Surrender Your Heart

by Raven J. Spencer

  Yes, this is a feeling I can’t escape. They took her away from me, and given the circumstances, I can’t even explain to her. Can I? I’m not even sure how Colette will take the truth, and for sure, it will change some things for Penelope, no matter how strong and righteous everything else between us was—is.

  “I am happy you’re still talking to me. You know I had to do something. I couldn’t hold this off any longer after the shooting and Hanks’ statement.”

  “Yeah, I know. About your question—I believe you’re aware that Hanks had contacts in town. You know how they work, where they go look for their ‘merchandise.’” She looks as disgusted as I am about this.

  “Penny Elliot doesn’t exactly fit the profile,” she says. “She has a network of supportive people as you might have noticed, and she’s older than most, though I guess she looks younger. What are you trying to tell me, you knew what Hanks was planning?”

  “I didn’t know him under that name, and we didn’t know what he looked like, that was the problem. He had a new identity, prepared everything carefully, and even made friends with Marlene’s husband for real. No one suspected anything.”

  The anger is not for her. We should have been more careful, Nick and I. I still can’t believe Hanks slipped past all that security. I hope that gunshot wound hurt.

  “Why go to all those lengths?” Colette muses. “Why Penny Elliot?”

  “Because she turned down a guy in a bar a few months ago, and he wanted to get back at her. I don’t think she even remembers him, but he wanted revenge, and his brother had just the right dirty little business to make that happen.”

  Hanks was supposed to be just a job, like many others before, but one night, something changed in a heartbeat. We were after one of his contacts. Nick and I went to the bar he frequented, a couple on a night out, and indeed, he was there. The young woman waiting on him was one of ours. Not only would she deliver his drinks, but also a tiny bug she’d place under the table, so we’d be privy to whatever conversations he’d have that night. Soon after, another, younger man arrived and slumped into a chair across from him. He turned out to be his brother, not the man we’d been hoping for.

  “I need you to do something for me,” he said. “Bitch showed me up in front of my friends.”

  Fletcher, Hanks’ contact, laughed at the greeting. “What do you think I can do for you?”

  “I want to teach her a lesson. You still hanging out with this guy in…”

  “Hey, kid, stop it right there.” Fletcher grabbed his little brother by his collar. “Not so loud, you idiot.”

  “She’s pretty,” Fletcher’s brother said. “She’ll get you a nice cut as well.”

  I remember Nick giving me a look, as if he feared I’d get up and go punch the guy. Both of them actually. I can wait my turn when it comes to putting misogynist small-minded men in their place.

  “Please, man,” little brother begged. “My honor’s on the line here.”

  “God, I wish I could have some alone time with the little shit,” I whispered to Nick, and he smiled grimly.

  “You and me both.”

  “Where can I find her? I’ll go take a look at her, but I can’t promise you anything. These people are picky, and they are serious. They won’t go after her just because you couldn’t score with her.”

  “They will. I’m sure.” He took out his phone and showed a picture to his brother. “Penny Elliot. She lives on Johnson Street.”

  “Alone?”

  “Yeah.”

  “All right. I’ll take care of it. Now get lost.”

  With as little as a nod we divided the tasks at hand between us, and Nick got up to follow Fletcher’s whiny brother whereas I stayed with Fletcher. A few moments later, Nick returned with the phone, Penny Elliot’s picture and her address saved in it. Something attracted me to her from the moment I first saw that picture, the open genuine smile. Her hair looked soft to the touch.

  I already knew she was smart, because she had turned down a criminal who was currently conspiring to have her kidnapped and sold. We had protected other women who were at risk before.

  This time, everything was different. We shadowed Fletcher, and Penelope as well, and with each moment spent close to her, the realization hit home. Nick was not surprised when I told him I’d take Penelope to my private vacation home until the danger was past. By the time we showed up at the Café Vienna, a strategy was firmly in place, ahead of Fletcher’s plan.

  “Unfortunately that wasn’t all. Laydon, Hanks, Fletcher, they were well enough connected to find out where we were hiding her. None of them would actually make such an effort to go after one girl, but that wasn’t what it was all about. Laydon wanted to get back at me, because he knew we were getting close.”

  “Wow.” Colette takes a sip of her cognac, shakes her head in disbelief. “You have time for all this while running a business and kicking Wellington in the balls? I underestimated you.”

  I shrug. “Yeah, people tend to do that, but since we’re friends, I forgive you.”

  “Friends…” she says, pensive. “As a friend, will you answer me one more question? I swear I’m not going to tell anyone.”

  “You’re not really diverted by a vacation in an expensive resort and me sharing my most expensive beverages with you, are you?”

  Colette smiles at that. “Don’t get me wrong, Carter. I know I owe you, and that’s why I tried to do this while I could still control some of the outcome. Penny adores you. She won’t press charges even if what you just told me can’t be made public knowledge.”

  My heart skips a beat. I was not mistaken, then.

  “Something still doesn’t add up. If you and Nick do the occasional favor to the FBI, let’s put it like that, why not put her in a safe house until the danger is past? Instead, you keep her in one of your homes, buy her books and clothes.”

