Falling to Pieces

by Garza, Amber

  My eyelids spring open, my stomach buzzing with anticipation. My gaze falls to what he holds in his hands. “You got me a laptop?” I am dumbfounded by his generosity.

  “I know you like to write everything in your notebook, but I figure if you plan to be a professional journalist one day you’ll need something a little less old fashioned,” Asher says, holding the laptop out to me.

  “Oh, Asher, I love it.” I throw my arms around his neck and kiss his cheek. Then I take the laptop in my hands and run my fingertips over its slick surface. “Thank you.”

  “No problem. I believe in you, Ives.”

  Grateful, I smile up at him. An orange leaf falls from a tree behind him and makes a quick descent to the ground, landing at my feet. Orange, yellow and brown leaves are scattered around us. I think about how the seasons are changing; how the earth is shedding the old to make room for the new. Fall is a time for starting over, and that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’ve never been more ready for anything in my life.

  And with Asher by my side, I know I can take on anything life throws my way.

  Turn the page to read an excerpt from Chapter One of STAR STRUCK…

  1

  I wipe my clammy hands down my jeans, my fingernail snagging on a loose thread. I yank it out and then bite down on the jagged edge. Lola raises an eyebrow at me, and I quickly retract my fingers from my mouth. Nail biting is a habit I’m trying hard to break now that I’m in college. I glance down at my stubby nails and cringe. I guess I’m not doing a great job.

  The girl on stage strums her guitar loudly and belts out a note in a way that makes me wince. Lola flashes me an amused look, but it only succeeds in turning my stomach. I lean forward, resting my elbows on the slick pub table we’re seated at. “I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.”

  “Oh, come on, Star. You are a million times better than this girl.”

  “That’s not saying much.”

  “Trust me, you’re gonna blow this place out of the water.” Lola plucks the cup of soda off the table and takes a dainty sip. Everything about Lola is dainty, from her French manicured nails to her coifed black hair and her ruby red lipstick. She always reminds me of an actress from the 1950’s. “You are so much more talented than you give yourself credit for.”

  That’s the reason Lola is my best friend. She believes in me in a way that no one else does. And she’s always encouraging me to put myself out there. Even though it infuriates me sometimes, the truth is that I’m grateful to her. However, at this moment I’m terrified. We’ve only been on campus for a week, and she’s already talked me into performing at open mic night at a popular coffee shop. The place is jam packed with college students, and every time a new person enters the room my insides are attacked by another swarm of angry butterflies.

  “Ooh, you’re up next,” Lola squeals, her eyes dancing with excitement.

  Goodie. My palms fill with more moisture, and I feel dangerously close to puking. When my name is called I throw Lola a pained look and force my legs to carry me up on the makeshift stage. Peering down at my long shirt, skinny jeans and ballet flats, I’m grateful that I’m not wearing heels. Since I’m only five foot four, I tend to wear high heels a lot. But judging by how violently my legs are shaking, I’m pretty sure if I weren’t wearing my flats I’d be face down on the ground by now. Thankfully, I make it to the stage and I plop down at the keyboard. With shaky fingers, I pull the microphone to my lips and rest my fingers on the keys. I take a deep breath to steady my nerves, and I don’t dare look out at the audience. If I just pretend I’m alone in my room singing I should be okay. I love to sing and play. It’s probably my favorite thing in the world to do, but performing is something I’m still not comfortable with.

  I decide to play a song I wrote a couple of years ago for my ex-boyfriend Spencer. It’s one I’ve sang so many times I could probably sing it in my sleep, so I figure it’s a safe bet. Even if I completely blank out I won’t forget the lyrics or anything. When I press down on the first key, I close my eyes and allow my mind to drown out the room. I focus on the music, letting the lyrics and notes whisk me away. As I splash around in the waves of the song, eventually I go under, drowning in it.

  I want you close

  I want you here

  I feel complete

  When you are near

  After playing the last chord, I finally come out of my trance and open my eyes, taking in the room. The first person I notice is Lola and she’s beaming up at me. The coffee shop has quieted down, and all eyes seem to be on me. This causes my heart to start beating frantically in my chest. I stand up, and a smattering of applause ensues.

