Jodi's Journey

by Rita Hestand

  Then, as she was about to pull away, he took her face into his big hands again and kissed her gently on the lips, a tender, aching kiss that began to heal. “Every man isn't a monster, Jodi,” he said breathlessly, then, suddenly, he collapsed.

  She sat there, crying and holding him, loosely at first, then closer. She stared at the tea. The aroma drifted up to her nose as she raised the cup to her lips. But as she was about to sip it, he moaned against her and pulled her closer. She set the tea down and held on. She needed his strength.

  She wouldn't be drinking it today. Maybe another day, but not today. Today a man showed her compassion and she wouldn't mar it with something so destructive. She brushed the hair from his face as he moaned again.

  The men rode up, saw them and came to stand in front of her.

  She smiled sadly. “He tried to get up…” she began before the tears rolled down her cheeks in one, long run. She gathered her tea and took it to the wagon, storing it in a jar.

  Josh and Concho picked him up and took him to his bed in the wagon. Jodi swiped her eyes again and got back to the business of feeding her crew. No one asked questions; no one said a word. The whole meal was quiet. It was as though they had all gained some new respect for Jodi and Hunt.

  That evening, they gathered about Panther Creek. Everyone was on guard. It grew increasingly quiet and Jodi knew something was amiss.

  “Something is wrong, Concho,” she whispered as she cleaned the dishes and he stood gazing about. “It's too still. The birds, they aren't singing. The frogs aren't croaking.”

  “Si, Señora, something is,” he said.

  Then, they heard the screeching, and they knew the cat was about. The cattle seemed to sense it first as they milled and wouldn't bed down.

  “They'll stampede unless we do something. We have to get moving,” Concho said quietly to her, seeing her somber face.

  “Tell the men. No noise, Concho, it won't take much to set them running.” Keep your slickers away from the horses. Don't make any more noise than is necessary.”

  “Si.” Concho nodded, going to each man in camp and telling them that they would have to herd them all night. Oddly enough, none of the boys balked. Everyone knew that a cat was about and that it would only take a slicker slapping against a horse to ignite their tension, or a stick breaking, or someone coughing. Anything, and the cattle would run.

  Slowly and quietly, they mounted and rode out. It was Joe who started singing the loudest, trying to drown out the cat's ugly screams. The cat could be heard for miles, though.

  They pushed the herd on, slowly. Each man knew it would be a long ride. Again, all night in the saddle.

  The next morning, Jodi prepared breakfast as Matt and Josh rode in. “We got them bedded down now. Sparky and Dutch are holding them. They seem much calmer, finally. Boy, I just knew they were going to run last night. You could feel their tension. And that cat…I thought he'd never shut up.”

  Jodi nodded. “You boys did a great job. I'm sure Hunt will be proud of the way you handled things.”

  “How is he?” Matt asked, helping himself to biscuits and gravy.

  “He's been trying to stay awake, but he nods right back off.” She smiled.

  “He's a strong man,” Josh added with regal certainty.

  Jodi nodded abstractly. “Have you seen the herd ahead?”

  Jose and Joe rode into camp. “Yep, they're only about a mile ahead now. They are movin' kinda slowly, but they are movin'.” Joe chuckled as though he knew something they didn't.

  “Let's hope they keep moving. We don't want to spend time culling theirs from ours,” Jodi said as she watched them wash up.

  “I'm almost certain they will.” Joe smiled at Jose arrogantly.

  “What do you mean?” Jodi asked, concerned that they might have done something.

  “They saw us movin' out last night and they been movin' their herd right in front of us. We had a little talk with them,” Joe said with oozing piety.

  “I hope it was just talk?” Jodi eyed him closely, her glance meeting his with question.

  “It was, but we think they got our message loud and clear,” Jose added. “It also seems a certain member of their camp has been fired and is headed for Mexico, post haste.”

  Jodi gleamed their meaning and relaxed. “Good.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  “What do you think you are doing?” Jodi yelled as she saw Hunt about to mount up and join the herd the next morning. He looked strong, healthy and able, and remarkably handsome.

