‘’Night, then,’ Ruby breathed, and she turned to go then heard the delicious clunk of four locking car doors. She turned to him, to the reward of his mouth and a proper goodnight kiss.
And as it ended, he did the strangest, nicest thing. He pulled down her top just a little, and kissed the top of her chest, just above her breast but not on it, he really kissed that little area, so hard and so deep that as she pressed into the seat, as her hands buried themselves in his hair, she thought she might come, and then he lifted his head to hers.
‘I missed that bit last time,’ Cort said, and it would be so easy to accept the invitation in her eyes, to follow every instinct and step inside, except their one night together would turn into two and that was more than Cort was ready for.
‘Now, you really had better go.’
‘I had,’ Ruby said, because getting involved with the senior registrar of the department she was struggling so much in wasn’t the most sensible mix.
Sensible.
‘It wasn’t supposed to be like this,’ Ruby mused. ‘I mean, it wasn’t supposed to be this good.’
Cort gave a very wry smile. ‘You make a terrible one-night stand,’ he said, and it was very much a compliment, because she was more in his head than she was supposed to be.
‘So do you,’ Ruby said.
And that was that.
It had to be.
CHAPTER EIGHT
‘WHAT time do you call this?’
They were all sitting at the kitchen table, three witches around a cauldron, three mothers to answer to, but Ruby loved them all.
‘I just went out for dinner.’
‘With?’ Jess demanded.
‘Cort,’ Ruby said, ‘but it was just dinner.’
‘This morning it was supposed to be just one night.’ Ellie beamed. ‘And now dinner. It sounds like…’ Ellie always did this, an eternal Pollyanna. Cort could have simply been giving her a lift home and she’d have them walking down the aisle in a matter of weeks, but Ruby halted her there.
‘He’s a nice man,’ Ruby said. ‘But it’s not going to turn into anything.’
‘Why not?’ Ellie asked.
‘Because it can’t,’ Ruby said.
‘You look happier,’ Tilly said, and Ruby smiled and nodded just as she always did. She really didn’t need to trouble them with it, because she’d made her mind up that she was going back to do her shift tomorrow, but Ruby took a deep breath because as much as Cort was on her mind, he wasn’t the only thing, and maybe her friends did have a right to know. After all, she’d expect it from them.
‘There was a problem at work today. That’s why he took me out. I didn’t just come home because I was upset. I ran off in the middle of my shift.’
‘Because of Cort?’ Ellie asked.
‘No! I ran off because I hate it there. I mean, I really hate it there and they’re talking about making me repeat it…’ She was close to tears as she said it, more than close to tears because she had to keep sniffing them back. Stupidly she kept saying sorry and trying to smile and apologise for how she felt, but there were arms around her, and the shocked voice of Tilly.
‘Ruby, why on earth haven’t you said?’
‘I just…’ Because she was the positive one, the one who told them all over and over that they could lift their mood and change their energy. Yet it wasn’t that, it was more that she didn’t want to trouble them with this, didn’t want to burden them with her problems.
‘I couldn’t face another day like today, and who’s to say it won’t happen again? Or worse,’ Ruby said, though she couldn’t really think of anything that could be worse. ‘Sheila’s going to fail me if I don’t pick up. Then I’ll have to repeat the placement and I can’t.’ Ruby shook her head. ‘I cannot repeat it.’
‘Then you can’t fail.’ Jess was firm. ‘How long have you got left there?’ She went over to the calendar and checked Ruby’s shifts. ‘You’ve only got tomorrow left on days, the rest of your shifts are agency on the psych ward…’
‘Then I’ve got nights.’ Ruby crumpled. ‘It’s bad enough during the day.’
‘I’m on nights that week,’ Tilly said. ‘I’ll make sure we have our breaks together.’
‘I’m on an early tomorrow,’ Ellie offered. ‘And if I can get away, we can meet in the canteen on your break. If I can’t then Jess will. We’ll get you through this, Ruby.’
‘I know.’ Ruby smiled, because that was what they wanted, to cheer her up, to reassure her it would all be okay, but as they said goodnight it was a relief to get to her bedroom and drop the facade because, yes, they’d be there in the mornings and evenings and even there on her breaks, but nobody could do the hard bit for her. No one could take away her very real fear of that place. Cort had.
She undressed and ran her fingers over the mark his mouth had made, and tonight, with him, for a while she had honestly forgotten.
So too had he.
She didn’t know what, but as she climbed into bed and looked at her frazzled worry dolls, they reminded her of him, taking all her cares and carrying them for a while, and somehow she did the same for him. He was a different Cort when it was just them together, a lighter, funnier, terribly sexy man that sometimes he allowed her to glimpse.
And despite fighting words, despite telling her friends that it couldn’t go further, there was this little question mark burning inside her, a tiny flame of hope that she dared not fan in case she blew it out completely.
Hopefully, in a couple of weeks she’d be finished with Emergency for good—and then it wouldn’t be a problem.
Unless she failed.
Unless she had to go back.
It was a very good reason for closing her eyes and willing sleep to come.
She had work to do tomorrow.
And she had to do it well.
