Surrender Your Heart

by Raven J. Spencer

  “Is that what happened with me? You didn’t want to wait or even ask?”

  The smile vanishes for a moment. Outside the rush of passion, there are no easy answers. “Everything with you is a lot more complicated, but yes, I did want you. Still do.”

  “Why?”

  “You are untainted.”

  That’s a big word, but I realize this is an unusually open conversation, so I keep listening. I’m not sure if it’s the right term either, because sometimes in my attempt to juggle classes with the job, I did feel unhappy and jaded, like the world was set against me, and I’d never catch a break.

  “Believe me, to someone cynical like me, it’s incredibly attractive.”

  “You’re not all that cynical. You helped those women in the electronics store.”

  She lifts her shoulders as if unsure. “Maybe. It’s not like there isn’t a nice profit margin in it for me. It’s not changing the world either.”

  “It might be for them,” I argue.

  “My job requires a lot of compromise, and at some point, you wonder what really matters—but here you are, with a completely different perspective. I like that.”

  “You gave me a different point of view, too, no doubt about it.”

  “You know there are many options for you, where you can go from here. You don’t need to finish your degree, but if you want to, you could do it online. There are places for that.”

  “I’d like to see my family, and friends, at some point.” I forgot about asking for that call—I still have a guilty conscience for wishing it could be so easy, that someone like Carter comes along and sweeps away all obstacles for me…It’s not like I take anything away from anyone. Carter told me she’s involved in causes, and from what she tells me about her latest deal, I can guess it might be the same that interest me. Maybe I could even work in that area?

  “Of course.”

  Could it be that easy? Why not?

  We start cleaning up the table as the sounds of the party are quieting, and get ready to sleep. Tonight, maybe for the first time, I have that sense of safety, and there’s no chance in hell I’d try to sneak out and get away. I want to be here.

  * * * *

  Carter sticks to her promise. After a couple of unreal days under the sun, and sometimes under deck, delicious food and lovemaking in the middle of the afternoon, we head back home, and for the first time, Carter shows me her office.

  I can’t help it, my jaw drops at the dimensions and interior design of this tastefully furnished place. On one wall, there’s a huge window with an ocean view.

  “So, about your passport,” she says. There’s a smile in her voice. She knows I’m not done being impressed yet. Money can’t buy you everything, but for sure it can buy you an amazing space to live and work.

  Carter opens a safe and reaches inside. There it is indeed, my passport and…wow. Whoever went to clean out my apartment was thorough. All the important papers are there, insurance, contracts, practically everything that constitutes my identity on paper. It is impressive and somewhat frightening.

  “We didn’t bring old bank statements or receipts that you couldn’t use for next year’s tax returns,” she explains, and I’m once again struck how she can be so calm about these matters. I spent the most beautiful vacation of my life, with her, if you don’t count that every day here is a vacation—Carter Forbes. My kidnapper. My lover. It’s not easy to wrap my mind around all of this, still.

  “That’s…thoughtful. Can I sit?”

  “Of course.” She pulls a chair for me, and I sink into the soft leather seat. “See, since there’s a lot of stuff in here, I thought I’d show you, and we can leave it there. Are you okay with that?”

  “I guess.” I don’t know. Maybe I knew it all along, that I would give in, like I did with my clothes.

  “You will have it when you need it,” Carter promises. “We will travel at some point, a bit farther away than this weekend, and, of course, you will want to meet people. I swear I’m not keeping anything from you.”

  “Was it Nick?”

  When her gaze falls on me, I know she can tell I’m not asking about papers.

  “We have worked together for a long time,” she says. “You must know I trust him with my life, and I don’t say that about a lot of people, especially men.”

  “Yeah, I got that impression.”

  “I’m sorry. I had to be here, taking care of things. There was no time to do anything differently.”

  “Except if you had asked me out on a date, and I’d said yes.”

  Carter shakes her head. “It’s not that simple. Can we not go back there for a moment?”

