Diagnosis: Daddy

by Gina Wilkins

  “Maybe you’d like to give her a good-night kiss?” she prodded, thinking they needed to get past this awkward, reserved stage quickly if Alexis was going to feel safe and secure in her new home.

  “Oh, yeah, sure.”

  Alexis glanced up a bit uncertainly at Mia. Smiling encouragingly down at her, Mia led her to the couch. Connor leaned over to brush a light kiss on Alexis’s cheek. “Good night.”

  “’Night,” she said again.

  It was a start, Mia figured. With a little nod to Connor, she turned and walked with Alexis out of the room.

  Alexis looked even smaller in the big bed with the dark linens around her. They were definitely going to have to lighten things up in here, Mia decided, thinking a shopping trip was in order at the earliest opportunity. “Which book would you like to hear tonight?”

  Without even stopping to consider, Alexis replied, “Green Eggs and Ham.”

  “That sounds good.” Mia plucked the book from the stack and stretched out beside the girl. Alexis rested her head trustingly against Mia’s arm as she began to read, holding the book so Alexis could see the pictures. She read in a quiet, soothing tone, and Alexis was almost asleep by the time the story ended.

  Sliding off the bed, Mia tucked the covers snugly around the child and her treasured stuffed cat. “I’ll be sleeping right next door if you need anything tonight,” she reminded her. “Just call out or come get me.”

  “Okay.”

  “Do you want me to leave the night-light on?” She’d brought the night-light herself, a whimsical little glass unicorn that plugged into an outlet and glowed a soothing blue. It had been a gift from one of her students last year and she’d thought a child would appreciate the soft illumination in a strange place.

  “Yes, please. And could you leave the door open so you can hear me if I call you?”

  “Of course I will.” Leaning over the bed, Mia pressed a kiss to Alexis’s cheek. “Good night, sweetie.”

  Alexis surprised her by wrapping her arms around her neck and giving her a quick hug. “Good night, Mia.”

  Touched, Mia straightened and tucked the covers in again. After hesitating only a moment, she turned and left the room, leaving the door an inch ajar, just as Alexis had requested.

  Connor wasn’t on the couch when Mia walked into the living room. Looking around for him, she found him standing at the window, staring out into the night. Judging from his expression, she doubted that he saw a thing beyond the glass. He seemed to be lost in his thoughts, and they were apparently somber ones.

  “Connor?”

  He hadn’t heard her come in, which was only further indication of how distracted he’d been. He turned quickly. “Oh. Mia.”

  She smiled. “You were expecting someone else?”

  “No, I just…” He pushed a hand through his hair. “Did you get her tucked in okay?”

  “Yes. She was so tired, I think she’ll sleep soundly.”

  “I hope so.”

  “Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

  He started to shake his head, then stopped himself and raised his hands in a gesture of bewilderment. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

  She knew exactly what he was going through now. And because she did, she placed a hand on his forearm and smiled encouragingly up at him. “I understand. It’s terrifying, isn’t it?”

  He covered her hand with his and his fingers felt cold. “That’s exactly what it is.”

  “She’s a sweet little girl, Connor. Very well-behaved.”

  “Yeah, I know. I can’t help but wonder if she’s a little too well-behaved. Did that seem normal to you?”

  She shook her head in exasperation. “First you were worried that she would be a terror and now you’re worried that she’s too good?”

  “I know, it seems crazy,” he admitted. “But I just got the feeling that she’s repressing a lot.”

  “Of course she is. How could she not be with all that’s happened to her lately?”

  “Maybe she needs to be in counseling or something. I mean, I’m certainly no expert on kids and grief. I don’t have the slightest clue what I should be doing with her.”

  “I’m no expert either, but I know that children need love and acceptance. You can give her that.”

  “Can I?” His eyes looked tortured. “I don’t even know what I feel right now. I look at her and I think, this is my daughter. My little girl. And yet I don’t know her. I don’t know her favorite foods, or colors, or what she’s thinking when she looks back at me so seriously.”

