My Kinda Mess - eBook

by Lacey Black

  Lexi: A client just asked me to trim his nose hairs. They were so long, they looked like they were climbing out of his nose and waving at me.

  Linkin: Makes note to grow out nose hairs. It drives Lexi wild.

  Lexi: You know it. *smiley winky face*

  And before I can reply, she sends me another message.

  Lexi: I’ll be done in fifteen. I’m getting ready to blow dry my last appointment.

  Linkin: And you’re coming here?

  Lexi: Are the boys there?

  Linkin: Are you using me to get close to the boys?

  Lexi: Definitely. It’s not every day a boy professes his love before slaying his brother with a sword.

  Linkin: True. Jack has me beat there. Maybe I need a better sword.

  Lexi: No, you’re sword is pretty amazing. It’s my favorite of all swords.

  Linkin: Good to know. My sword will be very excited to see you.

  Lexi: Thirty minutes.

  Linkin: Make it twenty-five and there might be a reward.

  Lexi: Will it involve pizza? I’m starving.

  Linkin: You know me well.

  Lexi: Gotta go. See you soon.

  I smile as I set my phone down, ready for Lexi to come home. Home. This place is small and lifeless without her. Sure, my brothers turn it upside down and make the walls shake, but it’s not the same thing. This isn’t their home. They just stay here when my mom needs help.

  But when Lexi’s here, everything is alive. The sounds, the smells, the lifeless walls. She makes this small, dingy little apartment a home. My home. Our home.

  How in the hell did this happen? I went from a guy not wanting any of this to a man wanting all of it.

  As I check on my brother in the shower and make sure the other finished reading his required chapters, I throw some leftover pizza in the microwave and wait for my girl to get here. Because even when I was surrounded by noise, I was alone. I floated through life, aimlessly and recklessly, doing what I had to, trying to get by.

  But now I want to stop running. I want to settle down. I want Lexi.

  And it’s time to tell her.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Lexi

  “We need more penises!” Grandma bellows, clapping her hands victoriously.

  “Seriously? There’s more cock in this place than a Chippendales Show,” Levi says, shoving another blow-up penis onto the end of the bar.

  “Actually, back in the day, the first male dancers weren’t Chippendales. There was a group known as the Petal Teasers who had the ladies lined up with their quarters.”

  “Petal Teasers?” Payton asks, moving the penis streamers hanging in front of her face.

  “Lesser known, obviously. And their name could have used a little work. I tried to tell Ross that when he started the club, but you know men. They never listen to a woman.”

  “Club?” I ask at the same time Jaime asks, “Ross?”

  “Anyway,” Grandma says, waving her hand. “The boys couldn’t get along, each one wanting the spotlighted feature, which resulted in one of them leaving. Hence, the Chippendales.”

  “Are you saying you know the people who started the Chippendales?” Dean asks, removing the blow-up cock from his mouth. Wait. That didn’t come out right. He was blowing it up, not blowing-

  Nevermind.

  “Knew them? Honey, who do you think taught them their trademarked hip thrusts?”

  I swear you could hear a pin drop in Lucky’s. Everyone setting up for the joint bachelor and bachelorette party this evening is silent as we wait for her to elaborate. Or not. Maybe it’s best we don’t know the rest of this story.

  “Anyway, what I learned a long time ago, kids, is that there can never be enough penises, especially when celebrating the pending nuptials of two crazy kids who enjoy getting their freak on.”

  “Please don’t say getting their freak on,” I beg.

  “At least she didn’t call it the sex,” Abby chimes in beside me.

  “Oh, there will definitely be the sex going on,” Grandma adds. “We were right beside them at that bed and breakfast two summers ago. I think that stallion was capable of breaking the bed, if given enough time.”

  “My ears are starting to bleed,” Meghan whimpers, shoving little rubber dicks into her ears like earbuds.

  “That’s why they’re so perfect for each other. Two sexual creatures, destined to spend the rest of their lives together, procreating and lusting after one another,” she says, looking out into the room with some weird far-off dream look on her face.