  Swallowing hard, I take deliberate steps off the stage, keeping my eyes trained on the ground. Before I can reach my table, a guy about my age intercepts me. He has brown hair that falls a little past his ears in a sweep that reminds me of the typical look of the members of boy bands. His eyes are dark, and the lines around them crinkle as he smiles at me.

  “Hey, you were pretty great up there,” he says.

  I bite my lip, heat creeping up into my cheeks. “Thanks.”

  “I’m Ryker.” He juts out a hand to mine.

  After swiping my sweaty hand over the thigh of my jeans I hold mine out too. “Star.”

  “I like it.” He cocks an eyebrow.

  “I’m Lola,” my friend calls out from where she is seated at our table. “Why don’t you join us, Ryker?” Lola indicates the extra chair at our small table.

  Ryker smiles as he plops down into the chair. “Don’t mind if I do.”

  I slide into the chair opposite him, and glance over at Lola. She’s grinning from ear to ear, and I know exactly what she’s thinking. It turns my stomach. I’m so not ready to get back in the dating game. I just got out of a two-year relationship, and by that I mean that I got dumped big time by the only boy I’ve ever loved. Honestly, I thought that Spencer was the one. Clearly I was wrong, but the thought of jumping into another relationship right now does not sound appealing.

  Lola nudges me and I glance back over at Ryker. I suppose he’s pretty cute, but I’m not sure he’s really my type. In truth, he looks more like Lola’s type with his trendy outfit and hair style that he clearly put a lot of effort into.

  The next performer starts playing, so Ryker leans toward me. “I’m in a band, and we’re looking for a female singer. I think you’d be perfect.”

  This perks my interest. “Like a lead singer?” I’m not sure I’m ready to be the front runner of a band. I could hardly get through open mic night without emptying the contents of my stomach on stage.

  “No, we have a lead singer. We’re looking for kind of a backup singer, I guess. But there would be plenty of opportunities to feature one of your songs if you wanted to,” Ryker explains.

  I shift uncomfortably in my seat. “I don’t know. I’ve never really been in a band before.”

  “Why not? You’re amazing,” Ryker gushes.

  Lola elbows me in the side. “I’ve been telling her that for years.”

  Ryker peers over at Lola and raises his eyebrows. I recognize that look. Pretty much every guy I meet is attracted to Lola. It’s almost impossible not to be. “Smart friend.”

  “You have no idea,” she jokes, running a finger over the rim of her glass.

  “Thanks for the offer, Ryker, but I’m just not sure about it.” I look to Lola for some help. Surely she won’t want me to join a band with a complete stranger. For all I know he could be a serial killer.

  “Why don’t you give us your information and Star can give you a call to discuss it further?” Lola asks.

  Ryker grins, pushing away from the table. “Great. I’ll be right back.”

  I glare at Lola, who just shrugs her shoulders in response.

  “I’m not joining his band,” I hiss over the loud music blaring from onstage.

  “Why not?” Lola runs a long fingernail through her shiny hair.

  “I don’t know a
nything about the guy. I don’t even know the name of his band. What if he doesn’t even have a band?” Panic chokes me at the thought.

  Lola just laughs and waves away my words with a graceful flick of her wrist. “Did you see the guy? He screams ‘boy band’. But finding out if his story is legit will be easy enough.”

  I have no idea what she’s talking about, but Ryker reappears before I can ask her. He shoves a piece of paper at me. I glance down and see a phone number and address scrawled on it. “Whose address is this?”

  “Our lead singer,” Ryker says. “We practice in his parents' garage.”

  Seriously? I am so not showing up at some stranger’s house. This is getting even more suspicious. I throw Lola a cautionary look and she grimaces back. Finally she’s on my side.

  “We’re practicing tomorrow night at seven. You should come and jam with us,” Ryker says.