CHAPTER NINE
WALKING out had been tough, but walking back was so much harder.
Tilly walked with her to work and even if Ruby felt she couldn’t tell her the full extent of how difficult it was, she was grateful for her friend’s support.
‘Just get through today!’ Tilly said, and Ruby nodded, putting on her brightest smile and walking in through the department.
‘Morning,’ Ruby offered to Hannah in the locker room.
‘Morning,’ Hannah answered, though her voice was flat. ‘Hopefully today will be better.’
Ruby suddenly got a little of what Cort had been saying—that Hannah, even though she was one of the most senior nurses, even though she was so much older and wiser, would have had a rough night processing yesterday’s events too.
Ruby had timed it so that she wouldn’t have to face the staffroom, so she headed straight to handover, where the early shift were starting to gather.
There was Cort, talking to an intern, but thankfully he didn’t look over as she joined the group and neither did he later when Sheila did the allocations.
‘Connor, take Ruby through with you to the obs ward.’
She wasn’t sure if she was relieved as she headed round there—the obs ward was the easiest place to be. There were a few patients to be assessed and either discharged or admitted to the main wards, and there was the hand clinic to be held there later. But there was also plenty of time for gossip and chatter and Connor seized on it the second the night nurse had handed over and left.
‘What happened?’ Connor was the biggest gossip in the world and loathed missing out on anything. ‘I heard that you walked out in the middle of your shift.’
‘Yes,’ Ruby said because she had.
‘Was Siobhan giving you a hard time?’ Connor rolled his eyes. ‘She can be a right bitch.’ But Ruby refused to say any more about it, she just wanted it forgotten, and she did her best to just chat and be her usual happy self with the patients. She even managed not to blush, well, maybe just a little bit, when Cort came in to discharge the patients or have them moved to a ward.
He sat writing at the desk as Ruby stripped s
ome beds and, really, they had no need to worry about gossip. For all the attention he paid her, no one could have known that just a couple of nights ago…
‘Ruby.’ Sheila’s voice came over the intercom and Ruby went over, expecting another admission. ‘Can you come to my office?’
‘She said she wouldn’t say anything about it.’ She forgot for a moment where they were.
‘What’s the problem?’ Sensing gossip, Connor bounded over.
‘Sheila wants to see me. I think it’s about my dummy spit yesterday.’
‘Then you’d better get there.’ Connor grinned. ‘I’ll have a nice coffee waiting for you afterwards.’
Ruby wanted it forgotten, wanted to get back to happy, not sit in an office and go over things.
‘I thought we’d agreed that you wouldn’t say anything.’ Ruby was shaky as she sat down.
‘I meant officially,’ Sheila said.
‘Oh.’
‘I meant if you were back at work this morning then I wasn’t going to have to go through all the official channels.’ She peered at her student. ‘Ruby, you gave no indication you were unhappy, or that the place was distressing you so much. I just thought you were avoiding work.’
‘No,’ Ruby said, because she’d take a mop now and clean the whole length of the hospital and every toilet in between rather than go through yesterday again.
‘You had every opportunity to tell me at your assessment how you were feeling. You coped marvellously with the resuscitation yesterday…’
‘I was devastated.’
‘We all were,’ Sheila said. ‘But we all got on with the job—as did you.’ Sheila paused for a moment. ‘But then suddenly you’re running off.’
‘I honestly couldn’t have gone in there.’
‘And I honestly couldn’t have known how distressed you were.’ Sheila gave an exasperated shrug. ‘There has to be communication. How can we help you if we don’t even know you’re having problems?’
‘Well, you know now,’ Ruby said.
‘Which is why I’ve given you a gentle day today. You can stay in Obs and run the clinics and I’ll bring you out to observe anything interesting…is that what you want?’
‘No,’ Ruby said. ‘Yes.’
‘You’re supposed to be on nights next week.’
‘Is it possible to stay on days?’
‘No, Ruby.’ Sheila shook her head. She glanced at the roster. ‘I don’t just give out passes—you chose a busy teaching hospital for your placements, and that means there are certain things that are expected from you. A pass from Eastern Beaches means a lot.’ She did, though, relent a touch. ‘What if I change your shifts so you’re with Connor, Siobhan and I? We’re doing nights next week, but we’re on over the weekend. It’s even crazier then.’
‘I don’t know,’ Ruby said, because night duty with Siobhan wasn’t particularly enticing, but Connor was nice and now that Sheila knew… She hesitated too long with her answer.
‘Ruby…’ Sheila was not going to spoonfeed her. ‘We’re not going to ask you to deal with things single-handed, we’ll be there with you, but you have to fulfil your placement. I’ll put you down for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. I’m on Saturday night as well but I think you might want to miss that one—there’s a festival on in the city and the place will be steaming. Do you want me to change you?’
Ruby nodded. ‘Thanks, Sheila. I’m sorry to have caused so much trouble, and I really am sorry for walking out yesterday.’
‘We’ve all done it,’ Sheila said, and when Ruby shot her a look of disbelief, Sheila smiled. ‘Okay, I don’t head for home, but I’ve handed over the keys more than a few times and headed to my office or just out to the car park. And,’ Sheila added, ‘there is some tentative good news on little Victoria, Violet’s sister—it’s looking more promising than it did yesterday. They’re talking about extubating her later on this afternoon.’
