“You don’t want a lift?” Todd asked.
“Nah, I need my car.”
Lucy’s mother’s partner always stayed behind to help. He had been a regular at these dinners in his alcoholic days, and since he sobered up he had been paying it forward.
“I’ll take care of her,” Kevin said. “You boys go have some fun. Not too much, mind you.”
“You sure?” Mike said, looking intently into her eyes giving her that warm tingle from tip to toe.
She nodded. She needed Mike gone. He messed with her head when he was all nice to her.
When the last guests left, she started stacking chairs while Kevin folded down the tables.
“Another great event, honey,” he said.
“Thanks. It made me really happy to do it.”
“Yeah, and you made a whole lot of lonely people feel less lonely. Good for you.” She smiled at him. He was a good guy. She was glad Lucy’s mom had finally found him. It gave her hope. “I hope you have some nice plans for tomorrow.”
She didn’t tell him she was actually dreading the day. She would be one of the lonely people waking up in a big empty house alone. She’d go to Todd’s later, but the morning itself would be dismal. When her parents had been here, at least one of her siblings and some nieces and nephews were there for Christmas. Her brother, Mark, had invited her down to his place, but with the dinner, she hadn’t been sure she’d get there tonight.
“Oh, yes,” she said rather than telling the truth.
Kevin checked a message on his phone. “Lucy will be here in an hour. This is going to be a real nice Christmas for us.”
“It’ll be nice for Lucy, too. She’s had some pretty bad Christmases, just so you know.”
“I know,” he said quietly. “I know she spent a few with your family, huh?”
“Yeah, our doors were always open.” It was a nice memory. As her mother had gotten older, she’d become difficult. Marissa knew some of that was that she liked being the center of attention; she loved the crazy madness of a large family and a house full of people because she craved attention. Marissa and her father alone never seemed to be able to provide enough of that, but the truth was, in her prime, she had been a kind and welcoming person. She knew that anyone who needed a warm meal or a place to stay was always welcome in that home. Of course that made the echoing silence she was going home to even harder to take.
An hour later, the floors were swept and they stepped out into the cool night air.
“So, I believe I’ll see you at breakfast,” Kevin said.
“Yep, I’m bringing cinnamon rolls.”
“Excellent.” Then he leaned in and said something she never thought she’d hear from Kevin. “You know that Mike is just a chickenshit. Remember that. He likes you. It’ll all work out, but he’s a chickenshit.”
She was too surprised to laugh. “That sure makes him sound appealing, Kevin.”
“Yeah, well, I lived the first fifty years of my life as one, I should know.” And then he walked away whistling.
The party at Patty’s was in full swing. To be honest, it had been a while since she’d enjoyed it. Most of her friends were paired up and having kids. It used to be eggnog and mistletoe, and now it was screaming kids and Santa. So arriving late wasn’t really a burden.
She was met at the door by Jacob, who had two-year-old Neely on his hip. She was blond and pudgy and adorable.
“Hey, baby girl, hey, Jacob,” she said, taking the little girl into her arms.
“Hey, you. I hear the community dinner was a great success. Good for you.”
“Thanks. I tell you what, though, I could use a drink,” she said, handing him a bag of gifts for under the tree.
“Your wish is my command,” he said, leading her to the bar while she kissed the chubby cheeks of his daughter who giggled in delight.
“You finally made it,” Patty said behind her.
“I did,” she said, handing her daughter off. “The house looks lovely. Good crowd, too.”
Jacob handed her a glass of wine and she took a fortifying sip. “Yes, we’re very happy.”
“That’s how everyone should be at Christmas,” she said, trying to come up for a benign response to an intentionally smug comment.
“So, now that you are alone, where will you be spending the day?” Thanks for the dig, she thought, taking another sip. “Let me guess, Todd’s?”
“Actually, I’m having breakfast at Lucy’s and then lunch at Todd’s. It should be nice.”
“Lucy,” she sniffed. “She didn’t come back for ten years and now we can hardly get rid of her.”
“Yeah, well, her nieces and nephew are here, so it makes sense she would be.” Luckily, Jacob’s mother appeared and whisked Patty away, giving Marissa a chance to make a beeline for Todd and Mike. This wasn’t really her crowd any more. It seemed to be more full of the people in town who wanted to impress than her actual friends.
“Hey, boys,” she said. “Having fun?”
“I think the community dinner was more fun,” Todd whispered. They were standing with the mayor and half the town council. None of whom bothered to help with the dinner, which Todd had clearly figured out as well. “I was surprised I didn’t see any of you councilors down at the dinner we just ran; it seems like the sort of thing you should support.”
“We do support it,” said the mayor. “We provide the space and some funding.”
They all knew the funding was pathetic. “Technically, the community owns the hall, so you’re not really providing that. What we actually need is more volunteers, isn’t that right, Marissa?”
Great, now she had to get involved. “It would be nice to have a few more hands on deck. Not to mention that the more people who turn out the better the event feels for those we run it for. You know the idea is that they don’t feel alone in the community.”
“Our community is very welcoming and takes care of its own,” interjected one of the councilors.
