Deirdre's True Desire

by Heather McCorkle

  Kinan’s shoulders relaxed. “That’s good, because I’m not really sure how one would challenge a ghost to a duel.”

  Easy laughter bubbled from Deirdre. She gave his biceps a playful slap. Her hand bounced off the hard muscles, which drew it right back. Bottom lip tugged between her teeth, she couldn’t stop herself from wondering what kind of lover he’d be. If only she could find out. Maybe she could. At the cabin, he had seemed so close to giving in. If there was even the slightest chance he wasn’t the stuffy high-society man she had feared him to be, she was determined to take that chance.

  Licking his lips, he leaned toward her. Her heart swelled so big it felt like it blocked her breath. Her eyes slid down to his chest, admiring how his defined pectorals pressed against the fine cotton of his shirt. How would those muscles feel beneath her fingers? And was that movement the rapid beating of his heart? Unable to stop herself, she put a hand against his chest, needing to feel it. The soft thudding beneath the hard muscles confirmed it. Her fingers began to explore, working their way down his chest. His breathing sped up, matching hers. One of his hands reached up to cup her cheek.

  Just as she managed to drag her gaze back to his face, he froze. The predatory look in his eyes surprised her.

  “Do you feel that?” he asked as he straightened and looked over his shoulder.

  She felt something all right, but it clearly wasn’t the same thing he was referring to. The tension in his body sent a thrill of fear through her that doused her arousal. Suddenly, she wished she hadn’t set her bow down out of reach. Then she felt it; the weight of eyes heavy upon them. The skin along her back tingled with the pressure of those eyes. That she hadn’t noticed it before spoke of the level of her distraction. As a high-society woman, she was usually acutely aware of eyes on her. She turned slowly to look in the direction of the pressure.

  At first, she only saw naked trees and bushes. Almost an arrow-shot away sat a shape so large it looked like a tall, thin boulder at first, one with a few brown leaves and spots of snow on it. Part of it moved. A floppy ear rose.

  “Lincoln? What are you…?” Her voice trailed off as the sound of hoofbeats reached her.

  She rose swiftly and straightened her skirts. Kinan’s cloak settled around her. Well, that could look quite bad. If only they’d had a bit longer, it might have been all it appeared. Reluctantly, she unbuttoned the cloak, swung it from her shoulders, and handed it to Kinan. He nodded and accepted it with a smile. Cold settled around her in its absence. He picked hers up, shook it out, and wrapped it around her. Hands lingering on the clasp, he leaned down until their foreheads touched. For a brief moment, he stayed like that, touching in a subtle yet wonderfully intimate way that left her wanting so much more.

  Then, in a flash of woolen material, he walked briskly off toward his horse. Swift steps carried her to where she had set down her bow and quiver.

  Lincoln turned his head, let out a bark, then trotted toward them. Two horses crested the hill leading into their little copse of trees. Even though she knew it had to be her friends, due to Lincoln’s behavior, her grip on her bow tightened. Anger flared, not for her friends’ interruption, but over being afraid on her own land. This weekend at the party, she would have to make a point to spend some time with Ainsworth. Torturous as that sounded, she needed to see if the man had a shred of decency in him, or more importantly, a chink in his armor. A glance back in Kinan’s direction, at his fine backside, made her promise herself she wouldn’t spend all her time with Ainsworth.

  By the time Cat’s tall painted horse and Sadie’s little mare reached them, Deirdre had her things secured to Ciaren’s saddle and was leading her toward them. Cat’s cold-flushed cheeks dimpled with a smile as her gaze went from Deirdre to Kinan.

  “There you are,” she said with a raise of her eyebrows. One hand went to her stomach as she came to a stop.

  Deirdre made a face in return. “Here I am. You found my letter, did you not?”

  Sadie put one hand on her hip. “We did. That was very responsible of you, which is suspicious.”

  “I like to keep you guessing.”

  The clip-clop of shod hooves preceded Kinan’s arrival at her side. With a gesture, he offered to help her into her saddle. She smiled and nodded. The anticipation of his touch, no matter how slight, thrilled her to her core.