  I don’t say anything, so I’m not sure what gave me away. Colette’s jaw drops.

  “You might have had a reason to want her out of harm’s way, but that could have been achieved so much easier. You saw her, you wanted her and that was the end of the story. That was not part of the pretense.”

  “Why are you even asking? You already know everything.”

  The cool act is partly a pretense. She is right—and none of it matters at the moment, because I can’t go near Penelope as long as people are still talking about Hanks, Laydon and their horrible business, as long as my name pops up along with theirs.

  I can’t risk it.

  I can’t be without her either. There’s only one way to solve this dilemma.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Penny

  I spend whatever time I can to prepare for the semester, continue to do some mandatory reading, become comfortable in my new workplace. I spend a lot of time deep in thought, about Carter, my experiences, what they mean besides my infatuation with her.

  I can only come to the same conclusion: I don’t regret telling little white lies, obfuscations really, to the agents. There were a few reporters interested in my story at the beginning, but that died down, too, and I’m grateful.

  The whole truth, with every detail of it, serves no one. It’s for me and her to deal with it, maybe, one day.

  I’m not giving up on that chance yet, but I want to be well prepared.

  Since Carter has been investigated, but not charged with a crime, no one questioned the $1,000 in my bank account. I admit I had the fantasy of buying an expensive dress and shoes, an outfit for a date that might never happen. Initially, I thought I’d use part of it for a getaway with the girls. In the end, I divide it between five organizations serving women, locally and globally. It’s not all that much, but it feels good to be able to give a little. It was hard to narrow it down to those five—I wonder if it’s that hard to make these choices for Carter as well, even if she does it on a much larger scale.

  Once that is done, I believe I am ready. I call Colette Grady and make sure she knows I won’t ta
ke no for an answer.

  Why didn’t I do this earlier?

  I needed some time to orient myself in my life, to understand what that even is, and what is possible beyond. I needed to come to a point where I realized I didn’t have to sit around waiting for her. Maybe it’s a mistake, and Carter has long forgotten about me, but I believed her. I believe she’s like me trying to figure out what the right moment is, and if it exists at all.

  I take a cab to the Forbes Inc. building and then walk right up to the receptionist’s desk. Her eyes widen when she sees me, and I wonder if it’s my appearance or if she actually heard about me in the news.

  “I need to see Ms. Forbes. No, wait,” I say when she reaches for the phone. “It’s supposed to be a surprise. You can send me through a metal detector or have me frisked if you must.”

  The corners of her mouth twitch as she tries to suppress the amused smile. “That won’t be necessary, Ms. Elliot.”

  Oh. Okay.

  “Take elevator five to the top floor. A guard will guide you from there.”

  Could it really be that easy? What exactly do the people, who are working here, know about me?

  I follow her instructions, and a female guard leads me to a stunning reception area. Wow. To think that the house in the Caribbean was a vacation home…

  The guard knocks on the door. “Ms. Forbes?”

  “Come on in.”

  The sound of her voice not only jolts me into motion, it also sends jolts to familiar places. I would have found it pathetic if it didn’t feel this good. Right here and now, I know everything I need to know, the pieces falling into place. God, I only hope she feels the same.

  Carter gets up when we come inside, her eyes meet mine and she freezes.

  Seconds tick by as we simply take each other in. I wasn’t wrong about her. I can see every emotion that has kept me awake at night since our separation, reflected in her gaze. It is true, not just my imagination.

  “Shannon, you may go,” she says, and the guard gives her a nod before she leaves us alone.

  There were so many things I wanted to tell her, but now that she’s standing right in front of me, the words won’t come. I have little regard for the luxurious office or the breathtaking view from the big windows.

  “You came,” she says, disbelief coloring her voice.

  “I hope it’s a good surprise. You know I only went with Grady because she said she could do damage control and…I guess it worked. You’re doing okay.”

  “Well…no one arrested me. Thank you for not telling the whole story.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “So, sit for a moment. Tell me what your plans are.”

  This polite, slightly awkward conversation is sobering. I didn’t have much of a plan. Maybe I was foolish enough to think we could go have dinner somewhere, just the two of us, after having sex on her desk. I blush hotly, her knowing smile telling me she can guess into which direction my thoughts are heading.

  “I’m not as good with plans as you are, but I did what I could to help. I want you to know that. I—I missed you.”

  “You weren’t worried I could take you to some faraway place and never let you go?”

  I can’t help it, I almost smile because now I know what her M.O. is, taking control in a subtle way. It’s thrilling and exciting but I also want her to know she doesn’t need to do it with me. It’s fine for a game. I don’t need that much convincing in reality.

  “I kind of hoped you’d do that,” I say.

  “I haven’t been okay. Not without you.”

  That time is over now, isn’t it? “Me neither. That’s why I’m here. I want—”

  “Please,” she interrupts me. “Let’s go somewhere else. There is something you should know before you make up your mind.”

  “I already have made up my mind. I know the way things started out…”

  “It’s not about that. Come. I don’t want to do this here.”

  I’m not sure how I feel about this development, but she’s here with me now, and she missed me too. I have no further questions, or the need for any explanations.

