If You Stay

by Courtney Cole

  My tears drip onto the fragile paper and I yank it away. I can’t ruin this letter. It has to be put away and saved, so that our children can read it someday.

  Love never fails.

  It is a sentiment that has become a pledge for Pax and me. In fact, it is inscribed in our weddings rings that we will exchange today. And in this most perfect of letters, his mom has echoed that thought. His mother, the woman who gave her life to protect her son because she loved him that much.

  And I do too.

  I recognize that truth as I put the letter away and adjust my veil in the mirror. I love Pax more than life itself. Like his mother, I would protect him with my life. Wherever Susanna Tate is, I hope she knows that.

  “Are you okay?” Madison asks quietly as I wipe away the little smudge under my eye. I nod.

  “I’m fine. It’s just beautiful. I hope that I live up to her expectations of me.”

  Madison smiles and adjusts my dress. “Of course you will. You’re amazing, just like she said you would be.”

  Warmth wells up in me and as I’m hugging my sister, Tony sticks his head in the door. He’s wearing a tux…to walk me down the aisle in lieu of my dad.

  “Are you ready?” he asks as he holds out his elbow.

  I nod and Madison kneels to gather my long, white train.

  Of course I’m ready.

  I’ve never been more ready.

  As we position ourselves in the back of the church, the church that I have seen so many times in my dreams, I am filled with hope and boundless joy. This church that housed my parents’ funeral is also hosting my wedding, illustrating once again that life is full of all kinds of good and bad. Pax and I have been through it all and we’ll continue to go through it, because that’s how life works.

  I stare at Pax and suddenly, I am filled with peace. Like his mother before me, he is my peace now.

  His eyes meet mine and he smiles, beautiful and radiant in the morning sunshine as he waits for me at the front. He’s so handsome, so tall and strong, that it takes my breath away.

  I take a breath.

  The music starts.

  Each step that I take brings me closer to him.

  And when I finally get there, his fingers entwine with mine.

  I look up into his eyes, eager to become his.

  I repeat my vows after the minister and end with, “I will love you all of the days of my life.”

  And I know that I will.

  Because true love never fails.

  It never dies.

  It just goes on and on and on.

  Forever.

  Author’s Notes

  I wrote this book for a couple of reasons.

  First, someone I love was using drugs to cope with life. He wasn’t an addict, but like Pax, he was teetering on the edge. If he hadn’t chosen to get help and learn to deal with stress in healthy ways, he would have continued on a dark, self-destructive path that would have ended in a very tragic way. I will be forever grateful that he chose to get help, that he recognized the need and put in the work to fix it.

  Second, there was a news story years ago that has haunted me ever since I heard it. It was about a young mother, a child and an intruder. They were in the same position as Pax and his mother found themselves in this book, but somehow, the real-life mother and son managed to get away. I’ve thought about that story off and on over the years and recently, when my mind was wandering in the absent way a writer’s does, I wondered what would have become of the boy if the intruder had killed his mom. I decided that he would have wanted to live in oblivion, where it was safe and warm. And Pax’s story was born.

  This story is really about a man teetering on the edge. He could have fallen either way, into the dark or into the light. And he chose to land on his feet in the light, even though the light is harder and it takes more work. My message through this book is for anyone who is in that same place, balancing on that precarious ledge. The light is always worth it, even though it’s hard. Stay strong and live in the light.

  The use of the verse, Love never fails, is something personal to me, as well. It is engraved on my wedding band, just as it is engraved on Pax’s and Mila’s.

  My grandparents were married for sixty years. They were two of the wisest, gentlest, most amazing people I have ever been honored to know. And one of the things my grandma always told me was Love never fails, honey. It never does.

  And you know what? She was right. True love never fails. It really does go on and on and on. The person might be gone, but the love remains.

  Love is stronger than anything else. It can get you through things that nothing else can. So rely on it, lean on it. Embrace it. Count on it.

  “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy or boast, it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”

  --1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

  Lastly, if you enjoyed this book, please stay tuned for book two in The Broken Ones series, If You Leave. It will follow Madison Hill. As the older sister, she saw more of her parents’ abusive relationship and it gave her trust issues that she carries even still.

  ***

  “Is everyone in the world broken?” And even to my own ears, my whisper itself sounds broken in the velvety night. Gabriel stares at me thoughtfully.

  “I think so,” he finally answers. “In their own way.”

  - Madison and Gabriel, If You Leave

  COMING SOON

  Acknowledgements

  I always have so many people to thank, and not nearly enough space to do it. But I’ll try.

  I’m not going to name the person who inspired Pax, because he wouldn’t want me to. But I am going to thank him. I want to thank him for being strong and for doing what is best for him and for recognizing it himself. I will love him forever.

  M. Leighton, thank you for always being there for me, no matter the time or place. You are truly the best friend a girl could ever have and I am so very thankful for you. I love you.

  Autumn from Autumn Review. I love you, I love you. Thank you for talking me down from ledges and speaking rationally to me when I am practically having panic attacks. Thank you for being such a good ear and such a good friend. Your input and advice is always spot-on. I’m lucky to have you.

