EG03 - Home Is Where The Heart Is

by Joan Jonker

  ‘I’m not made of wood myself, Arthur.’ Vera gave a nervous laugh. ‘But seeing as it’s Christmas and friends usually kiss each other at Christmas, there’s no harm in a little kiss.’

  Arthur looked down at Vera’s upturned face and cupped it with his hands. His lips touched hers, like a feather at first, then they came back, hard and demanding. Vera could feel the hunger in Arthur’s kiss and her body responded. Somewhere in her mind a warning sounded but it was quickly dispelled. For three years they’d kept each other at arm’s length, played everything by the book. Surely now they were entitled to a little happiness? Just one hour, no one could begrudge them that.

  Chapter Thirteen

  ‘D’you know what I fancy, Mary?’ Harry folded the Echo and placed it down the side of his chair. ‘A bag of chips, with plenty of salt and vinegar on.’

  ‘What?’ Mary’s finely arched eyebrows rose in surprise. ‘After that big dinner you had? Well, you greedy guts!’

  ‘That was four hours ago, pet.’ Harry grinned. ‘Anyway, it’s not so much that I’m hungry, but it’s ages since we had chips from the chippy and ate them out of the paper. And you know they don’t taste the same once you put them on a plate.’

  Mary lowered her knitting to rest on her knee. She was knitting a pullover for Tony and was in the middle of a row of a complicated pattern. ‘It’s half past ten.’

  ‘What difference does that make? The children are fast asleep, your mam is sitting up in bed reading, and we’d only be a quarter of an hour.’

  Mary gazed into Harry’s deep brown eyes and couldn’t refuse. ‘Just let me finish this row. You go and tell me mam and bring me coat off the hallstand.’

  They walked up the road, their joined hands swinging between them. They were passing the entry at the top of the road when Harry happened to glance sideways into the dark passage. The street lamp at the corner cast enough light into the alley for him to make out the figures of a young couple locked together in a passionate embrace. He could only see the back of the boy and the long hair of the girl who was pressed up against the wall.

  They were past the entry in a few strides so it was impossible to be sure, but there was something familiar about the girl’s hair that reminded Harry of Joan. He didn’t say anything to Mary as they turned the corner . . . after all, he could be wrong.

  There were only a couple of people in the chip shop and Mary and Harry were quickly served. Outside, they stood while they tore a hole in the newspaper wrapping to get to the bag of chips, giggling like school children given a special treat. ‘Mmm, don’t they smell delicious?’ Harry opened his mouth wide and drew in the night air to cool the red hot chip burning the inside of his mouth. ‘Lovely, tell your ma.’

  ‘I feel like a big soft kid.’ Mary’s laugh tinkled in the quiet road. ‘It’s years since we did this.’

  When they were passing the entry again, Harry slowed his pace to look more closely at the young couple. They were still locked in an embrace, but this time Harry could see the boy’s hand inside the girl’s coat, moving and exploring. He still couldn’t see the girl’s face but there was no mistaking that hair style. It was Joan all right.

  Harry waited until they were in the house before asking casually, ‘Did you notice the courting couple in the entry?’

  ‘No, why?’

  ‘The girl was Joan.’

  ‘Joan! In the entry with a boy! Eileen would kill her!’ Mary had slipped her coat off and stood with it over her arm. ‘Are you sure it was her?’

  ‘Yes, darling, I am sure it was Joan. And they weren’t just kissing, either. The bloke was all over her. If any of the neighbours see her, she’ll be getting herself a bad name.’

  Mary’s face clouded. ‘Eileen would go mad if she knew.’

  ‘Don’t tell her, for heaven’s sake.’ Harry leaned forward. ‘It’s none of our business.’

  ‘I’ve no intention of telling her. She’s upset enough as it is, and I’m sure Joan’s got something to do with it.’ Mary laid her coat over the arm of the couch and sat down. ‘Eileen was telling me the other day that she heard Joan and Billy having a terrible row the day after his engagement party, but when she asked what it was about, neither of them would tell her. But whatever it was, Billy hasn’t spoken to Joan since. He won’t even look at her, never mind speak to her, and Eileen said the atmosphere in the house is terrible when they’re both in.’

  ‘Well, perhaps I’m just being bad minded,’ Harry said. ‘For all we know, she might be courting the bloke. I’m sure she wouldn’t go down a dark entry with any Tom, Dick or Harry.’