  I open my mouth to tell him no thank you, but I clamp my mouth shut as my gaze takes in the guy walking on the stage. He’s quite possibly the best looking guy I’ve ever seen. Not only that, but he walks with a swagger that causes everyone to stop and take notice. He has a guitar slung over his shoulder. He's wearing skinny jeans, boots and a black short-sleeved shirt that shows off the intricate tattoo that covers one of his arms. His dark hair is short, and when he smiles at the crowd it causes my heart to flip in my chest. He begins playing, and I’m mesmerized. When he opens his mouth to sing, I freeze. His voice is incredible – raspy, yet controlled in a way that most guys can’t master. I’m completely entranced with him.

  “Who is he?” I breathe, mostly to myself, but Ryker must hear me because he turns in my direction.

  “That’s Beckett. He’s the lead singer in our band. That’s why it’s called “Beckett.” He has a bit of an ego.” Ryker chuckles lightly before sitting back in his chair.

  I exhale and stare up at the stage. This guy is the leader of the band Ryker wants me to join? I sit still during the remainder of Beckett’s song, unable to tear my eyes away from him. When he finishes the crowd erupts into clapping, and I turn to Ryker with a smile.

  “I’ll be there tomorrow night,” I say, my mind made up.

  Last night I was so certain about this. Of course I think that had everything to do with seeing Beckett up on stage. In my whole life I've never been so taken with someone at first glance. However, now as I pull up in front of a complete stranger's house I'm having second thoughts. The house is nice and clean with its blue trim and white shuttered windows and the lawn is well manicured. But that does little to quell my nerves. I've watched enough crime dramas to know that even serial killers live in pretty houses in nice neighborhoods. Besides, this is just Beckett's parents' house. I have no idea what all the guys in the band are like, and that's who I'll be with, and in the garage no less.

  "Hey, you gonna stand out here all day?" Ryker walks toward me, his hands shoved into his pockets.

  I jump back, wondering where he came from. "Um, no, I just um...you know...wanted to make sure it was the right house. Which I now see that it is."

  Ryker flashes me an amused smile and lightly taps me on the arm. "Come on. I'll introduce you to Beckett."

  Just the sound of his name causes my pulse to race. Taking a deep breath, I follow behind Ryker. He ambles over to a box built into the house directly next to the garage. After punching in a few numbers on it, the garage door opens loudly. Inside I can see instruments set up - there's a drum set, a keyboard and guitars resting on stands strewn about. Just as I step inside the garage, a door to the house pops open and Beckett walks through it, clutching a bottle of water. I've never wanted to be an inanimate object before, but taking in the way his fingers curl around the plastic bottle I feel a sense of jealousy.

  "Hey, Ryker." Beckett nods his head in Ryker's direction as the door slams shut behind him. "The other guys are inside getting a drink. They'll be out in a minute."

  I shift uncomfortably from one foot to the other. Beckett hasn't even acknowledged my presence, and last I checked I wasn't invisible. It bothers me, and for a minute I wonder if this was a mistake.

  "Hey, Beckett." Ryker circles his hand around my wrist. "This is the girl I was telling you about. The one from last night's open mic night."

  Beckett glances over at me with a bored expression that makes my stomach knot. "Yeah, I missed your song, but Ryker hasn't been able to stop talking about." He steps close to me, and my breath hitches in my throat. "I'm Beckett." He holds out his hand.

  I take it in mine, hoping he's not grossed out by how sweaty my palm is right now. "Star."

  Beckett lets out a harsh laugh that startles me. "A little pretentious, don't you think?"

  "Excuse me?"

  "I just think artists should stick to their real names, that's all."

  His words are like a punch to the gut. I glance over at Ryker who gives me a resigned shrug. I wonder if Beckett's always this much of a jerk. "Star is my real name." When I notice the skeptical look on Beckett's face, I add, "My dad's an astronomer. My parents met at a planetarium, and he proposed under the stars. My brother's name is Galileo. It's sort of a theme in our family."I place my hand on my hip in a challenge. "If I had known I'd be interrogated, I would have brought my birth certificate."

  Beckett sighs. "Sorry. I've clearly hit a nerve. It just seemed cliche, that's all."

  What? No apology? I'm stunned by his lack of remorse.

  Two more guys shove through the door and bound into the garage, talking and laughing loudly. Their voices echo and bounce around me. When their gazes land on me I have the sudden urge to run away. This whole thing was a bad idea.

