Baby Makes Three

by Lily Love

  Jack looked over his shoulder, surprised. They entered the stairwell and started their descent toward the ground floor. “You want to stay at a hotel when you’ve got Isaac with you?”

  “Yeah. Why not?” They took the stairs slowly for Isaac’s sake. “I’m tired, you’re tired. After driving another three hours, you’re not going to want to have to deal with getting Isaac settled. Why don’t we get a room here, get him settled quickly, then use that extra time to get some shuteye?”

  “I…” It was a good plan, but it made Jack uncomfortable. During the game it was easy to forget the things Craig made him feel, but if they shared a hotel room?

  “We’re supposed to be having a good time, right?” Craig asked. “And neither of us have anywhere to be tomorrow, unless I’m mistaken. Why don’t we call it a night? We can get on the road early tomorrow morning, if you want.”

  Jack couldn’t argue. Turning Craig down would be a little too suspicious. They were friends. Friends did things like crash with each other. It wasn’t a big deal.

  “Okay,” Jack said. “Let’s get Isaac in the car, then we can look around for somewhere to stay. What do you think?”

  “I think that sounds perfect.” Craig beamed. The time out really had done wonders to refresh his spirit. The look in his eyes was worth it. No matter what Jack felt for Craig, he was determined to help Craig feel more comfortable as a father.

  Being a dad didn’t mean he had to give up on life. Craig needed time to adjust.

  They made it to the car and strapped Isaac in. Once they were both settled in the front seats, Craig took out his phone and started to search for local hotels. While he did, Jack rested. He wondered if he should ask for separate rooms or if it’d come across as rude.

  It’d probably be less rude than if he woke up and found I had a massive erection because of him.

  Jack scrubbed at his eyes. He was torn.

  Craig tapped at his phone screen. “Well, there’s a hotel not all that far from here. It’s not a chain, but the reviews are all glowing. According to the booking site there are still rooms available for tonight. Thoughts?”

  “Sounds good to me,” Jack said. “I’m not fussy. Any room will do.”

  “Then this one it is,” Craig said. “Do you want me to book it now, or do you want to ask for a room when we walk through the doors?”

  “Book it now if you can.” Jack didn’t want to have an awkward conversation about how many rooms they were getting in front of the clerk. This way it was predetermined. Craig would decide his fate. “Wanna give me the address so I can plug it into my phone and get directions?”

  Craig rattled off the address. Jack input it into his Google Maps and let his phone calculate the route. It wasn’t far at all. The drive looked easy.

  “All right,” Jack said. “You ready?”

  “Yup.”

  “You ready, Isaac?” Jack asked.

  There was no response.

  “Great. Then let’s go.” Jack backed out of his spot and took the drive through the parking lot carefully. While he drove, Craig finalized their hotel reservations.

  “Booked,” Craig said. “Here’s hoping it doesn’t get lost in some nebulous part of cyberspace. It’s a pretty tight amount of time between booking and showing up at the lobby.”

  “We’ll be fine,” Jack said. “Even if we have complications, we’ll get them figured out.”

  They turned onto the street. Jack directed them toward the hotel.

  “Thanks again,” Craig said as they drove. “I didn’t think I’d have a good time out, but you proved me wrong.”

  “I know a thing or two about kids,” Jack said. “But I also know a thing or two about parents. Everyone needs a break. I’m glad we got to go out and do something for you.”

  Craig smiled. The mood between them grew electric once more. A tingling feeling traveled up Jack’s arms and down his spine. He wished he could turn it off.

  “You’re a good friend, Jack.”

  “Thanks,” Jack said.

  He wished he was something more.

  The hotel room was spacious and well furnished. There were two queen-sized beds instead of one king. Jack could deal with that. Sharing a bed with Craig was pushing the limit.

  “You want to order something for dinner?” Craig asked. He set the car seat on the entertainment system table and freed Isaac from within. Isaac’s tiny fingers clung to Craig’s shoulders and he looked at Jack with his baby blues. Jack smiled and waved.

  “Like what?” Jack asked.

