Faye Kellerman - Decker 04 - Day of Atonement

by Day of Atonement

  In a grave voice, Sammy suggested honey in his tea instead of sugar. Honey was more soothing, and after

  all, it was Rosh Hashanah. Honey was traditional fare for the holiday, symbolizing a sweet New Year.

  Decker said honey was a spiffy idea.

  After the boys were gone, he locked the door behind them, not wanting any uninvited guests.

  A moment later, the handle turned, a knock, and Rina said, 'Peter, open the door.'

  'Yes, ma'am.'

  Rina came in. 'Didn't mean to sound like an army sergeant.'

  'You've been fielding those questions like a pro.'

  'Thanks.' She felt his forehead, then his cheeks, with the back of her hand.

  'Rina, I'm not really sick,' Decker said.

  'Oh,' Rina dropped her hand. 'That's right. What am I doing? I don't know what I'm doing. You know, Peter, you actually feel a little warm.'

  'Life imitating art.'

  There was a knock on the door. The boys again, bringing up his tea.

  Jacob said to Decker, 'Everyone wishes you a speedy recovery - a refuah shelema.'

  'Thank you,' Decker said.

  'Want me to eat with you?' Sammy offered. 'You look sort of lonely.'

  The truth of the matter was that Decker would have loved the company. But he said, 'No problem, Sam, I'm just fine. I know there's a bunch of kids downstairs. Have a good time.'

  Sammy kissed his forehead. 'You feel warm, Peter.'

  'I think your father has a little fever,' Rina said.

  'Rest,' Jacob said, kissing his cheek. 'I'll check on you later.'

  'So will I,' added Sammy.

  After the boys left, Rina said, 'You want company?'

  'I'm OK.'

  Rina said, 'You do look lonely. Downright needy.'

  'No, I'm really fine.'

  'Friggin' fine?'

  Decker laughed, 'No, I'm not fine at all. I want you to stay with me—'

  'Then I will.'

  'No, I won't hear of it. Eat with your kinfolk...' He paused a moment, thinking: kinfolk. Except for her sons, Rina didn't have a single blood relative downstairs. But he did. 'Go eat with them. But if it's no trouble, bring me up something to eat. My stomach's rumbling.'

  'Will do.' She kissed his lips and left.

  Decker locked the door behind her, then crawled back into bed. He thought about it for a moment. Kinfolk. A mother, grandparents, five half brothers and half sisters. God knew how many nieces and nephews... He closed his eyes, felt any remaining energy drain from his body. He dozed until awakened by a hard rap on his door. It startled him and his heart raced inside his chest. Rina's voice announced her name.

  Decker answered a groggy yeah and unlocked the door, then fell back into bed.

  'I woke you up.'

  He didn't answer.

  'Peter, you look so wan.'

  'I'm just tired,' he said. Tired was the polite word. Fucked-up was the accurate description. But his olfactory nerve began to spark. He sat up and said, 'What'd you bring me?'

  'All sorts of goodies.'

  She set plates before him.

  There was roasted rack of beef sitting on two bones, cooked crispy brown on the outside, juices sizzling and dripping. There was a separate dish of vegetables -browned potatoes with onions and green peppers, a carrot pudding topped with brown sugar and raisins, breaded cauliflower, steamed asparagus, zucchini in tomato sauce, a sweet noodle pudding topped with pineapple and macadamia nuts. And a traditional plate of sliced apples resting in a pool of honey.

  Food, food. Copious amounts of food.

  'I think you'll need a tray or something,' Rina said.

  'Good idea unless you like gravy on your sheets.'

  She grinned. 'Love the feel of a greasy bed. I'll get a tray for you and something to drink.' She looked him over. 'You need another pot of tea.'

  'While you're down there, how 'bout fetching some silverware and a couple of napkins?'

  'Didn't I bring... ? I'm so absent-minded. Just snarf it down through your nose.'

  'Get out of here,' Decker said.

  She laughed and left. Decker couldn't wait for utensils. He ate a slice of apple, some honey, then peeled a rib bone from the meat and took a big bite.

  Words wouldn't do justice to the taste. He ate one bone and polished off the next. Picked up the breaded cauliflower and ate that, too. Then the asparagus spears, bending them in the middle and popping them whole into his mouth.

  There was a knock at his door, then it was pushed open.

  Decker looked up expecting to see Rina.

  Instead what he saw was Mrs. Lazarus - and her.

  Decker felt his eyes widen, his mouth open.

  Too surprised to look down, too surprised to refrain from reacting.

  She was smiling, her lips painted bright red, a spot of lipstick on her front tooth.

  A toothy smile.

  Not like his at all.

  A stranger.

  The two of them standing there, holding a silver tray of sweets - cakes, cookies, strudel, brownies...