  “Gross,” AJ groans. “Stop referring to our sister – your granddaughter – as a sexual creature. It’s not normal.”

  “Sex is normal, AJ. It’s healthy, and if you have the right dancing partner, the horizontal tango is a serious health benefit! I mean, how do you think your grandpa and I have lived such a long, healthy life? Regular sex is a big part of life longevity,” Grandma says, causing several faces to turn a weird shade of green.

  “What time is the happy couple arriving?” Dad asks, breaking up the nightmare-inducing conversation from only moments ago.

  “Seven. They’re having dinner uptown and coming by for drinks,” Meghan adds, helping Linkin hang a few more streamers (these sans penises) from the ceiling. “We have thirty minutes.”

  “She thinks it’s for our monthly sisters’ night that we delayed two weeks and Ryan is just going to drop her off,” I say. No one brings up the reason for the delay, but I was told it was because of Meghan’s fiancé who passed away a year before, earlier in the month.

  Grandma sticks her head beside mine, making me jump. “I still think we could have benefited from a couples dress-up theme.”

  “Not everyone is a couple, Grandma,” I reply quietly, concerned about Meghan overhearing.

  “Yeah,” AJ chimes in, a look of annoyance on her face.

  “But I had my Christian and Ana costumes ready to go, Alison Jane. I suppose there’s still time to change. I could go put it on.”

  “For the love of all things holy, don’t you dare dress up as Anastasia Steele tonight,” I beg her. As I turn, I’m hypnotized by the way Linkin moves on the bar as he’s hanging the rest of the blue streamers. His customary black t-shirt rides up, exposing a few inches of toned, sexy happy trail, which causes my overactive hormones to spark to life.

  In fact, these pesky hormones have been so over-the-top lately. It all started earlier in the week with my boobs hurting and my sex drive revving up to a gazillion RPMs. In the last few years, I’ve been obsessed with conceiving enough to know what these symptoms point to. But I held strong, trying not to give in to my feverish desire to run to the drug store and purchase fifteen different pregnancy tests. Not until I was late.

  Today, I was late.

  And I have a secret; one that I can’t wait to share.

  “Speaking of procreating,” Grandma starts, snapping my thoughts from my libido, as she gets right in my face. “You’re positively…glowing tonight,” she says with a wicked smile.

  “Thank you,” I reply, dropping my eyes and my voice.

  “Does he know?”

  I glance up, shocked, yet not really surprised in the least. “No. I just found out.”

  “He’s going to be so excited,” she whispers.

  “He is,” I confirm, glancing back to the bar area where Linkin is talking with my dad and Levi.

  “When are you going to tell him?”

  “I was trying to figure out a clever way to tell him, but all I keep coming back to is just shouting it out.”

  “Oh, Lexi Lou, you don’t need some creative baby announcement. When you’re ready just say the words and sit back and watch his face light up. I promise you, you won’t want to miss that part. I remember the look on your grandpa’s face when I told him I was pregnant with Trish,” she says softly, her green eyes filling with tears. Hearing the emotion in her voice is enough to send my cr
azy-sensitive emotional status teetering on hysterics.

  “I wish I had more time with her,” I whisper, the words choking the air out of me.

  “We all do, sweetie. She was an amazing woman, but more than that, she was an amazing mother.” I fight the tears. “And do you know what?” she asks, giving me her full attention. It’s as if we’re the only two in the room. “I have no doubt in my mind that you, Alexis Summer, will be just as wonderful to this child.” Before I realize what’s happening, she has her hand gently resting on my stomach.

  The tears fall unchecked. I glance around, and notice no one paying us any attention, which is probably a good thing, considering I’m crying and my grandma has her hand on my belly.

  But then my glaze shifts and lands on Linkin. Concern fills his eyes as he takes in my tear-streaked face. He’s moving before I can even offer him an I’m okay smile.

  “Tell him when you’re ready, child. He’ll be over the moon with excitement…just like the rest of us.” Grandma offers me a wink before disappearing.

  “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” he asks, looking me up and down for any signs of problems.

