EG03 - Home Is Where The Heart Is

by Joan Jonker

  Since she’d moved in, Joan and Valerie had got into a routine of doing household chores on certain days. And Sunday was the day they stripped their beds and vacuumed and dusted the bedrooms. This morning Joan had finished her room, and as she could hear Valerie talking to Richie on the phone in the hall, she decided to help by starting on Valerie’s room. She pulled the bedclothes from the bed, threw the sheets and pillowcases to one side for washing, then opened the drawer in the tallboy where she knew Valerie kept her clean bed linen. She pulled two slips out and was about to close the drawer when she saw some photographs of a soldier in uniform. Without thinking, Joan took the photos out and was looking through them when Valerie came into the room.

  ‘Nice-looking man,’ Joan said. ‘Is he your brother?’

  Valerie snatched the photos from Joan’s hands, her face blazing. ‘What the hell are you doing, snooping through my things? You have no right to be in here.’

  ‘I was only trying to help,’ Joan protested, wondering what she’d done wrong.

  Valerie noted the bedclothes on the floor and the two clean pillow slips and her temper evaporated. ‘Take no notice of me.’ She threw the photos in the drawer. ‘I must have got out of bed on the wrong side this morning.’

  Joan said, ‘I’ll give you a hand.’ While she waited for Valerie to shake out the sheet, she asked, ‘Is the man your brother?’

  Valerie let the corners of the sheet drop and looked across the bed. For seconds she just stared, then shrugged her shoulders. ‘He’s not a soldier any more, he works abroad. And he’s not my brother, he’s my husband.’

  ‘But, then . . .’ Joan stuttered.

  ‘Look, let’s get one thing straight,’ Valerie said. ‘What I do is my business and has nothing to do with you. I love my husband, but he works away for six months at a time and I get lonely. Richie knows I’m married and when my husband comes home our affair will be finished. Now you know, but as I said, it’s none of your business.’

  There’d been a coolness between them for the rest of the day, and Joan was glad when Augie came to take her out. But as he drove the Jeep towards the city centre, Joan found herself looking sideways at him. Did he know what was going on? If he did, and condoned it; he was as bad as Valerie and Richie.

  Joan’s thoughts ran on. If he saw no wrong in them cheating on Valerie’s husband, then he wouldn’t be beyond cheating on someone himself, would he? She took a deep breath. ‘Augie, are you married? Tell me the truth.’

  Augie took his eyes off the road for a second, surprise written on his face at the unexpected question. ‘No, honey, of course I’m not!’

  He turned his head away quickly, but not quickly enough for Joan to miss the colour rising from his neck, or the look of guilt in his eyes. She didn’t question him any more, she didn’t need to.

  Now Joan punched the pillow, the blow containing all the emotions she’d kept at bay for so long. What a stupid, naive fool she’d been! Why had she never asked herself how Valerie could keep such a nice house going, and have a wardrobe full of clothes, on the wages she earned?

  Then anger took over. I’ve often told me mam lies, Joan thought, and right now I regret every one of them. But mine have never hurt anyone, not like Valerie, who was not only cheating on her husband, but in not wearing a wedding ring, was living a lie. There was no excuse for her or for Richie. And as for Augie, well she never wanted to set eyes on him again. He was, as her Nan would say, too sweet to be wholesome.

  ‘Oh, Mam,’ Joan cried softly, wishing she could feel the big, soft warm body holding her close. ‘I want to come home, but would you have me after what I’ve done? I do love you, Mam, but I don’t know if you still love me.’

  Chapter Nineteen

  ‘I think that’s about right,’ Mary said, holding the material against Eileen’s leg. Her friend had come for a final fitting of the dress she was making for Billy’s wedding, and all that it needed now was the hem turning up. ‘It’s about four inches below your knees.’

  Eileen, trying to see over her mountainous bust, grunted in disgust. ‘I can’t see a thing, kid! As long as I’m not showin’ the leg of me knickers, then it’ll do.’

  Mary filled her mouth with pins and began the task of getting the hem straight. It wasn’t easy with Eileen being so big in the front. ‘Keep still, will you? Otherwise it’ll be all cockeyed.’ She crawled round on her knees, leaning back occasionally to make sure she was keeping the hem even. ‘Move nearer the window and turn around slowly so I can see it at a distance.’

  ‘Bloody ’ell, all this just to look glamorous.’ Eileen twirled slowly, then did a quick spin. ‘Will I outshine the bride?’