  “I’m not fussy. Pizza? Chinese? Sushi?”

  “We could do pizza.” Jack flopped down on the bed. “There’s a good place not all that far from here. I wonder if they do delivery.”

  “You know Charlotte?” Craig asked.

  Jack lifted his head and smirked. “Well, there aren’t a lot of dating prospects in Dekalb. When I was younger I used to come out here to try my luck. It’s gotten a little easier with Grindr, but before that I had to explore the city on my own. It led to a few good pizza places.”

  “Oh.” Craig sounded uncomfortable. Jack had pushed the line. Jack didn’t think that Craig was homophobic, but talking about hooking up probably didn’t sit well with him.

  “It was a long time ago,” Jack added quickly. “I was in a committed relationship for a long time. I stopped going out.”

  “I mean, it’s still early, you know?” Craig sounded awkward. He wouldn’t face Jack. “If you want to go out and hit the town, you can. We’ve got a whole night ahead of us. Isaac and I will be okay here on our own.”

  Was Craig trying to be nice, or was Craig telling him to get the hell out because he was uncomfortable? Jack rolled onto his side. It felt like he’d made a huge mistake.

  “Oh, I mean, it’s okay. Going to the game has me wiped.” Jack hoped he could recover some goodwill between them. “Charlotte’s nice and all, but if I really want to, I can come back some other time.”

  “You’ve been single for a while, right?” Craig still wouldn’t look at him. It broke Jack’s heart.

  “Yeah. Probably close to six months.”

  “Then you deserve to get out and have some fun,” Craig said. “Go enjoy yourself. Just because you’re hosting me doesn’t mean you have to share my responsibilities. You’re not here often so you might as well enjoy yourself.”

  The longer the conversation went on, the clearer it became that Craig wanted him to leave. Jack sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He wished he’d kept his mouth shut.

  “Do you want me to order the pizza before I go?” he asked. “I mean, I can eat it cold, I don’t mind.”

  “Nah. I’ll find something on my phone. I’ll save you some if you want, but if you want to eat out that’s no big deal, either. We can always take home the leftovers.”

  Jack couldn’t read the emotion in Craig’s voice. Was it sorrow? Thinly veiled disgust? Awkwardness?

  Jack gave up trying to understand. He stood and patted his back pocket to make sure he had his wallet and phone.

  “I’ll, um, I guess I’ll go then,” Jack said. He didn’t want to, but he knew that Craig needed his space. Jack had gone and stuck his foot in his mouth. The less he talked about being gay, the better. “Have a good night, okay? I won’t be out too late.”

  “Whatever you’d like.” Craig’s words were strained. “Isaac and I will sleep through you coming in, I’m sure.”

  God, did he feel awkward. Craig rounded the bed and approached the door. His gut told him to get out and give Craig his space, but his heart urged him to stay. He wanted to fix things, but he didn’t know how.

  “See you.” Jack opened the door.

  Craig didn’t say goodbye as he stepped out and closed it.

  What the hell had he done?

  Jack took off down the hallway. He walked faster than he had reason to. What a terrible handful of minutes. Things had gone sour between them so quickly that Jack didn’t know what to make of it.r />
  He wasn’t going to go out. Not tonight. Not only was he exhausted from the game, but he was in no mood to meet up with anyone. The party scene was too high energy and enthusiastic for him. He needed time to lick his wounds.

  Jack never thought he could mess up with a man so quickly.

  He made it down to the hotel lobby and took a seat in one of its comfortable armchairs. Without anything on him, all he could do was play games on his phone. As the minutes ticked by, the sick feeling in his stomach faded. Jack wondered what he should do next.

  Spending all night in the lobby wasn’t an option, but neither was going out. He wanted to return to the hotel room, but he also wanted Craig to cool off a little before he did that.

  In the end, he returned to his cellphone games and decided that he’d give it an hour.

  If Craig was receptive, they could talk it out and set some boundaries. If he wasn’t, they could call it a night and then never speak about what had happened again. Jack thought that was fair in an unfair kind of way. He didn’t like having to censor who he was for anyone, but he was weak for Craig.