  ‘No, I’m sure she’s not like that.’ Mary picked up her coat. ‘Stick the kettle on, love, will you? The chips have given me a thirst.’

  Bill gave Eileen a peck on the cheek as he struggled out of his coat. ‘The hospital rang the Admin up today, with a message to ask Arthur to go there right away. Sylvia must have taken a turn for the worse.’

  ‘Oh, my God.’ Eileen wiped her hands on her pinny. ‘Mind you, from what Arthur’s told me, it would be a blessing if God took ’er.’

  Bill walked to the kitchen to wash his hands. ‘Harry’s going up to the Dingle after tea and I said I’d go with him. See if Arthur needs any help, like.’

  ‘I’ll go with yez. The boys might need a woman to comfort them.’ Eileen moved quickly for a woman of her size. She set Bill’s dinner on the table, asked Maggie to see to the girls when they came in, and hurried upstairs to get changed.

  ‘Am I all right to go like this?’ Bill asked when Eileen came down. ‘I don’t need to put me suit on, do I?’

  Eileen looked him over. Bill was very particular over his appearance. Shaved every morning before he went to work, he always had to wear a clean shirt. ‘You look fine, love.’ She chucked him under the chin. ‘Yer vain enough as it is, but I’ll still tell yer, you are the handsomest man in Liverpool.’

  ‘Don’t be so mean with your compliments, chick.’ Bill grinned. ‘You mean I’m the handsomest man in the world.’

  Maggie had come in and she stood listening. ‘I think you both mean the most handsome man, don’t you, not the handsomest? Your grammar is terrible.’

  ‘Oh, ’ere she is,’ Eileen groaned. ‘The walkin’ encyclopaedia. Don’t yer ever wonder, Mam, ’ow anyone as clever as you could ’ave a bird brain like me for a daughter?’

  ‘Come on, love,’ Bill urged. ‘We don’t want to keep Harry waiting.’

  Eileen picked up her bag and stuck it under her arm. As she followed Bill out, she whispered in Maggie’s ear, I’ve always told yer the ’ospital gave yer the wrong baby. I’d sue them, if I were you.’

  Arthur opened the door, his face white and drawn. He seemed to have aged ten years overnight. ‘It’s nice of you to come,’ he said as he closed the door behind them. ‘I appreciate it.’ He put a finger to his lips and nodded towards the living room. ‘The boys are in a terrible state. I’ve just had to tell them that Sylvia died this afternoon.’

  ‘Oh, my God, the poor things. Shall I go in to them?’ Eileen asked, her heart bursting with pity.

  Arthur nodded. ‘If you would, while I have a word with Harry and Bill. I don’t want to say too much in front of the lads because they’re upset enough.’ He waited till Eileen closed the room door. ‘Will you tell them in work, Harry? I’ll have to take a week off to see to everything, and I’m keeping the boys off school.’ He sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. ‘There’s such a lot to do, me head’s splitting. Tomorrow I’ve got to go back to the hospital for the death certificate, then to Brougham Terrace. When that’s done, I’ve got to see to the funeral arrangements.’

  ‘Are you all right for money?’ Harry asked. ‘Because I can always . . .’

  Arthur shook his head. ‘Thanks, but I’m all right. I knew this was going to happen sooner or later, and I’ve been putting some money by each week.’ He leaned back against the wall, his head lowered. ‘It’s the boys I’m worried about. When Sylvia went into
hospital, I honestly thought she was going to get better and I kept telling them she’d be coming home soon. And it wasn’t a lie, because the doctor on her ward told me she had a fifty-fifty chance. But in me own heart I’ve known for a long time that she wasn’t going to get better, and I’m asking meself now if I shouldn’t have told them the truth. Prepared them, so it wouldn’t have come as such a shock.’

  ‘Don’t be blaming yourself,’ Bill said. ‘You only did what you thought was best for them.’

  ‘You did the right thing, Arthur,’ Harry said. ‘They’re bound to be upset, it’s only natural. But they’re young and they’ve got their whole lives ahead of them. It may take a while, but they’ll get over it.’

  Arthur led the way down the hall. He threw the door open and stopped on the threshold, tears forming in his eyes at the sight that met him.

  Eileen was sitting in the middle of the couch with an arm around each of his sons. She was rocking gently, kissing one bowed head, then the other. She looked up at the three men crowded in the doorway. ‘Gordon and David are comin’ ’ome to our house an’ they’re goin’ to stay for a few days, aren’t you, boys?’

