Swept Away

by Dawn Atkins

  “I know what you can do, Candy. That’s never been an issue. My problem is figuring out which team to put you on—where you and the team would benefit the most.”

  “You’re putting me on a team, not in charge of one?”

  He nodded. “The team leader job is mostly coordination and facilitation. Meetings, planning sessions. Stuff you’d hate.”

  “Do you like meetings and planning?” she asked sharply.

  “No, but—”

  “But you do them because you have to. So can I. The point is that you don’t see me as a leader. Why not?” She was angry now, he could tell, and hurt.

  “You’d be bored in a week, Candy. You wouldn’t be using your strengths.”

  “And what are those?”

  “Creativity, divergent thinking, innovation.”

  “I have other strengths. Leadership, for one thing. And I can do planning. My marketing plan references the strategic plan, for example, and if you’ll look at it—”

  “I’m sorry, Candy. I’ll push your Ledger Lite idea with Scott, and I know you’ll make a great contribution to whatever team I put you on, but—”

  “You won’t even consider me?” She looked utterly bereft. She blinked fast, fighting tears.

  God, he’d made her cry. What a jerk. He had to fix this. “Maybe you have a preference for what team you want to work on? I can’t promise, of course. That would be favoritism and we have to avoid that.”

  She stared at him, swallowed hard, made her hands into fists. She was shaking, too.

  All he wanted to do was give her what she wanted somehow. “Would you prefer the financial products team? That’s where Ledger Lite is. It’s dialed in, though. Not much need for creativity, so I’m not sure you’d like that…”

  He babbled on about the other teams, giving her details he shouldn’t be sharing with an employee—anything to help her feel better about the situation.

  “You never considered me. I can’t believe it. And nothing I can show you will change that?”

  “I know your talents, Candy. You didn’t need to scheme with Ellie to show me.”

  “It wasn’t a scheme. It was a demonstration.” Now she was getting angry. “It’s because of my reputation, isn’t it? Because everyone thinks I play around too much.”

  “Of course not.” He stopped, realizing there was some truth to her point. “It is true that if you were to become a team leader, we’d have to deal with staff perceptions about you, but that’s not the point. The point is—”

  “And what are those perceptions? That I’m a party girl? That I’m not serious about work?”

  “That’s not the issue.”

  “The issue is that you don’t respect me, Matt.”

  “Of course I respect you. I respect you too much to put you in a position where you can’t shine. Why would you even want that?”

  “Because I want to get ahead, dammit. I want to move to the next level. But you respect me too much to do that for me, right?” Her words dripped with sarcasm.

  “I can’t, Candy. It’s not right for you or for SyncUp. I want to make you happy, believe me, I do. I love you.”

  “Then give me the job. That’s what will make me happy. If you love—” She stopped herself, as if shocked at what she’d been about to say and what he’d actually suggested—giving her the job because he cared about her.

  “That’s exactly why you can’t give it to me, isn’t it? We’re sleeping together. You can’t promote me even if you wanted to. And you don’t even want to.” Her voice caught.

  “Candy,” he said softly, not liking her train of thought at all. “I can’t give you a job that’s not right for you. Our sleeping together has nothing to do with that.”

  She stared at him, her eyes full of accusation, her face full of anguish. “You’re wrong, Matt,” she said softly. “It has everything to do with it.”

  She stared at him and he felt the ground shift beneath his feet. They’d agreed not to think through the implications of their affair or of falling in love, but that had been foolish, he saw now. He hadn’t been himself. He’d been lost in the fog of being Fun Guy. And that, he saw clearly for the first time, had been a big mistake. Somehow, he had to fix it for Candy. He had no right to drag her down because he’d been an irresponsible ass.

  14

  THEIR SLEEPING TOGETHER changed everything, Candy saw now. She felt as though she’d been yanked awake, blinking into the dark, her heart pounding, as hard reality replaced her soft and silly dreams.

