Finding Carrie

by C. E. Snyder

  “Yes, I am. I’m more worried about you,” he said, looking for something to use to wipe off her face. He used the back of his hand and responded with a smile.

  “Yes, I was just beginning to think about the person I am. I like myself more every day,” she said, looking at the clock. “When do you have to leave?”

  “Soon,” he said. “Are you coming? You could stand backstage.”

  “No,” she said. “I think I want to stay here by myself.”

  “Oh, are you sure? What if you need something?” he asked, disappointed.

  “Yes, I am. I haven’t really been alone since I woke up,” she began to say and saw the hurt in his eyes. She put her hand on his shoulder. “Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy your company and how you’re taking care of me, I do. I just thought that I might watch some of the home videos and look at some pictures. My side doesn’t hurt so much anymore, and well, I need to be alone. I think that it is important for me too,” she said. “And try to remember.” He smiled and leaned over to kiss her.

  “All right, but you know that I’m going to be checking up on you,” he said with a stern look on his face.

  “I wouldn’t expect you not to,” she said, smiling. It reached her eyes.

  “Well good. I will call you when I leave the apartment, and I will call you when I get there. I will call you when I get my makeup on, and I will call you when I’m on intermission, and I will call you when it is done, and I will call you when I’m on my way home.” They both laughed. “And I will call you when I’m walking up the stairs.”

  “Well, I guess I won’t have a chance to miss you now will I?” she asked, laughing and leaning over to hug him.

  “Nope.” He shook his head. “That’s the plan,” Isaac said. He pulled her close so their thighs were touching. “Aishite imasu.” He said it in Japanese before he realized what he was doing. She leaned back and looked at him.

  “I know what you said! Let me think.” She put her fingers in her chin as she thought about what he said. “I love you!” Her face lit up. He smiled. “Am I right?” she asked, already knowing that she was.

  “Yep,” he said, kissing her on the cheek. “I really do you know.”

  “I know,” she said, savoring the feel of his lips on her cheek. “Aashite imuzoo” She tried to say it back but wasn’t sure how to say it. She gave up and said it in English. “I love you, Isaac,” she said, letting her shoulders sag. He bent down to kiss her on the forehead, and he laughed softly under his breath. She looked up at him with sad eyes. “Are you laughing at me for telling you I love you?” He quickly sobered and the smile faded from his face.

  “No.” He shook his head. “I’m not laughing at you. I remember when you first tried to say that. You struggled just like you are struggling now. I would never laugh at you,” he said, wrapping his hand around the back of her neck.

  “I did? I had trouble with that before?” she asked.

  “Yes, you did. I was surprised at our wedding when you had been practicing speaking Japanese. My mother…” He trailed off, closing his eyes. He was used to talking to his mother just about every day, and so was Carrie, for that matter. He stopped the tears because he had to concentrate on getting Carrie’s memory back, so he finished. “My mother was helping you with your vows.”

  “Your mother.” Her heart started racing with the mere thought of his mother. “I still get upset about that, and I don’t know why. I’m sorry.” She touched the mark on her mouth and sunk her head in her hands, ashamed.

  “You didn’t do anything. I’m not even sure what happened. I miss my mom, yes, and I will always miss her, but I almost lost you, and I don’t think I could live without you. I wouldn’t want to. I have you, and you are my first priority right now. My Dad, Lee Lee, and Sam are trying to find her. I need to find you,” Isaac said, taking her hand away from her face.

  “I can’t help my reaction when I hear about your mother and the girls’ father. My heart pounds at the mention of either of them. I wish I knew why.” She looked up to his eyes, hoping for the answer.

  “I don’t know.” And he didn’t. “Maybe whatever happened between you and Jacob was horrible. No one knows but you and the police, and they have written it off as a suicide. My mother—well you were attacked and nearly died. I don’t ever want to find you the way I did, lying on the floor in a pool of blood. When they put the heart monitor on you and it flat lined, my heart stopped, and I wanted to die with you.” He shuddered at the memory. “I love you more than anything. You know that.”