  “Those things will come with time, for both of you. She doesn’t know you either,” she reminded him. “But she seems willing to give you a chance.”

  “She needs someone who can spend time with her. Who really has the time to get to know her. Someone who isn’t studying sixteen hours a day and worrying about studying the other eight hours.”

  “That’s why I’m here. When you’re busy, I’ll take care of her. I’ll help you get to know her.”

  His fingers tightened over hers. “I don’t know how to thank you for what you’re doing. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without you.”

  She shrugged a little. “You’d have managed.”

  But probably not without quitting medical school, she thought. Not without giving up his dream. How could she not do everything she could to prevent that? She loved him—as a dear friend, of course. She wanted him to have it all. Didn’t everyone want that for their closest friends? She was sure he felt the same way about her, even if there hadn’t been an occasion for him to prove it the way she was for him.

  He searched her face. “This doesn’t scare you at all?”

  Her laugh was shakier than she would have liked. “Come on, you know me better than that. I had a moment of panic in her bedroom. I came very close to bolting and telling you you’re on your own, pal. She just looked so darned vulnerable and tiny.”

  For some reason, her confession actually seemed to help him relax a little. Maybe he’d just needed to know that his fears were reasonable. “Yeah. Exactly.”

  “We can do this, Connor,” she said, pulling her hand away with a last bracing pat to his arm. “You’re going to be a good father to her, and I’ll figure out how to be a nanny until she’s all settled in. By the time I’m ready to start grad school, you and she will be very comfortable with each other, and she’ll have a ton of new friends at school and she’ll be old enough to leave with a part-time caretaker after school and on weekends. You aren’t the only single parent in medical school, I bet. Somehow or other, it will work out.”

  She wasn’t sure why she’d felt the need to remind him—maybe both of them—that this arrangement was only temporary. He frowned for a moment, then moistened his lips and nodded. “Yeah. I guess you’re right. Thanks for the pep talk.”

  “Any time. Now, why don’t I make you some hot tea? It’ll help you relax while you get back to your studying.”

  He leaned over to brush his lips across her cheek, much the same way he had with Alexis. “Thanks, Mia. That sounds great.”

  Resisting an impulse to press her hand to the spot his lips had touched, she nodded and moved toward the kitchen without saying anything more.

  Something woke Mia in the middle of the night. She opened her eyes and squinted into the darkness, trying to decide what it had been. Was she still adjusting to her new surroundings? Hearing the creaks of an unfamiliar house? Or had there been something else?

  Hearing a sound again, she slid her feet out of the bed. She thought it had come from Alexis’s room.

  Without bothering to don a robe over her brushed satin pajamas, she walked barefoot through her door and into the hallway. She pushed open the door to Alexis’s room quietly and peeked inside, trying to identify the sound that had awakened her. Was the child having a bad dream? That would certainly be understandable.

  The sound came again, and she recognized it this time with a pang through her heart. Alexis was cryi
ng softly into her pillow.

  “Oh, baby, it’s okay,” she said, hurrying across the room to gather the little girl into her arms. “Everything’s going to be all right, I promise.”

  Alexis burrowed into Mia’s arms, tucking her head tightly beneath Mia’s chin. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “No, don’t be sorry. It’s okay to cry when you need to.”

  Sniffling, Alexis murmured, “Aunt Tricia didn’t like it when I cried. She said it made her sad.”

  “It’s okay to be sad sometimes,” Mia replied, instinctively rocking the child against her. “Especially when you’ve lost someone you loved. I cry when I’m sad, too.”

  Her breath catching, Alexis pulled back just a little, her tear-streaked face just visible in the bluish night light. “You do?”

  “Of course I do.” Mia brushed a damp strand of hair away from the little girl’s mouth. “And when I’m feeling scared and lonely, I lean on my friends. I’m your friend, Alexis. You can lean on me tonight, okay?”

  Alexis snuggled against her again, her sobs quieting. “I miss my grandma.”

  “I know you do, baby. I’m sorry.”

  “Does he want me here?”

