Insight

by Tina Engel

  “Do you remember anything?” my mom asked again.

  I couldn’t very well tell them that I hadn’t been here, but was in Terrafirma, a fey realm attached to earth, and that I was really a fey princess, out to save our world and many others. They would lock me up.

  But my mom, does she know? I wondered.

  I shook my head, still trying to grasp what was happening. “Take this out of my arm please.” I begged as I lifted the arm with the IV in it.

  The nurse looked worried as my dad grumbled again, “Do it! She is awake now.”

  “We should get the doctor first.” The nurse said timidly. I gathered my dad made her nervous. He gave her a stern look and she removed the IV.

  I got up as my mom helped me, saying, “I don’t think you should be getting up, you’re weak.” But I continued to rise and she assisted then.

  When I stood, the room started to spin just a bit, and I heard my grandmother, Varda say, “Take it slow, child, you have plenty of time to adjust.”

  I gasped as I heard her, and hoped that when the room stopped spinning, I would be back in Terrafirma with Varda.

  I was still in the room, in the nursing home, with my human mom and dad. I took small steps, heading over to a mirror. I wanted to see what I looked like. I was after all a middle aged woman, when I left here and an 18 year old fey when I left Terrafirma.

  When I got to the mirror, I was shocked at what I saw. It was me, human Emilee, but I looked younger, much younger. My hair was long and wavy, not a grey hair in sight and my face appeared smoother, less wrinkles, of course I didn’t have many before anyway, but I was younger.

  My mom said, with a bit of concern in her voice, “When we found you and they cleaned you up, you seemed to have, well how do I say it, you looked younger. The doctors think that the trauma you experienced, either in the house before the explosion, or out in the forest, changed you somehow.

  “Usually it will age a person, causing hair to turn completely grey, but with you, it did the opposite. They ran every test they could think to run. You were healthy, and if they were to guess your age, if not knowing, they would have guessed late twenties.”

  “What happened?” I asked again.

  “They said it was a natural gas explosion under your house. Funny though, it also ignited the tree out front and all that is left of it is a burnt stump.” My dad said, with a concerned and baffled expression on his face.

  He continued, “And how you got all the way out in the forest, we still don’t quite understand.”

  I touched my cheeks, strange, just skin, and my ears, no earrings on them. I was Emilee, fey Emilee but as a human, different than before but they, my parents didn’t see me differently, only younger.

  My mom, standing behind me smiled, gathered my hair in her hands and bringing it back to lay down my back, kissed me on the cheek and said, “Everything is fine, you are right where you need to be.”

  Suddenly the door opened and in came a man in a doctor’s coat. “Well now Emilee, it looks like you came back to us. You had us all convinced that you were out there, somewhere else, living a totally different life.” He said as he laughed. “Come now, back to bed so I can take a look at you, and everyone, out until I’m done.”

  Dad started to object but I assured him that it was okay so that there wouldn’t be any confrontation. I wanted this checkup over with and to go home. But where was home? It sounded like my home was gone, destroyed, as well as the tree. The tree that started it all.

  Mom and dad left, but not until mom gave me a tight hug, again, and dad just brushed my cheek with his hand and smiled, saying, “We’ve missed that sweet smile.” And I gave him a grin.

  The doctor checked me out, listened to my heart, and that gave me a bit of a scare, but he didn’t seem to hear anything other than what a human’s heart would sound like. He asked me questions about what I remembered last and I couldn’t tell him the truth, so I racked my brain, trying to remember what life was like before the craziness started.

  I told him that it was the beginning of spring, and there was a storm coming and customers were stocking up with groceries and necessities, as did I. I told him about my visit with my mom and dad, having lunch, napping, playing scrabble and dinner, before I went home. Of course then the fun began.

  “When did my house explode, when did this happen?” I asked.

  The doctor didn’t answer right away, as he got up and went over to the window. “That is the last thing you remember, Emilee?” And he paused, waiting for me to answer. I assumed he was waiting for me to continue, but I had nothing else to say.

