Sleepless in Manhattan

by Sarah Morgan

  How could she argue with that when her chest already felt as if it had split in two?

  Across the room, Jake’s eyes met hers. “Get dressed, Paige. This is for Matt and I to sort out.”

  That comment lit the fuse on her temper. “I don’t see how our relationship is something for you to sort out with my brother. In case you’ve forgotten, I’m naked under this towel, Jake, and I took my clothes off all by myself.”

  Jake dragged his hand over the back of his neck and her brother gave a low growl.

  “Ask him how he sees your future.” Matt’s tone was thick. “Ask him how long he thinks you’ll be together.”

  She already knew the answer to that.

  “We’re not together. Not anymore. It’s over.” She managed to say it calmly, grateful that she’d cried herself dry in the shower. “I was about to leave when you showed up.”

  “Leaving?” Matt’s gaze shifted to the pile of clothes in her arms, and then returned to her face, paying attention for the first time. “Your eyes are red. Have you been crying? Damn it, he made you cry?”

  She saw her brother clench his hands into fists and spoke quickly. “It wasn’t his fault.”

  Matt made a derisive sound. “Don’t tell me—you told him you loved him and he ended it. That’s normal Romano operating procedure.”

  “My business, Matt.”

  “If he’s upset you, it’s my business.”

  “No, it isn’t. If I’m upset, then that’s my problem and I’ll deal with it.”

  “And you are upset.” His gaze was steady, his mouth grim. “You’re in love with him.”

  “Yes! I’m in love with him. I’m not denying that.”

  “And he doesn’t love you back. That’s why you’re crying.” Matt’s face was white, and he turned to Jake with a low growl of anger. “You made a promise to me. All those years ago, you promised you wouldn’t touch my sister. Or maybe you’ve forgotten.”

  Paige frowned.

  What was he talking about?

  “Wait a minute—”

  “I haven’t forgotten.” Jake’s tone was flat. “I’ve never forgotten.”

  Paige shook her head, trying to clear the clouds of misery so that she could think straight. “What promise? I don’t understand.”

  The two men were nose to nose, as if they’d forgotten her presence.

  Matt jabbed his finger into Jake’s chest. “She was in love with you. We both knew that, and you promised you wouldn’t do anything about it.”

  Paige glanced between the two of them, the words slowly sinking in.

  All the pieces finally falling into place.

  “Oh, my God.” She faced Jake; her voice was barely a whisper. “The two of you talked about me? You made a promise to him?”

  “Paige—”

  She turned to her brother. “You were the reason Jake turned me down that night?”

  “What night?” It was Matt’s turn to look confused, and Jake cursed under his breath.

  “That isn’t—he doesn’t—shit—”

  Matt’s eyes darkened. “So she did tell you she loved you?”

  “Yes, but—wait a minute. Both of you.” Jake ran his hand over his jaw and took a deep breath. “Paige, it’s true I promised your brother I wouldn’t touch you, but it was my decision. I knew you wanted something I wouldn’t have been able to offer.”

  “How did you know what I wanted? Did you ask me? Did either of you bother to ask me? I was eighteen! I wasn’t ready to settle down and get married, you arrogant—” The insult was jammed on the end of her tongue. “It was first love, that’s all. It happens to teenagers all the time. It’s part of life. Part of growing up. Hearts get broken. People survive and move on. I did, except that what that episode taught me was not how to recover from a broken heart, but how I couldn’t trust my own instincts. I thought you cared and because of that I offered you everything.”

  Matt frowned. “What do you mean, ‘everything’?”

  Paige ignored him, her eyes on Jake. “I stripped myself bare. Humiliated myself. And I’ve protected myself ever since because I was so afraid of getting it wrong again. You told yourself you were protecting me, but what you were really saying was that you didn’t think I was capable of making a decision about my own future.”

  Jake shifted. “That isn’t—”

  “You didn’t think I should be allowed to decide what was best for me. Maybe I would have settled for sex. Did that occur to you?” She’d gone from feeling miserable, to guilty, to furious.