  She’d practically said it right out: If you love me, give me the job. How sick was that? Maybe at an unconscious level she had believed that having sex with Matt—getting closer to him, anyway—would ensure her promotion, or at least allow him to see her in a more positive light.

  Even if she’d never had that awful idea, even if she had earned the promotion, how could Matt promote a lover, no matter how talented? It just wouldn’t look right.

  But that was a moot point, since he didn’t consider her capable of the job. All her efforts to fix her reputation with him had failed.

  This was all wrong, all terrible. She dug her nails into her palms to keep from crying. She didn’t know which bad angle to examine first.

  “Don’t catastrophize, Candy. Our being together makes things complicated, but we can figure it out.” She could see he was flailing for a solution, but his eyes told her he knew it was hopeless, too.

  “How? Just because we want to keep the personal separate from the professional doesn’t mean we can.”

  He looked at her, letting her words sink in.

  “How could we behave normally at SyncUp? How could you evaluate my performance? You’d be too strict or too lenient, and I’d wonder which and why. And what would people think? They would find out, you know. It’s inevitable. And I hate the idea of them gossiping about how we got together and why and what it means.”

  “We’ll handle it,” he said stubbornly, but she could see he was as troubled as she was. “Day by day.”

  “And when we break up? How will that be?”

  “You expect us to break up?” Matt asked.

  “People do. What makes us special? What do we have in common really? Sex and our taste in junk food. You said yourself, you need common goals and a routine to stay together. We’d drive each other crazy, disappoint each other over and over. Of course we’d break up.” She stopped, feeling hysterical, crazed. So hurt and disappointed and scared she didn’t know what to do.

  “You’re giving up before we’ve even started,” he said. “Look, you’re hurt about the team leader thing. Okay…” He swallowed hard, breathing raggedly. “What if I assigned acting managers. I could put together teams on a temporary basis. You could try it out and if it didn’t work, no harm done. I’d make the permanent appointments and no one would be the wiser. I think I could sell that to Scott—”

  “Stop it, Matt.” She hated that he was trying to appease her this way. “You can’t give me the job to soothe my feelings. You wouldn’t do this for anyone else and you know it. Let’s cut to the chase. Isn’t that what you prefer? Our relationship is a mistake. It wrecks everything.” She jumped to her feet.

  He stood, too. “What are you saying?”

  “That it’s over. We’re done. We should have stuck with the original deal. This is all wrong. I have to go. Tell Ellie and Sara I’m sorry, but I can’t stay for the party.” Her heart felt as if it might explode. She turned and began to run.

  “Candy!” Matt called, but he didn’t follow her and she was glad. Being with him had been a mistake. She’d been weak and stupid and now everything was so much worse.

  She’d never had a chance at the promotion. That made her feel physically ill. Worse, she’d have to go back to SyncUp and work with Matt.

  There were good reasons for those no-sex-in-the-workplace rules, all right. Every time she saw him, the pain would hit again. The pain and the disappointment.

  How could she even stay at Sy
ncUp, knowing Matt didn’t take her seriously? Would the word get out that she’d been turned down? Would word get out about their affair? Would it show in their faces? How could she ever hold her head up again?

  On top of all that, she was breaking up with the man she loved. This was pure agony. She had to escape somehow, stop the pain or delay it until she was in better shape or something.

  “Hey, you’re going the wrong way, lady.” Carter called to her from a few yards away, Radar at his heels. “The party’s in that direction.” He pointed behind her.

  “I’m not up for a party right now,” she said. “I’m feeling too blue.” The understatement of the century.

  “Blue, huh? Then what you need is a martini to match your mood at WHIM SIM. Better yet, a bunch of us are playing darts for shots. You can be on my team.”

  “Darts, huh?” She liked darts. She liked Carter, too. He was the kind of fun-loving guy she always went for, back when she’d been content to be who she was, not struggling to get all serious and work-obsessed.

  Radar whined up at her, but he sounded more anxious than eager for her to join them.

  “Do you get festival points?” At least she could earn something for the competition to help her friends.

  “Yeah, I guess. I think I saw that posted.”