  “It happened mid-fall. You have no memories at all after your visit with your parents last spring?” The doctor asked, trying to act calm, but I could see he was concerned.

  I shook my head, knowing that it wasn’t me, here after my visit with my parents, but the other Emilee, and she had the memories, not me. But then, I was here now, not her. Where was she, or am I her and just had a very strange and bad dream, or nightmare, more like it? But it wasn’t all bad. Brett, I loved him, he was real, they all were.

  The doctor came over to me then and patted me on the head as if I were a child, and said calmly, “No worries Emilee, short term amnesia can be common during times of trauma. I’m sure you will remember more, as the days go on.”

  The doctor let my parents back into the room and was happy to inform my parents as well as me, that I seemed fine. He wasn’t going to worry about my short term memory loss and tried to be optimistic, for my parents’ sake.

  He wanted me to stay in the nursing home for a few more days, while my body got used to solid food again, since I had been on a liquid diet for so long. He also wanted to run a few tests just to make sure that my body was taking in the nutrients properly, so he said.

  I started to fuss, but it did no good, for everyone was in agreement. Mom let me know that my room upstairs was ready for me and we had so much catching up to do.

  We had a new neighbor across the street who had been doing some house repairs for them, since dad was getting too old to do some of the more strenuous work. They had taken in a boarder, also, to help with bills. Mom was excited for me to meet her, she felt that we would get along well.

  When I was alone, I got back up and went back to the mirror. Looking at myself, I was still shocked. How could I be human again but look like I did in the fey’s realm and no one seems to notice? And the human Emilee, were we one and the same? Two different Emilees, one in each Realm, but were we really just one?

  The food I must admit, was not real tasty but I ate, even though I had not much of an appetite for this human food. It was tasteless and drab. I roamed the halls when I could, wanting to regain my strength. It was an odd feeling, being weak when I had been so strong.

  I spent time with the elderly patients and it seemed that my touch, did something for them and they for me, for with every visit, every physical touch, my strength seemed to increase, as did the light in their eyes, brighten.

  I longed for the nights, however, for that was when I could see him, Brett. He was there, just out of reach, but there. Sometimes even during the days, if I shut my eyes, and was very still, I could feel him. Silly I know, but I believed that I could.

  They kept me there, in that blasted, (as my dad would say), nursing home for a week until finally the day came, that the doctor released me. I was excited but also frightened. I would be going back to my childhood home, next door to my home that didn’t exist anymore. I would sleep in the bed that I slept in as a child and look out the window at what was left of the tree, just a charred stick.

  I wondered, more often as days went by, could it have all been just a dream? Was I not special, at all? I was different though, than before this all began, before I met Brett and he took me on an incredible journey, an adventure that tested me beyond my wildest imagination. I was not just different in looks, but in the way I viewed the world, every speck of dirt, every living creature, was a truly amazing
miracle.

  Chapter 25

  Friends from the past,

  They are never far away,

  Always close, tucked safely

  In your memories.

  We pulled up to my parents’ house and I could see where my house had once stood, was now an empty lot. They had removed what had been left standing, just the fireplace chimney still stood, and a concrete slab that was once a floor, and the partial basement, which I assumed was there, even though I couldn’t see it.

  I relived for a moment, the terror I had experienced in that space, not just the beginning of my adventure with Brett, but my life with Stephan, for it had all been a lie and I viewed it differently now. It was my mom who brought me back, asking if I was alright.

  “Yes”, I said, “just tired all of a sudden.” As I tried to smile and act like I was okay even though I didn’t feel it at that moment.

  As I got out of the car, on the side next to the sidewalk, I heard someone call from across the street, “Hello, Katie and Willy.”

  My mom helped me out, and looking up, responded, “Hi” as she waved.

  I turned to see who she was waving to and as I did, the sight I saw nearly knocked me off my feet.

  “Brett” I whispered, and had to hold onto the car, because I thought I was going to fall. The world seemed to be spinning.

