Jodi's Journey

by Rita Hestand

  Jodi blushed again, and this time she really was speechless.

  “Jodi, the war was a horrible thing.”

  “Clem told me I should put the war behind me, that it belongs in the past.”

  “Well, he's right. But I've got some things you need to know, and I've got to talk about the war. After all, your first opinion of me was that I was a no-account coward.”

  “I didn't know you then…” she began.

  “I know…just listen, please.”

  “Okay, I'm listening.”

  “It pitted brother against brother, family against family. Just like that jayhawker was telling you. Some men, well…some men became worse: monsters, mean, hard. Some men became cowards. I was one of them.”

  Jodi heard his words and took a deep breath. “I've gotten to know you pretty well on the trail, and you didn't run from anything. You handled that herd as though you were born to do so. So what happened in the war…doesn't matter anymore. Clem…he told me I needed to put the war away. He said it was over and best forgotten. I think he was right, don't you?”

  Hunt glanced down at her after she finished speaking. She wasn't as prepared for the desire she saw in his eyes. This time, she looked away.

  But she knew he continued to look at her, all of her. He sat very still, his eyes seeming to memorize every part of her as though he could really see through the bubbles.

  Finally, he trained his eyes back on the door and she was able to relax again.

  “I was a Confederate officer,” he began, taking a deep breath.

  “I'd heard that much,” she added.

  “But you didn't know I was a Union spy, did you?” he asked, his voice lowering a notch.

  Her breath hitched. “A spy…?” Her eyes rounded on him with surprise.

  “Yeah, a spy. And to understand this you have to know about Jacob. You see, when I was growing up, Jacob was my best friend. We played, fished, hunted, did everything together. But Jacob was a Negro, something that didn't bother me one way or another. Still doesn't.”

  “I understand that. I've seen that in you, the way you accept people for what they are, not how they look.”

  “To make a long story short, they hung Jacob when he was only eleven years old,” Hunt said in finality, as though that said everything.

  Jodi gasped and looked at him. “Why? Why did they hang him? And who hung him?”

  “His crime was stealing a pie. But it was more than that. He was black and they wanted to make an example of him to the community. So they hung him. They wanted his dad, who was a real thief. They figured if they hung his boy, he'd show up. They were right. His dad got wind of what was going on, but he was too late to help Jacob. As Jacob hung from the rope, his dad lay at his feet, crying and begging for the boy's life. As to who hung him, it was the upstanding citizens of the town, the mayor included.”

  Jodi felt emotions clouding her. “Go on…” She listened intently.

  “They didn't do anything to his father except beat him half to death. But they stopped just short of killing him. I was hiding in the bushes, crying. They just left Jacob there, swinging from that danged rope.”

  “And how did this affect you?” Jodi whispered. “I mean, what changed…?”

  “It affected me badly, I'm afraid. Jacob meant a lot to me. So when I got older I enlisted in the Union army, never once forgetting about Jacob. I wanted to free them all; I wanted to help those people. No matter what it took. I wanted to see justice done. However, since I was southern born and bred, the Union army decided I'd be more valuable to them if I spied as a Confederate officer. So they had me enlist in the Confederate army. I had more education than most of them, so they gave me an officer's title. Jodi…” He looked at her with such raw emotion. “You aren't going to like what I'm about to tell you, but I'm responsible for a lot of southern boys dying.”

  Jodi hesitated, confused by all these facts, and yet, knowing him as she did, she faltered with trying to understand. “I'm listening.”

  “I knew your brother, Jodi. Oh, not personally, but I recognized him, and I saw him fall as I joined my troops. By then, even I was confused as to how I felt about the war and the people in it. You'll be glad to know, your brother fought to the end. He was a good soldier.”

  Jodi's tears began to fall now. She was unable to stop them. “Go on. Tell me all of it.”

