Mom’s eyes meet mine in the mirror, her expression so tense that I can’t hold her gaze. “He won’t hurt you because you’ll never let him close enough. He’ll never have your heart. That’s no way to live, Amara. I wonder… what do you see when you look in the mirror? Because when I look at you, it’s not my daughter I see. Not anymore. Don’t lose sight of who you are. Don’t let pain jade you and guide you into making choices you can’t undo.”
She shakes her head and walks away, pausing to look at me when she reaches the door. I stare at her through the mirror, seeing vulnerability in her expression that’s never been there before. “Don’t become like me, Amara.”
She walks out of the room, closing the door behind her. Her words haunt me for the rest of the night. With every person walking up to me to congratulate me, my anxiety increases, but it’s too late now. Noah wants nothing to do with me, and even if he did, my grandfather won’t let him near me — not without taking his future in return.
“Dance with me,” Gregory says, his hand wrapping around mine. I instinctively recoil, the way I have for weeks now. It’s subtle, but it doesn’t escape his notice. His smile drops just a fraction, and I instantly feel guilty. He wraps his arms around me, his eyes on mine. “It might take months, or it might take years. But one day, you’ll look at me the way you used to. I know that you’ll never look at me the way you looked at him, Amara. I know that, but in time, you and I will be happy together.”
“Content,” I whisper. “We’ll be content, the way we were before. You never loved me either, not truly. You might think you did, but I doubt you’ve ever actually been in love.”
He twirls me around on the dance floor before pulling me back to him. The way he looks straight past me… the longing, the regret. It’s an expression I know all too well. It’s one I’ve seen in the mirror every single day since Noah walked out on us. “You have,” I murmur. “You have been in love.”
He snaps out of his thoughts and looks at me, smiling grimly. “Aren’t you going to ask me who she is?”
I blink, realization dawning. I should care. I should at least care that the man I’m marrying loves someone else, but all I feel is relief.
“How did he get in?” Gregory says, his voice laced with anger. He lets go of me, and I turn around, my heart racing. There’s only one man that could possibly anger Gregory tonight.
It’s him.
Noah stands by the entrance, his eyes on me. He walks toward me with such confidence that the crowd instinctively parts for him. His steps are slow and sure, his eyes never leaving mine. Noah pauses in front of me, rendering me speechless for a single second before I spring into action, signaling the guards to have him escorted out of the room. Instead of obeying my silent commands, every single guard looks down at their shoes, ignoring my request.
“Amara,” Noah says, his voice laced with the same pain I feel.
“No,” I say, cutting him off before he has a chance to say anything else. “Leave.”
He smiles. He has the gall to smile at me after showing up here uninvited, today of all days. “I will, if you come with me.”
I look around, finding everyone staring at us with undisguised interest. “I’m not sure you’ve noticed, but this is my engagement party. You need to leave.”
Noah’s smile melts off his face, and he nods. “You look beautiful,” he says, his eyes roaming over my body. He grits his teeth, and when his eyes move back up to mine, they’re filled with jealousy and pain. I instantly want to tell him it’s not what he thinks, that Gregory hasn’t touched me, but I resist.
“I love you,” he says, his words loud enough to elicit gasps from the people surrounding us. “There’s a lot I don’t know, Amara. I don’t know what our future will look like. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to give you the live you could have with Gregory. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look your father in the eye without thinking of mine. I don’t know if I’ll ever be good enough for you. There’s a lot I don’t know, Amara… but I know that I love you. I know that I always will. I know I’ll never give up on us, and every single day for the rest of our lives, I’ll prove that to you if you’ll let me.”
Noah sinks down to his knees, and my eyes widen when he takes a diamond engagement ring out of his suit jacket. “I’ve been crazy about you from the second you walked into my office, Amara. Every interaction with you since then resulted in you stealing another piece of my heart. I didn’t even realize my battered heart was capable of love, but before I knew it I was so in love with you I couldn’t see a life without you. I still can’t, Amara. I tried, and I can tell you with full certainty that a life without you in it isn’t a life worth living. And that’s exactly what we should do, Amara. We should live.”