  Mary struggled to her feet. ‘I can’t promise that, but it really suits you.’ She surveyed the dress with a critical eye. It was a crepe material in sage green, with three-quarter sleeves and a sweetheart neck. ‘I’m glad you didn’t get a dark colour like you usually do. That green looks great on you, brings out the colour of your eyes.’

  ‘Help me off with it, kid, or I’ll be stickin’ pins in meself.’

  Mary folded the dress and draped it over the back of a chair. ‘I’ll sit and finish it off tonight.’

  ‘We’ve kept yer busy the last month, haven’t we, kid? Yer’ve been a real angel doin’ all those dresses. Saved our Billy an’ Mavis a lot of money. In fact, let’s face it, they wouldn’t be ’aving any bridesmaids if it wasn’t for you.’

  ‘It’s been hard going, but I’ve enjoyed doing them,’ Mary said. ‘I’m very fond of your Billy and I was glad to help.’

  ‘He’s a real cracker, my son, even if I say it as shouldn’t. Got a heart of gold. I was made up when ’e asked if Carol would like to be a bridesmaid. There’s not many lads his age would ’ave done that, now, is there?’

  Mary gazed at her friend with fondness. Behind all the bluff, Mary knew she was heartbroken that Joan wouldn’t be here to be a bridesmaid at her brother’s wedding. ‘No word from Joan?’

  Eileen’s eyes clouded. ‘No. She’s been in the shop to see Edna, and she knows the wedding’s in two weeks, but we’ve not ’eard a dickie bird from her. I’ll never forgive ’er for lettin’ our Billy down.’

  Mary sighed as she pressed back the cuticles from her nails. ‘She’s a very silly girl. One day she’ll need her family.’

  ‘In the beginnin’ I expected ’er back every day. Never thought she’d stay away a month,’ Eileen said. ‘If she walked through that door now, I wouldn’t know whether to hug ’er or break her flamin’ neck. She’s been very naughty not gettin’ in touch with me an’ Bill, but for all that she’s me daughter an’ I love her.’

  ‘Is everything fixed up for the wedding?’ Mary asked, to get Eileen’s mind away from her wayward daughter.

  ‘Yeah, we’ve sorted it all out with the Radfords. We were goin’ to pay for everything between us, but young Billy wouldn’t hear of it. He said it’s the bridegroom’s job to pay for certain things, and he wanted to do things properly. So we’re all givin’ ’im money as a weddin’ present and they can buy furniture with it. Me an’ Bill are scrimpin’ and scratchin’ to give as much as we can. I’ve got a few pound to come in Co-op divvy, so I’m nippin’ to Byrom Street temorrer to pick it up. It’s not much, but every little helps, as the old woman said when she did a jimmy riddle in the river.’ Eileen laughed at the look on Mary’s face. ‘If all else fails, kid, I’ll ’ave to pawn me weddin’ ring.’

  ‘Don’t you dare!’ Mary said. ‘I can lend you a few pound . . . it’s unlucky to pawn things.’

  ‘Ah, that’s an old wives’ tale, kid! This ring of mine was in an’ out of pawn that often when the kids were little, it’s a wonder it isn’t worn out. My Bill didn’t know, mind yer, or there’d ’ave been blue murder. But when we got married and moved into Bray Street, we didn’t ’ave much furniture. We were goin’ to save up an’ buy when we could afford. But we ’adn’t reckoned on ’aving three kids in four years, an’ it put a halt to our gallop. It was
hard goin’, tryin’ to make ends meets, I can tell yer. Sometimes it was a case of starvin’ or goin’ to the pawn shop. Yer know Pobjoys, at Everton Valley? Well, I used to trot along there every Monday mornin’ with me weddin’ ring an’ I’d get enough on it to keep us in food till pay day.’

  ‘But Bill must have noticed you weren’t wearing your ring,’ Mary said. ‘He’s not blind.’

  ‘Ah, well, yer see, kid, I was very crafty. I bought meself a tanner ring from Woolies and Bill never knew the difference.’

  ‘You’re a case, you are.’

  ‘As the sayin’ goes, kid, what Bill never knew never ’urt him.’

  ‘Has young Billy got the key to his house yet?’

  ‘He’s hopin’ to get it today. If he does, we’re goin with ’im tonight to see it.’ Eileen laughed, ‘Honest, he’s so happy he’s like a kid with a new toy.’