  Two tear-stained faced looked up into Eileen’s face and they nodded.

  ‘We can, can’t we, Dad?’ There was pleading in David’s eyes. He didn’t want to move from this big woman who gave out so much love and sympathy. It was what he and his brother needed right now.

  ‘Are you sure, Eileen?’ Arthur could feel the relief course through his body.

  ‘I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t sure.’ Eileen winked over the heads of the boys. ‘I’ve told them you’ve got a lot of runnin’ round to do, so they’re goin’ to keep me company.’

  ‘Can I go and get me pyjamas, Dad?’ Gordon slid to the end of the couch, eager to be away in case his Dad changed his mind.

  ‘I’ll pack some things for you.’ There was gratitude in the faint smile Arthur gave Eileen before making for the stairs.

  ‘Arthur!’ There was surprise written on Vera’s face. ‘I didn’t expect to see you.’ She looked at his face more closely. ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘Can I come in?’

  Vera held the door wide. ‘Of course, need you ask?’

  ‘Are you alone?’

  ‘Yes, I’ve just put Carol to bed and Colin and Peter are out dancing somewhere.’

  There was a frown on Vera’s face. ‘What’s all the mystery about?’

  Arthur dropped into a chair, his whole body weary. ‘Sylvia died this afternoon.’

  Vera gripped the edge of the table for support. She closed her eyes. ‘What can I say, Arthur? Sorry seems so inadequate.’

  ‘I’ve been expecting it for years but it’s still come as a shock.’ He was silent for a while, then said softly, ‘I thank God once again for Eileen. I was at me wits’ end trying to comfort the boys, and then Eileen turns up and takes charge of them. They’re in her house now and she said they can stay there until after the funeral. She’s fussing over them, giving them the kisses and hugs that they need . . . something a man isn’t as capable of as a woman.’

  Arthur looked up at Vera and their eyes locked. This was the first time they’d been alone since the night of Billy’s engagement party, and the memory of that night filled Vera with a guilt that lay heavy on her heart.

  ‘Vera.’ Arthur knew what she was thinking. It was as though, at that moment, he could read her mind. ‘Don’t reproach yourself, please. If you want to blame anyone for what happened that night, then blame me.’ He stood up and put his hands on her shoulders. ‘I’m not sorry it happened and I don’t feel any guilt. Sylvia hadn’t been a wife to me for over five years . . . ten if we count the war years when I was away. She didn’t want me for a husband, didn’t want me in her bed. So why should I feel guilty about the one and only night I held a woman in my arms? Especially as I love that woman and I hope she loves me.’

  Vera laid her head on Arthur’s chest as tears rolled down her cheeks. ‘I don’t regret what happened that night, Arthur, it’s just that I feel it was wrong, when Sylvia was so ill.’

  Arthur held her close. ‘Don’t cry, love, please? We’re not bad, you and me. Just two ordinary human beings who needed to be loved.’

  Vera sniffed. ‘I haven’t got a hankie.’

  ‘Here, use mine.’ Arthur dropped a light kiss on her forehead. ‘I’ll have to go now, ’cos I’ve got a busy day tomorrow.’

  ‘If there’s anything I can do, you will let me know, won’t you? If you need someone to help on the day of the funeral, you’ve only got to say the word.’

  As Arthur was walking away, Vera called him back. Her eyes on the pavement, she said softly, ‘I’ll slip up to church tomorrow and light a candle for Sylvia and you and the boys.’

  ‘All hands are swappin’ beds tonight,’ Eileen said as she took David’s and Gordon’s coats. ‘Joan and Edna, you’re goin’ in Billy’s bed, and Billy can sleep in your room with the boys.’

  ‘Ah, ray, I don’t have to sleep in the same bed as this one, do I?’ Edna’s smile was wide as she winked at the two boys. She felt so sorry for them, they looked so lost and defenceless. ‘She snores something terrible, you know, and talks in her sleep.’

  ‘I’m not moving out of my room,’ Joan said, her flared nostrils white with temper. ‘Why can’t they have Billy’s bed and he can sleep on the couch?’

  ‘Because I said so, that’s why.’ Eileen glared at her daughter. How could she be so unfeeling?

  ‘Well, I refuse to move.’ Joan tossed her hair back over her shoulder, a sullen look on her face.