  * * * *

  We have been in the hotel suite for almost an hour, yet we haven’t made it to the bedroom, or even kissed. I am stunned by the revelations, the consequences of an interaction I barely remember, some asshole I turned down and who sent his criminal brother after me, Carter’s efforts to get me out of harm’s way.

  Reality is shifting once more, and it’s a disturbing process, because I can’t be sure what remains. Okay, that’s a silly thing to think—I obviously have a lot to be grateful for.

  “I don’t understand,” I finally say. “You must have done things like that before, you and Nick…protect people. You bought the company whose boss assaulted employees.”

  She shrugs, but the way she’s clinging to her glass betrays her nonchalance.

  “It’s something we do every once in a while when we have the chance. Nick grew up with an abusive father. I…I guess I am just pissed enough at the state of the world. We help cleaning up whenever we can.”

  The way I did, $200 for each organization. With Carter’s money, but still, I get it, it’s important to do one’s share.

  I shake my head. “All this time…You almost got arrested. You could have told me right away, you could have told me where we were. I don’t get…all those clothes, and the books. You didn’t become interested in me that day in the café. At that time, you must have already done your homework on me.” I must be crazy. There’s no rational explanation why this sounds like disappointment. She has risked a lot for me.

  “I would have told you the truth once it was safe. In the meantime…you seemed to enjoy part of it. I wanted to give you everything you deserve. I wasn’t lying about that.”

  “Wow.” I take a deep breath. “So your kidnapping scheme was legit, but we can’t tell anyone about it. Why did you make me believe there was more to it?”

  “Because there was. Look, I don’t buy a wardrobe or a truckload of books for every witness we have to hide. I make sure they are safe, have enough clothes and food, and, if necessary, papers to start over. I knew that at some point, the FBI would get to Hanks, his deranged family, and Laydon. What I told you was true. I wanted you all to myself.”

  She sounds a tad frustrated now, and I realize there are probably not many situations for Carter where she has to explain herself, questions that can’t be settled between lawyers.

  “You were troubled, but you were also turned on by the idea.”

  “I felt safe with you. Given the circumstances and what I didn’t know at the time, that did trouble me. I’m sorry. I’m really grateful for what you did for me…and I enjoyed being with you. I knew you wouldn’t do anything to harm me. Once I figured that out, I thought there was somewhere we could go from there. If you still wanted, that is.”

  Carter finally puts her glass aside and comes to stand in front of me. “You don’t mind that I’m not as crazy as you thought I was—just a little?” The teasing is familiar, and, now that we have a room to ourselves that is not about to be invaded by criminals or the police anytime soon—I hope—exciting.

  My heart is beating faster as I pick up my purse and take out the black and silver scarf, dangling it from my hand. “You can take this any way you want to.”

  “I was not okay,” she whispers, sitting back down in the armchair. “I made plans too, but we can get to them later. First, I’d like to know what you’re wearing under that dress.” The invitation couldn’t be any clearer, and so I strip for her, the dress, the shoes and stockings, and while she watches me, I watch her, the awe in her expression, the way her fingers tighten around the scarf. I undo the clasp of my bra and let it fall to the floor. The silk and lace set with the distinctive brand name is what I was wearing the day Colette Grady made me go home. I’m not sure Carter recognizes it, but she sure appreciates it on me—and me, out of it. As I pull down the thong, the brush of fabric against my se
nsitized skin is almost unbearable. I’m unable to ignore my arousal, pulsing warm and liquid between my thighs.

  “Come here,” Carter says, her voice darkened with lust. She is still fully dressed.

  Such a silly idea it was anyway, to kidnap me, because there’s no way I could resist her in the first place. When I’m close enough, she pulls me down so I’m straddling her lap. I have no time for feeling self-conscious. Here, close to her, is where I want to be. Almost nothing else matters, but I don’t have to worry anymore, because every secret is out.

  Carter covers my eyes with the scarf, ties it carefully in the back. “Perfect.”

  Her fingertips brush over my face, my shoulders, downward. I gasp when her hands cups my breasts, squeezing gently, my nipples tightening and a jolt of heat rushes to my core. Another follows when I feel her lips closing around one nipple, sucking softly. Then she pulls me closer and reaches between my legs, finding the perfect angle. Two fingers enter me, easily, and I’m grateful for her hold, because I’m stumbling, falling deep, losing myself. The blindfold is an additional thrill, an affirmation of trust.

  “You’re all mine now, aren’t you?” she asks, a rhetorical, yet deeply philosophical question. No person can ever own another—but for this particular moment, it rings true, because she’s all I can feel, around me, inside me, all I want to feel.

  “Yes.” The one word comes out as a moan. I’m close. In the time we spent together, we’ve become familiar with each other’s bodies. She knows how to manipulate mine into a state of near oblivion, a high that’s almost too much to bear. I shudder against her, safely letting go all that I am, or thought I was, trusting I’ll come out feeling whole like never before. Each push of her fingers enhances the intensity of the climax until I am completely spent, collapsing in her lap, not the least bit self-conscious about the fact that there are tears in my eyes.

  We stay like that for what seems a long time, before she carefully removes the blindfold and tosses it aside.