by S. Moose
The next day comes and goes, and I’m left alone in my empty house. Grayson’s still with Camila, and I don’t want to be around anyone. A constant nagging fills the air, and I want to push it out, yet I hold on. Since I can’t have her, I’ll hold on to anything that reminds me of her. Not feeling the need to be reminded I’m alone and it’s my fault, I throw myself into work and focus on the company.
Responding to a few emails and a stern conversation with Taylor, I shut off my laptop and head to my bedroom. Taking out my phone I think about texting her, but I stop myself. I should feel relieved that I don’t have her begging me to be hers since I don’t do relationships, but her nagging is worth it. Maybe telling her the truth would be the best. There has to be a middle ground, something that will make us both realize I can’t let her all the way in. I can’t imagine seeing her face when she finds out what I’ve done. The thought of her with anyone else kills me. And if I’m being completely honest, I love her. I don’t want another man raising our son or touching her and making her moan his name. It’s me and should always be me.
Walking up the stairs to my bedroom, I take off my clothes and get under the covers. Lying on my back I stare up at the ceiling and think about Camila. My mind takes me back to the night we were fourteen.
The screams filled the air. I grabbed my pillow and put it over my head. My foster parents, Deb and Winslow, were in an argument about money. It was always about money. I wanted to run downstairs and help Deb, but I know that wasn’t what she wanted. Deep down, I knew she loved me and my foster brother and sister, but Winslow only cared about the money. Since that was his home, she had to listen to him.
I heard her scream and a loud thud on the ground. The door closed, and tears fell from my eyes. I hated not being able to do anything. One time I tried helping and Winslow punched me in the face and threw me downstairs into the basement. It was summer and so hot down there. I thought I was going to die. I was down there for two days. When I came back upstairs, I had to apologize to Winslow and promise not to get in the way. Deb helped me and made sure I was okay.
I peeked out from under my pillow and saw Alan and Rayana looking at me. Alan’s face was unreadable and Rayana was softly crying. I looked at Alan and saw him shake his head. He had been here the longest and knew our foster parents. I looked up to Alan, and I was glad he was there with us but upset because his eighteenth birthday was in ten months. Soon, it would just be me and Rayana. Who knew what would happen when he left?
I counted the days until I turned eighteen, but it wasn’t be for a while. Until then, I had to look out for my baby sister and Deb. They were important to me, and I loved them both.
When I lost my parents Deb found me in the orphanage, and she told me it was love at first sight. I thought the same. When she took me out of the home and into hers I was happy. Winslow was tough but never abusive. He yelled a lot, but when he lost his job he started getting loud and mean. Deb worked as a nurse at the local hospital while Winslow bartended at his friend’s restaurant. It was a rundown bar with troublemakers.
Luckily she worked during the day and was with us at night. We lived in a three-bedroom ranch style home. It was small and cozy. I liked it there. Alan and I shared a room and Rayana was down the hall from us. She liked to be with us, especially when Winslow was yelling.
I pulled out a picture of me and my best friend. Each time I looked at it, I felt better. Every day since she came in to my life I’d been happy and felt safe. Alan thought I was in love and he was probably right. She was the prettiest girl I’d ever seen and she brought me lunch every day. She wanted me to come over, but Deb always said no. I didn’t get it. Camila was nice and her smile made me smile. She was my best friend, and I wanted to hang out with her.
“Go back to sleep, Ayden.”
I sighed, “I can’t. Do you think it’ll be okay if I leave and see Camila?”
“It’s late, buddy. I don’t have my car keys with me, and she lives in a protected neighborhood with cameras. You don’t want to be caught over there and have the cops bring you home.”
I sighed again, “I know. I know she’s rich and famous, but she’s my best friend.”
“You can see her tomorrow.”
Turning on the little light above my bed I reached under my mattress to pull out the one page note and read it to myself.
Dear Ayden,
Can you believe we’ve been best friends for almost two years? Tomorrow’s going to be a special day. I have a surprise for you and I hope you like it.