  “It was at Shiloh where he fell, along with many others from Esser Crossing. I recognized most of them. That's when things began to change. Things like when you see people die who you know and there's nothing you can do to change it. I realized that the war wasn't about just the Negroes, but about us not understanding each other. The north and the south, they were so different. Still are. That's why some people still fight about it.”

  “I'm not sure I follow you,” she said.

  “Well, the north will say something to the south and the south doesn't understand it and gets angry. It's almost like two countries going at it, not able to make out what the other is all about.”

  “Was my father among them?” she choked.

  “No…he wasn't there.” Hunt cleared his throat again. One hand went to her shoulder, but only to steady her, not seduce her.

  “I'm glad you told me about my brother,” she cried, turning her head. “I've so wanted to know about him.”

  “I'm sorry, Jodi.”

  Jodi rested her head against the bathtub. She moved her lips to graze the top of his hand, then she turned away again.

  “My father talked my brother into joining. I didn't want him to go. Begged him to stay out of it. But he always wanted to make Pa proud. I don't know what happened to Pa. I may never know.”

  Hunt nodded. He wouldn't hurt her with the truth of this. He couldn't. It would be too cruel. It was one secret he would keep no matter what. To protect her. “Maybe it's best…”

  “Maybe…”

  “Anyway, I began to doubt whether I had chosen the right side. I had become close to the men in my troop. Too close. An officer can't do that or he'll go mad. So many of them fell. But God saved me…in a way. It wasn't a way I would have chosen, but he did get me out of that war.”

  Jodi scrunched up her nose. “What do you mean God saved you?”

  “You believe in God. I heard you talking to him once, myself,” Hunt said, gazing into her eyes for a moment.

  “Yeah…I believe in him. And his son. And that he died to save us from our sins.”

  “Me too. Anyway, the next battle, we met with cannon fire. My men had taken a beating; they couldn't go on. We were low on ammunition, had too many injured. But I had to lead them…and I did—right into a trap. A trap I knew was waiting for them. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done.

  “A cannon went off close by, very close, and suddenly I couldn't hear. Nothing. I saw their mouths move, saw them die, but I couldn't help them. I saw them being cut down, one by one, but I couldn't stop it. I couldn't give them instructions to save themselves, even though by now, I wanted to—desperately wanted to. I looked around, tried to get my bearings, tried to figure out how to go on. Every man in that troop died, Jodi. Every man. Men I knew and liked. Just like Jacob. There was nothing to go back to. Nothing to stay for. I knew I couldn't take it anymore so I reported to my superior officers on the Confederate side. They issued an immediate discharge, a medical discharge. They simply told me to go home. From their expressions, they knew the cowardice inside me.”

  “And the Union…what happened? Did they let you go too?” Her emotions were caught up in his story now; she had somehow put down her brother’s death and gone on.

  “No…I left and I never went back to them. So you see, what you thought of me was correct. I was a coward. I deserted the Union army.”

  “Well, under the circumstances, I wouldn't say you deserted. I mean, seems to me like you could only be discharged by one.”

  “I should have gone back. I should have faced my responsibility.”

  “No, I don
't believe that. Not in your condition. Oh why didn't you tell anyone about this…all the suffering you did?”

  “Because I couldn’t hear, I got my men killed, Jodi. Don't you see?” he gasped.

  Jodi sat up in the tub, forgetting her protection, but then grabbing it. “You are deaf?”

  “Partially, yes.” Hunt nodded. Now he was looking at her. His eyes glazed with the desire she, too, felt.

  “Why didn't you tell anyone?” she exclaimed. “I mean, when you came home? People drew their own conclusions. All of them wrong. Including me…”

  “Because I felt when I came back that I had deserted my men, let them down, got them killed, and my allegiance to the North seemed ludicrous. I no longer understood where I belonged. I killed my own men in that last battle as surely as if I had pulled the trigger,” he said gruffly. “And I been living with their ghosts ever since.”

  There was a long silence, then her wet hand extended to touch his. “I'm glad you told me. I can understand you better now.”