  “That’s the problem though, isn’t it? We’ll always go back there at some point. You made your choices.” I jump to my feet.

  “I thought you made your peace.” She sounds slightly disappointed.

  Maybe I haven’t…and I’m not sure if the sentiment on her side is appropriate. “Can I go now?”

  “Sure.”

  My first impulse is to retreat to my bedroom and…sulk, childishly, but I decide otherwise. A trip to the pool will probably do a great job clearing my mind, and I might even go apologize.

  Carter comes down to the pool about an hour later, phone in hand. “You should call,” she says. “Your parents, or a friend, it’s up to you.”

  “I have to choose?”

  “Yes, please. I don’t want anyone to think you’re in danger.”

  I wrap myself in the towel she offers me and take the phone. As with my parents’, Haley and Lara’s numbers are pre-programmed. Carter sure didn’t count on many people missing me, and maybe she was right. What am I still complaining about? Pushing that uncomfortable thought aside, I punch “Two” for Haley. Ryan picks up the phone which makes me once again curious about time zones.

  “Hi, Ryan. Is Haley home?” I ask.

  “Penny, is that you? Wait, I’ll get her quickly.”

  “Penny!” Haley squeals a moment later. “How are you? Never mind, where are you?”

  If only I knew. “I’m fine,” I circumvent her question. “I’m great actually, taking some time off, which is…awesome. For the first time in forever I have time to read, imagine that!” I sound a tad too chipper. “I’m good, how are you?”

  “Oh,” she says, nervously. “You can’t talk, is that it? Let’s just stay on the phone for a while, okay? I haven’t heard from you in a while, and you missed book club.”

  “No, don’t worry. Everything is okay.”

  “I understand. Just keep talking, okay? For the record, we had a hard time buying that story. I mean…we’ve known each other for a long time, right? We’d know.”

  I want to ask, what story, but of course I won’t, with Carter standing just a few feet away. What happened back there? I thought Nick packing up my stuff—and me—was all, but then I remember about the university, and the job. Who was walking around telling everybody about my supposed sabbatical?

  “Right, but I’m telling you, you don’t have to worry. I really needed this time, and I’ll be back soon.”

  “When?”

  “Soon. Look…I’ve got something on the stove. I’ll call you again.”

  “No, please don’t hang up yet!” She sounds desperate. What the hell is going on?

  “I’ve got to go,” I say and hang up, wondering if it’s possible to trace the call, and what would happen from there.

  I walk over to Carter, all of a sudden unsettled with the course of this conversation. What am I going to do? As our eyes meet, I do have an idea, and it doesn’t include worrying about Haley, or my papers, for that matter.

  “Is everything okay?” she asks.

  “I don’t know. Haley seemed upset. I don’t know who you paid to sell the story, but it doesn’t look like they did a great job.”

  Carter looks pensive, as if going over the next steps in her mind. I’m not that patient.

  “I need a moment, okay? I need you to drop everything
and be with me. Can you do that for me?”

  “Yes.” She takes my hand and leads me back into the house. Reconnecting…it will not be done in so many words—and this time, Carter takes me to the master bedroom of the house.

  Chapter Ten

  I thought my “quarters” were crazy luxurious, but after she opens the door to me, I stand in the middle of the master suite for a moment, speechless. Forget about adjusting—I will never get used to living like this, in an environment I’ve never seen except on TV or in a magazine. To me, it’s always been unreal that there are actual people who live like this, every day.

  “Did you change your mind?” Carter asks softly.

  I sit on the edge of the bed. It’s covered with a light blue thread matching the curtains, accents in grey and white. I realize Carter isn’t exactly a fan of warm colors, the ones the guest rooms are decorated with. Everything that is hers, the office, the bedroom, from what I’ve seen, it’s impressive, but it lacks a personal touch. Appearances, I know.

  “I don’t know. I’m sorry for the mood swings…I think we need to talk about this first. Haley, she sounded strange on the phone. I don’t know if anyone called the police, but…it didn’t sound good, like someone was listening in. I’m scared that there’s trouble brewing.”