  ‘He deserves to go through life being happy,’ Mary said. ‘He’s one helluva nice boy. I only hope our Tony grows up to be as nice as him.’

  Billy couldn’t hide his impatience. ‘I’ll go on ahead, Mam.’

  Eileen, her arm linked through Bill’s, nodded. ‘Okay, son, but don’t go in yer new ’ouse till we get there. I want to see yer face.’

  ‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone so happy,’ Bill said, watching Billy racing up the street. ‘It does my heart good to see the pleasure on his face.’

  ‘Ay, mister!’ Eileen squeezed his arm. ‘What about the day we got married? Are yer tryin’ to tell me yer weren’t as happy then as our Billy is now?’

  ‘Of course I was! But I was more nervous than him. I was walking round like a headless chicken for weeks before we got wed. Our Billy doesn’t seem to have any nerves.’

  ‘It’s like history repeatin’ itself,’ Eileen said. ‘The day we got married we moved into our own little ’ouse in the same street.’

  Bill glanced sideways. Was Eileen still hankering after the old house after all this time? Mind you, women were more sentimental than men.

  Billy was standing with Mavis outside the house the Bowers had moved out of last week. He was hopping from one foot to the other. ‘Put a move on, Mam!’

  ‘Hold yer ’orses, son! Give us a chance to get me breath back.’

  Billy put the key in the lock, his face glowing with pride. He stepped back to let Eileen go in first, and caught her gazing at their old house opposite with a funny look on her face. ‘In you go, Mam. You can be first to set foot in our new house.’

  Mavis was giggling with nervous excitement as they toured the small two-up two-down. ‘It’s not in bad nick, son,’ Bill said, looking around. ‘The decorating will do you for a while.’

  ‘I won’t be doing any papering until we’ve got some furniture in,’ Billy laughed. ‘It’s no good havin’ nice walls when you’ve no chairs to sit on.’

  ‘Give it time, son.’ Bill would have liked to say that with the money they were getting as a wedding present, things would be coming quicker than the young couple thought. But that would spoil the surprise. And anyway, as half the money was coming from Mavis’s parents, it wasn’t up to him to let the cat out of the bag. ‘In no time at all you’ll have the house as you want it.’

  ‘Course yer will!’ Eileen said. ‘In a couple of months yer’ll ’ave the place like a little palace an’ be as snug as two bugs in a rug.’

  ‘You know, I never knew that palaces had bugs.’ Billy fended off a blow from his mother. ‘I thought the King and Queen were too posh to have such common things as bugs.’

  Eileen pushed him playfully against the wall. ‘Watch it, big boy, or yer’ll be walking down the aisle on crutches.’

  ‘Help, Mavis, I’m being attacked.’

  ‘You’re on your own, Billy Gillmoss.’ Mavis winked at Bill. ‘I’m keeping on the right side of me mother-in-law.’

  ‘Yer know, I always knew we were goin’ to get on well together.’ Eileen put her arms around Mavis. ‘Welcome to yer new ’ome, sunshine, an’ welcome to the family.’

  ‘What time’s Harry pickin’ yez up?’ Eileen was pacing up and down the living room, looking at the clock every few seconds. She had a fixed smile on her face, telling herself to look cheerful even if she didn’t feel it. After all, it was Billy’s big day and she mustn’t spoil it for him. But her heart was heavy. In a few minutes her only son would be walking out of the door and not coming back. What with Joan leaving, and now Billy, the house just wasn’t going to be the same. ‘I ’ope he won’t be late gettin’ yez to the church.’

  ‘Mam, will you relax?’ Billy showed no sign of nerves as he sat next to his best man, the boy who’d been his friend since schooldays. ‘You’d think it was her getting married, wouldn’t you, Jacko?’

  ‘Your mam isn’t the only nervous one,’ Jack replied. ‘My tummy is tied up in knots.’

  ‘Yer’ve got the ring, haven’t yer?’ Eileen stopped her pacing and stood in front of Jacko. ‘I’ll kill yer if yer drop it.’

  The knocker sounded and Eileen jumped. ‘I ’ope this is Harry.’

  Harry breezed in, a smile creasing his face. ‘I’ve delivered Edna and Carol to Mavis’s, and while I was there Rene turned up with Victoria. So everything is organised at that end. I’ll run you and Jacko down now, Billy, then come back for the rest.’