  “I do,” she said in a whisper and leaned closer to him. He automatically put both arms around her. “I wish I could remember everything. I want to remember the first day that we met and when you proposed and when we got married. I want to remember everything. I want to remember giving birth to those girls. I know I love them, but I can’t remember. I try, but nothing comes,” she said against his chest.

  “In time,” he said, looking toward the clock. He sighed. “I need to go now. You’re sure you don’t want to come? You can stand backstage.”

  “Yes, I’m sure,” she said, pulling away just enough to look up at him. He kissed her. He kissed her slow and long, and he poured everything he felt in that kiss. He didn’t want to stop, but he had to go. Being the lead cat meant that he had to be there.

  When he finally and reluctantly let her go, he tugged her hand until she followed him into the living room, where he took possession of her mouth again. This time, he poured more want into it. He had her wanting him as much as he wanted her. “Isaac, you have to stop, or I’m not going to be able to let you go.” He leaned his forehead against hers.

  “Okay I’m going to finish this when I get home, just so you know,” he said, still leaning against her.

  “I hope you do,” she replied.

  “Oh, I will, but make me one promise,” he said, leaning away.

  “What is that?” she asked.

  “Don’t do what you did last night, or I’m never going to touch you again,” he said. Her bottom lip shot out in a pout.

  “I don’t want you to never touch me again. I’ll take a nap if I have to.” She said. He ran his finger along her pouty lip.

  “Don’t worry, my love. I couldn’t keep my hands off you if I wanted to.” He leaned down to kiss her again and then went for the door. “Remember, I’m going to be checking up on you.” She smiled and closed her eyes slightly.

  “I’m looking forward to it,” she said. He closed the door behind him. She stood there staring at the closed door, savoring the feeling of his mouth. She really did love him. She wondered if it was like this the first time she fell in love with him. “It had to be,” she said to herself.

  She nearly jumped out of her skin when the phone rang. She just knew it had to be Isaac. She nearly ran to the phone and picked it up.

  “Hello,” she said. There was silence for a moment so she said it again. “Hello?” Then she heard someone sigh.

  “Carrie?” She heard a female voice. She didn’t recognize it.

  “Yes,” she said.

  “Have you got your memory back yet?” the female voice asked. She heard the sound of weeping from the voice.

  “No, who is this?” she asked. She was inching to the door ready to call out for Isaac if she had to, but by now Isaac had to be gone.

  “This is Lee Lee.” She said her name, and Carrie instantly knew who she was. No, it didn’t trigger a memory, but she remembered her from the hospital.

  “Lee Lee, you’re Isaac’s sister.” She made it a statement more than a question, but Lee Lee answered her anyway.

  “Yes, I am, and you’re my best friend.” Carrie heard Lee Lee sobbing. “I miss you so much. I would text and call you every day. I can’t live without talking to you, and we can’t find Mom. Everything is so upside down. I can’t take it.” And they were just that, best of friends. Not only was she so connected to her husband, but she really was connected to his whole family.

  Carrie
didn’t know how to respond. So she just rambled. “Isaac just left. You could call him on his cell phone, I know he has it.”

  “I didn’t call to talk to Isaac,” Lee Lee said with aggravation in her voice. “I called to talk to you. I miss you so much.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just don’t know what to say,” she said. She really wanted to remember, especially at that moment. She could hear the pain in her friend’s voice, and she was making it worse.

  “It’s okay. I know you don’t remember. I just need to talk to you,” she said, this time calmer.

  “Have they found your mother yet?” Her heart started to pound, but she had to ask.

  “No, they haven’t yet but they did find her hospital bracelet in some bushes in the park. I hope we find her soon. I can’t think or sleep. I’m worried about you, and I’m worried about my mom. Is Isaac okay? He hasn’t called?” she asked.