  My mom grabbed hold of me and said, “Emilee, are you alright? What did you say, dear?” As I pulled myself together.

  I looked down at the ground. It was solid and I was awake, just tired, I decided. A shadow appeared at my feet then, and I looked up as my mom introduced the neighbor from across the street. She said, “Emilee, this is Brett. He lives in the house over there.” As she pointed.

  It was Brett, my Brett, only in human form. I couldn’t talk, I just stared. It seemed like an eternity that we just stared at each other.

  My mom finally said, with worry in her voice, “Emilee, honey, are you okay?

  I looked at my mom, smiled and then looked back at Brett. It couldn’t be him, I was just hallucinating, but no, it looked like Brett.

  “Brett?” I said, more in question than statement.

  Brett reached out his hand and I put mine in his as he said, “Emilee, it’s so nice to finally meet you. I have heard so much about you over the last few weeks, since I moved in. Your parents are great, helping me to feel welcome. I know how happy they are to have you home.”

  As he was saying this, and I had to really focus to understand what he was saying, I felt it, very slight, a vibration, an electrical current attaching us together. He felt it too, I was sure, for he looked from our hands to my face several times as he spoke.

  “Home?” I said, with more a questioning tone than a statement.

  “Brett?” I said again, and he just smiled, that same silly grin that I so loved, as he took his hand from mine. The feeling ended, but the look of curiosity on Brett’s face remained.

  “Brett” my mom said, “I think we need to get her into the house. How about you come over for dinner tonight? At least let us feed you in payment for your hard work, over at Emilee’s house.

  “I’d love that Mrs. Stevens. After the last meal you fed me, I look forward to another wonderful meal, and getting to know Emilee better.” Brett said, as he smiled at me and continued, “It was nice meeting you Emilee and I look forward to tonight.”

  I still didn’t quite know what to say so I just smiled as mom led me towards the house and dad got out my bags.

  The door suddenly flew open and out ran a young woman, who bounded down the steps, to stand in front of me.

  “Rose!” I exclaimed.

  Everyone looked at me then and my mom asked, “Do you know each other?”

  Rose looked at me funny and shook her head side to side. I immediately said, “No, but you told me about her and called her Rose. That is her name, isn’t it?” Even though they had never told me her name.

  Rose smiled that same wonderful sweet smile as she said, “Yes.” And gave me a hug, and said with humor in her voice, “I’m so glad you’re home. I need someone young around so maybe your parents will stop fussing over me so much.”

  My head was spinning, my heart was racing and suddenly there was movement on the porch, a black cat, with a patch of white over one eye, came out from under a chair.

  “Lily?” was all I said, before it all went black.

  I woke, but I kept my eyes closed for some time, just lying there, wherever I was. I could feel the soft, warm sheets, several blankets on top, and smelling the air, I knew it was my old room. I was sure, but still wondered, had I seen what I thought I saw? Were Brett, Rose and Lily, here in the human’s world but looking very much human? Well, Lily a cat, a real cat?

  I opened my eyes slowly, and yes, I was in my room, in my old bed, under the covers and the warmth of the bed and aroma in the air, was truly amazing. I tucked the blanket up tighter under my chin and took a deep, long breath. The scent of an old house, my childhood home was welcoming and ordinary. Nothing strange was here as I looked around, no odd sounds.

  Maybe I had just been seeing things. Maybe the man across the street isn’t Brett at all, and the girl staying here isn’t Rose, and my dad hates cats, it must be a neighbor’s.

  Suddenly something pounced on the foot of the bed and I felt, whatever it was, creeping up towards me. I sucked in a large breath, told myself to stop being a chicken, after all, look at what I had just endured for months, and I lifted my head to see what was there to greet me or hurt me.

  “Lily.” I whispered, as I sat up, and she crawled into my lap.