  No matter what, they’d work it out. Jack wouldn’t always feel embarrassed, and Craig wouldn’t always feel disgusted. And really, as long as they could move on, Jack thought they still had a shot at making their friendship work.

  They got along better than Jack had with any man he’d ever been with before, after all. It would be a shame to give up such a good friendship because of a social gaffe.

  A shame, but not an impossibility. Jack knew the world was cruel. He hoped for the best and braced himself for the worst.

  More often than not, it was the worst he had to endure.

  13

  Craig

  As soon as the hotel room door closed, Isaac started to wail. Craig held Isaac to his chest and rocked him back and forth, but it did nothing to calm Isaac down.

  “Hey, don’t cry,” Craig muttered. He was close to tears himself. He knew he’d reacted poorly to Jack’s story, but he couldn’t help himself. When Jack talked about his sex life, it did something to Craig. An uncomfortable, prickling feeling permeated his torso and wreaked havoc on his nerves.

  Thinking about Jack with a man made Craig sick and he couldn’t explain why.

  “What do you need, little man? Something a little more than formula? We’ve got just the thing for you. Why don’t we get you set up to eat?”

  Craig held Isaac with one arm and wrested open the diaper bag with the other. He took out some diluted rice cereal he’d brought along, then managed to wedge it between the desk and his hip so he could twist the cap off. Craig set the jar on the desk.

  “Look at all this great cereal,” Craig said. He rooted through the diaper bag for a spoon. “Fantastic cereal all for you. So delicious.”

  According to Nadine, Isaac was just starting on stage one baby food. Craig still needed to look into the difference between stages. He had no idea how it worked.

  He dipped the small spoon into the jar, then adjusted Isaac so he could eat. Craig brought the food to his mouth, but Isaac wouldn’t take it. His face was screwed up. He screamed.

  It sounded like there was something wrong.

  Craig didn’t know Isaac well enough to tell his cries apart. He’d read on parenting forums that some mothers knew what a baby was trying to say through his or her cry alone. Craig wasn’t at that level. Isaac was a mystery he was desperately trying to solve.

  “You won’t eat?” Craig asked. “It’s good. You don’t know what you’re missing.”

  Isaac curled his fingers in Craig’s shirt. His face turned red.

  “Hey, hey, it’s okay. I promise I’m going to figure it out.” Craig set the spoon down and took Isaac to the bed. He checked Isaac’s diaper. It was clean. “All right, so you’re not wet…”

  What, then? If he wasn’t hungry or wet, then what was the problem? Craig scooped him back up and started to rock him again, but Isaac would not settle down.

  Maybe it was something as simple as being in a new place. Isaac had taken to Jack’s house immediately, but that didn’t mean much. They were in a hotel now. There were new sounds and smells. Isaac didn’t have the comfort of his new home, and Craig hadn’t put on any background noise to distract him with.

  Hoping it might do something, Craig turned on the television and set the volume low. Isaac didn’t stop crying.

  “What is it?” The longer Isaac cried, the more stressed out Craig felt. “I wish you could tell me. I don’t know. I’m doing my best here, I really am…”

  The minutes moved slowly. Sometimes Isaac would settle down, but the peace was always short lived. The anguish in his cry hinted that there was something wrong. For the life of him, Craig couldn’t figure out what it was.

  Isaac had to be sick. There wasn’t any other explanation. Hoping to make him feel better, Craig bathed him. He was in the process of toweling Isaac off and dressing him when the lock on the door read a key card. The door opened.

  “Isaac?” It was Jack’s voice.

  “He’s in here,” Craig said. “In the bathroom.”

  “God, he’s cranky.” Jack stepped into the room and walked right up to Craig and Isaac. Without asking for permission, Jack lifted Isaac from the counter and laid him upon his chest. He grabbed a towel from the towel rack and slung it over his shoulder, then rested Isaac’s head against it. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

  Craig leaned against the counter. He watched as Jack paced, patting Isaac’s back. He was burping him.

  Isaac screamed.