  Bill had entered the room in time to catch Joan’s statement and his face flooded with colour. ‘Did I hear you say you refuse? Well, let me tell you this, young lady, while you’re living in this house, you’ll do as your mam tells you.’

  Joan’s chair crashed back and she flounced out of the room. Eileen looked at Bill and shrugged her shoulders, then put her arms around David and Gordon. ‘Take no notice of her, she’s a bad-tempered little madam. I’ll make yez a nice drink and then Edna will take you up and show yez where yer sleepin’. An’ she’ll find an empty drawer for yez to put yer clothes in.’

  ‘Where’s Billy?’ Gordon asked shyly. ‘Will we see him tonight?’

  ‘He’s gone up to see his girlfriend,’ Edna told him. ‘But he promised to be back early so you can all go to bed together.’

  ‘That Joan’s a hard-faced little faggot,’ Eileen said when all the family were in bed and she was alone with Bill. ‘She thinks of no one but ’erself. Not one word did she speak to those poor boys.’

  ‘She certainly needs taking in hand,’ Bill answered. ‘She’s getting far too big for her boots.’

  Eileen was standing in front of the mirror putting a few dinkie curlers in the front of her hair. She lowered the comb, her face thoughtful. ‘Bill, I’ve been thinkin’. Arthur’s got no family, and neither had Sylvia, apart from a sister in America that Arthur hasn’t heard of for years. There’ll be no one to go to the funeral, only us and the Sedgemoors.’

  ‘What have you got in your mind, chick?’

  ‘It’s the two boys I’m thinkin’ of.’ Eileen tapped the comb against her teeth. ‘I don’t want them to think their mother had no friends, that no one mourned her death.’

  ‘So?’

  ‘Couldn’t we make it a good turn out, for the sake of the kids? Ask all the people that know Arthur to rally round? Doris and Jim next door, they like Arthur. And there’s Lizzie and George, Harry’s parents, I know they’d come if they were asked.’

  ‘Eileen, the funeral will be in the Dingle. How are they all going to get there? It would mean Arthur ordering enough cars for them all and he might not be able to afford it.’

  ‘I’ve thought it all out.’ Eileen sat down and took Bill’s hands in hers. ‘That’s if you’ll go along with it.’

  ‘Do I have any choice?’ Bill grinned as he squeezed her hand. ‘Go on, spit it out.’

  ‘H
arry and Jim ’ave got cars, so they could take us. Arthur would only need to order one funeral car for him and the boys. And they could all come back here for a bite to eat.’

  ‘You have got it all worked out, haven’t you, chick?’

  ‘I couldn’t bear it if there were only a couple of people at the funeral, the church would be empty. It would be so sad for Arthur and the boys.’

  ‘I agree with you and as far as I’m concerned, you can do what you think best. But you’d better have a word with Arthur first, see what his plans are.’

  When Arthur came the following day, he looked completely worn out. He’d never sat down, he told Eileen, but now, thank God, everything had been seen to, all the arrangements made. He’d been to the Co-op undertakers and said they had taken everything in hand. The funeral was in three days’ time.

  ‘Have yer thought about who’s goin’ to the funeral?’ Eileen asked.

  ‘Not much to think about is there? There’s only me and the boys.’ The sadness and bitterness in Arthur’s voice brought a lump to Eileen’s throat. She was glad she’d sent David and Gordon on a message to Woolworths in Walton Vale. She wouldn’t have wanted them to see their dad so downcast. He was all they had left. ‘D’yer mean yer not goin’ to ask me an’ Bill to come? Or Mary and Harry?’

  Arthur lifted his head. ‘Will you come? I didn’t like to ask but I’d appreciate it if you would.’

  ‘Of course we will.’ Eileen tilted her head to one side. ‘Shall I tell yer what I’d really like to do, that’s if yer’ve no objections, like?’ While Eileen was telling him of her plans, Arthur’s eyes lost some of their sadness. While he’d been rushing around all day, dreadful visions had been flashing through his mind. A huge church, the coffin in front of the altar, and all the pews empty except for himself and his two sons. He was worried about the effect it would have on David and Gordon.

  ‘Well,’ Eileen asked, ‘will that be all right with you?’

  Arthur opened his mouth but no words would come. He couldn’t express his feelings for this mountain of a woman who had a heart to match her size. Many times over the last five years he’d needed her kindness and her thoughtfulness, and she’d never let him down. But what she was offering now was more than a gesture of kindness, it was a lifeline for him and the sons he adored.