  “My job, ma'am,” he said and tipped his hat to her.

  “But…you aren't healed enough,” Jodi protested vehemently.

  “I'm fine,” he said reassuringly, then in a sterner voice, “One question, did you drink that tea?”

  Jodi turned away from him. “No…”

  “Good, we'll talk later, and I'd love some beans and cornbread for lunch.” He gave her a crooked smile.

  Jodi nodded, staring after him as he rode out of camp. There was a lot to admire about Hunt Johnson. A tall, broad-shouldered, well built man in the saddle who handled things his own way. Even though he was strangely appealing to her more and more, she had to put space between them to keep her head.

  Now that he knew, what was she going to do? He couldn't change her plans. She had to carry them out. There was no other way. Perhaps she should tend to it, now, before he could change her mind again.

  She went to the wagon and pulled out the tea. She smelled it. Now that Hunt was better, she didn't have to worry about him. And if anything did happen to her, he'd take the herd through. She knew that beyond a doubt.

  There was only one way she might end this all. She'd wait till they reached Abilene and see another doctor. Do it right! At least then she might get the right proportions. Yes, that was a good idea. They were only days from their destination, and that would be soon enough.

  With the plan firmly planted in her mind, she began packing up the wagon. She'd only had a weak moment with Hunt. She was better now; she could finish this.

  Boring flatlands stared at her through the haze of a cool breeze. The only break in scenery was around the springs and rivers, and the lonely, far reaching mountains in the distance. Here spring wasn't budding out. Here it was still dead, and only the mountains to the north made the land interesting. But this grassland was perfect for cows and the cattle seemed to settle into it well.

  Nearly out of Indian Territory, the only problem seemed to be the weather. It was cold and the streams and rivers were icy cold. The storms were unthinkably cruel to the land, people, and cattle. The wind whistled a lonely tune against the tumbleweeds that scattered with no place to go.

  Jodi joined her place in the lead and headed north for a camp spot. Long before the midday meal, Matt joined her. Jodi was a little surprised to see him.

  “Boss sent me up to help and keep an eye out,” Matt said.

  “An eye out for what?” Jodi challenged. “I don't see a need.”

  “Indians mostly, and farmers. He said in this land the farmers were sort of bitter at the way the cattle came pushing their way on to their land. I guess he's just being cautious. And he said to keep our eye out for the other herd and any buffalo signs.”

  “I've seen signs of the buffalo coming through here, but I haven't actually seen one in days.”

  “Yeah, more than likely we could feel them before we seen them,” Matt chuckled.

  “They do make a little noise,” she acknowledged with a chuckle of her own.

  Matt laughed aloud. “And then some. Orneriest critters I've ever seen. Cain't hardly kill one less you have a good gun and know where to shoot it. They ain't like cows at all, and I don't know why I thought they would be easy to down, but I figured they would be.”

  “Maybe you'll get one next time,” Jodi laughed.

  They were rolling along the prairie and suddenly rolled over a rock in the pathway. Jodi jolted. She felt something—something strange—inside her.
The baby! Dear God, it was the baby! She nearly shrieked aloud. Shocked beyond words, she sat speechless for a full minute. What had the doc said about the quickening? That it was a sign it was a human being and against the law to kill it? Dear God, had she waited too long?

  The doctor in Ft. Worth had asked if she had had movement yet, and she hadn't until now. What did it mean? Was it unsafe to try to abort the child now? One bump and her entire life was changing? And yet, it was like a message to her that what she had inside her was real, and alive. No longer was it silent.

  She had to control herself; she had to act normal. Matt was here with her. He'd know something was wrong and probably call Hunt up to them. But for the life of her, she felt an emotion she had never felt before. Until this moment, she hadn't thought of herself as a mother. It was as though the thought hadn’t hit her. Now, suddenly, there it was! And that realization made all her emotions spring forth at once. Like a flood pounding her brain with added problems. Pride and fear mixed with something new.