  “I’m fine,” I say, clearing my throat. “She got me a little emotional, is all.”

  “That’s it?” he asks, looking like he’s ready to defend my honor and sleigh the dragons.

  “Yeah. She talked a bit about my mother,” I say softly, feeling sad for all that I – and my sisters – have lost, but so incredibly blessed to have had her for the handful of years we did.

  Linkin wraps his arms around me, pulling me tightly into his chest. His hug is warm and comforting as I breathe in the familiarity. How can someone I’ve known mere months mean more to me than anyone else ever has?

  Because I love him.

  And it’s so much more consuming than anything I’ve ever experienced. He’s the wind in my sails as he helps guide me through oceans. He’s the sun as it rises high in the sky, lighting up my day. He’s the air I breathe, the comfort I call home.

  He’s everything.

  I almost tell him right there, but then I hear Payton holler. “They’re here!”

  Instead, I grab his hand and pull him towards the center of the room with the rest of my family. There’s a few regulars sitting at the bar, smiling and watching the chaos, while Lucky pours drinks behind the counter. We picked this particular location because there’s a band performing at The Beaver, therefore we’d have this place mostly to ourselves.

  So far, the plan has worked.

  “I can’t believe she was staring at you like that. Seriously, I was sitting right there! It’s not like she couldn’t see me! I was the one with my hand down your pants while she was flirting with you, and I’ll be the one with your tongue between my-” Jaime gripes, stopping when she enters the bar, Ryan hot on her heels. “What’s this?”

  “Surprise!” we all answer together.

  “What the…” she yells, a happy-surprise look on her face.

  “Why are there dicks all over the bar?” Ryan asks, glancing around at the obscene amount of penises in the room.

  “Grandma was in charge of decorations,” Meghan answers.

  “That explains it,” Ryan says, shrugging off his jacket and taking Jaime’s from her arm.

  “You guys,” Jaime calls before running into our waiting arms. We’re a big mess of twelve arms all gripping and hugging each other. I love our group hugs, though I’ll admit, most of them happen at the end of the evening after the alcohol has been flowing and all that’s left is talk about road-head.

  “It’s a surprise bachelor and bachelorette party,” Abby says, connecting all of the dots for our sister.

  “Thank you so much,” she says, tears swimming in her matching emerald green eyes. “I can’t believe you did all of this. And were able to keep it a secret,” she adds with a laugh. Truth is, we’re not the best with secrets. Each of us came equipped with a sister lie detector system which is able to scope out a sister’s secret at fifty paces.

  “Anything for you,” Payton says, turning and grabbing the drinks off the tray Dean is holding beside her.

  She hands shot glasses to each of us, careful not to spill any of the amber liquid from within. I hold the small glass in my hand, suddenly fearful of spilling my secret. All eyes will be on me – Lexi, the wild one – as I refuse to take the shot. They’ll know. They’ll figure out my secret before I’ve had a chance to tell Linkin. And let’s be honest, I’ve imagined telling him about being pregnant fifty thousand ways, but in a bar was never one of them.

  On top of that, it’s Jaime and Ryan’s big night. The last thing I want to do is steal their thunder and make tonight all about me. That would be very uncool little sister of me, and I’d never want to do that to my sister.

  “What’s wrong? You’re staring at that shot like it’s about to tell you Victoria’s secret,” Linkin says softly beside me.

  “Oh, I was just thinking that I haven’t eaten much today. Doing a shot before I eat probably isn’t the brightest idea.”

  “Ahh,” he says with that trademarked smirk. “Fear not, fair maiden, I shall take the shot on your behalf and no one will be the wiser.” This time, I get that sexy little wink. “And maybe when you’re feelin’ like drinkin’, I’ll talk you into sharing the secret.”

  My body tenses with fear. “Secret?” I ask, my throat suddenly dry and my heart trying to claw its way from my chest.

  “Yeah, you know… Victoria’s secret? I’d love to get an up close, personal view later this evening of what treasures and secrets Lexi has beneath that sweater,” he whispers, his deep voice dripping with sex.

