Shaking some sense into herself, she quickly rinsed her hands under the tap. Drying them with a paper towel, she tried to steady her breathing as she waited for the man who occupied her thoughts to walk in.
‘Hi,’ Kern greeted her when he strolled into the room moments later, filling the spacious area with his charisma. The black jumper he wore brought out the blue of his eyes, sending those fizzles into manic spins.
‘What’s wrong?’ she asked, shoving her hands into her white lab coat’s pockets.
He chuckled and stepped further into the room. ‘Now, why do you think there’s something wrong?’
She wrinkled her nose. ‘Because you mostly search me out when you want a favour,’ she pointed out.
He slapped a hand to his chest in mock pain. ‘There you go again—hurting my male pride with your cruel but unfortunately true observations.’ He shook his head. ‘And it really is true, isn’t it?’
She nodded. ‘Yep.’
‘But what you haven’t realised is that although I may want something from you—normally your expertise—I always give back in return.’
She snorted. ‘Really?’
‘Yes,’ he insisted. ‘The night you tended Evie, I gave you a piggyback.’
She folded her arms and leaned against the cupboards behind her. ‘Yes, you did. How silly of me to forget.’
‘And when we travelled to check out the horse, I provided a meal—’
‘Your aunt did,’ she corrected. ‘She made all the food.’
‘Only because I don’t have use of a kitchen,’ he said smoothly.
She shook her head and demanded, ‘Okay MacKinley, what are you after this time?’
He grinned. ‘Your professional skills.’
‘Again?’ she huffed. ‘You do realise there’s more to me than my job, don’t you?’
He let his eyes slowly run over her, visually caressing each and every curve of her body. ‘Oh, believe me, Ruby... I am more than conscious of that fact.’
Blushing, she straightened. ‘Which horse needs my help this time?’
‘I suspect Mabel Star has a blocked tear duct. She has gunk weeping from her left eye.’
Ruby nodded, mindful that her next patient must have arrived. ‘Okay, I’ll pop in on my way home from work and take a look.’
‘Thank you.’
She called out to him as he turned to leave. ‘My favours come with a price, MacKinley.’
He glanced back with a strange, almost sad expression on his face. ‘I know that, Ruby. Believe me, I know...’
* * *
Ruby parked her car on the dirt track outside the MacKinley stables, smiling when she spotted Kern strolling out to meet her. The man’s easy saunter always made her stop and take a breath—his loose movements were a sight to relish.
‘Hey,’ he said, opening her door. ‘Thanks for stopping by.’
Ruby slipped out, her heart-rate skipping as she straightened up in the small space between the man and the car. A space Kern appeared in no rush to widen.
‘No problem. You suspect a blocked tear duct?’
‘Yeah,’ Kern said, finally stepping away. ‘The discharge from her eye has increased since this morning.’
Ruby grabbed her medical case from the back seat. ‘I have everything here to flush out any blockage—except an assistant to help me.’
Kern slipped her case from her hold before she could argue and offered, ‘I work well under instruction. Will I do?’
She scoffed and followed him towards the stables. ‘Not from what I’ve seen, MacKinley. I’d say you’re a rebel at heart.’
She followed him through the entrance, her eyes flicking to his very nice backside, encased in the usual worn jeans. His blue-and-white-checked shirt sat half untucked at the waistband. Ruby’s fingers itched to explore beneath the material. To lift the fabric and slide her hands inside over his warm flesh.
The trouble was his remarks earlier, as he’d left the practice, concerned her.
Was he still struggling with his conscience? Concerned that it was too soon after he’d lost his wife? Worried that people might judge him for moving on? That he owed his wife a decent mourning period even though it seemed their marriage, by Kern’s own statements, hadn’t included any closeness towards the end. Did the chemistry between them distress him? Or did the difference in age really matter to him?
Friends didn’t kiss passionately. So what were they? Not friends with benefits. Surely he didn’t see them as such a thing? She wished she knew how he felt, because then she might begin to understand her own feelings.