  “You were vulnerable.” Matt intervened. “You were going through hell.”

  “And Jake made it better. And you—” She looked at her brother, truly angry now. “You of all people should have understood how it was for me. You saw how it was. You saw how everyone had a say in my future except me. The doctors, our parents—I thought at least I could choose who I fell in love with, but apparently not.”

  The first flickers of doubt crossed Matt’s eyes. “Paige—”

  “No.” She stepped back, her legs shaking. “I can’t talk to you right now. I can’t talk to either of you. I’m leaving, and the two of you can talk about it together, because that’s what you’re best at. Decide what you like, but leave me out of it.”

  “You can’t leave like this—”

  “I can. I’m not fragile, Matt. I can hurt without breaking. I love you, and I love that you care about me, but I don’t need you to protect me. You want to know why I didn’t tell you about Jake before now? This is exactly why. Because I knew you’d interfere with something that is none of your business.”

  “I’m your brother. As long as I’m breathing, I’ll always protect you.”

  “You’re not protecting me. You’re making my decisions for me. And it ends now.”

  * * *

  “I DON’T KNOW who to kill first. Jake or my brother.” Paige lay on Frankie’s bed, drained from crying. “I’m so angry. I have terrible taste in men.”

  “But great taste in friends.” Eva shoved a pile of tissues into her hand and Frankie leaned closer.

  “Are you sure this is angry? Because it looks more like sad from where I’m sitting. Not that I claim any expertise in the emotional range of Homo sapiens.”

  “Homo sapiens? Seriously?” Eva pushed more tissues at Paige. “This is not the moment to be spewing Latin from your encyclopedia of plants.”

  “It’s binominal nomenclature, genus followed by species, and Homo sapiens is not a plant. Tell me you know that.”

  Paige sat up. “Keep talking. I need the distraction and you’re cheering me up.”

  “Yeah? You don’t look cheered up.” Frankie looked at her dubiously. “Are you regretting it?”

  “No.” Paige blew her nose hard. “It was the best month of my life. Not only was the sex incredible—”

  Frankie turned fiery red. “Too much information.”

  Eva nudged her out of the way and sat down next to Paige. “Not nearly enough information.”

  “I was saying, not only was the sex incredible, but we had fun. We laughed. We talked. We were close. Apart from you two, I’ve never been able to talk to anyone the way I do with Jake.” Frustration rushed through her. “If he walked in now, I’d kill him.”

  “Wait—what?” Frankie looked confused. “I thought you loved him.”

  “I do. That’s why I want to kill him. For throwing it away. For refusing to see what’s there.”

  “What did he say when you walked out? He didn’t try and stop you?”

  “He said he’d take me on his motorbike, and while he was arguing that one with Matt, I left.”

  Eva curled her legs underneath her and handed Paige the box of tissues. “So there was no finale, as such.”

  “The finale is probably still going on.” Paige gave the box back to her. “I don’t want these. I’m all cried out. And you’d better ring your NYPD boyfriend. I suspect there might be two corpses somewhere in a loft in Tribeca.”

 
“He isn’t my NYPD boyfriend. And I think you’re right that Jake loves you. But he’s scared.”

  Frankie frowned at her. “You can sprinkle perfume on manure, but it’s still manure.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means,” Frankie said patiently, “that this whole thing stinks, and you trying to make it smell better won’t change the fact it stinks. It’s a saying. Like one of yours. You can add it to your blog if you like.”

  “No thanks.” Eva recoiled. “Not only is it not optimistic, none of my sayings would ever contain the word manure. It’s a food-and-lifestyle blog.”

  Frankie carried on, undaunted. “And whether Jake loves Paige or not, if he’s too much of a wimp to act on those feelings, then Paige is better off without him.”

  Paige wished she believed that.

  Was she better off without him?

  Maybe she’d think so, one day.

  Right now she couldn’t imagine how she was going to get through the next minute. The next hour.

  “I’m angry and I feel horrible, but most of all I miss him and it has only been a few hours.” Sadness seeped through her. “Maybe this was a mistake. It hurts.”