“That’s true,” Todd replied. “But it is easy to forget at Christmas that not everyone has someone to make eggnog with or wake up next to or grandchildren to hug. How are your grandchildren by the way, Eleanor?”
“Excellent, thank you.” His point was made.
“Can I get you another drink, Marissa?” Mike asked. He clearly wanted the conversation over.
She nodded. “I’ll come with you.”
Marissa followed him to the bar. She looked tired, but then she had just run a dinner for forty people. There was something else, though, a tinge of sadness she didn’t usually have.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, of course. It’s Christmas Eve.”
He glanced up and noticed there was mistletoe above them. Her eyes followed his up.
He leaned in and gave her a friendly peck on the cheek. “Merry Christmas.”
“That’s all you’ve got, huh?” She leaned in as if something more was going to happen.
“Marissa, we’re just friends. You know that’s all we’ll ever be,” he said, taking her arm and guiding her to the side of the room. He knew he was a goddamned liar because he felt the electricity just touching her arm.
“That’s what you’re going with? Even after that toe-curling kiss the other week?” Her voice was high and sharp.
“I’m not ‘going with it.’ It’s the truth. That was nothing more than two lonely people scratching an itch.”
She looked at him and her face went hard. Her expression was sad and bitter and angry. “Scratching an itch. Are you serious?”
He nodded. Perhaps that hadn’t been the best choice of words.
“Okay. Have it your way, Mike.”
“It’s just how it has to be.”
“Sure. Whatever. You really are a chickenshit. I’m going to walk away now. I want you to stand there and watch me leave. This was your last chance and you blew it.”
She walked away and straight over to the front door. She didn’t look back. She didn’t say
good-bye to anyone. She just left. She’d been at the party under half an hour, thanks to him, and he’d no doubt sucked every last ounce of Christmas spirit she had left. She was right. He was a bastard.
Todd appeared at his side. “What the hell did you do?” His brother’s voice was a slow, angry rumble.
“Nothing.”
“Really? Nothing?”
“I might have pecked her on the cheek and told her we were just friends.”
“You are an idiot.”
“So I keep hearing.” And then his brother did exactly what Marissa had done. Headed for the door and didn’t look back.
If this were a movie, he would have been expecting three ghosts to visit him later in the night.
Marissa made it home in record time. She was pretty sure she’d driven as if the speed limit was a suggestion and not a rule. She pounded up the front steps and flung the front door open so hard the glass panes in it shook. She was mad.
She just wasn’t entirely sure who she was madder at—herself or Mike.
She could hear the southern twang of a certain television doctor telling her that if you do what you’ve always done you get what you always get. She slammed the door so hard the windows shook and headed for the kitchen. She grabbed a glass and a bottle of wine and went to sit on the sofa. The only lights in the house were those of the Christmas tree. It was pretty and usually it was a source of great joy but not tonight. In the end, she’d had to go get one. Not with Mike, but she got one and decorated it herself. She couldn’t quite face Christmas without a tree.
She’d been single a long time, but for the first time in a really long time, she felt alone. She blinked back the tears and poured herself an embarrassingly large glass of wine. She saw the lights of a car turn up her drive. She hoped it would be Mike, but she heard the footsteps on the porch and recognized them as Todd’s. She was pathetic; she knew their footsteps.
Todd didn’t knock, he just let himself in.
“You might want to consider locking that,” he said, closing the door behind himself.
“Why? No one but you and me ever comes here,” she said.
He went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass. He landed on the sofa next to her. “They might.”
“They won’t.”
She listened to the glug, glug of the wine in the glass as he poured.
“So, you know how I try not to dole out the advice because it makes me feel like a tool?” he asked.
“Sure.”
“I’m going to go out on a limb here.” He took a sip of his wine. “You know that English movie you like where the guy is in love with his friend’s wife and he holds up all the signs to her on Christmas Eve and says enough?”
“Love Actually,” she said. She knew exactly the moment. It was sad and impossibly romantic.
“Yeah. This is your sign moment. This is your sign.”
“Because it’s Christmas Eve?” she asked.
“Because it is enough.” They sat there in silence. He was right. She knew he was right.
“I just wanted . . .”
He pulled her into a hug. “I know. I wanted that for you, too. I love that guy like a brother . . . I wanted him to be one of the good guys, but maybe he just isn’t, at least where you’re concerned, honey.”
“Kevin says he’s a chickenshit.”
“We kind of love Kevin, right?”
“We definitely kind of do.” She smiled against his chest. She let out a sigh. “I kind of wanted a happy ending.”
“You’ll get one,” he said. “I just think you’re not there yet . . . but you’ll get there.”
She looked up at him. “What if I don’t?”
“You will.”
“How do you know?”
“I just do.”
“You do know that really isn’t very reassuring.”
“Look, I’m a smart guy. I know stuff. Just trust me.”
“Okay. Can I ask you a favor?”
“Shoot.”
“Can you sleep over? I don’t want to wake up in an empty house on Christmas morning. I thought I could but . . .”
“No problem.”