  The non sequitur confused her for a moment, but then she rested her head on Alexis’s soft hair and murmured, “Of course your daddy wants you here, honey. He’s just a little nervous. Like you are. He wants you to like him and he wants to be a good daddy to you.”

  Alexis lifted her head again. “He’s nervous?”

  “Oh, yes. This is all new to him, too. But he’s very glad you’re here, Alexis.”

  A sound came from the doorway. Connor stood silhouetted by the hall light behind him. “I heard talking. Is everything okay in here?”

  Looking over Alexis’s head, Mia replied lightly, “Yes, we’re fine. Alexis is just getting accustomed to her new bedroom.”

  “Oh.” Although she couldn’t see his expression very well in the shadows, she could tell that he felt uncertain of what he should do now. A little left out, perhaps, because Mia seemed to be handling everything without him? “Can I get you anything, Alexis?” he asked.

  “No, thank you.” Even though still a bit thick from her tears, the child’s voice was steady. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

  “I wasn’t asleep. Y’all let me know if you need anything from me, okay?”

  Mia answered for them both. “We will. Good night.”

  “Um, good night.” Slowly, he turned away, pulling the door almost closed behind him to give them privacy.

  “Will you stay with me for a little while?” Alexis asked in a whisper.

  “Of course I will. I’ll lie right here until you go to sleep.”

  They nestled into the pillows together. Mia lay awake, staring at the ceiling and worrying, long after Alexis drifted off to sleep.

  A substitute teacher filled in for Mia on Tuesday so that she could stay with Alexis while Connor attended lectures that morning. She and Connor had arranged for her to pick him up at the medical school campus at 1 p.m. From there, they would have lunch and then go together to register Alexis in school. He had already called a private elementary school near his house and made an appointment with the registrar for 2:30 p.m.

  He could have enrolled her in public school, of course, but this one was much more convenient location-wise and had an excellent reputation. The tuition was affordable, barely, he’d admitted to Mia. He would be dipping into his loan money to pay it, but he figured it was worth the expense to have her so close by. The school also provided after-hours care until Mia was able to pick up Alexis every afternoon, which made it an even more appealing choice.

  With so much extra time that morning, Mia decided it was as good an opportunity as any to do some shopping. She fastened Alexis into the backseat of her little car and took her to a shopping center near Connor’s house in midtown Little Rock, only a few miles from the medical school campus. Holding hands, they entered a reasonably priced home furnishings store in search of bedding suited to a little girl. Less than an hour later, they walked out again carrying full shopping bags.

  Alexis appeared delighted with the pastel pink, yellow, mint and lavender striped comforter Mia had found on a clearance rack. Mia was pleased with the price, a full sixty percent off retail. She’d had enough of the money Connor had given her left over to buy two sets of pastel sheets, also on sale, and a couple of throw pillows in coordinating solids, one round, the other heart-shaped. Instead of heavy curtains, she’d bought pink sheers.

  As her own contribution to the cause, she’d bought a lamp with a lavender porcelain bottom and a shade with pastel polka dots that matched the colors in the comforter. By the time they arranged Alexis’s toys around the room and hung a few framed posters on the walls, the room would be perfect for a six-year-old girl, she decided in satisfaction.

  “I like my stuff,” Alexis said as Mia fastened her into the car again. “My room is going to be pretty.”

  “Yes, it will be. Just like you.”

  Alexis giggled, her mood dramatically different from her sadness during the night.

  Connor waited at the corner where they’d agreed to meet. He climbed into the passenger seat, tossing the backpack that held his textbooks and laptop computer into the backseat next to Alexis. “What have you ladies been up to this morning? Did you get your shopping done?”

  Alexis nodded, a bit shy now that he’d joined them, but still smiling. “I got a new comforter. It’s pink and purple and green and yellow, and it’s beautiful. It’s in the trunk.”

  “I can’t wait to see it,” he assured her, giving Mia a look that expressed his pleasure with Alexis’s good mood.

