Reawakening Miss Calverley

by Sylvia Andrew

  Antonia nodded without speaking and he said, ‘Good! Then I will take my leave of you both. I…I hope this break will help us both out of…out of a most unhappy situation. I never thought—’ He stopped. ‘It doesn’t matter.’ He gave each of them a brief bow. ‘Miss Calverley, Sir Henry!’ And he left.

  After he had gone, Sir Henry said sternly, ‘I only hope you don’t live to rue this morning’s work, Antonia! You’ve never done a worse one.’

  * * *

  Meanwhile, back in Brook Street, Lady Aldhurst sat in her chair by the window, a cashmere shawl draped over her arms and a glass of wine and a pile of papers on the table next to her. She was reading her copy of the Gazette, which contained the morning’s announcement of Lord Aldhurst’s engagement to Miss Antonia Calverley, with relief and the greatest pleasure. James had not only kept his word to choose a bride before the Season was over, he had found a girl with breeding, character and looks. Antonia Calverley was exactly what he needed.

  Now that the future of the Aldhurst family was settled, the temptation to return to Hatherton was very strong. Her course of treatment had been successful and she was feeling much better. And she missed the place. The gardens would be looking particularly lovely at this time of year, and the thought of their peace and tranquillity attracted her more every day. What if she invited Antonia and her family to visit her there to celebrate the engagement?

  * * *

  She was astonished when James came in soon after to tell her that he was leaving London the next day.

  ‘Nonsense! You can’t possibly leave Antonia the day after your engagement is announced in the Gazette!’

  ‘It’s the only way the engagement will continue, ma’am! And there’s no guarantee it will survive my return.’

  ‘But why? You are ideally suited!’

  ‘I would have thought so, too—but the lady is no longer so sure,’ he said curtly. ‘And perhaps I’m beginning to agree with her!’

  ‘But you mustn’t cry off! Think of the scandal!’

  ‘I can’t force the girl to marry me, ma’am!’ He stopped and then said more calmly, ‘That’s why I’m going away for a while—to give Antonia time to think of the consequences.’

  He refused to say any more on the subject, merely stating that he had an afternoon appointment in the city, which he would have to keep, but that he would leave the next day.

  His grandmother looked at his set face and decided it was useless to argue. James was unreachable. He had been deeply hurt, and as usual had withdrawn into himself, rejecting any attempt to sympathise or advise. She would have to find another way to rescue the situation. So that afternoon she called on Miss Calverley in Upper Grosvenor Street to request a private interview. Antonia could not refuse to grant one.

  * * *

  Lady Aldhurst wasted no time in coming to the point. ‘I don’t think anyone could call me a doting grandmother, Miss Calverley, but I am very fond of James, and I’m worried about him. Is it true that you no longer wish to marry him?’

  ‘Is that what he says?’ Antonia asked.

  ‘Yes, but I cannot believe it! I would have sworn you were as much in love with him as he was with you. You’ve hurt him very badly, Miss Calverley. James doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve, but his feelings run deep, all the same. What has gone wrong?’

  ‘I…I can’t tell you.’

  ‘Of course you can, girl! In fact, at the moment you seem to be as miserable as he is!’

  Antonia’s expression was stony. ‘Lady Aldhurst,’ she said, ‘if your grandson had loved me as much as you say, he would have told me about Hatherton as soon as he met me again. He must have known how desperately anxious I was to know what had happened in that lost week, but he said nothing. Nothing! And I can’t forgive him for it.’

  ‘But surely he has explained why he didn’t tell you!’

  ‘That it was for my own good? Yes, he tried to say that. It doesn’t appear to have been very successful, does it? I’ve been told about Hatherton now, but I still can’t visualise anything about my time there, not what I did, not what I felt…I can’t even remember James himself! Croxton’s desire to ruin me is understandable. It was James, whom I loved and trusted, who really betrayed me—’ Antonia stopped and got up. Obviously struggling for calm, she said, ‘Lady Aldhurst, I’m sure you wish to be helpful, but I don’t see the point of this discussion.’