  I actually said it out lout, and bare all in a few words. I don’t want this, any of it, to end. Carter sits next to me, pulls me close.

  “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it.”

  “How will you do that?”

  “I have people for that.” She sighs and adds, “Someone with the police. She can stop this in its tracks.”

  I lean forward, hiding my face behind my hands. I don’t know how to feel about this. I have no idea what it means in the long run. Did Carter just tell me she’s been bribing cops? One cop. Not that it would make it any better.

  Her fingers curl around my wrists, tugging, luring me out of hiding. “I will take care of it,” she emphasizes each word. “When you wanted to come inside earlier…I didn’t misunderstand, did I? It was because you wanted to be in private?” Slowly, she starts to unbutton my blouse. I hold my breath, my attention refocused on every movement of her hands, sighing in relief when they touch skin.

  This morning, on the yacht, feels like forever ago.

  I think we both need the reassurance, and haven’t we found the perfect way?

  * * * *

  “I need to take care of something,” Carter whispers to me before the warmth of her embrace is gone. I slip back into sleep, only to wake up, startled, a few minutes later. She is dressed, ready to leave…where? I have the bad feeling that it has to do with Haley’s reaction to my call. Is she going to meet the cop on her payroll?

  I sit up in the bed. “Where are you going?”

  “I need to make sure that we’re safe. It won’t take long.”

  I hesitate for the length of a heartbeat, before I ask, “Can I come with you? I mean, this concerns me too. Maybe I can help?”

  “No, not this time. I need you to stay put.”

  That went well. I get out of bed and stand in front of her. “It’s not going to be dangerous, is it?”

  “No. Just talking.”

  She kisses me quickly. “I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow. I promise.”

  Tomorrow…we didn’t even have dinner tonight. “Okay. I’ll be here.”

  Yeah, right. Where else would I be? I feel strange being in this room by myself, so I return to my own bedroom, pacing the length of the wall restlessly. What if something goes wrong? The more awake I am, the more dire possibilities occur to me. What if Carter gets arrested? What if I never see her again?

  Calm down, I tell myself. She didn’t seem to think that was a possibility. It will be okay. I feel too caged and nervous to stay inside, so I decide to go down to the pool again. It drives me crazy how little Carter wants to involve me in these things. I try, but I can’t spend my days reading sociology articles and fiction, interrupted by some pool time, luxurious meals and mind-blowing sex. I need to share. In the backyard, I find the man who called after me the last time. He is working on the trees again.

  When he sees me, he takes a look around as if to make sure no one’s watching. I assume someone’s always watching in this house. He’s still holding the garden shears in his hand. I back up a step, wondering if I have enough time. Maybe I’m paranoid, but I don’t want to talk to him. Anyway, Carter doesn’t want me to. I don’t want trouble for anyone.

  “Ms. Elliot? Penny? Please wait?”

  How does he know my name? I remember there was a connection to Marlene, but she doesn’t seem to be the type to gossip outside her work.

  “I’m sorry. I…just…I was about to go inside.” He catches up with me. Upon a closer look, he’s older than I first thought, early forties maybe. He looks me over, his expression strangely concerned. He doesn’t know me!

  “We don’t have much time. Ms. Elliot, I’m here to help you escape. This is the best moment we’ll get. Marlene is out on errands.”

  “Escape? What?”

  “Don’t worry. I’m Agent McKinley with the FBI. We know about the kidnapping, and we’re here to prevent worse.”

  He presents a badge to me that looks official enough, not that I find any reassurance in the fact. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say, trying to get a handle on my inner turmoil. In the first few days I might have gone along with it…but not now. There’s too much between me and Carter to let it go. “I’m Ms. Forbes’ guest.”

  “A guest who arrived at the house drugged. Don’t worry, it will be okay. You need to come with me now.”

  “No. I’m sorry, you got it all wrong.”

  “You want to tell that to the other girls she sold into slavery?”