  I sat frozen at first, not believing what I was seeing, but then I reached out slowly and patted her head. She started to purr and rub her face against my stomach for a minute or two and then, having had enough, she meandered down to the end of the bed, walked around in circles a few times and then laid down and started to clean herself.

  “Lily.” I said again, “is it really you?”

  She looked up at me with a sparkle in her eyes and went back to cleaning herself.

  “Please Lily” I pleaded, if it’s you, please talk to me. I don’t know if I’m losing my mind. Talk to me if you can.”

  Again Lily looked at me, but this time with a smile on her face, if a cat could smile, that is. She got up, jumped off the bed and as the door opened, and Rose peeked her head in, Lily ran out.

  “Emilee, is it alright if I come in? I heard you talking as I was walking by your door and figured that mangy cat, somehow got in. She does show up in the strangest places at times.” Rose said, as she entered the room.

  I smiled and waved Rose in, as I leaned against the headboard. Rose left the door open a bit, and came over to sit in a chair next to the bed.

  “I hope it wasn’t me that caused you to faint, but that silly cat, who is so annoying.” Rose started.

  I chuckled at this, it was so Rose, to talk about Lily in that manner, but then, they can’t really be them, now can they? I thought.

  “Rose? That is your name?” I asked sheepishly, not wanting to sound silly.

  “Yes, it is.” Rose said with pride.

  “The cat’s name is Lily?” I continued.

  With a curious look on her face, Rose answered, “Yes.”

  And the man across the street? Is Brett?” I finished.

  Rose, with a look of uncertainty said, “Yes.”

  I didn’t say anything else. Wasn’t sure what to say. I felt confused and foolish. They were here, all three of them but Rose didn’t seem to know me, I didn’t think.

  Do I start talking about Terrafirma and realize that she is my Rose, or freak her out and have her go to mom and dad and then be committed?

  But then, I thought that mom knew, maybe. I still hadn’t had the nerve to ask her. Would she admit to knowing all along what I was, or would she know nothing about Terrafirma and me being a princess, and then have me committed to a home for the insane?

  “Are you alright, Emilee?” Asked
Rose.

  I smiled and decided it wasn’t a good time to discuss Terrafirma. Either I was crazy or she really didn’t remember who she was or…or what?

  “Yes, I’m fine, I just wanted to make sure I was remembering names. Since I don’t seem to remember the last months before the accident or the accident itself, I was just checking.” I said with a confident tone.

  I saw it then, a necklace around Rose’s neck, on a silver chain. It was an emerald green dragon. I took a calm breath before I asked, “Your dragon, I mean necklace?” I stated uncomfortably. “It’s beautiful.”

  Rose, stroked it as if petting an animal and smiled, saying, “Yes, a dragon, isn’t it beautiful? She keeps me company, I think it’s a good luck charm. Someone gave it to me…” Then Rose got quiet with a questioning expression and mumbled, “But I can’t remember who, but they said to keep it safe.”

  The door opened then and in came mom with a tray that held two steaming mugs of something and a plate that held her famous chocolate chip cookies. I could tell by the smell, before she set it on the bed next to me.

  “Oh good, you’re awake.” Mom said with glee. “I was hoping you would be, and are you feeling better?”

  I smiled and nodded as she continued, “I wasn’t sure if I should call the doctor, but Brett carried you upstairs for us and we decided to just let you rest.”

  At the sound of mom saying, Brett, my heart pounded a bit harder and my mind wandered away from the questioning of the dragon necklace that Rose had around her neck.

  Mom was still talking but I wasn’t hearing anything she was saying. My mind was back in the underworld, as I was draining Brett of his life force. The sadness and emptiness that I felt, came rushing back.

  It was Rose who brought me back to the present, as she put her hand on my hand. I turned and looked at her and then back down at the dragon, as she questioned, “Emilee, are you okay?”

  Her sweet, concerned look was tender and full of kindness. I looked up at mom and she had a look of worry, also.

  “Oh, I’m fine, I guess I am just a bit overwhelmed with the lack of memory and all.”