  He caught her eyes.

  Smiling eyes.

  But only for a moment.

  Then came the confusion, the recognition, the shock, the plunge into despair.

  With plates of food on his lap, there was nothing he could do, nowhere to run.

  He turned his head away but he knew it was too late. He heard the gasp, the tray tumbling onto the floor. He looked up and saw her hand fly to her chest, her body stagger backward. Her eyes were fluttering, her pale lips were trembling.

  Mrs. Lazarus yelling Frieda!

  Rina screaming out What are you doing here!

  Mrs. Lazarus shrieking Call a doctor!

  Rina shoving her mother-in-law out the door, ordering her downstairs.

  Frieda Levine hyperventilating.

  Rina trying to catch her.

  Mrs. Lazarus still shrieking to call a doctor.

  And Decker sitting there - an army vet, a cop for twenty years, having served three different police

  departments, an expert with firearms, the perfect point man for any operation because he was always cool, calm, rational, stoic, so goddamn unemotional. Just sitting there, paralyzed by the sight of his mother falling.

  The time has come.

  The time is now.

  Just go, go, go, I don't care how.

  You can go by foot.

  You can go by cow.

  Marvin K. Mooney, will you please go now!

  Hank closed the dog-eared children's book and packed it inside his suitcase. Zeyde used to read it to him when he was just a little kid. Then they'd laugh together...

  Marvin K. Mooney was one stubborn sucker. Everyone in the book against him, telling him to get the hell out, but he don't care one single bit. He goes by his own time when he wants to go.

  And no one was gonna tell him different.

  He thought for a moment.

  The time had come.

  The time was now.

  Do it, do it, I don't care how.

  Go by foot, go by cow.

  Just get the hell out, it don't matter how.

  But you need someone to carry the bags.

  Need someone to beat up the fags.

  Need someone to wash your feet.

  Need a wuss to take the heat.

  Just look around, it's there for the takin'.

  Your little boys willing to...

  willing to...

  willing to...

  He stopped, unable to think up the rhyme.

  What the hell. Poetry was for faggots anyway.

  But there was truth to what he was sayin'. He had a faithful following of true believers. Little dummies just waiting to follow orders. Errand boys. Any one of them would do.

  The apartment was closing in on him.

  Do it. Do it right away.

  It was the time of year made him feel this way, all bent out of shape, all nervous inside. Everyone acting so damn godlike and the
n shittin' all over you as soon as the holidays was over.

  Bunch of fanatical hypocrites. He'd love to buy himself an AK-fucking-forty-seven and take 'em all down in one moment of glory.

  But that was too dangerous, too easy to get caught.

  One glorious moment, but then it was the cooler for the rest of your life and having to knife off the shaved-headed shvartzes from reaming you in the butt and who needed that crap?

  Anyway, he might hit a baby or something and even though the kid would grow up to be one of them, he couldn't see splattering the wall with baby brains.

  Besides, no one had any respect for a baby killer. Rip off a bank or something, now that got you respect. But killing a baby - even by accident - that was definitely out.

  Besides, if you're gonna do anything like that, you don't do it yourself.

  And then there was the principle of the thing.

  You needed a gun, no doubt about that. Nothin' gets cooperation like the muzzle of a sawed-off resting between the eyes. But guns was only for last resorts, or people who couldn't do no better.

  And he could do better.

  The suitcase was full of them - knives for gutting, filleting, or butterflying. Cleavers for chopping off heads and tails, picks for piercing tough skin. And the portable hacksaws for the bigger bones.

  A part of the old man that would be with him for life.

  Best thing was, he knew how to use them, where to stick them to do the most damage with the least amount of blood.

  The trick - whether it was a shank or an ice pick - was to keep 'em sharp. The sharper the blade, the cleaner the cut, the less there was blood.

  And he'd packed his best stones.

  None of that mass-manufactured sharpeners for him. Just good old-fashioned stones.

  Had to have them - all of them. But shit, did they make the suitcase one heavy load.

  He picked up a pencil and wrote on a piece of scrap paper:

  Rule number one: Keep your hands clean.

  Rule number two: Find the rite dumshit to do the dirty work.

  Exsepchon to rule number two: First you gotta do the dirty work once to show the dumshit how to do it. Then you let the dumshit do the rest of the dirty work.

  Rule number three:

  Rule number three:

  Rule number three:

  He tapped the pencil against the paper, but couldn't think of anything else to write.

  He threw the paper and the pencil in his suitcase, then rummaged through his other papers until he found the right one.

  He consulted his hit list.

  Three names held the number-one spot, each one just as dopey and stupid as the next.

  Any one of the three would do.

  Tomorrow morning he'd hang out, see which one came up first.

  Then, like Marvin K., he'd be on his way.