  “You were honest about your emotions, and that is never a mistake,” Eva said. “If he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life with you, then he’s batshit crazy. I know you’re hurting now, but that will fade, and at least you won’t be sitting in your armchair when you’re ninety wondering what might have happened if you’d turned up at his apartment and stripped off all your clothes. Sometimes we just have to go for it. If we left the big decisions to men, the world would stop turning. Think of all the amazing women who didn’t leave things to men—Boudicca, Marie Curie, Lady Gaga—”

  Frankie gaped at her. “That’s your list of amazing women?”

  “Just off the top of my head.”

  “Your head is a weird thing.”

  Paige reached for a glass of water, wishing it was something stronger. “What bothers me most is the fact that in the end he was protecting me, too. All those years.”

  Frankie straightened the pillow. “I agree—that sucks.”

  Eva hesitated. “Actually I don’t think that sucks. I think it’s adorable.”

  “Adorable?” Paige rubbed her aching forehead. “How is it adorable to find out that people have been making decisions for you? Decisions you weren’t part of and that you didn’t even know were taking place?”

  “That part isn’t adorable, but the sentiment behind it is. They love you, Paige.” Eva reached out and squeezed her leg. “Maybe they didn’t exactly show it in the right way, but they meant well. Where does it ever say that people who love you get it right? They don’t. We all mess up. We’re human. Or Homo sapiens, as Frankie would say. And sometimes Homo sapiens have the common sense of an Ocimum basilicum.” She looked at Frankie triumphantly. “Are you impressed?”

  “I’m speechless.”

  “What’s the Latin word for stupid?”

  “Plumbeus.”

  “So Jake is Homo plumbeus.”

  Paige knew they were trying to make her smile. “From now on I’m making all my own decisions, and they’re going to have to get used to it.”

  “Well said. You are Homo decisivus.” Ignoring Frankie’s wince, Eva slid off the bed. “And you can start right now. Popcorn or ice cream? Not that I’m trying to influence you, but I have double chocolate chip, which I may have doctored with a few extra sprinkles of sugary goodness.”

  Paige stood up and checked her reflection in Frankie’s mirror. Her eyes were red and mascara lay in dark streaks. “Ice cream. No bowl. Just give me the tub and a spoon.”

  “Are you sure?” Eva caught Frankie’s eye and cleared her throat. “Of course you’re sure. You know what you want. Ice cream with spoon coming right up. And if you said you wanted it delivered on a truck, that would be fine, too. I will never question a single decision you make. Frankie?”

  “Same. Large tub. Large spoon.”

  “You didn’t just lose the love of your life.”

  “No but I’m soaking up Paige’s stress. I’m eating vicariously.”

  Eva disappeared upstairs to their kitchen and reappeared a few minutes later with ice cream.

  They were sitting on Frankie’s bed, spoons in tubs, when Matt walked in.

  Frankie choked, slid off the bed and grabbed her glasses from the nightstand. “What are you doing here? I rent this apartment from you, but that doesn’t mean you can walk in when you like.” Her voice was colder than the ice cream. “Right now you are not welcome here. This is a man-free zone.”

  Matt didn’t budge. “I need to speak to Paige. Can you give us a minute?”

  “No.” Eva stood up, too. For once she wasn’t smiling. “Why do you need to speak to her? Have you made some more decisions about her life that she needs to know about?”

  Matt winced. “I deserved that. I came to check my sister is all right, but given that you’re eating ice cream on the bed, I’m guessing she’s not, so I’m not going away, and you’re going to have to live with that.”

  Paige felt nothing but exhaustion. “Did you deck him?”

  “No. We talked.” He walked over to the chair in the corner of Frankie’s bedroom, cleared off the stack of gardening magazines and sat down. “You have every right to be mad with me, but there are a few things I need to say.”

  Frankie folded her arms. “As long as you know that if you make her cry again, I’ll be the one decking you.”