The way he looks at me, the sincerity in his eyes… I want to believe him, but I can’t. Not when I know what he went through. What my family took from him, once in the past, and then all over again recently.
“I can’t promise you that it’ll be easy, because I don’t think it will be. It’ll be hard, my love. There’s a lot we’ll need to overcome. The odds are stacked against us, and you and I… we have some healing to do. It won’t be perfect, and at times it might not be pretty, but you and I can get through anything if we’re together. Every day for the rest of my life, I’ll choose you. I’ll choose you over the past, the pain, the loss. I’ll choose you, and I’ll continue to put you and our happiness first. So please, Amara Astor, will you spend the rest of your life with me? Will you give me a chance to prove my words? Will you marry me?”
I look up, finding Grandpa standing beside us, his hand on Gregory’s shoulder, as though he’s holding him back. Grandpa nods at me, a sweet smile on his face.
“No,” I say, my voice breaking. “No, Noah.”
Chapter 55
Noah
No? She said no?
Amara walks past me and rushes toward the exit. I blink in disbelief and look up to find Harold looking at me in shock. He frowns, his confusion apparent, and I shake my head. I’m just as surprised as he is.
I jump to my feet and follow Amara out of the ballroom, catching her in the hallway that leads to the wing her family lives in.
“Amara!”
She pauses, turning toward me when I reach her. “Look at me,” I tell her, my voice soft. Amara raises her head, and the tears in her eyes nearly bring me to my knees.
“You don’t get to do this, Noah. You don’t get to walk out on us and then show up at my engagement party acting like all that stands between us is some minor disagreement, like you and I could actually be together if we wanted to.”
Her eyes reflect the helplessness she feels. Her pain matches my own.
“I know,” I whisper. “I know it won’t be easy, but I’m serious. I’m certain you and I can get through anything together. I admit that I was shocked and angry, and yes, my first instinct was to push you away. But Amara… you are not your father. I can’t blame you for crimes you didn’t commit, and I can’t live in the past. I won’t ask it of you either.”
She laughs humorlessly, the sound at odds with the tears in her eyes. “Do you know why my father was in your house, Noah? It was because of me. It was because Aria and I are the same age, and he wanted clothes and school supplies for me. I’m the reason you lost your parents, Noah.”
He takes a step closer to me and shakes his head. “You were just a child, Amara. You aren’t to blame for your father’s actions.”
“I might not be my father, but I’m still my father’s daughter. I nearly lost him, Noah. I knew right there and then that I was done shutting him out of my life. I want to get to know him, and there’s no way you’ll be able to live with that. What would our lives even look like? Would I never be able to have my father over for dinner? Will he be able to attend our wedding?”
I take a step closer to her, my hands cupping her cheeks gently. Her breath hitches and her eyes fall closed. She inhales shakily, her forehead dropping to my
chest. “We can’t be together,” she whispers.
I smile as I wrap my arms around her, threading one hand through her hair. “I missed you,” I murmur. “I missed you every single day you were gone, and I won’t spend the rest of my life without you. I will not promise you that it’ll be easy, Amara. It’s going to take me time. At times it might fucking kill me to look your father in the eye and keep my cool. I won’t make you false promises…. But I can promise you this: every single day I’ll try my best. I’ll be with you, here in the present. I’ll work on overcoming the past, on healing instead of hiding from it. I promise that I’ll never ever blame you for crimes you did not commit. I swear it. So give me a chance, Amara. Just give me a chance. Let me prove to you that you and I could be happy together.”
She shakes her head. “What about your sister? She won’t be able to even look at me, knowing who I am. She’ll never forgive me. I can’t stand between you two. I can’t be the reason she won’t come see you.”
I smile and pull away to look at her. “Baby, Aria knew who you were long before she even met you. She knew long before I did, and she welcomed you with open arms. She welcomed you into her home. She invested in you knowing who your father is. Aria told me I was stupid for letting you go at all. I spent two weeks with her, but she was mad at me the entire time. If not for Grayson, I’m not sure she’d have let me stay at all.”