  “You all right?” Matt asked, obviously seeing the play of emotions crossing her face at the moment.

  “I'm fine. I'm going to check on the food,” she said and hurried to the back of the wagon to give herself a moment to collect.

  As she climbed to the back, she pretended to take care of things while her mind raced with worries. Why couldn't it have waited till after Abilene? Why now? What was she going to do now?

  Tears were at the edge of spewing, but she knew she couldn't afford the luxury of crying. There were too many people about. She had to carry on. Perhaps when she got to Abilene the doctor could help her there. Yes, she had to hope and pray that the doctor would somehow see her predicament and help her.

  As they came to the Ne-ne-squaw River, Hunt rode up to the wagon. “Let's camp here tonight, cross over tomorrow, and get ready for the Arkansas River. Once we've crossed that one, we'll be close to Abilene.”

  “It looks like rain, though…” Jodi remarked as her eyes quickly scanned the horizon.

  “Yeah, but the cattle can graze and fatten up a bit as we get closer. You and I will have to ride ahead and see if we can find a buyer,” Hunt instructed. “So let's make camp.”

  Jodi was uneasy about everything. She saw things in a totally different light now. She was so shocked and so nervous, she wasn't sure she could manage. Matt helped her all the way and seemed to sense something was amiss, but he said nothing.

  Although it rained and it was very cold, the cattle seemed lulled, especially since Hunt had taken to singing again.

  He worked the late detail and let the others come to camp early. Jodi was glad; maybe she could go to sleep before he came in. She wasn't used to the feelings he created in her and she knew she wasn't thinking straight about him. She couldn't trust her heart to Hunt. She had to take care of this, and soon.

  She heard the rain dripping from the wagon as she dipped up the last of supper. Hunt was the last to come in. He looked tired and wore dust like a second skin. Jodi wanted to comfort him, but knew she needed to keep her distance.

  He took his shirt off and cleaned himself in the wash water, then grabbed his shirt off the tree limb and strode toward the chuck wagon.

  His chest gleamed with hardly a hair on it. She found it hard not to look at him.

  She dished the last crew up some dinner and started to go into the wagon. “Can I talk to you?” Hunt asked, his voice low and mesmerizing.

  “Sure,” she said, wishing she had a good excuse not to be close to him, yet wanting to be close to him, too.

  They sat on the ground, against the wagon with a slicker beneath them. “What's up?” she asked, trying to act natural.

  “We've almost reached the end of the trail, Jodi,” Hunt concluded with a tired sigh.

  “I know, and we're doing great too. We've made good time and managed to keep more than what we started with.” Jodi smiled with open satisfaction.

  “Yeah, we've done pretty well.” He watched her closely as he spoke. “But there are some things we need to talk about.” He glanced at her. “Between you and me…”

  “What do you mean?” Jodi asked innocently, although her breath hitched.

  “Oh, a lot of things. For one, we're married, for another, you are with child, for another, you want to get rid of the child.” He said it so matter-of-factly that it startled her.

  “If you are worried about us being married…you don't have to be.” She drew a breath and went on. “We can go right back to where we both came from and live…”

  “No, we can't, and you know it. Nothing will ever be the same again, Jodi, for you or for me. This drive has woke me up, made me see things for what they are. It's breathed new life into me, Jodi, and you were a big part of that,” he said quite finally. His expression was taut. “Look, I don't know how to talk to you about this except to be blunt. I understand what Hershel did to you…it was wrong, dead wrong, and he'll pay, but Jodi.” He looked at her and his eyes seemed to nail her to the ground. “You can't get rid of the baby.”

  “Now look, Hunt, I appreciate the fact that you care what I do, but this is my concern, not yours. It's my decision,” she injected, trying to keep the hysteria at bay.

  “Jodi, I know what you want to do,” he began. His gaze softened as his voice filled with understanding. “And I understand why you want to do it, but you've got to hear me out on this.” He turned toward her.

  “We've been over this. I don't see…”

  His eyebrows lifted wearily, his frown marring his compassion for her. “I wasn't sure, but I had a notion. And now that I know…well…it makes a difference, for you and for me.”