Did he worry that she wanted more than just kisses?
Did she want more?
Ruby’s gaze moved over the man once again, taking in every inch of his firm body and wide shoulders. Yes, she did—and not only physically. She craved Kern’s company when they were apart. She dreamt about him at night. She desired his kisses and wanted the right to take one whenever the urge came over her.
She wanted Kern MacKinley. Every single bit of him. And that fact scared her and excited her.
She yearned for the right to pull him close and run her tongue along the curve of his neck. To tug his shirt apart, flick the buttons who cared where and scatter kisses over his chest and stomach.
‘Ruby?’
Blinking, she dragged herself from her luscious wondering. ‘If you can lead Mabel Star out here into the aisle, where there’s more room to examine her, that would be wonderful.’
‘Of course.’
She was aware that the procedure for clearing a horse’s blocked tear duct could be challenging. ‘Most horses hate having the flush done,’ she told him. ‘She might fidget quite a bit.’
Kern nodded and headed to the rear of the stables to fetch the mare. Ruby sorted through her equipment, pushing all unanswered questions and queries from her mind. Pondering over what Kern thought and indulging in scrumptious fantasies would have to wait. Right now, Mabel Star required all her attention.
When the comforting and familiar clip-clop of hoofs on concrete sounded in the aisle, Ruby turned and waited for man and horse to reach her before she slowly approached the mare.
Examining the left eye, she studied the crusty discharge weeping heavily from the corner. ‘Okay, it’s probably an obstruction. She hasn’t hit her nose recently?’
‘Not that I’ve seen.’
Ruby nodded. ‘First I’ll flood the eye with fluorescein dye. After five minutes we’ll have a clearer idea as to what’s going on.’
Kern nodded, and continued to hold Mabel Star while Ruby fetched the dye and applied it. After a few minutes, when hardly any dye had dripped out of the mare’s nose, it was obvious the problem was down to a blockage.
‘Right, I suggest we sedate Mabel Star, and then place a tube inside the tear duct at the nostril end and flush it out with saline. That should remove any build-up that’s inside.’
She stopped when footsteps sounded behind her and Kern’s friend Jacob walked through the entrance.
Kern remained holding Mabel Star, but nodded to his friend. ‘Back already? Anyone would think you like it here. Two visits in a week?’
Jacob grinned. ‘Yeah... Had a call from a friend in Ireland. Thought that as I was passing on the way to the airport I’d pop in and see if you’ve thought any more about that job offer.’
‘I’m considering it,’ Kern said, though most of his attention stayed on Mabel Star. ‘I’ve called the man and set up a meeting.’
‘Good.’ Jacob indicated the horse. ‘Problem?’
‘Blocked tear duct. Nothing Ruby can’t fix.’
Warmed by his faith in her ability, Ruby sedated Mabel Star and gathered everything she needed. Flushing out a horse’s tear duct was tricky, especially if the horse resented the intrusion of the tube inserted into the tear duct. An
d horses always did. Though she didn’t blame them. Having something shoved into her nose by a stranger would hardly impress Ruby, either.
Laying a gentle hand on the mare’s face, she did her best to reassure the old girl, conscious of Jacob and Kern close by.
Kern nodded at his friend. ‘Safe journey. Stay in the saddle and in your own bed.’
Jacob laughed. ‘I’ll do my best. Seriously, keep thinking about the offer. It’s a good one. And give me first dibs on riding your next champion.’
‘I will,’ Kern promised, glancing Ruby’s way.
Jacob nodded to Ruby before leaving the building.
Ruby waited for the sound of Jacob’s car being driven away before she asked, ‘Your friend has offered you a job?’
‘Yes,’ Kern confirmed. ‘He has connections with someone who’s eager for me to manage a yard for him. I’ve agreed to meet with him—that’s all.’
Ruby heart skipped. Neither Kern’s bland expression nor his tone gave away his feelings concerning the offer. Did it intrigue him enough to make him consider leaving Dorset?