It was good news, far, far better than Ruby had hoped, except it didn’t take away the pain—it just didn’t.
‘How was it?’ Cort asked a little later as she took the discharge book through to the main section and asked him to write up some discharge meds. She gave a tight shrug.
‘Ruby?’
‘I have to do nights.’
‘You’ll be fine.’
‘I don’t think I can do it, Cort.’
‘Did you speak to your housemates?’
She couldn’t really talk much more because Siobhan came over, and what could Cort really have to say to a student apart from discussing the patients? He took the folder from her and skimmed through it.
‘Is everything quiet around there?’ Siobhan asked.
‘Fine,’ Ruby said. ‘One’s just waiting for a lift home. I’m just asking Mr Mason to write up some analgesia.’
He didn’t get another chance to talk to her.
At about half past three the day staff left, including Ruby, and that was that.
Some one-night stand!
For the rest of the week Cort thought about her. Once when Connor rang Psych to see if they were ready for a patient that was being admitted, Cort almost wanted to rip the phone out of his hand when he realised Connor was talking to Ruby.
‘I might just bring the patient up myself!’ Connor said, and then laughed at something Ruby had said. ‘Well, enjoy it while you can. We’ll run you ragged next week.’ And then he told her he was on a lunch break soon and then added, ‘Two sugars!’ Cort felt his jaw tighten, not jealous so much, because Connor would never be interested in Ruby in that way but, yes, jealous, because why did he get to have a drink with Ruby, why did he get to chat to her in his lunch break, why did he get to see her in an environment she loved?
‘Because,’ Elise said, when, desperate for some female insight, finally Cort cracked and told his sister just a little of what had taken place, ‘you’re not friends with her.’
‘Oh, so just because we’ve slept together we can’t be friends?’
‘Cort,’ Elise said. ‘Do you want to be just friends?’
‘No.’
‘Friends with benefits?’
‘No!’ God, no! Cort thought in horror—he really wasn’t ready for all this. ‘I’m just worried about her. She’s got a lot to deal with at the moment. I don’t know who, if anyone, she’s talking about it with. I guess I just want to be around for her and I don’t want to make things more complicated for her either.’ He was more confused about a woman than he had ever been in his life.
Ever.
‘She’s nothing like you’d expect, Elise.’
‘You mean she’s nothing like Beth.’
And did his sister always have to be so forthright? But she was on to something.
‘I thought that was what it would be,’ Cort said, because feelings for another woman, if ever they arrived again, were supposed to enter slowly. Another Beth, or close, or similar.
‘What do you want, Cort?’
Not this, he thought, but didn’t say it.
Not this, Cort thought, because surely he wasn’t ready.
‘Just leave it,’ Cort said, and decided that he would too.
CHAPTER TEN
HE TRIED to leave it.
Cort really did.
But when he was called in late on Monday night, he sensed the second he arrived that Ruby wasn’t there.
There was no one he could ask without making things obvious, which was what he was hoping to avoid.
He couldn’t even ring her, because they hadn’t even swapped phone numbers, which, Cort told himself, was a pretty good indicator as to what they had both wanted from each other that night.
It just felt like something more now.
‘I’m going to lie down in the on-call room for a couple of hours.’ Cort yawned around seven a.m., because he was officially on duty at nine a.m. and two hours’ sleep was too good to pass up.
‘No, you’re not.’ Hannah grinned as she walked over. ‘We’ve got a mum who’s not going to ma
ke it up to Maternity.’
‘Oh, God,’ Cort groaned, because this was happening rather too often. The car park for Maternity was currently closed so that new boom gates could be erected, which meant mums-to-be were currently having to walk a considerable distance further, and on more than a couple of occasions they landed in Emergency.
‘We’ve rung Maternity, they’re sending someone down.’ Hannah smiled ‘Come on, Cort—let’s go and have a baby!’
‘I’m not responsible enough,’ Cort said, and Hannah grinned back, but it was Cort who checked himself, because normally he’d have said nothing. Normally, he didn’t joke along with the staff, not even a little bit. Usually he just rolled up his sleeves and got on with whatever job presented itself. Ruby had changed him, Cort realised. Ruby really was infectious.
‘Hi, there…’ Cort smiled at the mother who was groaning in pain but, unlike the last couple of maternity patients who had landed in Emergency, Cort wasn’t quite sure if she was at that toe-curling, holding-it-in stage. He put a hand on her stomach and asked a couple of questions, but to save her from two examinations, as Maternity was sending someone down, he decided to hold off for a moment.
‘Can you believe it?’ Hannah was looking more than a little boot-faced when Cort stepped outside. ‘Maternity sent a grad midwife—she’s just washing her hands.’ Hannah rolled her eyes. ‘She looks about twelve!’
Cort said nothing. Hannah was clearly offended that, on her summons, the entire obstetric team wasn’t running down the corridors now, but privately he thought it was a little wishful thinking on Hannah’s part that an emergency room birth was imminent.
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