  Fisher Amelie. I love you. You have had one rough year, but you have still managed to come out on the other side as the same gentle spirit that you always were. I admire that about you. I am thankful that you are who you are and that you are in my life.

  Sarah Hansen from Okay Creations. Thank you for the gorgeous cover. I love it. Love, love, love it! You’re amazing.

  Luisa Hansen. Thank you for being an awesome editor and for polishing this thing until it shined. You’re amazing and I’m lucky to have found you. I love you, I love you. Get that marriage license ready.

  Kelly Simmon from InkSlinger PR. You are awesomely amazing. I am blessed to have found you and blessed that you wanted to take me on. Best. Publicist. Ever.

  Mollie Harper and Meg Ridgeway. Thank you both for such insight into this book, for all of the helpful input. You’re both fabulous.

  My grandparents are no longer here, but I’d still like to thank them. They are responsible, in large part, for the person that I am today. They led by example- and what an example it was.

  My kids. Thank you for being you. For making me laugh and cry and showing me what the purest love actually is. I will love you forever and ever and ever.

  My husband. I don’t even know what to say. You are truly my better half. You support me, let me cry on you, make me laugh. I would be lost without you. If only you would learn to cook, you would be perfect. Haha. Seriously, I love you more than I can say and am more thankful for you than words can express. Love never fails. We’ve proven that a hundred times already and I can’t wait
to prove it a hundred more with you.

  And…. My readers!!! Thank you so, so much for reading my work. Thank you for your emails, your Facebook posts, your tweets. I am so grateful for you. It is because of you that I do what I do.

  ********

  About the Author

  Courtney Cole is a novelist who lives near Lake Michigan. Her favorite place in the world is on the shore with her toes in the water. Courtney is the author of several Young Adult series, as well as several Adult books. To learn more about her, visit her website: www.courtneycolewrites.com

  Or, you can view her Amazon Author’s Page to see a complete collection of her work.

  If you enjoyed If You Stay, you might enjoy other work from Courtney Cole. If you’d like to view samples of her other work, please continue reading.

  Other Excerpts

  Of Blood and Bone (Book One of the Minaldi Legacy)

  Genre: Dark Romance, Adult

  By Courtney Cole

  Prologue

  Luca is gone.

  I know it before I open my eyes. The weight of his body next to me is absent, the scent of him gone from the air. I sigh, reluctant to begin this day because I know what it holds for me. I know that if Luca is truly gone, I will spend every hour frantically searching for him.

  Gazing around, I find my large suite empty. Everything is neat and tidy and exactly in place. Each lavish piece of furniture is polished with lemon oil, each extravagant painting on the wall carefully dusted. Each expensive vase, each crystal lamp, each woven rug is perfectly aligned and exactly how I left it. Something is different, though, somehow changed in this room that I fell asleep in last night.

  My sleepy eyes do another quick sweep, and this time I notice the balcony doors standing wide open while the bright morning sun streams onto the mahogany floor and the white sheer curtains on either side flutter in the sea breeze.

  This is the difference and it slams into me like a concrete wall. I didn’t fall asleep with those doors open. I would never do that now, not since I know what dangers lurk in the world, the darkness that can find me.

  Immediately after I notice this inconsistency, I also see that across the room, my bedroom door is tightly closed and the bolt is still slid firmly in place.

  Just as I left it last night.

  My heart stutters as I realize what this means.

  While I slept, Luca must have climbed from my balcony ledge to escape. But the drop is well over thirty feet and there are sharp rocks at the base of the house. There are gardens directly behind, but beyond that, there is a cliff with a hundred foot drop to the sea below.

  I leap naked from bed and rush to the balcony’s edge. My bare breasts press against the cold railing as I peer down at both the gardens and what I can see of the pristine sand beyond that. Luca is not lying broken and bleeding there, so I try to still my racing heart. I search the beaches and craggy landscape on both sides of my periphery and I still do not see him.

  He somehow survived the fall.

  A hundred different things run through my mind, but the one that stands out in the forefront is the image, the possibility, that he managed to drag himself, broken and bleeding, to a different location, somewhere where he is even now waiting for me to help him.

  Because I promised.

  I promised him that I would help him, that I would keep him from the darkness that plagues him, that I would heal him.

  That I would save him.

  I swallow hard and as I do, I realize that my throat is tender from Luca’s hands last night. I know that if I look into a mirror, there will be a bruise in the perfect formation of his long fingers around my neck.

  As I softly touch it, I remember his face from the night before. It was shadowed in the moonlight and like always, he was beautiful. Luca is handsome in a very classic and beautiful way, dark hair and cut cheekbones. His bangs are long and almost hide his magnificent dark eyes until he shakes his hair away. And when he does, the sadness that dwells there is apparent to anyone who knows him.

  But last night, I didn’t need to look into his eyes to see that his darkness had returned. I knew it from the moment he stepped into my room.

  I can always see it. It changes everything about him, even the way he walks and moves. The way he stands. The way he speaks. The way he feels.

  He is an entirely different person when the darkness comes.

  These are the moments that he dreads with every breath when he is himself; the moments when he is no longer Luca. In these moments, he is filled with thoughts that are no longer his own.

  He cannot help it, he cannot control it, he cannot stop it.

  But I promised him that I would.

  And I have failed him.