  “I’m not going to make her cry.” Matt leaned forward, his forearms resting on his thighs. It was a moment before he spoke. “Right from the moment you were born, Mom and Dad were always telling me ‘take care of your little sister. Watch out for Paige. Keep an eye on her, Matt’—I’m not sure at what point watching over you turned into making decisions for you. I’ve never even questioned it, until tonight.”

  Emotion threatened to swamp her. “Don’t, Matt—”

  Frankie stirred. “You said you wouldn’t upset her—”

  Matt ignored her, his eyes on Paige. “I’m sorry I made decisions for you. I’m sorry I’m such an overprotective jerk you feel you can’t tell me things. Most of all I’m sorry you’re hurt. Will you forgive me?”

  His heartfelt apology touched her more deeply than anything he’d said to her before.

  She slid off the bed and felt Frankie snatch the ice cream from her a second before her brother stood up and pulled her in for a hug.

  “I’m sorry, too. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

  “Don’t apologize.” Matt stroked her hair. “There is no obligation on you to tell me anything. It’s your life. You share the bits you want to share. Make whatever decisions you like, do whatever you like, choose whoever you like. I won’t try and make your decisions for you, but I’ll always be here for you. No matter what.”

  Eva gave a quiet sob, and Matt glanced at her over the top of Paige’s head.

  “Why are you crying? Did I say the wrong thing?”

  “No.” Frankie fiddled with her glasses. “You said the right thing, you idiot. Eva cries at everything—you should know that by now. She makes a marshmallow look robust.”

  Paige pulled away and Matt looked down at her. “Am I forgiven?”

  “Maybe.” She gave a crooked smile. “If I told you I was about to ride naked over the Brooklyn Bridge on the back of a motorbike, what would you say?”

  Matt opened his mouth and closed it again. “I’d say go for it. And then I’d get ready for a phone call from the NYPD.”

  Paige took her ice cream back from Frankie. “So if you didn’t kill Jake, what did you do?”

  “I told him he was an idiot.” Matt sounded tired and she felt a twinge of guilt.

  “For not telling you the truth?”

  “No. For not wanting what you were offering.”

  She felt a rush of love for her brother, closely followed by guilt. “He wanted to tell you, right from the
start. I was the one who begged him not to. I put him in an impossible position.” And that still worried her. “I don’t want to damage your friendship.”

  “Friendship isn’t something you switch on and off when things get tough. Are things different? Yeah, I guess they are. But we’re figuring it out. We’re all figuring it out.”

  Matt was right, this wasn’t just about her.

  Paige made a decision. “I’ll talk to him. Make sure he knows he doesn’t have to avoid us. I still want to have our evenings at Romano’s and movie nights up on the roof terrace.”

  “Are you sure? If seeing him is going to hurt you—” Matt eyed her and cleared his throat. “Of course. If that’s what you want.”

  “It is.”

  Matt glanced at his watch. “I have to go. I have an early meeting tomorrow and you should get some sleep.” He hesitated. “Movie night tomorrow? We can make it chick flick night if you like. A romance marathon. Whatever. Your choice. We can order in pizza. Eva can have a night off from cooking.”

  The last thing she felt like doing was watching romantic movies. It was ironic that Matt, who had never suggested it before, would suggest it now.

  Men.

  On the other hand, was there anything that could make her feel worse than she already did? Probably not, and part of her was touched that her brother had suggested it when she suspected he’d hate every moment.

  “Sure.” She pinned a smile on her face. “Why not.”

  Frankie put her ice cream down. “You’re seriously offering to host a romantic movie marathon for two emotional women and one emotionally stunted woman? You really do have a guilty conscience.”

  Eva looked interested. “Define marathon.”

  “Three movies. You can each pick one. And I get full possession of the bottle of tequila.”

  They were all working so hard to distract her and cheer her up that Paige didn’t have the heart to tell them not to bother.

  “Three movies. Great.” Her voice was so cheery she wondered if she’d overdone it. “Our choice?”

  “Yeah. But no animation.” Matt dug his keys out of his pocket. “And I need to know the titles up front so I can judge the quantity of alcohol necessary for my survival.”

  Eva was quietly listing them on her fingers. “I’m not sure I can pick three.”