“Ouch!” I squeal before I recoil away from him.
“I apologize, dear,” he offers as he gives my knee a tender pat.
“Scarlet, I believe you’re ready to be discharged,” Dr. Greenburg reveals as he makes notes in my DLC file.
“Now, this does not mean that you can return to the life you had before October, 2012. You’ll need to rest and recuperate. Your life may never return to your norm—are you prepared for that?” Dr. Blantz questions as the skin surrounding her eyes and mouth crease with concern. I sigh in indifference while I nod to acknowledge her statement.
“Try to contain your excitement,” Dr. Greenburg jokes before he gives my hand a pat.
I manage to smile and say, “Forgive me, I just feel tired.” As if on cue, a yawn surges from my mouth.
Dr. Blantz and Dr. Greenburg wrap up our session, then Olive is summoned to wheel me back to my room.
“Tomorrow will be a better day. And, it’ll be Friday, March 1st! Whaaat-whaaat!” Olive exclaims before she shimmies her shoulders and raises her hands into the air. Her full, red lips spread into a luminous smile. Olive lifts me into my bed, then gives my hand a squeeze before she shuts my bedroom door.
With effort, I readjust my legs, then continue to ignore Kate’s diabolical scowl. “I know you see me, my sweet. You can’t ignore me forever,” she moans while rubbing at her center.
She can’t hurt you. Your meds will eventually make her go away—forever.
Kate stalks toward me before taking a seat on my bed where she stares at me with a lust-filled glare. Weeks ago, I realized that, although I can still see her, she can no longer touch me. Well, I can no longer feel her. She’s there, always there. But her possession is done, and now she’s just always there—the demon that haunts my mind.
Every night I pray that she’ll leave me alone. Some nights, I dream with my mother. She comforts me by reassuring me that things will get better, that eventually Kate will leave. Thus, I concluded that as long as Kate cannot touch me, then no one will ever need to know about her.
“I miss being in your head,” she moans as she fails to fondle my breast. Her touch pierces through me, but I feel nothing. I continue to ignore her until she finally disappears, as she often does when she grows bored of me.
Friday March 1st, 2013
Today’s the day. Today, Dr. Blantz will decide when I’ll be discharged from DLC. I’m unsure if it’s excitement or if it’s tolerance to my medication. I’m much more alert today than I have been in months. While I wait for my discharge, I call Violet. The first five minutes of our conversation are a revelation that Benjamin called her last night to tell her that a truck with all my possessions appeared at his home.
Violet pauses then with caution, reveals, “Dad called David’s cell and a woman answered…” A shock-fueled gasp clamors from my mouth. She continues, “This woman said that David surrendered his birthing center to Greg and all of his possessions are now hers.” Again, she pauses. My heart booms against my chest as I struggle with the inability to inhale
“Did she say where he is now?” I question as tears overflow from my eyes.
“She said that David mentioned being crushed by his fiancé’s mental demise, and that he needed to let go of anything that reminded him of her.” I feel the familiar plummet of misery as an abysmal sorrow rips through me. Kate presses herself against me then combs her fingers through my hair and whispers against my neck, “I’m here, my sweet. I’d never leave you.” Repulsion vibrates through me.
“Dad said he moved what he could into your old room. He also mentioned that you’ll have to check to make sure that all of your possessions are accountable.” Violet’s tone is gentle, but the power of the truth makes my mourning dwindle toward despair. Kate continues to stroke her fingers through my hair, and I thank the Lord that I can’t feel her affection.
Violet promises that it will all work out, and that eventually my life will return to normal. She sends me kisses through the phone before she ends our call. With keen effort, I struggle to wheel my chair to my room.
“Scarlet!” Olive booms from the other end of the hallway. “Wait up!” she exclaims as she shuffles toward me.
I stop to wait for her to help me through the door. “I told you I’d be right back to help,” she scolds in a playful manner.
“I know,” I reply in defeat. I thought I could tend to myself, but obviously I’m a disaster. As fragile as I feel, it’s recognizable that I’d need a homecare nurse. Nonetheless, I’m optimistic that if I try, maybe I won’t need an attendant.