I was thinking about our conversation from last week. I’m sorry Winslow treats you like shit. Do you think you can go somewhere else? I hate that he treats you like this, but I also hate how sad you get. I wish there was something I can do. Just know that I’m always here for you.
Sleep tight and if you need me, call me I’ll have my cell phone on. No matter what time it is, Ayden, I’ll pick up the phone and listen to you. We can fall asleep while on the phone, and it’ll seem like we’re together.
Love,
Camila (even though everyone calls me Cam).
Needing to hear her voice, I take out my cell phone and turn over on my side so I’m facing the wall. Dialing her number I bring the phone to my ear and listen to the rings. On the third ring I hear her groggy voice.
“Ayden?”
“Hi, Camila. I’m sorry this is a late call.”
“No, it’s okay.” There’s rustling in the background, and I feel like an asshole for waking her up. “Are you okay?”
“My parents are fighting, and I think Winslow hit Deb. Alan tells me to go to bed, and I can’t. I’m scared. I hate it here, Camila. I have no idea what Winslow might do.”
“I know you do. I wish there was something I can do for you. Ms. Gloria says that she’ll make your lunch extra special.”
I smiled, “Thanks. It means a lot to me that you and Ms. Gloria take care of me. I still can’t believe the most popular girl in the ninth grade is my best friend.”
“Oh, stop! We’ve been friends since middle school when you first came to town. I like having you around, and you mean a lot to me.”
“You mean a lot to me too, Camila.”
Both of us were silent, and I turned to look at Alan. He’d fallen back to sleep and Rayana was under the covers, probably sleeping too.
“I know I do, and it makes me happy. Do you think you can hang out with me tomorrow after school? My parents are performing live tomorrow night, and I want you to see them perform.”
“Can you come over here tomorrow? Winslow’s going to be gone and Deb wants to meet you.”
“Okay. I’ll have my driver bring me over. Ms. Gloria will be with me too. We can bring dinner if you want.”
“I think Deb, Alan, and Rayana will like that. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Wait.”
“Yeah?”
“Do you want to fall asleep on the phone together?”
“I’d like that.”
Cam
SITTING IN MY CAR, I watch people walking. Their expressions all vary. Some look busy, some look tired, and some look happy. Pulling down the visor, I look at myself in the mirror and hate what I see. I look terrible. The dark bags under my eyes from the endless crying are showing. No matter how much foundation I apply the dark circles stand at attention for everyone to see. Today hasn’t been easy. I'm not sleeping well and my mind goes to Ayden. I wonder what he's doing and stare at my phone waiting for his text message. Now I'm here to meet Taylor for lunch, which I'm sure she's going to talk about him.
Going to Ayden’s house to drop off Grayson was hard. I should be used to it. I should be okay with dropping off our son, but as soon as Ayden opened the door the memories come rushing back. I know I’m the one who is telling him we can’t be together, and we can’t until he tells me everything. I don’t want any secrets between us. Is that too much to ask?
Applying some more makeup on my face to look presentable, Need You Now by Lady Antebellum
comes on. I throw the lip gloss on the floor and close my eyes. The tears I don’t want to cry stream down my face. When will it be over and when will I be able to get through a day without crying? I think about what Bev says and maybe meeting someone new will get my mind off him.
Taking out my phone I send her a text and immediately get a response.
Bev: Oh, it’s so on! Speed dating at the Hilton this Saturday at 5pm. Coming, right?
Me: Yeah sure. Sounds fun.
Speed dating? Oh lord I have no idea what I’m getting myself into. I have a feeling this will end badly.
Pulling myself together, I walk into the restaurant and find Taylor waiting for me in the booth. I take a deep breath, walk over to her and sit down. It’s weird being around her. We haven’t really talked since the day at Ayden’s house. I’ve pushed myself away from the family except when Grayson’s involved. There are too many secrets and everyone’s covering for Ayden. Who can I trust these days?