  ‘Sit down, girl! Sit down!’ Lady Aldhurst waited until Antonia was seated again, and then said slowly, ‘I hadn’t realised that you still don’t remember Hatherton…Of course you won’t feel secure until you do! James is a fool not to have seen that for himself. But the remedy is obvious. You must go back to Hatherton, and I shall take you. It will give you something to do while he is away.’

  Antonia was doubtful, but Lady Aldhurst could be very persuasive. Sir Henry’s permission was soon obtained, and it was settled that Lady Aldhurst would take her grandson’s betrothed with her when she returned to Hatherton. Sir Henry made one condition—Lawson should accompany Antonia at all times until they knew for certain that Croxton had left England.

  * * *

  When James returned to Brook Street that evening he sought his grandmother out. ‘Is it true that you are taking Antonia to Hatherton, ma’am?’ he demanded.

  ‘She must go back! I’m surprised you hadn’t already thought of it yourself! After I had spoken to her it was obvious what the situation was.’

  ‘I had thought of it, had even planned it, but after last night I decided I couldn’t do it.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘You probably wouldn’t understand.’

  ‘You never know, James,’ said Lady Aldhurst drily. ‘Old as I am, I may have a few ideas. Try to explain.’

  ‘The girl I called “Anne” was so…so vulnerable. She gave me her complete trust throughout her stay with me at Hatherton. And now…now I seem to have lost it. I don’t believe that taking Antonia there will help, and…To tell the truth, ma’am, I can’t bear the thought of seeing her look at me there as she looked at me last night and this morning—with such rejection, such condemnation in her eyes.’

  ‘I see…Well, James, I think I can understand,’ said Lady Aldhurst after a while, ‘but I’m not sure you do. Consider for a moment. That girl was under enormous stress from the moment she arrived in London. She can’t have stopped wondering where she had been and what she had been doing during that forgotten week, waiting for someone to say something, dreading the moment when the axe would fall. And when it did fall it was cruelly delivered. Croxton revealed the truth brutally and without warning in front of everyone at the Furnesses’ party. That shock was bad enough, but Antonia could have survived it. It was infinitely worse when she learnt at the same time that you had known the truth all along. You could have eased her mind, prepared her for the shock, and you had chosen not to. You may have meant well, James, but in the event you failed her. I can understand her feelings of resentment towards you, even if I think she’s wrong.’

  ‘That is all very well, ma’am, but I’m not sure what I can do about it now.’

  ‘It’s obvious what must be done! She needs to be reminded of what Hatherton meant to you both. The sense of security you gave her must be restored before she can forgive you. And in my opinion Hatherton is where she will find it.’

  ‘Will she ever forgive me? From what you have said, she has every reason not to.’

  ‘She’ll forgive you, James. She loves you. Listen to me. I am taking Miss Calverley to Hatherton, and have invited Sir Henry and Lady Pendell to follow a few days later. I don’t know what you are planning to do, but you might think of seeing how Roade’s restoration is getting on.’ She smiled. ‘From what I’ve heard, you can’t have spent much time on it when you were last there.’

  James said thoughtfully, ‘I could stay at Roade…’

  ‘An excellent idea! Have faith, James! I haven’t the slightest doubt that Antonia Calverley loves you! Go down to Roade and pre
pare it for occupation. Then join us when you’re ready to face her again.’

  * * *

  James left London the next day, and Lady Aldhurst sent an announcement to the Gazette to the effect that she was taking Miss Calverley with her to Hatherton. Lord Aldhurst was to join them there as soon as his business affairs permitted. Sir Henry Calverley and Lady Pendell would also join her in the near future for a family celebration.

  ‘That should silence the gossips!’ she said to herself when she read it through. ‘Now for Antonia!’

  The weather was kind to Lady Aldhurst and Antonia on the journey, and though it was early evening by the time they arrived at Hatherton the house was bathed in sunshine. Lady Aldhurst put her hand on Antonia’s arm and said, ‘The servants have been told to treat you simply as a guest of mine. Hatherton is a lovely spot. Enjoy it for its own sake, without feeling obliged to remember anything at all.’

  ‘When do you think James will join us?’

  ‘I’ve really no idea how long his business will take.’ She gave Antonia a quizzical look. ‘Do you think you’ll miss him?’