  “I guess so. He choked up a little when he was talking about our wedding today, but he pushed it aside. He says his main concern is me. I don’t think I like that too much. Shouldn’t he be trying to find her?” Carrie said with a small break in her voice.

  “That is Isaac. He loves you so much. He just wants you to remember. Tell him I called, and I hope to see you soon,” Lee Lee said.

  “Okay, I’ll give him a call and tell him,” Carrie started then finished. “Take care of yourself, Lee Lee.”

  “Okay, bye,” Lee Lee said.

  “Bye,” Carrie said then hung up the phone. She stood, thinking about the conversation that she just had. “They found her hospital bracelet in the park.” She tapped her finger on her cheek. She went for her cell phone that was in her purse. She would have called on the landline if she knew what the number was. She pulled it out and found the contacts. Found Isaac’s name and hit the green button. It rang with the song that she remembered dancing to a couple of night earlier.

  “Hello, my love,” he said. Carrie straightened, how did he know it was her?

  “How did you know it was me?” she asked.

  “Because when you call from your cell phone your picture comes up.” There was giggling on the other end. “I tried to call you like I said I was going to do, but it was busy.”

  “Lee Lee called. She was upset and said she missed talking to me,” Carrie explained.

  “Yeah, she would. You two really do call each other like a hundred times a day,” Isaac said with no surprise in his voice.

  “Well, she said something else that I thought you might want to know.”

  “Did they find my mom?” he asked with hope.

  “No, but they did find her hospital bracelet in the park.” There was a long silence on the other end of the phone.

  “Oh, I see,” he finally said. “Well, I’ll call home tomorrow before we go to the house.”

  “Okay, have a good show.”

  “I will now that you said that. I love you.”

  “I love you too. Bye.”

  “Bye.” And they hung up the phone.

  Chapter 19

  Isaac stood on the steps of the theater, turning the information over and over in his head as he slipped the phone into his pocket. They found my mother’s hospital bracelet in the park, he thought to himself. As he stood there for a moment, he heard the first crackle of thunder. He didn’t know that there was supposed to be a storm, but the sky was a dark gray, and it was heavy with clouds.

  “Isaac, you’d better get inside before it starts pouring,” Maggie, the costume manager, said. The sound of her voice startled him. He jumped. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “It is okay, I just got some news from my wife and…” He trailed off. He was shaking his head.

  “Did she get her memory back? Or did they find your mother?” she asked as she stepped closer and placed her hand on his arm. At that moment, the clouds broke and the rain began to pour. Isaac grabbed Maggie by the waist and hurried into the building. As they got in, they stopped just inside the door and he answered her.

  “No, she didn’t get her memory back, but she did tell me she loved me.” Isaac moved his eyebrows up and down, and he had a mischievous grin on his face. Maggie hit him in the arm.

  “I hope she was ready for that,” she said, scowling at him.

  “Yes, she was, but…” Trailing off, the smile on his face faded. “She got a stinging headache after that I was worried about.”

  “Is she okay? What happened? Was she lying down?” she asked, putting her hand over her mouth. “She had such a bad head injury.”

  “No, she’s okay. She just needed to sleep, and she wasn’t lying down,” he confessed. “Maybe her body wasn’t ready.” He said that to himself mostly. He was looking down, kicking at some invisible object.

  “Well, just be careful next time. I know how you two are, but you have to be careful with her. She’s not healed quite yet,” she reprimanded him as she turned and walked away. He knew what she meant, and he knew she knew what she was talking about. She knew that Carrie and Isaac loved each other so much that sometimes it was hard to keep their hands off each other.

  Their relationship was more than physical; it was a lot of things. They needed one another more than anything in the world, but if they had to, they could be apart. The love that they had was true, and it was once in a lifetime. They hardly argued and they never had a fight. When they did have a disagreement, it was resolved quickly and they always, always ended up in one another’s arms. It was a perfect marriage, and everyone was envious. He always smiled when he thought about his wife. He was blessed.