  Somehow Rina caught Frieda Levine before she hit the ground. Just as Peter predicted, she'd looked, she'd seen, she'd gone out cold. Through all the noise and confusion, Rina's first thought was: Get the woman alone for Peter's sake, for everyone's sake, before she blurted out something she'd regret.

  She tried to shout over her mother-in-law's shrieking. She wanted Eema Sora out of the room and Mrs. Levine alone with her and Peter, but it was too late. A dozen adults swarmed around Frieda.

  'Give her some air, for goodness' sake,' Rina yelled.

  Frieda's older daughter, Miriam, screamed out Mama, Mama. Shimon, her oldest son, grabbed his mother from Rina's arms, patted her face. The second son, Ezra, yelled to the younger daughter to fetch some water. The youngest son, Jonathan - the conservative rabbi - suggested they call a doctor. His father said it was yom tov and if they needed a doctor he'd run down to Doctor Malinkov's house rather than violate the holiday. Jonathan answered that was ridiculous, that saving a life took precedence over the violation of a law and he'd call the paramedics if his father had difficulty with it. Rina interrupted the hysteria, yelling out that Frieda had just fainted, what she needed was air and a place to

  rest. Bring her into the other bedroom and give her a little breathing room.

  Miraculously, they listened to her. Frieda's three sons carried their mother into the master bedroom, laying her on one of the twin beds. As soon as her head hit the pillow, Frieda opened her eyes and groaned. Rina sat down beside her, stroked her face. Miriam ordered her mother not to talk.

  Frieda's husband said triumphantly, 'See, there was no reason to break yom tov—'

  Jonathan said, 'Papa, she still could need a doctor—'

  'She's up!' insisted the father. 'She's up. She's up!'

  Jonathan realized his father was trembling, that he was just spouting religion out of force of habit and was as shaken as the rest of them. He said, 'Papa, sit down. You're pale.' He turned to his sister and said, 'Miriam, take Papa downstairs.'

  Miriam took her father's arm, but he pushed her away, then stumbled. Miriam caught him. Rabbi Levine announced he wasn't going anywhere and his children should stop ordering him around as he knew what was best.

  The younger daughter, Faygie, returned with a sodden washcloth. Rina took the proffered cloth, dabbed Frieda's forehead, and gave a quick glance around the room - a wall of faces. Rabbi Levine's skin had taken on a grayish hue. Rina managed to catch Jonathan's eye.

  'I don't think your father looks well,' she said.

  Jonathan threw his arm around his father. 'Let's go downstairs, Papa. Mama will be fine.'

  The old man was too weak to argue.

  Rina continued to bathe Frieda's face. The woman's eyes were still unfocused and Rina began to worry.

  Maybe something more serious had occurred. But a moment later, Frieda grabbed Rina's hands, and within seconds, her eyes became puddles of tears.

  'What is it, Mama?' Faygie cried out.

  'You overworked yourself,' Miriam scolded. Her voice had panic in it. 'You don't let me help you. You're getting too old to do all this cooking by yourself. Why don't you let me help you—'

  'Miriam...' Shimon scolded.

  She fell silent.

  Frieda continued to cry. Rina brushed away her tears, told her everything was all right. But Frieda shook her head, violently.

  'Talk, Mama,' Shimon said.

  'What is it?' asked another voice.

  Rina felt her stomach turn over. Her sisters-in-law had come up. And their husbands. And some of the children. The room was so hot and stuffy it would make anyone a nervous wreck. With as much authority as Rina could muster she informed the group that Frieda needed quiet and not everyone fretting over her. It was just sudden exhaustion and would everyone please leave so the woman could breathe.

  'I'll stay with her,' Miriam said.

  'I will,' Faygie insisted.

  'All of you out!' Rina ordered. 'You're all much too excited to be of any use right now!'

  Rina was surprised at how commanding her voice sounded. Shimon said that Rina was right and directed everyone out of the room.

  'But she needs family,' Miriam protested. 'No offense to you, Rina, but she needs family.'

  'Why have you taken over?' Ezra asked Rina.

  'Because I'm a bit calmer than all of you—'

  'I'm calm,' Miriam insisted. Tm very, very calm!'

  Rina said, 'Miriam, you want to help out, go check on your grandparents. They must be worried sick.'

  Faygie said, 'I'll do it.'

  Rina said, 'Both of you do it. Til call if she needs anything.'

  'Maybe Papa's right,' Ezra said. 'Maybe I should get Doctor Malinkov.'

  Rina said, 'Give her a few minutes—'

  'What do you know about nursing?' Ezra interrupted.

  Frieda muttered something, eyes still flowing tears.

  'What, Mama?' Miriam said.

  The woman turned to her daughter, held Rina with one hand, and waved at the door with the other.