  “Oh. That secret.” God! I’m such an idiot. I’m going to give away the secret completely on my own and will have no one to blame but myself. Quickly trying to draw attention away, I slide against his hard, unforgiving body and practically purr. “I’ll definitely let you in on that secret later tonight.”

  “Attention, everyone!” Payton hollers over the jukebox in the corner and the Summer girls’ giggles. “Tonight, we’re here to celebrate the upcoming wedding of our sister Jaime to Ryan. Jaime, we couldn’t be happier that you’ve finally found your happily ever after.” Jaime turns and snuggles into Ryan’s side, her smile wide and full of happiness. “And Ryan, thanks for not running away screaming after you met our crazy family. In fact, we think you fit in nicely, and we’re blessed to have you become a part of it in a few weeks.”

  “To Ryan and Jaime,” my dad says proudly, lifting his shot glass high in the air.

  “To Ryan and Jaime,” everyone echoes before taking their shot of hard liquor.

  I can feel Grandma’s eyes on me, but I don’t look over to confirm. I know if I do, I’ll blurt it out right here and now. I keep my eyes on the floor, careful not to make eye contact with anyone in the room.

  Suddenly, I feel the glass pulled from my fingers and replaced quickly with an empty one. Linkin throws back the second shot before anyone is the wiser. A sigh of relief slips from my lips as my eyes connect with his dark chocolate ones. They’re shining with mischief and maybe the start of a little buzz.

  Grandpa steps forward, a second round of shots ready to go.

  “Uh, Grandpa, I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I need to eat something,” Meghan says, a concerned look on her pretty face.

  “Oh, come on Meggy Pie! How often does your granddaughter get married?” she asks, then suddenly freezes. “Well, that other time doesn’t count,” Grandma quickly adds, referring to the first engagement Jaime had. Gavin left her the week of her wedding because he realized he was gay.

  “Anyway, to our beautiful Jaime,” Grandpa says, choking a bit on his emotions. “It has been a joy watching you grow into the superb, compassionate woman you are today. I know you’ll make Ryan very happy.”

  “To Jaime and Ryan,” Grandma adds, raising another shot above her head.

  “To Jaime and Ryan,” we all cheer. />
  Before Grandma throws back her drink, she loudly declares, “To road-head!”

  And the room falls silent once more.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Linkin

  The party has been in full swing for the last hour. Lucky was kind enough to let us take over the place, without charging us any sort of rental – even though we offered. Instead, I told him I’d help clean up afterwards and even offered to help behind the bar. Of course, with The Beaver hosting a band tonight, the place is pretty empty, which is why he was fine with us having the party here. He’s making more money off the Summer family than he would have without them.

  “I brought you all something,” Orval says as he takes a seat at the table where Levi, Dean, Ryan, and myself are seated. We’ve been watching the girls with their dad and Grandma shooting pool, darts, and trash talking better than most guys I’ve met over my time tending bar.

  “Did you make those?” Dean asks Levi, who is sort of the resident Betty Crocker. The dude can cook and bake just about anything. I’d give him a good ribbing over it, but the fact is his shit is good so I keep my mouth shut. That way, he keeps making stuff for us.

  “Nope,” Levi says, glancing down at the plate of chocolate brownies.

  “I made them,” Grandpa declares proudly. “My Emma was off getting her hair done earlier at the salon with Lexi, so I thought I’d whip up a batch of my famous double chocolate brownies. They’re delicious! Try one,” he encourages, shoving the plate in Dean’s face.

  “Fine,” he says, taking one from the plate. We all watch as he slowly takes a small bite, chewing carefully.

  “Wow, not bad,” Deans says with a shrug before taking a much bigger bite.

  “What, did you think I was going to poison ya?” Grandpa asks, laughing, as he holds the plate out for Ryan and me to each grab one.

  “I don’t know, Orval, would you?” Levi asks with a cheeky grin.

  “Poison ya? Naw, that’s not my style,” he says, eyes sparkling under the fluorescent lighting and neon beer signs.