  “Isaac.” Nikki came out of nowhere. He focused on her face and scowled.

  “What do you want, Nikki?” he asked and started to walk away. She caught his arm and swung him around so he could look at her.

  “I wanted to see if you wanted to get a drink after the show and get to know each other a little better,” Nikki said as she wrapped her arms around his waist. He caught her arms and pushed her away from him.

  “I don’t want to get to know you. I already know you. I am married, and I don’t want to get a drink.” He started to walk away then stopped. “And you know what? I didn’t appreciate you saying things about ‘being my wife’ when my wife could hear you.” Then he turned to walk away again.

  “How do you know me if you won’t take the time to find out? I might be the girl of your dreams,” Nikki said, standing her ground. Isaac just stopped with his back toward her. He wasn’t going to say anything, just shake his head, but he turned around.

  “I am married to my dream girl, and she isn’t you,” he said, then turned and just kept walking. Nikki dropped her head. The people in the entryway were snickering under their hands. They stopped laughing as she looked. She didn’t say a word; she just stalked off.

  Isaac opened the door to his dressing room with such force that it hit the wall. He stomped over to his makeup table and slumped down in the chair. He banged his elbows on the table. The action sent all the makeup flying everywhere and onto to the floor. He ran his fingers through his hair and leaned onto his hands. “Isaac,” Maggie said, tiptoeing into the room. “Are you all right?” Isaac sat up and swung around in the chair.

  “She just won’t leave me alone. I can’t take any more of her. I love Carrie with all of my heart. I’m not leaving her for anything or anybody. If she never regains her memory, Maggie, I swear, I will stay, and we can make new memories,” Isaac said. He was close to tears; he had to blink several times not to let one tear fall. Maggie leaned down and hugged him.

  “I know you love Carrie. You would have to be a nutcase not to know. We were all at your wedding, and we see, all the time, the way you two are. You can cut the love you two have with a knife. Don’t worry about Nikki; she’ll get it sooner or later.” Maggie smoothed out Isaac’s hair. She was old enough to be his own mother. In fact, he thought of her as a mother when he couldn’t be with his own. Now, more than anything, he needed that mothering touch. Hi
s mother was missing and his beloved wife, the woman who could light up a room just by poking her head in the doorway, couldn’t remember him or the girls. But she was admitting she loved him. She could feel it too.

  “You think she will? She is a brilliant actress, but when it comes to real life she’s a nutcase,” Isaac said, bending down to pick up the makeup he had spilled.

  “That she is. And yes, sooner or later, she will get the hint. Now, you need to get ready. The show must go on,” Maggie said and left the room with her hand in the air. Isaac sat for a few moments, looking at his image in the mirror. The lights flicked, and there was a moan from out in the hallway. The lights never went out even in the most terrible of storms, but they didn’t go out, they just flicked. He looked at the picture he had of Carrie, it was tucked in the frame of the mirror. He pulled it out, pressed it up against his heart, and decided to call her, just to make sure she was okay. He took the phone out of his pocket and hit the speed dial to his apartment. The phone rang and then she answered.

  “Hello,” she said.

  “Hello, my love, are you all right?” he asked with calm in his voice.

  “Yes, the lights flickered, but they are still on,” she answered.

  “They did that here too. Are you afraid?” he asked.

  “No, I don’t feel anything. The thunder feels calming,” she said. She wouldn’t; she always loved storms. She was a storm chaser at heart, so he wasn’t surprised that she felt calmed by it.

  “Well, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I have to get my makeup on, hon. I love you so much. You know that, right?”

  “I know it, and I feel it. I hope you know I feel the same,” she said.

  “I know it, and I feel it too. I can’t wait to get home so I can uphold my promise.” He heard her giggle on the other end of the phone.

  “I can’t wait either,” she said and sighed.

  “I’ll call you during intermission, okay?” he asked.