  “Then let’s go,” she said. “We’re wasting time and blue booze.”

  “Girl after my own heart.” Carter slung a friendly arm around her shoulder and led her toward the bar. She tried to smile, but it hurt. She was grateful for the distraction, for the escape of noise and liquor and laughter.

  “Come on, boy,” she called to Radar, but he stayed where he was, watching her, tail low, as if he were worried about her.

  “Forget it then,” she said, a stabbing feeling low inside her. She was worried about herself, too.

  This was better, though, she tried to tell herself. For a while there, she’d forgotten who she was. She was at the beach on vacation, dammit. She was a party girl. If she’d stuck with that, she wouldn’t be fighting tears this minute.

  This was a lesson, dammit, and she would learn it.

  MATT STOOD ROOTED to the spot, his insides churning, his mind frozen, until Candy was out of sight. She was right and wrong, but it would take him a bit to sort out which was which. He shouldn’t have offered her the job to make her feel better. She was right about that. That was bad for her and SyncUp and no way for a vice president to behave.

  She was right that being together would change things at work. He was no good at secrets, how he felt about her would show. Ellie said he was transparent as glass.

  Would staff respect him less? And what about Candy? Already, employees thought her wild. Would being with him help or hurt her reputation?

  The affair had been irresponsible. He should have known better. He had an obligation to be discreet. He should be fired. He would have to resign. Not right away, of course, because he wouldn’t strand Scott and he’d make sure Candy was in good shape first. She’d been so hurt about the team-leader issue.

  He was suddenly exhausted by the whole thing. What was he doing standing here, his heart burning with loss? He was an idiot, dressed like some surfer dude, blinking to see through these stupid contacts. He needed peace and quiet, time online and his damn glasses back. If he’d stuck with who he was, none of this would have happened.

  At his place, the quiet didn’t help the way he’d expected it to. He missed Candy as if something had been cut out of him. He stayed clear of the bedroom where the sheets were tangled from all their lovemaking, but he could still smell her perfume everywhere.

  He fought the urge to chase her down, kiss away their doubts, make love until it all made sense again.

  What about when we break up? She’d said it as though it were inevitable, just part of the package. It angered him that she could be so casual about something that was so big to him.

  That was the point, wasn’t it? To Candy it was casual, not life-altering.

  She was Heather all over again. Crazy fun, then the crash that hurt like hell. Maturity would not lessen his pain. How had he even thought that?

  He’d been an idiot. He knew better. Stick to your strengths, don’t take chances. If you had too much fun, there was hell to pay—like that Tsunami for Two he’d paid for with a hangover. He was paying again, all right. This time, the lesson would stick.

  CANDY WOKE THE NEXT morning to a fuzzy brain and the sound of someone snoring. She turned her head and saw two big, sand-streaked feet sticking up from beneath the sheet.

  Whoops. She whipped back the covers and found Carter asleep on his belly, stark naked, his head at the foot of her foldout bed.

  Omigod. Had she? She looked down at herself, relieved she still wore her dress. She would have remembered sex, of course, regardless of how much alcohol she’d drunk. They’d had winner shots of tequila after they’d won the darts contest and she’d downed a blue martini to further numb her sadness.

  As a result, her head was killing her, but she had no regrets. She’d been pure party girl—danced on the bar, on a table, even on Carter’s shoulders while he loped down the beach to burn off the booze. She’d laughed a lot. Whenever she reminded herself she was having a good time, anyway.

  She peeked again at her snoring bedmate. What a golden male specimen he was. Normally, she’d wake him and screw his brains out.

  But not today. Today, the idea was so wrong it made her feel queasy. She covered him up.

  It’ll be fine, she told herself. There would be plenty of Carters around when she was ready again. But Matts? Where would she find another Matt? Despair made her sink into the mattress. She wasn’t sure she even wanted to get out of bed.

  She heard steps on the stairs and looked up to see Sara descending in a beaded minidress—obviously from the night before. Her friend looked as miserable as Candy felt. Her eyes were red, her hair tangled.