  “Thank you.” As she settled in, enduring the curious weight of her friends’ gazes, Kinan swung up into his own saddle.

  “You are worried about Ainsworth sending men out this way,” Cat observed, sharp as ever—damn it all. Deirdre had hoped to spare her that worry.

  Sadie gasped and mumbled something about the saints before saying, “Is that true? Is that why you left us a letter letting us know where you’d be?” she asked, making it sound more like an accusation than a question.

  “Yes, it’s true. I fear he may send spies to watch us. And he has us at a great disadvantage since he knows our land better than we do,” Deirdre said.

  Sadie squeezed her eyes shut tight. “Oh, Deirdre, what if you came across someone and he intended to do more than spy?”

  Deirdre patted her quiver of arrows. “Then he would get an unpleasant surprise.”

  At that Cat shook her head. “’Tis one thing to be a champion archer in competition, but another altogether to shoot a man.”

  One of Sadie’s dark hands thrust into the air in triumph. “Finally, we agree! It’s too dangerous to go out alone.”

  Lincoln barked as if in agreement. Deirdre shot the hound a glare. He whined and cocked his head.

  “I agree,” Kinan said, surprising them all.

  Deirdre turned her glare on him. “Do you now?”

  He didn’t wilt beneath her gaze, which only filled her with more fire.

  “I do. I agree with you all.”

  The three women exchanged confused looks.

  “Go on,” Deirdre prompted him.

  “It’s too dangerous to go out alone. Ainsworth does know this land better. But he cannot be given free rein to spy and plot against you all. I recommend daily patrols of the land, in pairs,” he said.

  Sadie’s shoulders sagged. “I don’t think Rick has enough men for the task, not between that, building our homes, and guarding the home sites. The men have to sleep at some point.”

  “True,” Cat agreed.

  Kinan looked to Deirdre with a slight smile. “’Tis already my habit to take a morning ride. I could accompany Mrs. Quinn on morning patrols.”

  Deirdre sat up straighter in the saddle. “That’s a brilliant idea. I can get in a bit more bow practice that way as well.”

  “I don’t like it,” Sadie said.

  Cat touched her arm. “I don’t like any of this, but…” she paused and looked to Deirdre. “Deirdre is going to go anyway. At least this way she won’t be alone.”

  Sadie shook her head so hard, bits of tight black curls freed themselves from the bun atop her head. But she sighed. “I suppose you’re right. Thank you, Mr. O’Leary. We would appreciate your assistance.”

  The smirk Kinan gave Deirdre could have charmed a nurse out of her pantaloons. But then, that could just be Deirdre’s lingering desire. Regardless, she soaked in that handsome look, storing it away in her memory for later. She wondered what might have transpired between the two of them had her friends not shown up. Could it be that Kinan would have relaxed his sense of propriety and maybe kissed her? Even if he had, would it only have been because she put him in a vulnerable state by bringing up his deceased friend?

  With the promise of many more morning rides came the opportunity to find out. She let her gratitude—and a touch of her desire—show in her eyes as she met his gaze and nodded.

  Someone cleared their throat; Sadie, from the reprimanding tone of it. “Shall we get back to work then? We have houses to build,” she said.

  “We sha
ll. Lead the way,” Deirdre agreed.

  She and Kinan fell into step behind Cat’s and Sadie’s horses. The secret smile he gave her warmed her and lit the fires of hope.

  Chapter 17

  Patrols and bow practice did not go as Deirdre hoped. Kinan remained the perfect gentleman. Well, perhaps not perfect, with the long looks and lingering touches, but close enough to drive her half mad. Why did he have to be so interesting, and worse, be so interested in her? An entire week passed and still she hadn’t gotten him to do more than hold her hand. If only he weren’t so fun and charming. That made it increasingly difficult to give up on him. His love of exotic cultures didn’t hurt, either. Perhaps he would be open-minded after all. Still, she hadn’t been able to bring herself to tell him her secret.

  But she grew closer every day, or so she told herself. Each day she got to know and trust him a little more. Soon, she would tell him. The right time would present itself. Avoiding Dylan had become easy since Kinan had joined the workers in building and guarding their home sites. Always, Kinan remained close by, which irritated Dylan to no end, but comforted Deirdre.