  “Be quiet, someone might hear,” Jodi insisted, glancing about and realizing that everyone had bunked down for the night.

  “Well, I don't think anyone would make much of this conversation but you and me. Look, Jodi. I haven't always done things right, myself. I've made my share of mistakes, you know that. But…how can I put this? How can I explain? If you don't want the kid, I'll take it,” he blurted out.

  When she gasped and stared at him in total shock, he continued. “I'll raise it as my own. I can't offer the moon, but with this job, it's a start in the right direction. I can get a place, some cattle, and keep going that way. The way I see it, if you wanted to…we could even stay married, if you want. We can be…a family.”

  Jodi's mouth fell open, and this time she was completely baffled. Two months ago, she would have laughed in his face at such an offer. But that was two months ago. Tonight, she was dumbstruck for words. What he offered was incredible. But, why? He hadn't said the one thing that might have turned her away from her thoughts. He wouldn't be saying it, either.

  “You'd raise another man's child?” she asked with unhidden shock.

  “Why not? I was an orphan when the Johnsons took me in. I was barely a year old when my folks both were killed in an Indian raid. Just a babe. This family of twelve took me in, said one more mouth to feed wouldn't hurt. I grew up healthy and strong with lots of love and family. I loved them like they were my real folks. They raised me, sent me to school for awhile, taught me about the Bible and the good things in life. I could do the same for you and the baby. I'd like you to think on it.”

  “You think it's wrong for me to want to get rid of this baby?” she asked in a bare whisper as she grabbed her belly.

  “Don't get me wrong, I understand why. I just don't think its right,” Hunt said with all sincerity.

  “Why?” she cried.

  “Because it would be murder, the worst kind of murder, an innocent. The child didn't do anything wrong, Hershel did. I could understand you killing Hershel easier than you killing the baby. Heck fire, I'd help you kill Hershel, but not the baby.”

  She eyed him with cold calculation, softened only by an unexplained emotion choking her. “But I want no part of Hershel Walker, in any way. I don't want anything that reminds me of what he did to me around me. You'd have to be a woman to understand that, I gue
ss.”

  He grew more serious, more withdrawn. “I guess if you couldn't stomach the baby, I could take it and raise it alone, if that's what you wanted. And I'd do it.” His soft voice urged her into complacency. “Look, you feel the way you do right now, but time can change that. I know how you feel about Hershel. And believe me, I'm glad of that. But, the baby doesn't have to be a part of him. The baby is yours. You see, you thought you were violated, and you were, but God gave you something out of this. A baby. Now it's up to you what you make of it.”

  Tears streamed down her cheeks now as she looked up into his face. “I can't promise you. I won't promise you…”

  “Then think on it, and while you're at it, think on this.” He pulled her to him and kissed her so tenderly she swooned in his arms. It both shocked and thrilled her, the way he manipulated her. It was so intimate, so real. She clung to him and whimpered when he pulled away.

  “Not everyone is a Hershel Walker, Jodi,” he rasped, and then he was gone.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  When they reached the Arkansas, it was way up and the banks were overflowing. Not that it surprised anyone, especially Hunt. It had been a very wet spring. The water had nowhere to go but up.

  The herd ahead had been bedded and they stopped and camped near a fork of the river.

  “I've got to go ahead and check on that herd,” Hunter announced as they made camp the next evening.

  “You can't,” Jodi cried as apprehension swept over her. She couldn't seem to get a grip on her own emotions where Hunt was concerned. Her mind kept reliving his warm and tender kisses, and the sensations he evoked from her. And his unselfish and caring offer to take the child and raise it as his own had shocked her.

  Hunt firmed his mouth and looked down into her face. “I have to. We can't move on till they get out of our way. I thought they knew what they were doing, but I was wrong. There is just something wrong with that outfit, and I don't know what. But we can't stay here forever.”

  “But they nearly killed you the last time,” Jodi pleaded as emotion choked her.