  ‘No! That is to say—’

  ‘Good! We shall forget him for the moment. Now here we are! You must meet my housekeeper, Mrs Culver.’

  So this was the redoubtable Mrs Culver, Antonia thought. She looked just as Lady Barbara had described her. Respectable, severe, unbending, showing no sign of knowing her.

  ‘Miss Calverley,’ she said with a slightly stiff inclination of the head. ‘I expect you would like to be shown your room. Would you follow me, please?’

  Once inside the room Antonia walked over to the window and looked out.

  ‘Miss?’ The voice came from behind her. One of the maids was waiting. ‘Mrs Culver has asked me to help you change.’

  Antonia slowly turned round. ‘Thank you,’ she said absently. ‘I’ll wear the green muslin, Rose.’

  ‘Oh, Miss Anne! Mrs Culver said you wouldn’t remember us—but you do!’

  ‘Do I?’ Antonia looked at the girl more closely. ‘I called you Rose, didn’t I? I remember…I think you helped me.’ She added uncertainly, ‘You want to be a lady’s maid? Is that right?’

  Rose laughed in delight, but then grew serious. ‘Yes. I do, Miss…Miss Calverley. It’s so lovely to have you back. And to know that you’re safe, too!’

  ‘Safe?’ said Antonia, looking round the room. ‘Safe? Yes, I do feel safe here…This was my room, wasn’t it?’

  ‘Yes, miss,’ said Rose, busy with the dresses. ‘You spent most of your time in this room when you first came. You were so ill that first night.’

  ‘Was I?’

  ‘His lordship sat with you most of the night.’

  ‘I remember being very thirsty…’ Antonia could feel it now. Hot, dry, raging thirst…A calm voice, a man’s arm supporting her while she drank…

  * * *

  The hall clock was chiming six as Antonia came downstairs. Lady Aldhurst had not yet appeared and the dining room was empty. She wandered round the room and stopped in front of a portrait of a young lady in an old-fashioned striped dress. She had seen herself in that dress in the mirror in London, looking like a girl about to meet the man she loved. And the man she had met that same evening in London had been James. But the man, here at Hatherton, had been James, too.

  ‘Do you like it, Antonia?’ Lady Aldhurst came into the room. ‘It was painted shortly after I was married. The pearls were a wedding gift from James.’ She added with a smile, ‘My James. I still wear them quite often.’

  ‘They’re…they’re beautiful. So is the…the dress.’

  ‘Yes. It’s in a clothes press upstairs. I could never bring myself to give it away. James always loved it.’ For a moment she looked sad, then she straightened her shoulders and said, ‘Don’t stand about, girl! Sit down, sit down! Culver is waiting to serve!’

  They had a lively conversation over dinner in which neither James nor Antonia’s recent experiences were mentioned, and by the time the meal was over Antonia was exhausted. Her hostess took one look at her heavy eyes and gave a crack of laughter. ‘Go to bed, child!’ she said. ‘I think you’ll sleep tonight. I enjoyed our conversation and would like to continue it tomorrow. But for now, go to bed before you fall asleep in that chair!’

  Antonia was only too glad to obey. The combination of so many recent sleepless nights, the journey, the odd sensation of knowing and yet not knowing this house and the people in it…all these combined to produce a desire for nothing so much as sleep. Rose dealt with her almost in silence, and Antonia was soon in bed.

  The room was in darkness except for the embers in the hearth. Her own voice came out of the dark. ‘Your name is James Aldhurst,’ she heard herself say. ‘This is your grandmother’s house.’ And full of warmth and comfort, she slid into sleep.

  * * *

  When Antonia woke the next morning Rose was opening the curtains and sunlight was streaming in through the windows. ‘Good morning, miss!’ she said as she came over to the bed. ‘Your breakfast is here.’ She busied herself about the room while Antonia ate her breakfast. ‘I expect Mrs Culver was pleased to see you,’ she said as she put Antonia’s dresses away. ‘She was that worried about you, especially after his lordship gave her such a roasting. To tell you the truth I was quite sorry for her. I’ve never seen him as angry as he was after you left here. She tried to tell him you’d be safe, but he wouldn’t listen. And then he was off like the wind after you. Of course, we could all tell even then how fond of you he was…’ She paused and her cheeks were pink as she added, ‘We’re all so happy that you’re going to marry him.’