  “Yeah, I know,” Jack said sympathetically. “It sucks to be a baby. One day, though, you’re going to be belching with the best of us. You just gotta work at it, okay?”

  Seeing Jack and Isaac together warmed Craig’s heart. He crossed his arms loosely over his chest and followed them as they paced. Jack was so swept up in Isaac that it seemed he didn’t notice Craig.

  “C’mon, little man,” Jack coaxed. “Get it out. I know it hurts, but once you let go it’s going to feel a million times better.”

  Jack kept patting at Isaac’s back. Finally, Isaac burped.

  “Woohoo! Good job.” Jack kissed the top of his head and Craig almost melted into a puddle on the floor. Jack was a typical looking guy, but when he was with Isaac there was a glow that lit him from the inside and made him infinitely more handsome. Craig noticed it right away. “Got any more for me?”

  Now that the first burp was out, Jack seemed to relax. He met Craig’s eye and Craig found himself flustered. He was embarrassed for his behavior earlier. He hadn’t meant to chase Jack out, but he had no other way to deal with his feelings.

  “He’s gassy,” Jack said. “We’re going to get it all out and get this little man feeling better.”

  “I’m so glad you came back.” Craig pushed off the counter. “I didn’t know what to do. I completely forgot about burping him. My brain melted down and I couldn’t think straight.”

  “That’s why you need a gay guy to help look after your kid.” Jack winked. “We’re used to not thinking straight.”

  Craig grinned. The awkwardness between them was gone. He didn’t know where Jack had gone or what he’d done, but he hadn’t been gone for long. It made Craig feel better.

  Jack was there for him, not because he wanted to have a good time. He kept a calm head when Jack was at wit’s end. Together they made a good team.

  “Do you think he’s going to be okay?” Craig asked.

  “Yeah. Gas can be painful but we got it under control. I think he’s going to be just fine.” Jack kept patting. “My sister’s youngest kid, Graham, was a super gassy baby. I learned to recognize the shriek.”

  “I’m not there yet,” Craig admitted.

  “You will be soon enough,” Jack promised. He stuck out his tongue. “Then when Cecilia comes back and tells you that you have another kid to look after, you’ll be a pro.”

  “Oh, god no.” Craig shook his head. The thought distressed hi
m to no end. Synthia wasn’t perfect by any stretch of the word, but she was down to earth and understood that life didn’t always work in her favor. Cecilia was nothing like that. “She was on birth control the entire time we were together and I always used protection on top of that.”

  “What’s so different about Isaac’s mom, then?” Jack asked. Isaac burped again. He wasn’t crying anymore.

  “I didn’t want to break up with her,” Craig admitted. “She had… has a drinking problem. I left her because she refused to admit it. Things got heated between us when I told her it was over. She screamed at me and we fought over it. She got under my skin just like she always knew how to do, and it made me so frustrated I…”

  “Hatefucked her?” Jack asked.

  “Yeah.”

  In the heat of the moment, it had been one of the hottest things ever. Craig had never been harder in his life. They’d fallen into bed together, kissing each other only to shut each other up. It had been their last goodbye.

  But now, looking back, Craig didn’t feel anything. The moment was one he’d revisited for masturbation fodder, but now it was dull. If anything, it made him feel unwell.

  “So, that’s the difference,” Craig mumbled. “I didn’t want to break up with Synthia, but I had to anyway. Cecilia wasn’t the same. I was already having doubts about our wedding before she severed ties.”

  “So no hatefucking this time around. Got it.”

  It was embarrassing to admit. Craig already felt bad enough as it was that he’d gone off on Jack. Talking about his own sex life felt hypocritical.

  “I don’t really want to talk about it,” Craig admitted. “It’s in the past. I’ve moved on. I’m hoping for something a lot better in the future, you know? Something that isn’t forced or entered into out of convenience. The next time I fall into bed with someone, I want it to be because I fall in love with them.”

  “I understand.” Jack’s hand slowed as Isaac settled down. “I think I feel the same way. After I ended my last relationship, I told myself that I wasn’t going to settle for any rebounds or get my heart tied up in anything temporary.”