  She smiled back at him. “You’ll be even happier when you see the receipt,” she assured him. “We found bargains.”

  “Just what a guy likes to hear.”

  They had lunch at a deli, where Mia and Connor ordered sandwiches and Alexis had a bowl of chicken noodle soup. The server forgot to bring crackers to go with the soup, and she made a second trip to bring them with an apology. “Is there anything else you need?” she asked Alexis.

  “No, thank you.”

  The server smiled at Mia and Connor. “You have a very polite little girl,” she said, including them both in the compliment. “Cute as a button, too.”

  Connor murmured a thank you.

  Mia supposed she should get used to people thinking they were a family. It would happen whenever she went out in public with Connor and Alexis. Because there was no need to correct strangers, she should simply learn to take such comments in stride.

  It still felt funny to hear it, though.

  They arrived at the school a few minutes early, which gave them time to look around a little from the car. The grounds were tidy and well-groomed, with a large playground filled with play equipment. The children they saw wore uniforms: khaki pants and navy, red or white polo shirts for the boys; khaki pants or skirts or a navy-and-red plaid jumper with navy, red or white polo shirts for the girls.

  “It looks like a nice place,” Mia said to Alexis, half turning to study the child’s expression.

  “Why are they all dressed alike?” Alexis asked, craning to see the children on the playground. She had already unbuckled her seat belt and she knelt on the backseat, her hands propped beside Mia as she leaned forward to peer out the windshield.

  “They wear school uniforms here. Everyone dresses alike to show that they go to the same school.”

  “We didn’t wear uniforms at my school in Springfield.”

  “You’ll get used to it. Even most of the public schools around this area require uniforms. It just makes things easier for the parents and the students because they don’t have to worry about what clothes to choose every day.”

  “Oh. Okay. Can I get a red bow for my hair like that girl has?”

  “Absolutely.”

  Connor had been riffling though the paperwork he’d brought with him, double checking to see that he h
ad everything he needed. As if a sudden thought had occurred to him, he lifted his head and looked at Mia and then Alexis. “I just realized…What name did you use at your school in Springfield?”

  The child looked a bit confused. “Alexis. My friend Madison called me Lexi.”

  “No, honey, I meant your last name. Your aunt said you use your mom’s last name, Caple, but your birth certificate says Alexis Marie Hayes, which is the same last name as mine.”

  Mia tried not to frown. Brandy certainly hadn’t made things easier for her daughter. Why on earth hadn’t the woman just told Connor he had a child? But because she felt a little guilty being critical of his late ex-girlfriend, she suppressed the thought without comment.

  Alexis shrugged. “My grandma did all the papers at my school there. I don’t know what she wrote down.”

  “What last name did you write on your schoolwork, sweetie?” Mia asked, trying to clarify things for her.

  “Caple. The same as my grandma.”

  Seeing that Connor was biting his lip, as if trying to decide how to handle this, Mia spoke again, “Would you mind very much if you use Alexis Hayes here? I know it will seem strange to you at first, but it would make things much easier for your daddy. For you, too, in the long run.”

  “Alexis Hayes?” Tilting her head, the child wore a look of concentration as she repeated the name beneath her breath a couple of times. “Okay,” she said after a moment. “But I might forget sometimes,” she added, looking a bit worried.

  Mia reached over to squeeze her hand reassuringly. “You probably will. But that’s okay. I’ll help you practice writing it when we get home.”

  “Alexis Hayes,” Alexis repeated again, as if committing the name to memory. She glanced sideways at Connor. “It’s a nice name.”

  He smiled at her, looking relieved that the issue had been settled so easily. “Yes. It is. Shall we go in now? It’s almost time for our appointment.”

  Just under twenty minutes later, Alexis Marie Hayes was an official first grader at Sunshine Academy. Connor signed the necessary paperwork authorizing Mia to pick up Alexis at school and to be given full access to her information. Mia would be allowed to talk to the administration and the teachers on Alexis’s behalf, just as Connor would, and her name and number were entered as emergency contact information beneath his own.