I see the disbelief in her eyes, and I’m not sure what to say to convince her. She and I… the odds are stacked against us.
“What about my grandfather? Your career?”
I smile. “Do you really think I’d have gotten into the ballroom without his approval? He loves you, Amara. He just wants you to be happy.”
She looks away and nods. “One chance,” she whispers, and I exhale in relief. “Everything you’re promising sounds great on paper, Noah… but it’s going to be hard. You might decide that it’s not worth it after all. It might be too hard, too painful. You might not be able to live with the guilt. I’m willing to try, Noah. But I won’t marry you unless I’m sure that we’d be happy together. Marriage isn’t between just the two of us, no matter how badly we want to believe it is. It’s a joining of families too. I won’t live the life my mother did. I won’t isolate myself from my family, and I have to be sure you won’t ask it of me. I love you, Noah… but sometimes love isn’t enough.”
I nod. “One chance is all I need,” I whisper, taking a step closer to her. Amara steps back, hitting the wall behind her. I smile as I lean in, my lips hovering over hers. “I love you,” I whisper.
She rises to her tiptoes, her arms wrapping around my neck as she closes the distance between us, her lips finding mine. My eyes fall closed as I lose myself in her. I fucking missed her. These lips. Her body against mine. “You look way too fucking beautiful tonight,” I whisper against her lips. “I don’t like the way you danced with Gregory.” I drop my forehead to hers and let my fingers trail down her arm, until I’ve got her hand in mine. I pull back to look at her and lift her hand, holding it up between us. “This ends now.” I pull the diamond engagement ring off her ring finger and drop it to the floor, enjoying the sound it makes as it bounces on the hard marble. “Would you have married him?”
She looks at me, and the look in her eyes kills me. “I would’ve done anything to make sure my grandfather leaves you alone. He promised me that he’d guarantee your career progression in return for this merger.”
I pull away, my heart sinking. “You and I… are we going to be okay?” When I went after her, I was so certain, but she’s right. It won’t be easy. Our good intentions might lead to mutual destruction.
“I don’t know, Noah… but I love you. I love you, and I don’t want to live a life filled with regrets. I want to try. Will you give me a chance? I’ll mess up too, Noah. It won’t be easy. I might not always realize when something is hurting you, when I’m being insensitive. We might not see eye to eye on matters, and we’ll have so much learning to do.”
I sigh and lean in to press my lips against her forehead. “I will. Of course I will. We’ll give it our all. That’s all we can do.”
She nods and rises to her tiptoes, her lips brushing against mine. “Then take me home, Noah.”
I smile and lean in, lifting her off the floor and into my arms. Amara smiles as I carry her out the Astor mansion. “Let’s go home.”
Chapter 56
Noah
My eyes drift over his scarred wrists, my anger at war with the sympathy I feel. Peter seems nervous, and he’s yet to look me in the eye. Instead, he’s staring at his coffee cup.
I asked to meet him at a coffee shop close to my clinic. I figured meeting at neutral grounds would be best for both of us.
“I’m in love with your daughter,” I tell him. He finally looks up, a spark of hope in his otherwise defeated expression. “My love for her is greater than the pain you caused. Amara cares about you. She wants you in her life. In our life.”
I run a hand through my hair, hesitating. “So here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going to say what you need to, and so will I. After that, we leave the past where it belongs as best as we can. That doesn’t mean we won’t remember my parents. It means that we leave behind the blame and embrace the good memories. We’ll remember their lives, not their deaths. My sister has shown tremendous grace in forgiving you, and I’m going to try to follow her example. She’s reminded me over and over again that you served your sentence, and I’ll try to remember that.”