  They had completed the framework and roofing for her and Sadie’s homes and the winery. Deirdre’s own house was starting to look like something close to a home, or the frame of one at least. When complete, it would be a sprawling blend of Victorian elegance with a wraparound porch, and rustic American with log siding. Already both stories were framed and log siding was up on the walls of the first story. It would easily be complete enough to be considered a dwelling by spring. With no sign of Ainsworth or his spies anywhere near their lands, her confidence that they could actually do this grew by the day. It didn’t hurt that each home site always crawled with Rick’s men, who not only worked tirelessly, but kept sharp eyes out for any unwanted company.

  Looking at her home in the soft afternoon light, a swelling of pride filled her near to bursting. Behind her, someone cleared their throat. But it wasn’t who she expected. Dylan stood with his hat in his hands, slowly turning it, his fingers massaging the rim. “’Tis going to be beautiful,” he said, gaze fixed on her instead of the house.

  Not wanting to endure the weight of it—or feel its pull—she looked back at the house. “’Tis, thank you.” She decided to be the bigger person and be cordial. “Are you attending the party this evening?”

  “’Tis me night to guard the home sites.”

  Relief coursed through her, quickly followed by guilt. To counteract it, she asked, “Couldn’t you get one of the freeman to take your turn? I know Rick and Cat would like you to be there.”

  “Would you like me to be there?”

  She both heard and felt him come closer. He stopped at her side. Knowing she didn’t have the answer he wanted to hear, she allowed silence to stretch between them.

  “I’m sorry if me forwardness offended you. Me intention was not to dishonor or compromise you at all.” The shameful way he hunched over tugged at her.

  “Dylan, that wasn’t my impression at all, and that certainly isn’t why I’m displeased with you,” she said softly. Her gaze darted about to make sure no one else was near enough to hear them. This wasn’t something she wanted Kinan to hear.

  Shoulders squaring up, Dylan reached toward her. A step up the porch allowed her to avoid his grasp. Several more took her around the first support log where she could lean on the railing, keeping it between the two of them.

  “Yet you’re avoiding me,” he pointed out.

  She sighed and resigned herself to the conversation. It was best to get it out of the way, she supposed. “Your actions have shown me that you hold some rather traditional views of how a lady should act. I’m not interested in a relationship with a man who won’t be pleased with my independent spirit.”

  Dylan ran a hand through his sweat-darkened hair. “Your wild spirit is part of what draws me to you, but you being a fine lady is part of that as well.” Moving forward, he placed a hand on hers, trapping it against the juniper railing. “Please, give me the chance to prove I can compromise. I feel something for you, and I think maybe you feel something for me, too. I think we owe it to ourselves to explore what it might be,” he said.

  In her experience, to compromise with a woman wasn’t the way of the nineteenth-century man. On the other hand, he wasn’t a high-society man. The likelihood of him judging her based on her secret was far lower. She cast her gaze out over his head, looking at the fields that would one day be rows of grapevines. Would he be able to accept a woman who came with her own lands and money and not simply take it for his own if they wed? Would he even want to wed? Once a woman married, anything she owned belonged to her husband. She realized she knew very little about him. He wasn’t one to talk about himself, even when prompted. The true problem was, it wasn’t him she was interested in.

  Dylan’s hand squeezed hers gently. “Deirdre, please, all I’m asking for is a chance. I’ll be the perfect gentleman, if that’s what you want, you have me word.”

  She pulled her hand from beneath his. “I don’t want a gentleman. I want someone adventurous, bold, loyal, and kind. Someone who accepts me for who I am, respects me and allows me to be myself.”

  He vaulted over the railing, landed beside her, and took her hand back in his. “I can be that man.”

  Without missing a beat, despite his impressive show of dexterity that got her heart pumping, she said, “I want a partner, not a husband to lord over me. I need someone who won’t feel threatened by me and try to hold me back.”

  “I’m all right if you don’t want to remarry. I can be whatever you need.”