‘Sounds interesting,’ she said.
Kern frowned. ‘Do you think so?’
She shrugged, only interested in what he thought. ‘What do you think?’
‘If I was young and starting off in the game again, I might consider it. But I’m not used to answering to anyone except the odd owner who hasn’t learnt to trust my opinion.’
Ruby gathered a thin tube and a syringe filled with saline. ‘She may pull and fuss while we do this,’ she warned.
‘I have her.’
Kern soothed Mabel Star, holding her head firmly. He stroked the mare’s ear as Ruby fed the tube into the small tear duct situated inside the nose. Mabel Star tugged for a moment, but settled long enough for Ruby to squirt the fluid inside. Seconds later a mixture of fluorescein dye and saline fluid gushed out of her eye.
‘But you’ve agreed to think about it?’ asked Ruby.
Kern soothed Mabel Star again as she tugged and stepped backwards.
Confident the procedure had removed any blockage, Ruby swapped sides and repeated the process in the mare’s other nostril. Within minutes both sides were washed out.
‘Yes,’ said Kern.
Ruby retrieved a wad of sterile tissue from her bag and mopped away the mess around Mabel Star’s eyes. ‘I suppose it is a way to return to racing...’
Kern snorted. ‘At the beck and call of a rich man who could cut me loose any time he chooses to? What if I went to work for him and then in a year’s time he decided to pack it in and invest in racing cars instead? I’d be cast aside and left in the dirt. Same for any staff who worked for me. I’ve seen it happen before.’
‘Yet you’re still considering it?’ she guessed, sensing his indecision, despite his reservations. ‘You must miss racing...’
Kern didn’t answer straight away, but when he did, he shrugged. ‘What else am I going to do, Ruby? As Eloise once pointed out, I know nothing else. My whole life has revolved around horses. From the time I sat on one to the day I lifted my last winner’s cup I’ve lived and breathed racing. And it’s not just about the winning. It’s the people, the smells, the kick of seeing a horse you’ve trained from a youngster and watched improve cross the winner’s line to the roar of the crowd. The relief when it’s comes home safe and well.’
She stared at the flickering emotions crossing his face as he spoke. A large part of her understood his words. She’d seen the same love for the sport in her father’s expression years before.
‘You love it,’ she said.
Kern nodded. ‘I do. But there’s a flipside to everything I’ve mentioned. If I start out on my own again, it will require a lot of work and time—God knows this land needs a small miracle to get it to a half-decent standard.’
‘But it would be yours,’ she reminded him, confident he could achieve it.
‘Yes,’ he agreed. ‘As well as all the debts and the bills. And all the headaches running a yard involves. Plus the added problem of Fin.’
‘You’ve done it before.’
His eyes met hers. ‘What do you think I should do?’
She pondered the question for a moment. Not sure how to advise him. Every career suffered highs and lows. He’d experienced both. ‘I think you should consider what you really want deep in your heart. You’re in a better position this time because you’ve done it once and understand what’s required.’
‘I’ve also lost everything,’ he said ruefully.
Ruby stroked a hand down Mabel Star’s face. ‘Your wife was sick, Kern. You need to forgive what she did.’
‘I do forgive her.’ He smiled softly. ‘I always forgave her. I think maybe that was the problem. I was weak.’
‘For loving someone so deeply? Isn’t that what real love is? Not simply the sweet, loving times, but the rough moments too? From what you’ve told me, you saw your wife as your friend too. And a good friend doesn’t let go when things get tough. A friend grips on—even if it’s hard, and perhaps the love changes and ebbs—a friend cares enough to shelter a person when they need it. I think Corinne trusted you to do so...trusted you to be her safety. I doubt she meant to do what she did. I think perhaps it’s like you said. She hit her final place where everything became too much.’
‘So wise...’ Kern murmured.