  * * *

  After breakfast Antonia went along to Lady Aldhurst’s room. She found her hostess sitting up in bed propped up against a pile of pillows.

  ‘Goodness gracious, child! What are you doing up and about so early? I expected you to be in bed till noon. Did you sleep well?’

  ‘Very well, ma’am, thank you,’ Antonia replied.

  ‘Hmm,’ said Lady Aldhurst, eyeing her. ‘Well, you needn’t expect me to entertain you much before midday! What will you do till then?’

  ‘I’d like…I’d like to go for a walk in the garden. May I?’

  ‘Of course! You’ll be perfectly safe in my garden.’ Lady Aldhurst settled back more comfortably against her pillows. ‘I don’t think you’ll get lost—you might even find someone,’ she added with a smile.

  Antonia went downstairs, stood for a moment in the hall, and then followed a corridor that led to the back of the house and out into a herb garden. Here she stopped to enjoy the dry herby sharpness in the air and saw a stone-flagged path leading towards a gate at the far end. The gate was open, but when she went through to the garden beyond the spring flowers she had half-expected to see had gone, and it all looked so different that she felt obscurely disappointed. But the grey stone walls were familiar, though roses were rioting over them now. There had been pots of lavender…Yes, here they were! And honeysuckle…She knelt down to inspect some tiny leaves half-hidden under a bank of lilies. These had been violets, purple violets. The flowers had gone, but the memory of their delicate fragrance remained. She gazed at the leaves, lost in thought. Was that why James had sent her violets in London? Had he hoped she would remember these violets in this garden? She had felt comforted by them…As she wandered on she could remember the feel of a man’s strong hand holding hers; she could hear a voice full of warmth, of assurance…The hand must have been James’s hand, the voice James’s voice…She had needed his comfort. ‘You cannot imagine what it feels like to live with only half a mind,’ she had cried in despair. ‘I’m in limbo!’

  She remembered the warmth of his body as he drew her back against him. ‘You’re not in limbo, you’re in the garden at Hatherton,’ he had replied. ‘And you’re living with me, not half a mind. I’m better than that.’ Antonia smiled. It had been so like James—the care, the warmth, the humour. She grinned as she remembered the expression of outrage
on his face when he found she had tricked him over the game of chess that same evening…He had kissed her—for punishment, he said, but she had not felt it a punishment. Then they had laughed together.

  She saw a bench at the end of the path and stood for a while looking at it. This was the bench she had seen in her dreams, though she had not recognised the figure sitting on it. Now she knew it had been James. Could the locked doors in her mind be opening? She sat down in the sunshine, surrounded by the scents and colours of Lady Aldhurst’s garden, and let her mind wander. She and James had ridden up to Roade the day after the chess game. She had seen it in her mind’s eye in London without knowing where it was, but now she knew. A house of creamy-grey stone, more beautiful than any she had seen in Richmond. But for James it had held only memories of a bleak and neglected childhood…She had wanted to change it for him, make it live once again, to be the happy place it could and should have been. And for a few minutes they had managed it, as they danced in an empty room, and filled it with music and enchantment. And love. Passionate love. James had loved her. With welling happiness she realised what it meant to her that she, and no other, had been ‘the girl in green’. James had loved her, and loved her still. He had looked after her, cared for her in London in the same way he had cared for her at Hatherton. And she had repaid him with anger, accusing him of betraying her, refusing to marry him. How deeply hurt he must have been!

  Antonia jumped up and ran to the gate. She must find out where James was, go to him, tell him how much she loved him, and beg him to forgive her.

  * * *

  She ran back through the herb garden to the house. A stocky figure of a man had just arrived at the door. He looked worried. ‘Good morning, ma’am,’ he called, touching his hat. ‘I’d like to speak to his lordship, if you please. My name is Holford.’

  ‘His lordship isn’t here. And I’m afraid I must—’

  Holford shifted uncomfortably. ‘Are you sure he isn’t, ma’am? I don’t wish to offend, but I could have sworn I saw him passing the end of the lane just a few days ago. It’s important.’