  ‘What about Arthur?’ Eileen fussed. ‘How’s he gettin’ to the church with the boys?’

  ‘On the bus.’ Harry ran his eyes over Eileen, the cleft in his chin deepening when he grinned. With her green dress she was wearing a wide-brimmed black hat with matching shoes, gloves and handbag. ‘You look very fetching, Mrs Gillmoss, if I may say so.’

  ‘Oh, go way with yer.’ Eileen blushed. ‘Flattery will get yer nowhere.’

  ‘You do look nice, Mam,’ Billy said, while his father nodded in agreement.

  ‘Will yer get goin’?’ Eileen shooed them out. She was getting more emotional with every passing minute and it didn’t help to keep reminding herself that every mother felt the same when one of her children flew the nest. Because deep down in her heart she knew the root of her sadness lay in the fact that Joan wouldn’t be there to see her brother married. It just wasn’t right, and although no one had said a word, she knew it had marred the happiness of the whole family.

  Eileen held on to her hat as she swung her legs round to get out of Harry’s car. She heard people clapping and looked with surprise at the people standing inside the gates of the Blessed Sacrament Church. All the old neighbours had turned up from Bray Street and Eileen could feel tears stinging the backs of her eyes. ‘All me mates are ’ere.’

  Bill gave her a hand and pulled her to her feet. ‘Yes, I know, chick.’

  ‘Yer look smashin’, Eileen,’ Cissie Maddox called.

  ‘Like a mannequin,’ Milly Knight said, while her husband winked his agreement.

  Ada and Tommy Wilson smiled as she passed. ‘I could fancy yer in that outfit,’ Tommy said, then feigned a look of pain as Ada dug him sharply in the ribs.

  ‘Behave yerself,’ Ada said, a grin on her face. ‘A man of your age, yer should be ashamed of yerself.’

  ‘It’s lovely to see yez all,’ Eileen said, standing on the church step, overcome by the reception. ‘I’ll see yez later.’

  Eileen linked Bill’s arm as they walked down the aisle and took their seats in the bench behind Billy and Jacko. She nodded to Mrs Radford, sitting in the pew opposite, before whispering to Jacko, ‘Yer’ve got the ring, ’aven’t yer?’

  Billy turned around and tutted. ‘It’s in his top pocket, I’ve checked half a dozen times.’

  Eileen felt like hugging her son, he looked so handsome in his dark grey suit, white shirt and pale blue tie. And he was so relaxed, completely at ease.

  The church was filling up. Maggie arrived with Rene and Alan, all dressed in their best, then Arthur and his two sons. Friends, neighbours and workmates of the bride and groom all slid into the pews on both sides of the aisle. Eileen kept turning her he
ad to wave and smile, while all the time her eyes were peeled for a sign of Joan. Even at this late hour, she hadn’t given up hope.

  The organ began to play ‘Here Comes The Bride’, and Eileen forgot everything at the sight of Mavis, her hand on her father’s arm, walking down the aisle. Her white satin dress was close fitting to the waist, then billowed out into a full skirt which reached to the floor. It had a square-shaped neck and leg-of-mutton sleeves tapering to fit tightly around her wrists. A long white veil was secured with a spray of orange blossom and her bouquet was a mixture of pink and white carnations.

  ‘Oh, doesn’t she look beautiful?’ Eileen said, before nudging Bill as the bridesmaids followed Mavis to the altar. Edna led the way followed by Carol and Victoria. Their dresses were in pale blue satin with full skirts, crowns of flowers adorned their heads and their posies were made up of pink and white flowers.

  It was all too much for Eileen and the tears rolled down her cheeks. ‘Have yer got a hankie. Bill?’ She blew her nose and managed to control her emotions until she heard Billy’s voice, strong and steady, saying, ‘I do.’ After that Eileen saw everything through a haze and only regained her composure when they were outside the church once again posing for the photographer.

  ‘Where’s me Nan?’ Billy left his bride to fetch Maggie who was standing shyly to one side. ‘Auntie Rene and Uncle Alan, come on,’ he urged, ‘we want all the family on this one.’

  When the photographer had finished and folded away his tripod, everyone crowded around to congratulate the newly weds and throw confetti. There was so much laughing and so many jokes flying, nobody noticed the lone figure of a slim girl standing looking through the railings at the side of the church. She was wearing a long coat fastened up to her chin and her long hair was hidden under the scarf which was pulled low over her forehead.