‘Your aunt once said we survive trauma and move on. Let Corinne go and do the same. I think it’s time.’
‘Maybe...’ he said. ‘I’ll put Mabel Star in her stable.’
Ruby reached out and stopped him. ‘When do you meet with this man?’
He let out a long sigh. ‘The morning of the parade. I figure I’ve nothing to lose by listening to him. What is there to keep me here? A derelict stable? Weed-thick land?’
Me, Ruby whispered in her heart. I’m here if you’d open your blinkered eyes and see how much I care for you.
‘So our kisses meant nothing to you?’ The question escaped and hung between them. Flushing, she turned away. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to ask that.’
Kern reached for her. ‘Ruby, I—’
‘Don’t!’ she snapped, suddenly fed up with his indecision. ‘Don’t stand there and lie to me. If they were just a way to pass the time, then have the guts to say so. I’m a woman, not a child. I can take the truth.’
‘Of course they weren’t. I told you there’s a strong connection—’
‘But not strong enough for you to consider taking it further than kisses,’ she guessed, suddenly feeling foolish. She sounded like a teenager, whining because a hot boy wished to dump her.
But she couldn’t help feeling used by Kern. One minute she’d believed they were friends and the next they’d been kissing, making her think he wanted to take their relationship further. But now he was talking about leaving and the knowledge hurt. Really hurt.
‘Look, it’s okay,’ she insisted. ‘If I was just a bit of fun—’
‘Don’t you dare insult either of us with that comment. The truth is I desire you. I want to take you to bed right now and love you hard. I ache to kiss every inch of your soft skin. Taste you until I crave no other flavour in my mouth. But I daren’t. Because I fail people. I failed Corinne, I failed the owners of the horses who put their trust in me, and I failed my family when I stayed away.’
‘You didn’t fail—’
‘I did. But I swear to God I am not going to fail you. I’m not going to see your respect and affection die because of what I fail to do. Yes, I want to hold you and kiss you, but I won’t—because what I feel here in my heart is more than I have ever felt for anyone else. We could never be just friends, Ruby, because I’d always yearn for more. And if we took it further and it all went wrong it would break my heart completely.’
‘But what if I want to take the risk?’ she asked. ‘Don’t you care abo
ut what I want?’
‘I refuse to let you take the risk.’
‘Coward!’ she spat, furious that he thought he could make that decision on her behalf.
‘What did you call me?’
‘A coward!’ she repeated. ‘You stand there, all proud and virtuous. Spouting declarations of how you’re doing it to protect me. The truth is you’re doing it to protect yourself. Because you’re a coward, too scared to take a chance.’
‘You don’t understand—’
‘Don’t patronise me!’ she yelled. ‘I understand that you won’t give us a chance of a relationship because you’re scared. I get that. I was scared for years until I came to Dorset and met you. You’ve helped me to see that being scared of life is no real life. You’ve shown me how much I’ve been missing out on.’
‘Ruby—’
‘I’m not Corinne. Any relationship we have will be ours. It will be different. Because I’m a different person. You cannot judge any future relationship with the same eyes as you did your marriage. Everyone is unique.’
‘I know.’
‘So don’t use your marriage as an excuse to conceal your fear. If you want to take this job, then go. If you want to stay—fine. But don’t bother me unless you meant those kisses and you want to build on them. It takes courage to pick up and start living again. Just make a decision and get on with it.’
Grabbing her belongings together, she rushed from the stables, ignoring the pain in her chest and the overwhelming urge to cry.
‘Ruby!’
Forcing herself to keep going, she jumped in her car and drove away. If Kern didn’t want a relationship, then it was his loss. Any man she let inside her heart would be there because he wanted her more than anything else in life. If Kern didn’t feel that, then it was better to let him go.
CHAPTER TWELVE
RUBY SWIPED THE wet flannel over her face and stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. For the first time in weeks, months, or maybe even years, she studied her uncovered features with a critical focus she normally avoided.
Awakening His Shy Vet Page 15