Mike peered through the window of Marissa’s porch. She and Todd were asleep on the couch, entwined around each other. It was still dark and they were snuggled up beneath the glow of the Christmas lights.
It was looking at a picture of himself, except it wasn’t him. It was his brother. They looked very cozy.
That could have been him, he knew that, except they wouldn’t be snuggling on the sofa fully clothed if he were the one in there.
He was an idiot. He was jealous of his own brother for comforting their friend who he, Mike, had summarily rejected and no doubt made cry on Christmas Eve.
Everything he saw in the window and everything he was missing out on was his doing. He’d rejected Marissa. He’d sent her away again. Even though thoughts of her kept him awake at night. Even though that kiss they’d shared after their dinner had been all he could think about for days. Even though she was the kindest, sweetest, and sexiest woman he knew. He’d rejected her.
He ran his hand through his hair and mumbled an expletive. He’d screwed up. And this time he’d done it so thoroughly he genuinely didn’t think she would forgive him.
He was sitting in Todd’s kitchen an hour later, eating some toast when his brother showed up.
“Hey, Merry Christmas.”
“Yeah, same,” Todd said. “I need a shower. Help yourself to whatever, although I see you already are.”
“Well, you weren’t here.”
“I was not.”
“I know where you were.”
“You’re a freaking genius,” his brother muttered.
“You got something to say?”
Todd turned and looked at him. “What would be the point, man? You seem to fly in the face of any and all good advice.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well, you will be.”
“What does that mean?”
“If I find you anywhere near her ever again, you’ll be sorry.”
“We’re friends.”
“You’re not her friend, Mike. You lie to her, you lead her on, and you keep her just close enough that she can’t make a clean break. That’s not friendship. It’s manipulative and it’s low. Keep away from her.”
“What, so you can have her for yourself?” he challenged.
His laugh was derisive and his look was menacing. “She doesn’t want me. I actually am her friend; truthfully, we’re each other’s best friends. If you weren’t my brother, I’d have gotten you out of her life a long time ago.”
“So what are you saying, I can’t be near her now?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. You’ve made a choice and now it’s time you started living with it.”
“So what does that look like?”
“Be polite, be cordial. Don’t touch her, don’t sit next to her, and don’t seek her out. Give her some space.”
The tone of his voice was one Todd used only rarely. He’d heard him use it with their stepfather once, just before he’d punched him. He was pretty sure Todd wouldn’t hit him on Christmas morning, but he knew he wanted to.
This was bad. He’s really screwed up. The two people in the world he loved most—in fact, the only two people in the world he loved—couldn’t stand the sight of him.
Merry freaking Christmas.
She’d arrived at Lucy’s mother’s house with warm cinnamon buns and bags of presents. She’d plastered on a smile and her Christmas dress and was damned if Mike was going to get the opportunity to suck the joy out of Christmas morning. Of course, waking up in Todd’s warm embrace hadn’t been all bad.
It had confirmed two things. One, she definitely had a thing for the wrong brother, and two, she liked waking up with someone wrapped around her. They’d wished each other a Merry Christmas and he’d headed out. They’d see each other at lunch and exchange gifts then.
So wh
en Lucy flung the door open and practically knocked her over with her hug, she couldn’t help but smile. Yes, she was single. Yes, she’d wasted too many years on being in love with the wrong man, but she wasn’t alone or unloved and that was that.
“I’m so glad you’re here. Everyone is in the living room. Oh, those smell divine. Come in.”
“You might want to take a breath, Lucy.”
“It’s Christmas and you, more than anyone, know how many truly bad Christmases I’ve had. I’m really happy to be having a lovely one, although,” her voiced dropped to a whisper, “I’m mad as hell that my sister hasn’t come home.”
“Let’s not dwell,” she said, hoping that with all the love in the room Lucy’s nieces and nephew wouldn’t focus too much on their absent mother.
“Indeed.” The living room was a sea of Christmas paper and half-emptied stockings. By the time she’d made a circuit around the room kissing the kids, Kevin, Lucy’s mom, Chase, and his mother, she felt like she needed a rest.
“Coffee or champagne?” Chase asked. “We’re melding the traditions of two families.”
“You know what? I’m going to say champagne. If that’s okay?”
Kevin wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “Don’t worry about us, honey, we can cope with you having a glass of champagne in front of us.”
Chase handed her a glass and she took a sip. This wasn’t her usual Christmas, but it wasn’t exactly all bad either.
“Kevin says you ran a great community dinner, darling?” CeCe said. “You really are an absolute wonder.”
“Thanks, it was no big thing.”
“No, it is a very big thing to the people who attend,” Kevin said. “You should be very proud of yourself. You’re like the town’s Christmas angel.”
“Oh, that’s so sweet. Thanks.” She felt tears prick her eyes. She was way too fragile to have people being nice to her.
“I’m speaking the truth,” he said in his solemn voice.
“Okay, kids.” She needed the attention away from herself. “Show me your presents.”
An hour later, she and Lucy were in the kitchen having a cinnamon bun each. “I’m really happy that your family is all together this Christmas. You’ve waited a long time.”
Any Way You Plan It: An Upper Crust Series Novel Page 10