“You have to take it easy, girlfriend,” she retorts as she uses steady hands to guide me through the doorframe.
“I’d like to try to lift myself—”
Olive interrupts me, “Scarlet, sugar, you need to rest. Or you’ll end up at NNH again.” Olive’s muscular frame allows her to lift me with ease before she places me on my bed. I huff in frustration before she declares, “Look. Give it time. You’ll return to who you were, but you have to stay patient.” Olive lets me know that she’ll return to wheel me toward Dr. Blantz’s office once my appointment nears. As usual, she gives me her luminous smile and a hand wave before she leaves my room.
“You can’t ignore me forever,” Kate’s high-pitched growls cause the room to tremble. She charges toward me, and a surge of energy pours out from her claws as she attempts to enter my vessel, but instead, she launches into the next room.
Moments pass, and Kate neglects to return. Drowsiness looms, so I allow sleep to engulf me. Sand tickles at my face as a swift breeze frolics through my hair. Step after step, I relish in the warmth of the sun’s rays. A sea-salt-infused gust encircles me before I submerge myself into the clear, vibrant ocean.
Sand shifts beneath my toes, and I embrace the tepid ocean that enfolds me. I linger under the oceanic surface and glance at the skyline above me. My eyes begin to burn, so I rush to break through to the water’s surface. Seagulls flutter above me; one swoops in, entangling itself in my hair.
My hair tugs at the nape of my neck. “Ouch,” I squeal while I scuffle to detach the seagull’s foot from my hair. Laughter from my right startles me. In a sharp jolt, I shift to see Clara wading in the water next to me.
“That one got you good,” she blurts out as she helps smooth out my hair. Next, we tread through the water, hand-in-hand. Tears brim then break from my eyes while I dig my toes into the shore’s damp, dense sand.
“What’s the matter?” my mother inquires as she swipes my tears away.
“I just…is this the only place I’ll ever walk normal again?” My pain-fueled squeals launch from my soul before my sobs and tears shatter from my core.
“Aw, Scarlet,” Clara states before she offers a hug. I fall into her arms and allow my tears to join the periodic waves that seek to pull us back into the sea.
Moments pass, and I allow my heart to purge all my uncertainties. Will I ever return to the Scarlet Rodrick I once was—before David? David, where are you?
“Mom?” I blurt out as I jerk my gaze to face her.
“Yes?” she offers, before she tilts her attentions down toward my face. Her irregular, lilac eyes glow at me.
“Can you see David? Could you find him for me?” I plead before a sob trembles against my lips.
“Scarlet, where David is, well…that’s something you’ll have to wait for.” She turns her attention to the shoreline. My hopes to see David ever again descend just like the atmospheric temperature and sun’s position.
My mother begins to speak, but similar to how she appeared, she vanishes. I’m alone on the familiar, yet unknown, beach. I recline to absorb my surroundings. A shiver surges through me as the moon takes center-stage.
Before I’m able to finish counting the luminescent stars that are above me, I hear Olive call my name.
“Scarlet, it’s time to see Dr. Blantz.” A gentle nudge returns me to my bleak reality. I open my eyes to my dull-colored DLC room. Olive’s navy-blue scrub
s are the only glimpse of cheer.
“Would you like to take a bathroom break before we go to Dr. Blantz’s office?” she offers as she lifts me and then sets me in my wheelchair.
“Olive, do you know if I’ll be discharged with a wheelchair?” I question in a timid tone. I’m too embarrassed to even face her, so I stare at my limp legs.
“I’m not sure…”
Following my bathroom break, she’s silent for the duration of our trip to Dr. Blantz’s office. What was meant to be a calm environment has created a numb effect; a direct result of the lifeless pastels that adorn DLC’s interior.
As we near Dr. Blantz’s office, the jolly doctor booms from behind us, “Thank you, Olive. I’ll push Scarlet from here.” Olive stops, says her farewell, then departs toward the opposite direction.
“Can you believe that in less than a week you’ll have been here for three months?” Her chipper tone increases my melancholy. A sigh of annoyance deflates my posture as I slump down into my wheelchair.