“Hey, Cam.” Taylor looks up and smiles. “Thanks for meeting me today. I know we haven’t talked since that day, and I’m really sorry. You have to know how hard it’s been on all of us.”
“Why has it been hard? Y’all are protecting him and pushing me aside. The only reason why anyone still talks to me is because of Grayson.”
Taylor shakes her head. “No, Cam. That’s so untrue. We don’t know what to do with the situation.” It takes me a minute to compose myself. I hate hearing the confusion about our situation when I feel like I’ve been abandoned by my friends. I know Ayden’s been through a lot, and I know he has to deal with his issues.
“I can’t listen to this,” I mutter, “I can’t. I wish someone would talk to me about whatever is going on.”
“I know it’s hard, and I know you don’t want to hear this. I can’t tell you everything because it’s Ayden’s job. Do you want a future with him?” I look down and look at my hands. That’s the question I’ve been pondering since the day I walked out with Grayson in my arms. I know Ayden has a lot of secrets, and I know it’s going to be a while before I know everything. For now, we’ll remain friends. I need to get to know my son and build a life.
“I haven’t been thinking about it. Grayson is my number-one priority right now. He’s all that matters.”
“And that’s great. I wish you would see how badly Ayden misses you and how much he loves you.”
I sigh and push back my hair. “All I want from him is the truth and to let me in. I need to know what happened.”
“Why do you need to know about his past?”
I sink down a little farther and let the question run through my head. Every answer I’m coming up with is selfish. “I need to know. I know it’s selfish and I get that, but I need to know what happened to him. The love that we shared when we were younger was so strong. When he disappeared, it took everything in me to not kill myself. No one knew where he was, and I couldn’t find him. It took me so many years. I deserve to know what happened to him. I deserve to know what he went through. We’ve both been through hell.”
“Exactly. So why bring up the past?” She nods at me in a silent signal to continue.
I let out a breath. “I need to know about the car and why he’s hiding it. I have a feeling I know, but I need to hear it from him.”
“I get it, Cam. Just be prepared when he does tell you. If he does.” Her warning scares me. I know Ayden went through a lot of shit when he left Atlanta. Do I need to know the details?
Sharp
“I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW,” Dylan says, finishing up on the grill and bringing over the plates. I take a swig of my beer and wait for him to respond. “Cam and Bev are at the Hilton now with our neighbor.”
“All right?” I slowly say, checking Grayson and seeing that he’s asleep still. “What are they doing?”
“Speed dating.” I nearly choke on my steak. “Don’t get too upset. It was Bev’s idea, and I think it’s good. You said you wanted to give her up, so now you can. You know she’s hot and deserves to be happy.” I grind my teeth and look away. How the hell can she go out and look for someone else?
“Why are you okay with Bev going?”
Dylan smirks, “I haven’t told you everything.” I wait for him to tell me more. “So we have these neighbors, Jamie and Angela, and I never thought sex would be this hot.”
“Swingers?” Dylan nods. “So you fuck a dude?”
“Hell no. It’s everything except that. No offense, I mean Jamie’s a hot guy, but I like boobs and pussy.”
“Okay so you’re a fucking freak. What does this have to do about speed dating?”
“Angela took the girls and got Cam dolled up.” This truly gets my attention. I watch Dylan pull up something on his phone and when he shows me the picture, not only am I instantly hard, but I’m pissed seeing how sexy and unbelievably fuckable she looks.
“Fuck,” I mutter. “She walked out looking like this?” Dylan nods. I get up and head inside to their bar. Twisting off the vodka cap, I pour myself a glass and take the shot. Not caring about the burn, I pour two more glasses and grip the bar. The whites of my knuckles show, and my thoughts about Camila in a room full of single and horny men piss me off. Why did she think this would be a good idea? Is she desperate enough to sleep with these pieces of shit?
Dylan and I sit outside with our friends vodka and beer. My head is fucking killing me. We've been drinking for the past three hours and still there's no word from Camila. I've been texting her, demanding to know where she is and what she's doing. I want her to tell me about tonight.