“I’m sorry,” he says, a tremor in his voice. “I never intended to hurt anyone. I didn’t go in armed, and I didn’t expect your parents to be home. I just wanted some food for my family, some clothes, and school supplies for Amara. I’d lost my job and I couldn’t even feed my family. Charlotte refused to ask her father for help, and I was desperate. It doesn’t excuse anything, not even remotely… but I need you to know that it was an accident. Your parents came home suddenly, and when your father pointed that gun at me, I panicked. We fought, and I made the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I see them every time I close my eyes. I will never forget your parents, Noah. I’ll never stop paying for the crimes I committed. I will continue to pay in whatever way you need me to, but please don’t let it affect my daughter.”
He looks down at his hands, desperation written all over his face. “I won’t,” I promise. “I wouldn’t be sitting opposite you right now if I didn’t mean that. I lost my father, and Amara almost lost hers.” My eyes fall to his wrists, the scars still raised months later. “I won’t ever get to speak to my father again. He’ll never get to meet my wife, or my children. He’ll never spoil his grandchildren — but you can. You will. You owe it to my sister and me.”
I wrap my hand around his wrist, and he stiffens. “This,” I tell him, “Can never happen again. I won’t have Amara live the rest of her life without a father.”
I pull away and cross my arms. Peter looks away, but not in time to hide the tears in his eyes. “I proposed to her, you know?” His eyes widen, and I nod. “I proposed to her three months ago with my mother’s engagement ring. Crashed her engagement party to do it.”
I smile to myself, remembering the way I found the ring lying on the floor shortly after I asked for a sign. To this day, I don’t know if it was mere coincidence, but I don’t think it is.
“Amara said no. She’s said no every single time I’ve proposed since then. Three times in total. It’s not because she doesn’t love me, nor is it because she doesn’t want to spend her life with me. It’s because she loves you too. She wants you to be part of our life, of our wedding, and she thinks she can’t have that. She thinks she can’t have both of us. It’s up to us to prove her wrong.”
He nods, and for the first time since he sat down, there’s some life in his eyes, a hint of determination, passion. “We both love her, and I know my parents would have too. I was once told that life is for the living, and it’s true. You and I… we’re here. We’re lucky enough to b
e here, to be loved by a woman as special as Amara. She forgave you for all you did, and she puts up with all my flaws. She makes me want to be a better man, so here I am, trying to be the man she thinks I am. I won’t forgive you, but I won’t hold the past against you. My sister is right to say you served your sentence, and I do believe you continue to pay, that the memories continue to haunt you. I won’t punish you further, not at the expense of the woman I love — but I ask for one thing in return, Peter.”
He straightens in his seat and nods. “Anything.”
I nod and smile. I never thought I’d sit across the man that caused my parents’ death, smiling. Yet here I am. I don’t feel the resentment I used to feel. Time doesn’t heal, but it dulls the pain. My priorities have shifted. I no longer want to live in pain and misery. I don’t want to live in the past. Not when it could cost me my future with the woman I love.
Chapter 57
Amara
“Dad?” I call as I walk into his house. I promised to have dinner with him tonight, but I’m a full hour late. My meeting with Aria and Grayson went on for far longer than I expected. They aren’t here very often, and every time they visit there’s so much to discuss. They’ve been amazing, handing me back the company I sold them without me even having to ask.
In the last three months, my life has changed in ways I could never have imagined. Noah and I moved back in together, and he’s kept every promise he’s made me. He’s worked hard at being in the present with me. We’ve fought for our happiness, and we continue to fight.
He’s even attended a handful of dinners with my father. He barely spoke a word, but he was there with me, and that’s all I can really ask for. His relationship with my grandfather seems to slowly be getting back to what it used to be too. He refuses to go back to working for Grandpa, but my grandfather is a hard man to resist. I’m pretty sure Noah will end up caving. I hope he will. Neither of the two admits it, but they both miss each other. Grandpa perks up when I mention Noah, and Noah is exactly the same. Before the truth came crashing down on us, those two developed a bond that I’m slightly envious of. I hope their stubbornness won’t ruin that. Until they make up, I have every intention of enjoying the new supportive version of Grandpa. I guess seeing me as unhappy as I was changed him.
Dr. Grant (Off-Limits) Page 24