“What’s bothering you, dear?” she inquires as we make a smooth turn into her office. She wheels me directly in front of her desk, then with haste, she shuffles to take her seat. She flicks a loose strand of hair out of her face and readjusts her glasses.
“I meant to wear my contacts today,” she shares with a guilt-weighed smile. After a quick search, she discovers my patient file and makes a swift note before she returns her gaze to mine.
“Why so glum, hun?” She departs from her desk to take root in the chair facing me.
Tears brim at my eyes, and a whimper trembles from my lips. “I just…” My voice cracks, then I finally find the courage to ask, “Please tell me the truth, will I ever be me again?”
She inhales, twists her lips to the right and offers, “Scarlet, your recovery timeline is influenced most by you.” She straightens up and then states that my resilience and willpower to return to my normal life are a direct result of my effort during my inevitable physical therapy.
“Your body and mind are weak due to the unknown pathogen as well as the necessary treatment. But, you survived and made it to this point. So focus on that—the good.” She shifts in her seat, waiting for my response.
An exhalation huffs from my nose. I divert my attention to her office. Landscape paintings and silk flowers adorn the walls and most of the office’s surfaces. The green and blue palette remind me of the home I shared with Violet.
“Do you feel ready to leave?” Her question returns my attention to my pending discharge.
Tears threaten at my lids, and I choke back the urge to release my emotional frustrations. Time passes while Dr. Blantz allows me time to reflect.
“I…” My words fail to form, but then I manage to confess, “I have nothing positive to look forward to. My adoptive mother is in rehab, and my adoptive father is on the brink of his own meltdown. My adoptive sister has her career and relationship to focus on. And my other adoptive siblings want nothing to do with any of us that are here in Naples.”
David’s chiseled, bearded face flashes within my conscious, which induces every wonderful memory that I’ve ever shared with him to cycle in my mind. My fragile mental wall shatters as my threatening emotional downfall snowballs into more than necessary, incoherent, distressed cries.
Finally, after many, “Let it all out. This is what you need,” from Dr. Blantz, my once tattered soul feels cleansed by my emotional purge.
“Better?” she questions, before she returns her attention to her notes within my patient file. “Do you want to share what induced your emotional release?” She’s calm while she waits for my response.
My heart rate normalizes as I blow my nose with several nearby tissues. Then I gather the strength to speak. “No one has heard from David. I’m concerned if I’ll ever even see him again.” My nervous thumbs draw my attention away from Dr. Blantz’s face. I wait for her response.
A significant moment passes before she finally offers, “From what I learned of David, your psychosis was more of a death sentence to him. Similar to the aftermath of cancer, many relationships do not survive severe mental illness.” Her brows furrow as her lips twist into a pout. Her revelation crushes my hopes of ever uniting with David again. I stifle my tears and collect my strength to rebound from David’s abandonment. He’s just another person that held my heart then threw me away.
I thank her for her kindness and request to be returned to my room. Again, she inquires if I feel ready to return to the outside world. I respond with a simple, “No.”
Scarlet
“I love you,” David whispers into my ear. Cotton-candy-like clouds float above us, plush grass rests below us, and an array of grass-covered hills surrounds us. We’re on the smallest knoll, birds sing and soar while butterflies stop to perch on our limbs. This dreamscape is like no other. My fear startles me when I realize that David is in my dream. But only the deceased visit my dreams.
“Are you dead?” I ask. His eyes are heavy with guilt. But his lips, the lips I’ve missed more than anything, lure me to connect with him. No words are spoken, and at once, months of separation are unleashed onto that desolate grassy knoll.
One profound kiss after another, we connect while we frantically disrobe each other. I decline and fidget as I wait for David’s firm growth to thrust into me.
“I’ve missed you so, so much,” he huffs as he desperately rams in and out of me. Lush grass tickles at my bare skin as my legs wrap tight around his waist.
“I love you,” I whimper as he drives me into ecstasy.
After we’ve achieved our climaxes, we lie naked and silent. I tuck myself next to him and place his arm around my neck.
“Only the dead visit my dreams, David. Are you…dead?” I question as tears roll down my cheeks. He shifts to face me, and those intense brilliant-blue eyes induce me to melt into his embrace. His brows furrow with guilt before he returns his attention toward the purple butterfly that’s perched on my knee.