"She won't text me back."
"Don't get mad. You're pushing her away. Stop smothering her man," Dyland says, pouring us another shot.
I take it and feel the alcohol freely slide down my throat. "Not easy. You have it good. Got your wife and daughter. Shit I have a baby mama," I laugh, "fucking baby mama."
Before Dylan can say anything Bev comes out and stares at us. "Seriously this is what you idiots are doing?" She rolls her eyes, "awesome dads. I love how Gretchen and Grayson are chilling, watching tv while their dads are drunk."
"Don't be like that, Bev," I tell her, "maybe if you didn't take Camila out this wouldn't have happened."
"Mature, Ayden. Blame me for what you've done." She huffs, throws a pillow at my head and goes inside.
"Go home, Ayden," Dylan says, "you need to rest tonight."
"Yeah," I mutter, "whatever that means."
Heading home, Thomas parks the car and helps me out with Grayson in his hand.
“Sir, are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Thomas. Thank you,” I mumble, heading inside and settling in. Thomas puts Grayson to bed, and I feel like a worthless father, lying in bed drunk and not able to put my son to bed.
I text Camila asking her where she is and what she’s doing. There’s no response, and I’m twisting and turning in bed, trying to figure out what the hell to do. Getting comfortable, I close my eyes and think about Camila.
Her locker slams shut and she turns around, walking away from me. This I how it’s been all day, and I hate that she's in a pissed off mood. Since she got in my car, she's been quiet. Her parents have been home for a few days, and our time together hasn’t been enough. Since they travel a lot, I’ve been spending most of my time with Camila at her house. Gloria, her nanny, keeps our secrets and takes me in as her own. She understands our love and tells us to never give up.
I don’t intend to. Camila is my life and my future.
"Camila," I reach out and push her hair aside. "Baby, talk to me."
She turns to face me with tears in her eyes. "I hate my parents. No matter what I tell them, they won't accept you. Can't they see how happy I am with you? I don't care if you aren't rich, and I don't care if you don't have fancy things. Shouldn't our love be enough?"
Since the day Camila Ellison and I became a couple, things haven't been easy. Her parents were okay with us being friends, but now that we're dating it's apparently a s
candal. There's nothing I can do to make them change their minds. I'm working two jobs and trying my best to give their daughter everything she deserves, because she's my world. They can’t see past what I’ve been through. They don’t understand that I’ve been on my own since I was eight because my parents died in an accident. They don’t understand that my foster family died in a fire, and even though I was left money it doesn’t matter. To them I’m a disease and there’s no cure for me.
“You can’t let them get to you, baby. I know it’s hard, and I know you’re going through a lot. I’ll never let your parents toss me aside. We’re forever.”
She grasps my arms and smashes her face into my chest. Sobs wrack her body, and I hold her tight. We stand here in the middle of the hall, and I don’t say anything. I let her cry and hold her tight.
“I’m so thankful to have you in my life, Ayden. I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’re making everything possible. All my dreams are coming true because of you.” She leans up and kisses my lips. I’ll never be tired of feeling this way. Since the day this girl walked into my life, I’ve been given a purpose. My life has meaning because of Camila.
“Why don’t you head to class, and I’ll meet you in the studio later?”
“You’re going to miss work and watch me dance?” I nod. “No, honey, it’s okay. I know you need the money and you want to work. I promise it’s okay.”
I kiss the tip of her nose. “And I promise it’s okay. Dylan needs the money too. I still have the money Deb left me, so I’m okay. I promise.”
“Thank you,” she breathes. “I’ll see you later.”
“And I’ll see you later.”
She gives me one more kiss and walks away with a smile on her face. If this is what I can do for the rest of my life I know we’ll be happy.
We spend some time in the park after her dance practice. Her parents are in the studio and have no idea Camila’s not home. It’s a plus for me, but I hate when they don’t pay attention to her. Holding her close and playing with her fingers, I wonder what she’s thinking.