  "So, you gonna show us what you've got, Star?" Beckett raises an eyebrow at me.

  I smile, wanting nothing more than to wipe that smug look off of his face. Maybe once he hears me play he will take me more seriously. "I'd love to." I lift my chin and head over to the keyboard. The rest of the band is completely quiet as they watch me. I ignore the insistent banging of my heart in my chest as I sit at the keyboard. After running my moist palms down the thigh of my jeans, I reach up and place my hands on the slick keys. When I peer up, I catch sight of Ryker, and he gives me an encouraging nod. I'm not sure what his story is, but I'm grateful to have at least one person on my side. The other two guys look on warily, and Beckett crosses his arms over his chest, the same bored expression cloaking his face.

  I inhale sharply and press down on the keys. Closing my eyes, I open my mouth and allow the song to carry me. After I sing one verse and chorus, I force my eyelids to open and I slide my fingers back down into my lap. I bite my lip and wait for some response. The silence is deafening.

  Ryker grins broadly. "See, didn't I tell you she was amazing, Beckett?"

  "Yeah, she's not bad." Beckett shrugs.

  The air leaves me, and I feel deflated. Not bad? I seriously do not need to stay here and be insulted by this egomaniac any longer. I'm just about to push away from the keyboard and stalk out of the garage when Beckett swaggers over to me and shoves a piece of paper in my hand.

  "Now let's see how well you harmonize." He glances around the room. "You guys stay out for this. This is just going to be me and Star."

  I feel dizzy as I snatch the paper from his hand. The thought of singing with him is enough to keep my butt planted on the seat. Remembering the raspy rich tone from the night before makes me feel giddy. He slings the guitar over his shoulder, and it catches on his shirt lifting it slightly to reveal his naval and the top of his boxers that creep above his sagging jeans. I avert my gaze and feel my face warm.

  He looks up at me, his dark eyes piercing mine. "We'll just run the chorus. You can play if you want to, but if you just want to sing that's fine too."

  I nod, glancing down at the paper and taking in the chords and lyrics. Reaching up, I touch the keys. Beckett strums his guitar and I watch him press his lips up to the microphone. It makes me want to take back my desire to be the water bottle. Clearly the mic would be a bet
ter choice. When he opens his mouth to sing, I shake away the inappropriate thoughts and focus on the music.

  The harmony is simple enough, and as I listen to our voices blend together beautifully a warm feeling swirls in my stomach. I can tell that the other guys hear it too, because they nudge each other and exchange smiles and eyebrow raises.

  You’re one more thing I can’t have

  Standing just outside my grasp

  But it doesn’t really matter

  Because good things never last

  When we finish, I peer up at Beckett feeling pleased about the performance.

  "I'm sorry." Beckett frowns at me, and my stomach sinks. "I'm just not sure if this is gonna work out, but thanks for stopping by."

  I struggle to stand up, my legs rubbery. As I push away from the keyboard with shaky fingers, my knees soften and I fear I'll fall over. I feel like an idiot; like I've made a complete fool of myself. Without saying a word, I pick up my purse, stalk out of the garage and race to my car.

  Acknowledgements:

  I truly have the best job in the world. I get to spend all day living vicariously through my characters, experiencing new things and falling in love over and over again. But even more importantly, I get to work with the most amazing people.

  I have made so many friends in the book community - authors, bloggers, readers, fans, and I'm so grateful for all of you.

  Thank you to:

  My author friends - Megan Squires, Cambria Hebert, Cameo Renae, Alexia Purdy, Alivia Anders, Trish Dawson, Tara West, Melissa Pearl Gunn, Melissa Andrea, and many more!

  All the bloggers and fans, my "adopted mama" Heather Andrews, and all those who read my books, I am truly grateful for you.

  My betas - Megan Squires, Tiffany Tillman.

  My family - Andrew, Eli, Kayleen, Mom, Dad, Karissa, Matt, Lindsay, Kagen, Brittnie.

  My editor - Auntie Boo, you do such an amazing job!

  My cover - Matt, Lindsay, Renae, Lisa - you all rock!