” I tell her. “I was just tired of the company, the continuous struggle, the failure. Besides, Gregory is a nice guy. He’ll never hurt me. I’ll have a good life with him.”
Dr. Grant (Off-Limits) Page 23
