Trinidad Street
Page 55
He could believe that. ‘I’m sure she will, if you say so. You always were strong-willed, Ellen.’
It was a wrong move. The closed looked came back into her face again. He tried to think of something less personal to talk about.
‘What’s your job like? Are you managing all right?’
‘Yeah, it’s all right. Took a bit of getting used to.’
She had considered carrying on with the stall herself, but the more she delved into Gerry’s finances, the more she realized that he was still badly in debt. When he had told her that he was beginning to see daylight, it had merely meant that he was no longer actually being threatened for money. In her shocked state, she had taken an offer from a fellow stall holder and used the money to pay off the largest of the creditors. Which left her and the children with nothing in the world to live on, so back to work she went, at a shop on the West Ferry Road.
‘Maybe I didn’t ought to have sold the stall and the stock. I wonder if I’d kept it on perhaps I could’ve made a go of it. And the kids could have come up the market with me instead of having to leave them with my mum. I mean, they love their gran, but I miss ’em something dreadful, and when I come home, I’m too tired to enjoy being with ’em.’
‘At least it’s not Maconochie’s,’ Harry said.
‘Yeah. That’s something, I suppose. I couldn’t have stood Maconochie’s again.’
He thought about her running the stall herself. ‘You would have been good at the selling side, up the market. But it was the buying, weren’t it? That was Gerry’s line really. He had the contacts, and a nasty lot they were, some of ’em. Wouldn’t have been right for you to go getting mixed up with that sort.’
‘Maybe not. But that was Gerry’s life, that stall. He had worked and dreamed and planned for that stall since – oh, since he was a kid. It was like – well, it was like I didn’t care, selling it off like that.’
‘He’d’ve understood,’ Harry said.
‘I dunno. I hope so.’
She stared bleakly down at the two children, chin in hand. He longed to take her in his arms, to tell her that he would protect her against everything. But she was still so far away from him.
‘You know what the latest is in the street?’ he asked.
‘No. What?’
‘Siobhan’s moving out.’
‘She never!’ That jolted her out of herself. She looked fully at him. ‘When did you hear that? Who said?’
‘Got it off of Declan O’Donaghue, so it must be true. Said she was going off on a tour of Scotland and how she was giving up the house. All that fancy furniture is going into store.’
‘Well, who’d’ve thought it? Mind you, we thought she’d gone for good last time, and she come back.’
‘A real bad penny.’
A glimmer of a smile touched her eyes. ‘I reckon she thinks she’s more of a sov than a penny.’
Harry smiled back, not so much at the joke as at the old Ellen showing through again. He waited, sensing that she was about to spill a secret.
‘I went round and spoke to her,’ she admitted.
‘You never!’ That did surprise him. ‘When?’
‘After – after that fight in the street. I had to, I dunno why. And do you know, I ended up almost feeling sorry for her. She’s so – so cold. She don’t give anything, there’s no loving feeling in her for anyone but herself. She may be beautiful and she may have this wonderful singing career, but I wouldn’t be her, not for all the tea in China I wouldn’t.’
‘You could never be like her, Ellen. I can’t think of anyone more different.’
She did not answer. Her eyes still focused on the ebbing water.
‘I’m glad she’s going,’ she said. ‘I couldn’t be easy with her there in the street. You never knew what she might do next to hurt someone. I always had this feeling she’d get to know about what happened, you know, the night your dad died. There’s no knowing what she might’ve done if she’d’ve found that out.’
The very thought of it gave Harry the shivers. ‘She’d’ve had a field day with us,’ he agreed.
‘Mm. We all got secrets.’
He drew breath, studying her profile. ‘There’s one secret that don’t have to be kept no more.’
The statement hung in the air between them.
Ellen could scarcely breathe. All the defensive layers she had gathered so carefully about her seemed to be floating away, leaving her naked and exposed. She needed them to blur her feelings, to stop any more love and pain from getting in. She could just about cope with life, if she did not think about Harry. It was frightening, being made to face him again.
But he was waiting for an answer.
‘I – suppose not,’ she admitted. Her throat was dry, so that her voice came out in an odd croak.
‘We made a good team, you and me.’
‘Yes.’
It might be frightening, but it was also hugely exhilarating. She was coming alive again, so that she could almost feel the blood pumping through her body. Something she barely recognized was gathering inside her like a fragile bubble.
‘We mustn’t let the past hang on to us. You was a good wife to old Gerry. You ain’t got nothing to blame yourself for.’
She dared to look at him at last. ‘I know,’ she said, and found that she really meant it. She had done her best. There was no need for guilt. ‘You neither,’ she told him. ‘You went and tried to rescue him.’
The shadow of deceit that had lain between them ever since she married Gerry rolled away. She was free.
‘Oh, Harry,’ she cried. ‘I do love you –’
And then she was in his arms, laughing and crying, the whole world reduced to just the two of them and the love they had denied for so long.
‘Never, never leave me again,’ Harry said, holding her head in his hands, looking into her eyes. ‘Promise me.’
‘I promise,’ she said, and kissed him with passionate intensity.
‘You never gave up, did you?’ she said, her lips on his. ‘Sometimes I almost wished you would. I thought it would be easier if you found someone else.’
‘There was only ever you. Anyone else would’ve been second best.’
The pressure of happiness was almost too much to bear. She found herself sobbing, the tears running down her face. Harry held her, kissing the top of her head.
‘What is it, darling? Tell me.’
‘The worst – the very worst – part of Tom – dying – was not being able to grieve with you. I had to shut you out.’
‘I know, I know. I felt shut out all along. I hated it, Ellen, hated it. But there will be others, I promise you. I know it will never bring Tom back, but we will have others, children we can share.’
‘Yes.’ She was filled with a sense of wonder. ‘Do you know, I never used to look forward, except for Jess. She was the only one I made plans for. I just went on, one day after another. But now it’s like a door opening. I can see ahead.’
He smiled, her delight mirrored in his eyes.
‘And does it look good, what you can see?’
‘Yes.’ She put a hand to his face. Her fingers explored the contours she had longed to touch so many times. ‘Yes, it looks very good.’
About the Author
Patricia Burns was born in Essex. After a childhood spent messing about on boats, she tried a variety of jobs from riveting plugs to serving in shops to market research. She then decided to train as a teacher, which she now combines with writing novels. In her rare spare time she enjoys lazing in the garden and entertaining friends, with the occasional bout of skiing, rock climbing and Egyptian Raqs and Sharki dancing. She is now very happily single and skill lives in Essex with her three children, a cat and delinquent tortoise.
This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms
and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.
Epub ISBN: 9781448135998
Version 1.0
www.randomhouse.co.uk
Arrow Books Limited
20 Vauxhall Bridge Road, London SW1V 2SA
An imprint of Random House UK Ltd
London Melbourne Sydney Auckland Johannesburg and agencies throughout the world
First published in 1992 by Random Century Group
Arrow edition 1992
3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2
Copyright © Patricia Burns 1992
The right of Patricia Burns to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988
ISBN 9780099837701