  The ground is opening up beneath me, not literally, of course, but I’m still stumbling, and he steadies me. It’s not that I believe him, not for a second, but the situation has become too surreal for me to take.

  “I think you need to leave, right now.”

  He looks angry, but his voice is level. “I understand this is hard. We have proof of several operations that took place right here on the island, trafficking of young women who spent some time in this house before they were never seen again. Marlene and Nick are in on it. I can show you video evidence, but first, we need to get you out of here.”

  “It doesn’t work that way,” I say, clinging to the last shreds of certainty. The beginning, it might have all been odd, not right, but that doesn’t mean Carter is guilty of those horrible crimes. Yes, I might have thought about this at first, but that was before I got to know her—before I fell in love with her.

  God, please, no.

  “You lasted longer than the others. I guess she took a liking to you. Let’s go now. We’ll have you on a plane home first thing in the morning.”

  “My papers…my passport…”

  “We’ve taken care of that,” he assures me. “I’m sorry, Ms. Elliot. I know this must come as a shock to you. Let’s take you some place safe now.” I only now realize that he’s carrying a gun, as he lays his hand on it, and I realize there isn’t much I could argue with. I could run, but I’m numb, frozen in fear. If he’s lying to me, why? If he’s not lying…oh God. This can’t be true.

  As I leave Carter’s house, my state is not one of shock, it’s worse. Life as I knew it just ended.

  * * * *

  As the house disappears in the distance, I feel horrible, like I just betrayed the woman who has given me so much. McKinley shows me a folder with black and white photographs. It shows Carter talking and shaking hands with a man I’ve never seen before.

  “There’s a warrant out for this man on a number of charges.”

  “Maybe she didn’t know!” I’m not going to cry in front of him, I swear to myself, but the tears just keep coming. “This must be some big misunderstanding. You see, I’m only coming with you to clear it up.” Hopefully, I can be back home before Carter ret
urns. I don’t want her to think…what? I don’t know anymore.

  “She asked to meet him, to make a business connection,” McKinley says. “There were at least two other girls that we know of, younger even than you.”

  I refuse to believe this. I’m not capable…but here I am with an FBI agent who showed me his ID, who has a gun. I’ve never once been this afraid with her. I am afraid now.

  Maybe it’s for the better. Maybe after all this is cleared up, we can have a new beginning?

  How much more naïve can I get?

  McKinley sighs, but he doesn’t comment, just keeps on driving.

  It’s getting dark, and we’re far from the luxurious villas and tourist resorts in a neighborhood where I would have never assumed a safe house, but he must know, right? That makes at least one of us.

  “Do I really need to leave tomorrow? I want to talk to her. I’m sure there’s an explanation.”

  “I thought I made myself clear.” He doesn’t make an effort to hide his impatience. “They were discussing market prices. Do you really need any more explanations?”

  “You got it all wrong. She bought me all these clothes…” I break off, thinking that makes me sound incredibly shallow. “Tons of books. I read about human trafficking, no one would pay enough for me to justify that kind of investment.” The words are coming out all wrong. I don’t believe it. I can’t.

  “For a naïve, pampered girl like you, she’d get a good profit eventually.” Is he mocking me?

  “This is insane. I changed my mind. Let me out. I want to go back and talk to her tomorrow. I’m sure she will be able to make all of this go away soon.” Which is what happens when you pay off cops, isn’t it? Now’s not the time for sarcasm though.

  “I can’t do that. We’re almost there. I promise you there will be no doubt you’ve gotten mixed up with some bad people. Lucky for you, she was already on our radar.”

  I don’t feel lucky—and I don’t care anymore about embarrassing myself in front of the agent. All I know is that something is very wrong here.

  * * * *

  He parks in front of a two-story house, a non-descript concrete block that still doesn’t look safe to me, even opens the door for me, hand on the gun, as he ushers me inside. Why? Carter doesn’t even know I’m gone—I don’t think anyone would follow us. McKinley leads me to a sparsely furnished room upstairs, with a couch, a table and two chairs.