  Hunt looked at her, his eyes full of regrets, his mouth hung in defeat.

  “So now you know. I am the coward you always thought I was. I wanted you to know, so that there are no lies between us. I still want to make a family, to raise the baby…but if this cuts too deep, then let me know now.”

  “You still want to raise this child as your own?” she barely uttered.

  “Yes. You see, I don't care that it's Hershel's baby. It's just a baby to me. A sweet, innocent little baby. And Hershel will never have the pleasure of knowing it was his,” he said, staring at her.

  “I like that idea…a lot,” she murmured, her eyes seeking his.

  “But can you live with me…knowing what you do now?”

  “Is that all you want from me? Just to live with you?” she asked breathlessly, awaiting his answer.

  “I don't deserve much else, but it would make me h…” He choked on his words. “My god, Jodi!”

  She had stepped out of the tub, wrapping a towel around her as she came up to him and threw his hat on the floor. She pulled his shirt up from his pants; he helped her get it off. She tugged at his belt buckle and smiled impishly. “I think,” she said in her most provocative tone, “it's time Hunter Johnson took what's his…”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  It was noon the next day before Hunt and Jodi rode out to the campsite. They were laughing and joking as the men ran eagerly out to meet them.

  “Must be good news,” Concho conceded. “They are laughing.”

  “Well, men, we sold the cattle and I've got the best news yet. You're going to get paid double for bringing both herds in, and bonuses too. We got twenty-four a head, which is top dollar for the herd.” Hunt said.

  Hats went up in the air and dancing began, and all kinds of merriment started to take place.

  “We'll bed down one more night and take them into town in the morning, all seven thousand of them. Them that want to ride back to Texas with us can. Anyone wants to take the rails, they can. It's all paid for.” Hunt smiled as he looked to Jodi with confidence.

  He couldn't believe she'd totally accepted him for what he was. He couldn't believe he had a chance now to make things right in his life. He'd never had a woman who could heat him up just by looking at her. Jodi was so special, and he had known that from the beginning when she’d walked into that shed so bare-faced scared and offered him a job.

  He hadn't actually told her he loved her in so many words yet, but that could wait.

  Most of the boys wanted to ride to Texas with them, so after the official head count and getting paid was over with, they had a big dinner party. They planned on leaving the next day for home. Hunt wasn't one for staying in town long. Usually it just caused trouble.

  When the men got paid, they were all shocked at how much they had made and they were ready to sign up the following year to take another herd. Hunt told them he would hire every one of them back, too.

  Every man rode into Abilene with their guns pulled, shooting wildly into the air to celebrate. The town seemed to welcome them, expect them.

  The men wasted no time in lining up for the barber shop. They all wanted shaves and haircuts. Hunt went with them because he wanted a bath today. He knew women didn't cotton to men being trail bums all the time. There was a tub for bathing in the back of the barber shop, and the cost was seventy-five cents. Most of the men indulged in that, too, because they had plenty of plans for the gambling and hen houses.

  They all had steak and potatoes that night, then some of them engaged in gambling. Hunt warned them that if they weren't good at the game, they should stay away, but they all laughed.

  “Not to worry, boss, we're takin' Matt along. He can play for us.” Josh laughed.

  Hunt laughed. “Just be careful. They don't have much law in town and I don't want to see all of you in the jail. That is if they have a jail. Mrs. Gore is known for her hospitality in taking care of the wounded and such. I don't want to see that happen either.”

  “No, sir, me either. Mrs. Gore is about the nicest lady I ever met, 'ceptin for Mrs. Johnson. Unfortunately, she's spoken for,” Cole cajoled.

  Dutch and Brady were about to join them, but Hunt hollered at them. “Boys, I just want to tell you, I know you two ate more dust than anyone else and were responsible for the sizable bonus, so I’m letting you know now, that next time, you won't be riding drag.”

  “Thanks,” they both chorused.