  Shaking her head, she pulled her hand from his yet again and stepped back. Her words just weren’t getting through to him. “That’s not what I meant. I do want to remarry. I want children, a family, eventually. But I want that all with a man who accepts and respects me.”

  The pained look on his face tugged at Deirdre, but she refused to give in. She could not compromise on this.

  “Just because I like that you’re a proper lady and want to protect you, doesn’t mean I don’t respect your spirit. ’Tis a man’s nature to protect, is all.”

  Her chin lifted. “True enough, but women are strong and capable, and the time for men to recognize that is long overdue.”

  “Perhaps not.”

  Deirdre’s fists clenched. “Excuse me?”

  “Maybe the time has come again. Our ancestors, the Celts, used to allow their women to fight alongside them. Maybe that time has come again.”

  Teeth clenched, Deirdre blew out a sharp breath through her nose. “Allow?”

  The hopeful look on his face fell away into one of such disappointment that it shot a pang of guilt through her. No. She would not feel guilty for taking a stand on this. Someone approaching from the side of the house caught her attention. Long strands of Kinan’s hair flew about him in the afternoon breeze. The knot of hair at the base of his neck looked messy, no doubt from the day’s work. Sleeves rolled up, top two buttons of his shirt undone, he possessed a casual air that Deirdre very much enjoyed. He was far enough away that she didn’t think he had heard them. She felt guilty for the relief that washed over her at that, and wasn’t sure which man made her feel that way.

  She took another step away from Dylan just as Kinan turned their way.

  “Deirdre, there you are. Hello, Dylan,” Kinan said, voice darkening at Dylan’s name. Though his posture tensed, he smiled as he looked back at Deirdre. “Cat asked me to fetch you to begin the preparations for the party tonight.”

  The very mention of the engagement party caused excitement to course through her. Returning his smile, she nodded. But as she turned to Dylan, she was unable to hold that smile. “Perhaps we’ll see you at the party.”

  “You may at that. I hope you’ll think about what I said.”

  The encouraged look on his face almost made her regret her w
ords. It didn’t help that Kinan stood so close by. Acutely aware of both their gazes on her, she strode around Dylan and down the steps. Before marrying, she had often enjoyed the attention of multiple men. It had been fun. Now that she was actually interested in two men at once, she found it frustrating. She left Dylan standing on her half-built front porch and accepted Kinan’s offered arm, allowing him to lead her away.

  Several strides later, Kinan leaned in and asked her, “That man always seems to be telling you to think about his words.” Oddly, he was right, and she really wasn’t sure what to think about that. Halfway to the horses’ enclosure, Kinan spoke again. “I’m very much looking forward to you ladies charming everyone tonight.”

  Doubt tried to worm its way into her. “Do you really think they’ll be charmed by us? It would mean so much to me if they embraced Cat and Sadie.”

  Kinan surprised her with a hearty laugh. “The townsfolk of Goldenvale don’t stand a chance. You could charm a bear awakening from hibernation,” he said.

  “Hardly! But that’s not to say I wouldn’t try.”

  Kinan erupted into further laughter and didn’t stop. The carefree sound soon had her joining in. Worries forgotten, they laughed until they cried, neither one feeling the eyes watching them from the shadows.

  Chapter 18

  Hand touching down between the loops of pine garland that ran the length of the railing, Deirdre made her way slowly down the stairs. The modern—and slightly scandalous—high-heel boots she wore didn’t hinder her steps at all. She walked slowly, so she could survey the grand room and foyer from above. The sight made her breath catch so completely that one black-lace-gloved hand flew to her breast.

  Garland decorated with bright red holly berries led into a room filled with white, gold, red, and green decorations. Gold ribbon hung in great coils from the ceiling, and red and white velvet runners adorned the tables along the wall that held refreshments. The scents of sugar and spice filled the entire inn with a delicious, decadent aroma that made her mouth water. Even the dance floor sparkled with scattered sugar, an indulgence of hers that Kinan had been excited to try. The result was nothing short of spectacular. True, it would require a lot of mopping tomorrow, but she was all too happy to lend her hands to the task.