  When she caught sight of Candy in bed, she pointed at the feet and mouthed, “Matt?”

  Candy shook her head, fingers to her lips, then motioned Sara toward the kitchen, where she would join her to talk. She didn’t want to wake Carter—couldn’t take his eager energy at the moment. What do we do now? Huh? Huh? He was the human version of Radar, always ready to play. And she was pretty sure sex would be his top-of-mind idea.

  She climbed out of bed, sweaty and sandy, her dress a wrinkled mess and followed Sara to the kitchen, where she would make her hangover mix, though she knew it would take more than protein powder and B vitamins to ease her pain.

  “What happened, Sara?”

  “Never mind me. Who’s that?” She pointed toward the bed.

  “That’s Carter. We hung out last night after…Matt and I broke up.” The words hurt to say. “We won a bunch of points playing darts, though.” Candy reached into her bodice for the voucher slip, which she handed to Sara.

  “Forget the points,” Sara said, tossing the paper on the counter. “Can you and Matt straighten things out?”

  Tears welled in Candy’s eyes and she could only shake her head.

  “Oh, hon. I’m so sorry.” Sara hugged her.

  “It was impossible from the start and we both knew it.” Candy tried to collect herself. “Listen, can I borrow your laptop?” She’d saved all her files on her key drive, so she could do some work, despite everything.

  Sara hesitated. “I guess so. Sure. I’ll leave it here.” She turned, looking confused. “Look, I’ve gotta go…” She motioned toward the stairs, then headed off.

  “Wait. What’s wrong?” she whispered, but Sara waved her away. Something was upsetting her. Candy would find out once she’d taken her hangover cure.

  Footsteps on the stairs made her look up to see Ellie barreling down to her. “Hey, girl! What happened to you two?”

  Candy put her finger to her lips and motioned at the bed.

  Carter let out a loud snore, not bothered by the noise.

  Ellie tiptoed into the kitchen. “Sorry,” she s
aid. “What’s up? Hangover?” She nodded at the cure ingredients Candy was combining.

  “Yeah.”

  “Poor Matt.” Ellie nodded affectionately toward Carter’s feet.

  “That’s not Matt, Ellie.” She turned to her friend. “Matt and I broke up.”

  “No!” Ellie looked horrified. “Was it because I told Matt about the teams? I’m so sorry. I know better than getting into other people’s lives too much. I—”

  “No. It was not you, Ellie. Matt wouldn’t even consider me for the team-leader spot. He doesn’t respect me.”

  “Sure he does,” Ellie said. “This is just a misunderstanding. Let me talk to him. I’ll straighten this out.”

  “No, you won’t. It’s our problem. We should never have gotten involved. It was a mistake to bring work out here. It didn’t change a thing.”

  “I’m so sorry, Candy,” Ellie said. “It was my idea.”

  “You were just trying to help me, Ellie. At least now I know where I stand.” She drank the mix she’d made.

  “Do you want me to stick around today? Hang with you?”

  “No. Go enjoy yourself. Enjoy Bill. I’ve got work to do.”

  “Work? Don’t get crazy with all that now.”

  “I’m not. I’ll be fine. I’m sorry I crapped out on the party events. At least I got the darts points.”

  “We’ll be fine, don’t worry,” Ellie said.

  “Maybe I’ll try to draft the essay about why we deserve the time-share.”

  “How can you do that? Your heart is broken.” Ellie’s face was so full of empathy, Candy feared she might cry. “You’ll never want to come to Malibu again.”

  Very possible, but she pushed past that thought. “Of course I will. To be with you and Sara? We’ll have fun no matter what our love lives are like, right?”

  Ellie smiled. “That’s true.”

  “So, there you go,” she said, her heart aching in her chest. “The essay will be something fun to concentrate on.”

  “I hope so,” Ellie said.

  A moan from the bed drew their attention and Carter emerged, pulling the sheet around his body. She introduced him to Ellie and offered him some hangover cure.