  Jose and Concho visited the bar at the hotel and had a couple of drinks, then played billiards for a while.

  Jodi and Hunt sat out on the veranda, close like, listening to all the celebrating going on, and talking about their plans.

  “I know you got a place, Jodi, but a man likes to do those honors for his lady. Would you be of a mind to sell it and move on with me?” he asked as he leaned back in the chair and waited for her answer.

  “Got any particular place in mind?” she asked before answering him.

  “Not yet, no. Why?”

  Jodi looked at the floor and then at him. “Well, it's Clem. He's got a broke back and he's been like a father to me. Right now some Mexican women are taking care of him, but I want to look after him if I can.”

  “That's no problem. We'll take him with us, or we'll stay there if we have to. I can understand taking care of your own, Jodi,” Hunt said, lighting a cigarette and twirling it between his fingers. “I've heard tell Clem is one fine cowman. It makes me feel proud that you care enough for your people.”

  “He’s one of the best,” Jodi said. She eyed him closely, then smiled reflectively. “He's the one who insisted I needed to hire you for this job…and he was right.”

  “Well, the old son of a gun. Maybe he knew something we didn't.” Hunt smiled and took her hand in his. “How long till the baby is due?”

  “The doctor in Ft. Worth said that feeling comes around 4-5 months, so I got about four more months, I guess.”

  “So you went to a doctor in Ft. Worth?” he asked with no animosity in his voice.

  “Yeah…but it didn't do any good. The doc wouldn't do anything. I was so upset.” She fumbled with his hand. “I'm ashamed I ever wanted to get rid of the baby, but I honestly didn't know what to do. It wasn't really aimed at the baby, more at Hershel. And of course I was scared he might find out, too.”

  He squeezed her hand and kissed it. “I'm sure glad. Having a baby around is going to be real nice.” He smiled at her.

  “I hope you don't think you can just put me out to pasture just because I'm going to be a mother,” she protested with a tease in her sparkling eyes.

  He frowned at her for a moment. “Well what am I going to have to do? Make a papoose for the baby?”

  “Maybe,” she chuckled.

  “We'll figure something out,” he assured her.

  ≈≈≈

  Along about sundown there was a ruckus up the street. Cole and Josh had come face to face with the greenhorn drovers.

  “I hear t
ell you men got all the money for takin' those cattle through.” Charlie was half drunk and had his gun in his hand.

  “That's right,” Cole answered. “You got a problem with that?”

  “Sure I got a problem with that. We brought those cattle up from San Antonio. We got them to the Arkansas. The way I see it, we done most of the work, and you got our money,” Charlie hollered.

  “Is that how you see it?” Cole asked, his lips thinning into one long line as he put his hand on his gun.

  “Yeah, that's how I see it,” Charlie said. “And I'm calling you out on it.”

  “I wouldn't do that, if I were you, kid. You were lucky already that I didn't kill you for nearly drowning my boss,” Cole muttered, trying to see his way out of a showdown. It wouldn't be fair and he knew it. The kid was drunk.

  Josh stepped between them. “Let it go, Cole, he's drunk.”

  Cole lowered his hand. “Go sleep it off somewhere, Charlie. You'll live another day.”

  “I'm calling you out, Cole. I want my money,” Charlie sniffled.

  Josh went straight up to Charlie, took his gun away from him and threw it away. Then he looked him in the eye and said, “Be thankful you ain't dead…” He threw a right punch and Charlie staggered and fell to the ground. They left him there.

  The next day, Matt, Cole, Willy, Josh, Concho, Jose, Dutch, and Sparky gathered around Hunt and Jodi, ready to pull out. All the other drovers were either staying longer or riding the rails to Louisiana and catching a stage to Texas. Some of them had families scattered and wanted to stop off and visit. So after a lot of goodbyes and well wishes and promises to meet up in the spring, the men parted.

  Matt wasn't feeling too well. He'd been up most the night and had eaten way too much.

  ≈≈≈