“What is it?” I inquire as I jab his side. “Please,” I plead in an almost inaudible tone.
Time passes and the wait becomes unbearable. I’m silent while my tears dampen David’s chest.
“I thought you were gone—forever,” he confesses. He begins to share what he describes as the worst several months of his life. First, he confesses that he was weak and emotionally fragile when Ivy fed on his need for companionship. Ivy, again?
“She lured me with kindness. I knew what I was doing was wrong. But after weeks of no response from you…I believed that you were gone.” He combs his fingers through his hair then averts his attention. I grab his chin and turn him to face me, to look into my eyes. Guilt weighs heavy at his face, and I know that everything Violet said is true.
Rage boils within in me, and with all my might I push him away. How could he just make love to me after he’s been with someone else? I draw my legs to my chin and hug them tight. Don’t cry for him, he doesn’t deserve your tears. I pray that my tears will stop, that my love for him will just fade. Images of him with someone else fill my mind and cause me to tremble with disgust.
Then, David states that when his conscious finally decided to do its job—after he ended it with Ivy—she flips-the-fudge out and assaults David. Perfect! Another psycho bitch.
“But…my most shameful action…” He pauses, then continues, “For weeks…she drugged me. She knew she could only have me that way.” The drug-induced stories David shares cause me to inch away from him.
“I was weak…” he pleads as he strokes at my arm.
“Did you overdose, too?” I scream as a sob quivers from my lips. Instantly, Clara’s reappearance and explanation to my abandonment replay in my mind. A gentle breeze dances on my face, and my tears stream from my lids then down to my collarbone. How did this happen to us?
He rolls his neck from side to side and reveals that his last memory is of Ivy and Gloria’s attack. “I just…I kept praying that I would see you again. I’ve missed you so much, Sc
arlet.” He attempts to kiss me, but I shift away from him. As I attempt to lift and leave his side, he places his hand in mine.
“I’m sorry…” His voice is fused with guilt. For a moment, I reflect on all the hardships we’ve endured.
“Will it ever be easy for us, David?” I question as I stare into his in bloodshot eyes. His brows furrow and his lips twist to one side.
David detaches his gaze from mine to stare at the landscape beyond the grassy knoll. Birds and butterflies flutter past us, and the sun’s rays dim as I bask in the enlarged sun’s descent into the horizon. Shades of marigold and rose mingle as the sun takes its bow. David intertwines his fingers with mine while we gaze at the majestic moon that now shines high above us. A dark shade of indigo blankets the sky before a plethora of luminescent stars enhance the moon’s luster. Simply majestic.
“I love you. Please, please understand. I just wasn’t myself.” His arm lays heavy on my shoulders, and we’re silent as I place my head on the curve of his neck. He’s in my dream, and I may never see him again.
“Please forgive me,” he pleads while he nuzzles his nose into my disheveled hair.
“I don’t know,” I retort in a curt tone. But my strength is a façade; sobs threaten at my chest. His grip tightens on my hand, and I know that at any moment my emotions will burst from within me. Our landscape twirls and shifts as the familiar sensation of departing my dream carries me away from David.
Horror incapacitates me when the first thing I see next to my bed is Kate’s diabolic smirk.
“Hello, my sweet,” she pants while she squats at the end of my bed and then drops to her knees to crawl toward me. She planks above me; her breath is hot against my face as she licks me from my cheek to my lips. Repulsion threatens to empty my stomach. I felt her. She touched me, and I felt it. Terror freezes me in place until a quake-worthy shriek bombards from within me.
“He-he! I knew you could feel me,” she pants, and then forces her tongue through my lips. Scream after scream tremors from my vocal chords while I fail to push Kate away. She pins me to the bed and forces her lips against mine. She seeks to ravage me, but as Kate’s blister-like touch singes at my skin, Olive bursts into my room with a syringe in hand. A swift release soothes my delusions as I disengage from Kate’s touch. Whimpers vibrate at my lips and tears flood from my eyes. Olive nestles next to me and rests her head against mine. She pulls me in snug against her side. It’s over. Kate’s gone.
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